Daniel

  Daniel could see at once that something had happened. All her restless energy was gone. She sat still, huddled up, and she hardly noticed when he appeared. He sat down next to her and waited. Even though time was short, he knew that he couldn’t leave without her. He couldn’t talk to her, either. All the invisible doors surrounding her were closed. For once the black birds were quiet. They perched in the tree out in the field, unmoving.

  Daniel waited. On Sanna’s face he could see the traces of tears. He sensed that it had something to do with the man who had dragged her off by the hair.

  Not until Daniel had a coughing fit did she come to life again and look at him.

  ‘Who died?’ she asked.

  ‘Vanja.’

  ‘What happened?’

  ‘She got something in her throat that poisoned her and made her stop breathing.’

  ‘I saw when they drove off with the coffin. First I thought you were the one who was dead. Then I saw that the coffin was big.’

  ‘I’m leaving. I have to go now. I can’t stay any longer.’

  She gave a start. ‘Do you still want me to come with you?’

  Daniel was dumbstruck. Was she answering his question before he even had a chance to ask it?

  ‘Yes,’ he said. ‘I want you to come too. But we have to leave now. Before they come back from church.’

  Instead of replying, Sanna began to cry. She seemed to cast herself headlong into a sobbing fit, filled equally with rage and sorrow.

  ‘He raped me!’ she shrieked. ‘That damn devil of a man raped me! And he was supposed to be my father!’

  Daniel didn’t know what the word meant. Raped? He had never heard it before.

  ‘What happened?’ he asked cautiously.

  Sanna pulled up her dress to the waist. She was naked underneath and Daniel saw that there was dried blood on the inside of her thighs.

  ‘Did he beat you?’

  ‘You’re stupid, you’re a child, you don’t understand a thing. He told me to help him move a calf to another stall. Then he threw me down and stuck it in. I couldn’t even scream. He shoved straw and cow shit in my face. I almost suffocated. And then he said he would kill me if I said a word.’

  She suddenly started to scratch and tear at the hair below her belly. Daniel still wasn’t sure that he understood what had happened.

  ‘What if he got me pregnant?’ she yelled. ‘Then they’ll lock me up in the madhouse in Lund.’

  She let her skirt fall and sank back to the ground. Daniel took her hand. She squeezed it so hard with her fingernails that he had to make an effort not to pull his hand away.

  Just as suddenly as it began, her fit was over.

  ‘I’ll come with you. But I’ll never be able to walk on water. I’m too stupid and I’m too clumsy.’

  ‘We’re not going to walk on water. It’s too late for that now. We’re going to find a boat.’

  ‘I can’t swim.’

  ‘We’ll find a boat that won’t sink.’

  ‘I’ve never seen the sea.’

  Daniel dug up the sliver of wood from the mud.

  ‘This will protect us.’

  He told her about his night-time visit to the church.

  ‘It will protect us from the waves if they get too high.’

  She got up and pointed to the road on the other side of the hill.

  ‘I’ll wait for you there. I just have to run home and fetch something I want to take with me. There’s nobody there now, so I can do it.’

  Then she was gone. At the same moment the birds took off from the treetop. They circled around a few times and then vanished across the fields. Daniel followed them with his gaze as long as he could. It occurred to him that they had been there the whole time he had lived with Alma and Edvin. Now they were leaving. Earlier he had walked in the direction they had flown. Now he understood that he had to go in the other direction.

  He looked at the house one last time. Then he went down to the road and waited for Sanna.

  She came as she had promised. She had wrapped a red shawl around her head. In one hand she had a bundle, in the other something that Daniel couldn’t make out.

  ‘I took everything he had,’ she said as she came close and opened her hand. There was a bunch of banknotes like the kind Father had often sat and counted.

  ‘Everything he had,’ she repeated. ‘He didn’t think I knew where he hid the money. In an old hymn book behind the corner cupboard. But I took everything he had.’

  ‘I don’t think we need any money,’ said Daniel. ‘I know that somewhere a boat will be waiting for us.’

  ‘It’s important to have money. Otherwise it’s impossible to survive.’

  They started walking but stopped after a few steps.

  ‘Where are we heading?’

  Daniel pointed in the direction of the road. ‘To the sea.’

  ‘I think it’s called Copenhagen,’ said Sanna. ‘It’s on the other side of the water. A city that’s very big.’

  They began walking again. Sanna walked so fast that Daniel couldn’t keep up with her. She didn’t stop until he started coughing.

  ‘You’re sick,’ she said. ‘You might die.’

  He shook his head and wiped away the tears once the violent coughing fit was over.

  ‘I have to go home,’ he said. ‘Then I’ll be well again. And you’re going with me.’

  ‘I would much rather it had been you who stuck it in,’ she said. ‘Even if it turned out to be a grey baby.’

  ‘I can’t have babies,’ Daniel said. ‘I’m too little.’

  ‘Me too!’ Sanna yelled. ‘If I walk as fast as I can, maybe I can shake it loose.’

  That afternoon they reached a small town. While Daniel waited behind a barn outside the town, Sanna went in to find them some food. She came back with milk, bread and a fistful of dried fish. When they had eaten, they took a detour around the town. Daniel could feel his fever had come back. He didn’t say anything to Sanna, and tried to keep up with her even though she was almost trotting. When evening fell Sanna still didn’t want to stop. Daniel saw her turn round often and then walk even faster. He could tell that she was very frightened.

  That night they crept in under a bridge. Sanna felt that Daniel was feverish.

  ‘Crawl in here,’ she said, wrapping her shawl around his shoulders. Then she drew him close to her.

  ‘Can you hear it?’ she asked.

  ‘What?’

  ‘The sea.’

  Daniel could hear only the fever pounding between his temples.

  ‘Tomorrow,’ he replied. ‘Tomorrow.’

  No woman had held Daniel so tightly since he was with Be.

  ‘You’ve got a fever,’ she said. ‘But you mustn’t die.’

  ‘I won’t die. I’m just tired.’

  She began to rock him as if he were a little baby.

  ‘They won’t find us,’ she said. ‘Are there apples in the country you come from?’

  Daniel didn’t dare tell her the truth.

  ‘Yes, there are apples,’ he said. ‘And they’re just as green as the apples you have here.’

  ‘Then it doesn’t matter if there’s a lot of sand. As long as there are apples.’

  Daniel thought that Sanna probably didn’t understand what a long journey they had before them, and how different everything would be. But he also knew that she couldn’t go back. The man who had dragged her by the hair had hurt her and Sanna had stolen his money. There was no going back now. Hallén would nail both of them up on boards.

  ‘I’m scared,’ Sanna said suddenly, when Daniel was almost asleep. ‘But at the same time I feel happy. For the first time I’m doing something that nobody told me to do.’

  She burst out laughing. Daniel woke up. Her happiness made his fever feel lighter to bear for a moment. We’re going to make it, he thought. Tomorrow we’ll find the boat. Then everything that has happened will become a dream, and soon I won’t remember any of it.

  ‘
Tomorrow we’ll reach the sea,’ he said. ‘But there’s still a long way to go. So we have to get some sleep.’

  Several times during the night Daniel awoke because Sanna got up and went onto the bridge to look back the way they had come. He understood her fear, but he knew that nobody was there. The people following them would go in the same direction the birds had flown.

  They set off at daybreak. They drank their fill from the stream that ran under the bridge and then shared what was left of the bread. The road was narrow and wound through groves of trees and across open fields. Late in the afternoon they reached a hill. On the way up Daniel had to stop and catch his breath. Sanna ran ahead, racing the last bit to the top. Then he heard her shriek and saw her jump up and down as if she had an invisible skipping rope in her hands.

  When he rubbed his hand across his mouth he saw that there was blood again. He wiped it on the inside of his coat sleeve before he went up to the hilltop where Sanna was waiting impatiently.

  The sea lay at their feet.

  ‘Is that where we’re going?’ Sanna asked, pointing.

  Daniel was worried that it wasn’t the sea but one of the lakes he had seen so many times on his travels with Father. On the other side of the water was a strip of land. But when he followed the line of the land with his eyes he could see that it disappeared in a haze. There the sea continued. Then he knew that they had come the right way.

  ‘Where’s the boat?’ asked Sanna. She kept looking back over her shoulder.

  ‘I don’t know,’ Daniel said. ‘We have to find it.’

  Sanna looked at him and flew into a rage.

  ‘If only you weren’t so damn black!’ she shrieked. ‘They’re going to find us.’

  ‘Not when it’s dark. Then they’ll see me less than they will you.’

  Sanna started walking down the slope. Daniel followed her.

  Sanna did the same thing she had done the day before: left Daniel and came back later with some food. They hid in a grove of trees and waited for the sun to set. Daniel slept. When he woke up it was already almost dark. Sanna was sleeping by his side. She had stuck her thumb in her mouth like a little baby. Daniel tried to remember what he had dreamed, whether there was any message for him, but his head was silent. He touched the sliver of wood in his pocket.

  He woke Sanna cautiously. She gave a start and held her hands in front of her face as if he might hit her.

  ‘We have to get moving,’ he said.

  Sanna shivered. ‘How are we going to find a boat when it’s nearly dark?’

  Daniel didn’t know. But somewhere there had to be a boat. If they had reached the sea, they had also reached the boats. The wind had already begun to flutter in the masts that Daniel bore inside him.

  They passed through a village that lay silent. A dog barked. Then everything was quiet again. All Daniel knew was that they had to walk straight towards the water. Now he was the one leading the way. Sanna followed close behind, holding onto his coat.

  They followed a ridge along the water, which roared in the dark. The wind felt colder now that they were so close to the sea.

  ‘Where’s the boat?’ Sanna nagged. ‘Where’s the boat?’

  Daniel didn’t reply.

  They reached some wooden steps that led down to the water. Daniel smelled tar, so there had to be boats nearby. When they got down to the beach they found themselves standing in the midst of some overturned rowing boats. By a little stone wharf lay some bigger boats with sails wrapped around their masts. Daniel was disappointed. The boats were small.

  Sanna pinched him anxiously on the arm.

  ‘What are we going to do now?’

  Daniel looked around. He was like Kiko now, on the hunt for prey; not an animal, but a ship.

  ‘Wait here,’ he said. ‘I have to search.’

  ‘No,’ she replied, pinching his arm hard. ‘You’re not leaving me.’

  She kept holding onto his coat as if she were blind. She stumbled often, and Daniel realised she was really quite clumsy.

  Suddenly he noticed the glow from a fire far out on the little wharf. A man was sitting by the fire with a mug in his hands which he lifted to his lips now and then.

  He’s waiting for us, Daniel thought. That’s the only reason he would be sitting there.

  They walked out onto the stone wharf. Daniel stamped hard with his clogs so that the man wouldn’t be afraid. He looked in their direction with his mug in his hand. They went up to the fire. The man was old. He had a long beard and a worn-out cap on his head.

  ‘Do I have trolls paying me a visit?’ he said.

  ‘We need a boat,’ said Sanna, ‘that can take us away from here.’

  The man looked them up and down. He wasn’t in the least afraid, Daniel thought. That was the most important thing. Sanna held out the money they had left. The man leaned forward and looked at it. Then he squinted at Daniel’s face.

  ‘Come closer,’ he said. ‘So I can see you.’

  Daniel squatted down by the fire. The man threw a few twigs onto it so that the flames flared up.

  ‘You really are completely black,’ said the man. ‘I saw a person like you once on a street in Malmö. Was it you?’

  ‘I don’t know. My name is Daniel and I believe in God.’

  ‘And the girl?’

  ‘I have no name,’ she said. ‘But people call me Sanna.’

  ‘And you want me to take you across to Copenhagen? Because you’ve run away from somewhere?’

  Sanna promptly began to cry. She pulled her jumper over her face.

  ‘I don’t care why you ran away,’ said the man. ‘Children have a hard time. I ran away from Älmhult myself, and I wound up here.’

  ‘We have to go now,’ Daniel said.

  The man shook his head. ‘There’s no wind. And I certainly won’t be rowing you across the Sound.’

  ‘It’s not totally calm,’ said Daniel. ‘Your boat is small. It doesn’t need much wind.’

  The man burst out laughing. He had almost no teeth. Then he snatched up the money that Sanna had in her hand.

  ‘We can always drift across,’ he said. ‘Help me up. My bones are stiff.’

  Daniel took hold of his arm. The man kicked the burning twigs into the water, where they hissed and went out.

  ‘Climb aboard,’ said the man. ‘You sit in the middle. There’s a blanket there.’

  Sanna had stopped crying, but she hesitated to climb into the boat.

  ‘It’ll sink,’ she said. ‘The fish will swim into my body and eat me up.’

  ‘It won’t sink,’ Daniel told her. ‘Remember what I have in my pocket.’

  Sanna stepped clumsily onto the boat.

  ‘There’s water in it!’ she shouted. ‘We’re sinking already.’

  ‘Only a few drops,’ said the man. ‘There’s a bailer somewhere.’

  Daniel stepped down onto the boat. When he felt it move, relief washed over him. The man cast off the moorings and shoved the boat out. Then he raised the triangular sail and sat down at the tiller. They drifted slowly across the water. Now and then a gust of wind would catch at the sail.

  ‘Will we sink?’ Sanna asked.

  ‘We’re on our way now.’

  Sanna giggled. Then she whispered in Daniel’s ear, ‘He didn’t get all the money. I have two notes left.’

  The boat drifted away from the shore. The water lapped softly against the sides.

  ‘My name is Hans Höjer,’ said the man at the tiller. ‘I’m a thousand years old, I fish, and I know that if I sit by the fire out on the wharf somebody will always come, either to keep me company or to ask me to take them over to Copenhagen. I respect freedom. I don’t care whether it’s thieves or whores or counterfeiters who want to cross. I don’t take murderers on board. But I assume that you haven’t killed anyone.’

  ‘Somebody killed me,’ replied Sanna.

  ‘Not quite,’ chuckled Hans Höjer. ‘You’re still alive.’

  And then he died.
Daniel saw him suddenly grab his chest, grunt, try to draw air into his throat, and then fall forward. Sanna didn’t see what happened because she was busy wrapping the blanket around herself.

  ‘Damn, what a smell,’ she said.

  Daniel didn’t answer. He reached out his hand and felt for one of the big blood vessels in the man’s throat. He couldn’t feel a pulse.

  The boat had begun to turn in the wind. The sail was flapping back and forth. Sanna sat with her head sticking out of the dirty blanket and closed her eyes.

  ‘He’s dead,’ Daniel said.

  Sanna didn’t reply.

  Daniel tried to think. Why had he died? There could only be one explanation: Daniel was meant to take over the tiller. Hans Höjer had really been sitting by his boat and waiting for them.

  ‘He’s dead,’ Daniel said again.

  Sanna opened her eyes and looked at him.

  ‘Who’s dead? I know that Vanja’s dead. Is someone else dead?’

  Then she noticed that there was no longer anyone sitting in the stern at the tiller. She got up on her knees.

  ‘Is the man dead?’

  ‘He just fell over and stopped breathing.’

  Sanna pinched him hard on the arm. ‘Then we’re going to sink.’

  ‘I’ll steer.’

  ‘What are we going to do with him? Is he just going to lie here and be dead?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ Daniel said. ‘First I have to sit down and steer.’

  He crawled over the dead man and sat down by the tiller. The line to the sail was loosely lashed. Sanna started digging in the dead man’s coat for the money.

  ‘If he’s dead he won’t need any money.’

  She stuffed the roll of notes inside her blouse and then threw the dirty blanket over the man.

  ‘Will we be there soon?’ she asked impatiently.

  ‘Not yet,’ said Daniel. ‘Not quite yet.’

  They sat in silence. Sanna dozed. Daniel could hear her snoring. He waited for daybreak. Only then would he be able to see which direction to sail in. Then he would also decide what to do with the man who lay dead at his feet.