Behind His Lens

  A dangerous thought spurs me forward. She might be threatening every facet of my old life, but pleasuring a woman is something the last few years have taught me well and I intend on showing her exactly how adept I am.

  Charley

  His tongue drags along my lips, begging for entrance, and the moment I let him, my world flips upside down. Heat floods my body and I can’t keep the moans from escaping my mouth as our tongues collide. Holy hell. His kiss seizes my mind, and when his hand drifts down the front of my dress, I almost cry out in anticipation. We’re molded so close together that no one could even see his hand tugging the bottom of my dress up. I’ve never done anything like this. I’ve never even wanted to, but I’d rather die than have him stop now. I don’t care if light suddenly floods the club and everyone’s attention turns toward us; I’d still let him consume me because that’s what Jude does to me. He makes me feel. He pushes thoughts and reason away and gives me only things with which I can experience with my five senses. Smelling his erotic aroma of lust and cologne. Hearing his moans rock through his body, telling me just how turned on I’m making him. Seeing the fierce desire clouding his handsome features. Tasting his minty breath as our mouths collide. But most of all touching and feeling. Feeling his hand slip down the front of my dress and slide up the inside of my thigh.

  He spins small circles on the sensitive flesh just below my thong and my mind goes black. I can’t process anything except the tingles of pleasure radiating from his touch. He hasn’t felt my wet thong, yet I’m about to come undone.

  Goose bumps bloom across my skin as he leans close to my ear, “Open your legs for me, Charley.”

  I tuck my head under his chin as my feet spread, ever so slightly, but enough for his hand to slide upward, so luxuriously slow that I think I might go insane. I’m breathing raggedly, trying to concentrate on slowing my heart. But then his fingers find my thong and I gasp as my body spasms instinctively.

  “Oh, Charley. You’re so wet. So ready for me.” His ragged words collide into me as his fingers run possessively up and down my center.

  “Please,” I moan huskily into his mouth, overwhelmed with need.

  He slides two fingers across my inner thigh, teasing my thong aside, and I cry out; but Jude’s there capturing my mouth and feeding off my cries as his fingers slide across my wetness.

  “Oh, please,” I sound pained, tortured, needy.

  He’s barely touched me, but I’m so close to the edge. It’s been so long since someone’s touched me like this. His hands move so seductively, as if he knows exactly where to linger, where to drag the pad of his thumb so that it sends delicious waves of pleasure coursing through me. His finger teases my entrance, but he won’t take it that far. We don’t have the luxury of time and Jude knows it.

  Instead, he spins small, mindboggling circles around and around, teasing out my desire.

  “Come for me, Angel,” his words demand, and I know my body will comply because he’s in control of me, of my world.

  He rubs right where I need it the most, I bite down on his neck to muffle my cries, yet even then I can hear the faint echoes of my, “Oh, yes. Oh, God. Yes, Jude,” as I fall over the edge. My entire body greedily rocks against his skilled fingers. My world shatters into a never-ending bliss and Jude is right there with me, murmuring in my ear and coaxing every last drop of my orgasm out of me.

  As the waves of my desire-induced delusion wane, the world around me begins to slowly filter back in. The blaring sounds of the music, the dancing people, and the entire room that exists around me. Holy hell. I can’t believe I just did that. Jude’s arm is still locked around me, but I feel like I’ve just awoken from a dream as it fades away, out of reach, leaving me in this scary reality. Where do we go from here?

  I stay tucked under his chin, willing the world to stop turning, to go back to the moment before. What’s he thinking? Surly he needs his release as well, but that won’t be quite as easy in the middle of the dance floor.

  Finally, I will myself to glance up and find Jude looking down at me with such sweet desire written across his features that a shot of lust spirals through me. My body is so in-tune to his commands, but we hardly know each other. When did it learn that he was in control? After he coaxed out the most delicious orgasm I’ve ever had?

  “We should get back to the group, Naomi’s probably worried about you,” he admits, with a look of disdain as he straightens the bottom of my dress. His touch is so sweet and innocent, as if he wasn’t the one pulling it up indecently only moments before.

  “What about you?” I ask, dropping my hand to the outside of his jeans. He’s so large and his excitement is impossible to ignore when I’m pressed so close to him. With a growl, he captures my hand and shakes his head.

  “Later,” he promises, placing a gentle kiss to my wrist.

  I pout with a silly frown, “Not fair.”

  “Hmm,” he hums, bending down to capture my pouty lip and tease another seductive kiss out of me. That’s what it feels like when he kisses me. He leads our mouths, coaxing out my desire before I even realize I have any to give.

  “I want you, Charley.” His mouth trails over my cheek and down to the sensitive skin just under my ear lobe. “Come home with me.”

  His revelation and request is everything I wanted to hear and I find myself nodding before thinking it over. Yes. Yes. Yes.

  Without another word, he twines his fingers through mine and pulls us back to the VIP section. I don’t know what happened in that time, but something shifted between us. I can feel it swirling in the musky club air. I expected him to drop my hand once we got back to everyone, but he tugs me closer, wrapping his arm around my waist, and keeping me pinned to his side.

  “Oh, hold on. You’ve got some of my lipstick on your lips and cheek.” I dip my thumb into my mouth and swipe it across his skin, cleaning him off.

  “It was worth it to get to taste that delicious mouth of yours.” His blue eyes are already heating up again and I have to laugh and lighten the mood or we’ll be kicked out of the club for indecent exposure.

  After the lipstick is gone, he leans down to offer a chaste kiss on my cheek. When I look up, Bennett, Hudson, Naomi, and half of the VIP group are all staring as us with befuddled expressions. Can they see the orgasm written across my features? Is my hair wild and untamed, or am I imagining things?

  I wish I could ignore their gaze, but it’s too late. Jude and I should have just left. The fun is over. It dissipated all too quickly, leaving a tight pressure in my chest that threatens to suffocate me on the spot. Before I fully realize my actions, I’m tugging myself free from Jude’s sturdy arms and building the fortress around my heart.

  I want to rewind, back to when decisions didn’t need to be made, when I didn’t need to separate myself from this man. God, why do I have to think so much? Why do I have to leave this situation before he leaves me? I have no clue what he’s thinking, but I can’t go back to when my life was a never-ending black fog. Those days were almost impossible to get through and I can’t let Jude drag me back there. I know he wouldn’t mean to hurt me, but I know I’d be the one to care too much, feel too much, love too much. Nothing can protect me from a broken heart. Not even his promises.

  I already lost myself in his touch and something tells me it wouldn’t compare to what would happen if I go home with him.

  “Charley?” Jude whispers in my ear, begging me to look at him, but I don’t. I can’t.

  I shrug him off. “I need to talk to Naomi really quick. I’ll be right back.” His warm breath slips away until all I can feel is the recycled club air. Naomi’s eyebrows perk up as I move toward her and I hope she can see the silent plea written across my features. In an instant, she nods in understanding and extracts herself from Bennett so we can head over to grab our jackets from the coat check.

  “Jeez. Were you with Jude that whole time?” she asks in a hushed tone.

  I bite my lip and nod, not meeting her eyes.


  “Well, you have to come home with me. If I leave with Bennett, we’ll have sex, and I’m not ready yet. It’s too soon.” I almost laugh. That was the last thing I’d expected her to say. My shoulders relax and already my breathing comes a little easier. She’s saving me without even realizing it.

  “No problem, we’ll share a cab back.” My voice is oddly calm, but I know it’s because I’m already burying the emotions Jude had resurrected from deep within me— tucking them away behind layers of lace and curls and red lipstick.

  “Thank you so much!” She grabs her jacket and hands me mine with an inquisitive stare. “Did Jude finally make a move?”

  I feel my complexion burn, “Something like that.”

  “Hey,” she says, tugging my arm lightly, “Everything okay?”

  “Yeah, Naomi. It’s fine.” Cold. Dead. Waves. Does my voice always sound like that?

  She nods and we pull on our coats as we head back to the guys. Everyone’s either leaving to head home or to the after-party at Hudson’s apartment. But, as I say goodbye to Hudson and thank him for the invitation, Jude’s piercing gaze never leaves me. Naomi and Bennett head toward the exit and Jude falls in step beside me. My body yearns to move toward him, but I shove my hands into my shallow coat pocket.

  “I can’t go home with you,” I state plainly. “Naomi needs me to share a cab with her so she doesn’t go home with Bennett.” I keep my eyes pinned on the concrete floor in front of my heels, but he isn’t convinced. He steps closer to me, tugging my elbow so that I have to stop and look at him.

  My face reveals nothing. Not a single emotion. I’ve perfected this hollow glance. It’s what I fed Dr. Francis for months.

  “Don’t do this, Charley.” He rubs his stubbled chin with an exasperated sigh.

  I feign confusion with a shrug and a narrowed gaze. “I’m not doing anything.”

  “I can feel it. Do you think those walls, that facade you’re hiding behind, is subtle?” He leans in dangerously close and a shot of fear and lust saturates my nerves. “I see straight through you, Charley. I’m scared too, but I’m not the one running. You are.”

  Before I even fully register his words, Jude is brushing past me. He nods to Bennett and Naomi before disappearing through the club, leaving me behind.

  …

  Jude

  Does she think any part of this is easy? Does she not realize how much I’m stepping out of the boundaries of my old life? There were no games; I told her exactly what I wanted on that dance floor.

  It was the hardest hour of my life, letting Hudson talk to her while I looked on from across the table. He didn’t even pay attention to her. He treated her like I’ve treated every girl before her, like a dime a dozen. I needed her to know how wrong he was. That’s why I licked her hand when she spilled her drink. I wanted her to feel beautiful and cherished, and it worked. Hudson’s gaze could’ve sliced my body in half. Smug prick.

  I would have stolen her away earlier, but I had to be sure she felt the same. If she wanted to be there with Hudson then I would have let her enjoy her night, but it didn’t take long for me to realize he completely repulsed her. As he fucking should have. Then the brunette girl locked onto me as her prey for the night. I eventually just walked away from her. The brunette was in the middle of a sentence, but I didn’t give a shit. Charley looked up and I nodded to her, asking if she wanted to leave the VIP area. When she climbed down those black stairs, I followed right after her, not caring about a single other soul in that club.

  Everything was falling into place; we were acknowledging the connection between us, we were thriving off of it. Then she withdrew. The second we returned to VIP, she recoiled and we moved back to square one. I feel like I’m at a complete loss. I want to force her to face her fears, but I know that won’t work. She’s like a wild horse; I have to slowly coax her away from the isolated life she’s made for herself. I know she’s had it hard; I can see it behind her eyes, but she can’t hide forever, and I want to be the person that saves her. I want her to be mine.

  The vibrations from my phone stir me out of my thoughts and I glance down to see it’s a work call. Really, on a Sunday morning? Then I realize I’m in my office, checking work emails.

  Whatever, they don’t know that. I tap my thumb against the sleek, modern desk as I swipe a finger across the screen and answer the call.

  Why is the director of my upcoming shoot calling me so early on the weekend? If they’re changing the location from Hawaii, I’ll drop. That’s the only reason I agreed to do the job in the first place.

  “What can I do for you, Ryan?” I ask in a clipped tone.

  “Candace is out of the shoot.”

  “What? Are you joking? She was picked for the cover!” The shoot in Hawaii is for a prominent men’s sports magazine. Every year they do a swimsuit issue boasting some of the sexiest women in the entertainment world. Candace Hill was picked for the cover after a painfully long and drawn out elimination process months ago.

  “Yeah, well when you’re nursing injuries from a motorcycle accident, you can’t really model bikinis,” he barks. Oh man does he sound pissed. The photo shoot is next week and we’re out of a cover model.

  “She rides a motorcycle?”

  “Her rocker boyfriend was driving and she wasn’t wearing leathers, so she has road rash, but nothing too serious.”

  I drag my hand through my hair, staring off at the canvas photo hanging across from my desk. A small boy with sad eyes stares back at me.

  “So we’ll bump one of the girls from a centerfold to the cover?” Normally photographers aren’t involved with the casting process, but I’ve made a name for myself in the past few years. I’ve got a good eye and it commands top dollar.

  “Looks like we’ll have to, but there’s no one that feels right for it.”

  I close my eyes, envisioning crystal blue eyes, bright blonde hair, and golden ivory skin.

  “Wait, Ryan. Look up Charley Whitlock.”

  Oh shit. Did I really just offer her name to him? It was impulsive, spurred on from my desire for her, but now it’s too late to ignore my suggestion. I lose focus on the photo across my desk once again, waiting for his reply.

  “I’ve heard that name before,” he admits. The sound of clicking echoes through the phone as he types her name into Google.

  A moment later, there’s a loud thud and I’m sure he’s slammed his hand on the desk. “What the hell. Why wasn’t she brought up when we were doing first rounds?”

  “She isn’t famous or dating a famous person.”

  “Yeah? Well she will be after this. She’s got it. I want her for the cover.”

  “Good. You’d be an idiot to choose anyone else.”

  “I’ve gotta go and call her agent. For all I know, she’s already booked.”

  “See you on the plane.”

  “Yeah, thanks, Anderson.”

  When the line goes dead, I toss the phone onto the table and recline back into my black leather chair. Was that a good idea, or did I just complicate things even more with Charley? If she accepts, which she’d be insane not to, we’ll be in Hawaii together for three days. So much for taking it slow.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Charley

  With a contented sigh I push my apartment door open and slip my heavy keys onto the chipped ceramic holder hanging on the wall. I woke up early and ran until my limbs ached. I hadn’t realized how far I’d actually gone until I looked at my exercise watch a moment ago: 13 miles, almost half of a marathon. I was hoping the run would take longer, but the endorphins definitely helped. I’ll just have to ride on their momentum as long as possible.

  Maybe after I shower I’ll go down to a bookstore and browse around for something to take my mind off of last night. I can’t let myself think about it. Every few seconds, when something threatens to remind me of Jude, I shut it down and carve out a new thought from my brain. It’s torturous but necessary if I don’t want to spend the entire day wallowing
in self pity, which I don’t.

  The blinking screen on my phone catches my attention and my heart leaps in anticipation of seeing his name. But as I approach, I sigh in defeat. It’s just my agent, Janet.

  “Morning, Janet.” I try smiling in the phone so she won’t be able to tell I was hoping it was someone else.

  “Where the hell have you been?” she shouts into the phone excitedly.

  What? What could have happened since I chatted with her on Friday?

  “I was out on a run. What’s up? You don’t normally leave me a dozen voice-mails before noon on a Sunday,” I quip.

  “Pack your bags, Charley!” she squeals through the phone.

  “What? Why?” My hand clasps around my neck protectively.

  “You booked a COVER! Of the freaking S.O. Swimsuit Issue!”

  Silence fills the airwaves as I let her sentence sink in. No. There’s no way.

  “Are you insane? They pick celebrities for that.” My heart races. There’s no way they’d choose me. I’m a nobody. I didn’t even have Janet send them my portfolio for review. I didn’t think there was a point, and to be honest, that’s the way I wanted it. I don’t want to be a celebrity.

  “News Flash: you’re sexier than any celebrity out there! You fly out on Friday…”

  “This Friday!?” I squeeze my temple with the pads of fingers as I pace my tiny room.

  “Yes! I had to move around a few other jobs to make it work. You cannot pass this up.”

  “Who’s on the shoot?”

  “The magazine will provide their own makeup and hair crew. Ryan Kelly is the shoot director. You’ve never worked with him before, but he’s amazing. Everyone raves about his vision.”

  “Oh yeah, I’ve heard of him before.”

  “And Jude Anderson will be lead photographer.”

  I nearly drop the phone.

  “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

  “I’m dead serious, babe. You get the sexiest photographer in all of New York for a three-day shoot in Hawaii. Thank the karma Gods, Charley, because you must have been really good in your past life.”