Broken Embrace

"Fine…it's okay for me, Johnny, and Mark to lie to him, but not Erin."

  "Yes," Melissa said. "Erin and Brian have too many fences to mend. I won't create another problem for them."

  "Brian is going to blow his top when he finds out you didn't tell him about this."

  "Too bad. I can't call him." Melissa shook her head and covered her face. "I don't understand, Ali," she whined. "He said a couple of days. It's been almost two weeks. I miss him."

  "Then call him."

  "No—I can't call him," she said. "He asked for time. I won't interfere with that."

  "I'm sure if he thought it was a possibility, he would have added the clause of 'unless something happens to you,'" Ali said in her best litigator voice.

  "The thing is, Ali, I want Brian to come to me when he's ready. If he comes to me because he knows I'm hurt, I'll always wonder what really brought him back." She ran her hands through her hair to lift it off her face. "He married Julie out of obligation. I want him with me because it's what he wants, no coaxing, no trapping, no strings…and no overwhelming need to mend a broken promise. I want him to choose me because he wants me…because he loves me."

  Chapter Fifty

  Melissa dropped her duffle bag on the floor and looked around her apartment. She hated that feeling of foreboding, hated walking in feeling like she needed to check the closets for the invisible bad guy. She'd never forgive Chase for ruining her comfortable home. When Mark had approached her about renting the entire building, she'd felt relief of the worst kind. He knew, too. He didn't have to say it; she wouldn't refuse now. She'd already started looking for a house when he made the offer.

  She thought she could wait for Brian, but it'd been two weeks, and the message couldn't have been clearer. Melissa wouldn't be hearing from him. He'd moved on and left her behind again. She didn't want to believe it, but his silence was loud and clear.

  Unpack the duffle or pack another, this was her dilemma now. Ali begged her to stay for another few days, but Melissa wanted to move on. She wanted to move on from Chase and Brian. The latter of these two hurt more than she could stomach. She slumped down onto her couch and crossed her arms over her stomach to calm the storm brewing. She wanted to hate Brian, but she couldn't. He had been confused and grieving; she couldn't hold it against him. If anything, he had warned her off from Chase and got her away from him. If she had married Chase, what kind of life would she have been doomed to?

  She shook off the feeling and stood. "Unpack," she said. "Then I'll see how I feel."

  When she heard the bell for the downstairs door, she froze. Panic built in her lower back. Questions rang in her head. Had she locked the door? Had she locked both doors securely? Would Chase have the nerve to come back here after his run-in with Shane? Had he been watching the house, waiting for her?

  Melissa inched to the monitor to see who was at the door, praying it was Mark. She squinted at Brian instead, his eyes focused on hers—or so it seemed as he stared into the security camera. Melissa's pulse quickened as she hit the release to open the lock downstairs.

  She waited for the knock, taking several breaths to calm her still active stomach. Her nerves were already frayed from everything that had happened. She hadn't been prepared to see Brian. She'd already written him off. Her relief overwhelmed her anger enough to make her thankful—thankful, but cautious.

  Her eyes darted to his feet when she opened the door for him. She couldn't master her feelings enough to look into his eyes. Her mouth froze in an attempt to say hello. Her imagination went into overdrive as she thought about how she must have looked, standing there, staring at his feet with her mouth half-open like an idiot.

  "Hi," he said.

  Melissa's eyes jumped up at the sound of his voice. She almost laughed when she noticed his eyes stuck on her shoes, too. "Hi." She finally managed to the same effect.

  Brian looked up quickly then his eyes narrowed in on her face. He rushed toward her with his hands out. Melissa jerked away, and when she didn't think her heart could race any faster, her pulsed jumped so high, it made her ears ring. Sweat broke out on her face as she flinched away from him.

  "What the hell happened?" he asked, taking her face in his hands.

  Melissa had her eyes squeezed shut. She knew not to be afraid of him, but that didn't change her reaction to the sudden movement. Brian wouldn't release her no matter how uncomfortable she seemed.

  "Tell me what happened. Why didn't I know you were hurt?" Brian's hands were so tense and his voice so hard, Melissa sucked in a breath and gripped his forearms. "Open your eyes," he said with a little more calm.

  Melissa slowly exhaled and tried to relax her jerking muscles. She wanted so much to collapse into his chest and cry, but she opened her watery eyes, trying to smooth away the instant frown on her lips.

  "Please, let me go," she whispered.

  Brian's bright green eyes traveled her face. They darted from eye to eye then to the butterfly bandage over her eyebrow then to the ugly yellowing on her cheek.

  "I'm fine," she said as calmly as she could.

  "If you're fine then why are you flinching away from me?" His grip slackened, and he caressed her cheek softly as his eyes turned glassy. "I missed you so much."

  "Brian…"

  Before she had a chance to pull away, he brushed her lips, gently gliding his hands back to cradle her head. Melissa's hands loosened, too, and she touched his chest then sank into his warmth. When Brian pulled away, they both had tears in their eyes. Melissa stared at him, not sure what to do. She hadn't forgotten. One kiss would not make her forget she had been left to wonder for two weeks.

  "Who hurt you?" he asked forcing calm into his heavy voice.

  "You did." She tried to push him away, but he held on, much stronger than her. "Let me go," Melissa said, swallowing.

  Brian carefully and reluctantly released her. She pushed him again before slamming and locking the door behind him.

  "Who hurt you?" he asked again.

  "It doesn't matter," she said. "What are you doing here?"

  "What am I—" Brian exhaled before rubbing his scruffy chin. He walked farther into the room and stared around. Melissa thought he looked purposeful, but then he shook his head, obviously fighting some internal conflict. "I brought you something," he finally said. "I came to talk."

  "It's been a long couple of days, Brian." She tried to keep the hurtful tone out of her voice, but she couldn't hide all her disappointment and anger.

  Brian pulled a blue notebook out of his inside pocket and handed it to her. "It's Julie's last journal. Please read the last two or three entries," he said, his countenance changing from defensive to troubling.

  Melissa took the journal and flipped through it. Memories of her friend flooded her mind. Seeing Julie's handwriting, getting glances of her internal thoughts felt like reading messages from the grave. She closed the notebook and shook her head. There was no way he'd read these words without completely shredding his own heart. "I'm not comfortable reading her private thoughts. She wouldn't like that."

  "Melissa…" he said, his eyes pleading with her. "Please, just the last couple of entries, it's the only way you'll understand."

  She couldn't refuse his haunted expression any longer. Flipping through the journal, she slowly walked to the couch and sat down. As she read, her heart grew heavy with the weight of Julie's life. In addition, she felt the weight of Brian's life, of what his feelings must have been reading this. Melissa crawled into the corner of her couch, brought her knees up, and rested her chin on her fist as she fought the sudden exhaustion. When she finished, she bowed her head, hid her eyes, and closed the book.

  God damn her. God damn Julie for this.

  This certainly explained why Brian had waited so long to talk. This was the end for the two of them. It would take Brian years to overcome this kind of guilt and move on from Julie. She dropped the notebook down on the couch next to her and wanted to scream.

  After a few minutes she looked u
p. He was staring at the pictures still on her desk, shots of him and the kids from their campout. The top shot of him, a close up, the same picture that had set Chase off.

  "Why did I have to read that?" she asked to his back.

  "I want you to understand. I've done some awful things, Lis." He turned to look at her. "Unforgivable things. I can no longer pretend Julie left me for him. It was my fault…but rightfully, Julie should share some of the blame." He walked around the couch and faced her. "I get it now. She never said a word to me, never once said these things to me. The occasional complaint about missing dinner, but nothing compared to what she wrote about in that journal."

  "Then how could you know?"

  "Here's the thing…when I lost you…married her, I lost a huge part of myself. I knew that going in, but I made a vow, and I had the best intentions of being a great husband and dad…"

  The intense expression on his face held her steady gaze. She couldn't look away.

  "But truthfully, I couldn't give all of myself to her because you have always owned that part of me."

  Melissa closed her eyes, doubtful—yes, doubtful again of their true bond. That pissed her off. She didn't want to doubt him.

  "I was too selfish to understand she'd lost a huge part of herself, too. When we were married, she ceased to be an individual and instead became a wife and mother. She played a role, made herself into what she thought I wanted. She lost herself in our marriage and in our family. Nobody can live like that forever."

  "What does any of this have to do with here and now—with me?"

  "It has to do with our future," Brian said. "I love you too much to let history repeat…to doom you to the same unhappy future."

  "Isn't it my choice? Wasn't it Julie's choice?"

  "Absolutely, you're right. She chose that…but she also chose to leave. She chose to take that part of herself back when she walked out on me. It also explains why she couldn't face the kids and say goodbye…I didn't break up with you when I married Julie because I was a coward. I knew if I had to hear your voice, I would've changed my mind. She couldn't say goodbye to the kids for the same reason. She was afraid she wouldn't be able to walk out if she did."

  "I don't know what you're trying to say," she said, pulling her knees closer in fear of his answer. "What does this have to do with me?"

  "I'm saying, I don't want to just…get by. I want everything. I want fulfillment, not contentment—not just for myself, but for you and for my kids. I'm trying to say that I am choosing to take that lost part of myself back. I'm taking it back today, before it's too late. I'm trying to say…I'm trying to tell you that I quit my job. I resigned and walked away."

  Melissa looked up quickly.

  "I choose you, and I choose a family, not that job."

  He knelt in front of her and took her hands. "I worked out a deal with Mark. I'm starting my own private investigation firm and going into a partnership with him. It'll be a collaboration of his security and surveillance and my investigations."

  "What—Brian…" she whispered. "You love being a cop. I don't want you to give that up for me." She pulled away, but he grabbed her hands back.

  "No!" he barked. "It's not like that. I love you, Lis. I love Erin and Cody. I don't want a job to be so important that I hurt the people I love. This way, I'll be home every night, like a real nine-to-five." Brian opened her hand and kissed their rings. "I don't want to be defined by my job. When I'm dead, I want people to look back and say. 'What a great guy. He loved Melissa and those kids more than anything else in the world.' I want to be judged based on the success of my family, not my career." Brian pulled a small package out of his pocket.

  Melissa gasped when she saw the small jewelry box.

  "Melissa," he said quietly as he opened the small box. "I'm tired of our story. I'm tired of the past and of the dysfunctional history of us. I want to start anew." He fumbled with the box as Melissa sat staring. "Melissa Parker." He looked up at her tearfully. "Will you marry me?"

  "Brian," Melissa said breathlessly and felt the tremble as it traveled her entire body.

  "I love you, Lissa. Please, give me a real shot at this with you." He slipped the new diamond ring on her finger, joining it with the two promise rings. "I'm choosing us. I want you to be mine forever…finally."

  Melissa jumped when the phone rang.

  Brian rolled his eyes as he reached for the phone. "Call her back in ten minutes." He hung up and looked back at Melissa. "This twin thing can get really annoying." He took a deep breath. "What do you say, Lis? I can't promise riches, and it won't always be easy, but I can promise a love that will never die. I will love you every day just as much as I loved you the first time I laid eyes on you."

  Melissa's tears spilled free as she nodded her head vigorously. "Yes."

  His arms surrounded her, his lips caressed hers, and Melissa felt the melding of souls in the kiss, a shared breath for the first of what would be many more times. When he picked her up, she gasped and clung to him, not letting their kiss end. He laid her down on the bed, and Melissa opened her eyes to stare into his.

  He touched her face as his finger traced the fading bruises. "You will tell me who hurt you."

  Melissa nodded and lifted up to roll over, pushing him down onto the mattress. He lay back as she straddled him and landed several kisses on his face, from forehead to chin. She inhaled and marveled at his scent, and at the knowledge that he finally belonged with her. Melissa didn't have to question his loyalty or feelings any longer, and it felt extremely liberating. She gripped the bottom of her shirt and tugged it over her head as Brian's eyes traveled her body.

  When his hands moved up her arms, she smiled until she saw the pained expression on his face. She looked down as his hands caressed the still dark bruises on her upper arms. Melissa unhooked her bra and dropped it. Brian's eyes were diverted now as Melissa took his hands and moved them to her breasts. He smiled a crooked smile and watched as she leaned back, letting him fondle her.

  ~

  Brian never wanted that smile to leave her lips. If he could, he'd devour every inch of her. He'd swim in her juices and drink in her sensuality. When her hands slid under his shirt and up the planes of his chest, he arched up and tried to grind against her. But his body tensed every time he found a new bruise. The thought of someone hurting her made him want to kill. How could he not have known?

  His body had a mind of its own, and going slow hadn't been something he'd prepared for. It reminded him of the first time they'd made love. He was just a boy with a hard-on, but God, he'd loved her then as much as he loved her now.

  "Melissa," he whispered.

  "Humm ," she moaned.

  "Are you okay?" he asked. "I'm afraid I'll hurt you." He brushed a kiss over the bruise on her shoulder.

  Melissa leaned in and whispered. "I'm perfect."

  Brian lifted up and wrapped his arms around her then laid her on her back carefully. He stripped off the rest of her clothes to examine every inch of her. When he rolled her on her side, he couldn't believe the massive bruising on her back. His hands and lips traveled over her injuries and he laid a curing peck on each bruise along the way. He caressed her gently with a vow to never see her like this again. Never would anyone ever hurt her again.

  His hands encircled her from back to front and he cupped her breast as he rubbed up against her rear end, nuzzling her neck and spooning her hips. Melissa moaned and moved against him, and damn, did he need her against him. He needed to move inside her and watch those golden eyes light in pleasure.

  He lifted and rolled her over. "Melissa," he whispered. "Are you sure you're okay."

  Melissa arched in response to his question. She grasped his hips and rubbed up against him then pulled him down hard on top of her. Brian lifted and slipped his hand down between her legs. Melissa's hands fisted into his skin, her mouth shaping into an 'O' as she settled into his touch.

  "Brian…" she moaned, her hips following the rhythm of his hand. "Oh
…if you stop, I'll kill you," she cried, and her eyes squeezed closed, her bottom lip getting caught between her teeth.

  "That's it." He pushed down into her, making her gasp out and jerk toward him. "Oh, God." He gripped the sheets under her. He didn't want to hurt her, but it was difficult to hold back. He couldn't, she wouldn't let him. Her hands tugged him harder every time he slowed. She lifted her hips, grinding against him with such force, he nearly lost his breath.

  He wrapped his hand around her waist and turned her over and on top of him. Melissa laid her hands on his chest and started moving against him. He gently touched every inch of her he could reach. It took all his concentration to wait for her when all he wanted to do was explode inside of her.

  "It's all right, Melissa," he said. "Let go, baby. I love you. Let me have you," he crooned as she writhed on top of him. "Melissa…my sweet Lissa."

  "Brian," she nearly screamed it as her hips bucked against his. She tightened then cried out again as she stretched in pleasure.

  He lifted the hair off her face. "Melissa, open your eyes."

  When their eyes met, her golden flecks of light made him smile. "I love you. Oh God, I love you."

  "I love you, too," she cried.

  He lifted hard and fast when his body released, giving him instant satisfaction as she tightened around him and rocked him senseless.

  Melissa collapsed onto his chest, still clinging to him. She laughed and lifted her head to look into his eyes.

  He smiled and took a deep breath. "Wow."

  Chapter Fifty-One

  Melissa slid off his chest onto the mattress and tried to catch her breath. Her muscles ached, but she never felt better. Never in her life had she been happier than right now. She tucked herself against his body and held on, saying a silent prayer. If this isn't real, strike me down before I figure it out. I never want to live without this man in my life again.

  Brian turned to enfold her in his arms, caressing her carefully. Melissa would have moaned in pleasure if she had the energy.