Broken Embrace

  "Detective, we need to talk."

  Brian looked up when he heard footsteps behind him. He braced himself on the edge of the bed and pulled up into a standing position, keeping his back to the doctor while he wiped his face, willing himself to man-up and stop blubbering like an idiot.

  "She has serious brain injuries. I don't know if you've heard the details of the crash, but when she was thrown from the car—"

  Brian held his hand up. "I get it. What point are you trying to make here?"

  "We can't detect any brain activity," Dr. Cooke said. "We need to know what you want to do."

  He turned to face the doctor as Ali, Johnny, Melissa, and Mark all entered the critical care room. The nurse tried to hold them back, but they all brushed her off and entered anyway.

  He looked at their faces one at a time, sliding into a chair as they surrounded her bed, staring down at her. Each one of them crying, each one of his friends with tears in their eyes like him.

  "Ma, I don't…I don't know what to do." Brian managed to say on one breath. "What should I do?" He looked up at Ali then to Melissa and Mark. They were her oldest friends, and they had as much right in it as he did, especially since her parents were dead. Ali walked over and stood next to Brian, placing a hand on his shoulder.

  "Are you sure?" Nora asked the doctor in a broken voice. "Are you without-a-doubt sure that she won't wake up."

  "She won't recover from this. There's too much physical damage to her brain." The doctor bowed his head. "I'm sorry, but it's only a matter of time."

  Brian fazed them out; he didn't want to hear the question-and-answer session any more than he wanted to hear the details of her injuries.

  "Brian," Ali broke in, and he looked up at the sound of his name. "Is she an organ donor?"

  Brian nodded. "Yeah, but…" He stared at his wife and her expressionless face, stuck in the middle of an awful nightmare. Nothing about the way she laid there looked peaceful, and that made him hurt, too. He brought his hand to his chest and made a fist trying to stop the crushing pain.

  He tried to take a deep breath. "Do you guys mind leaving us alone for a few minutes?"

  "Of course, no problem," someone said as they all shuffled out of the room.

  Brian looked at his mother. "Ma, I need a moment with her."

  She nodded and stood before leaning down and kissing Julie's hairline.

  Brian stood over Julie, closed his eyes, and took her hand in his. He prayed—for answers, for forgiveness, for peace. When he was done he opened his eyes. "Tell me what to do, Julie. Tell me what to tell the kids. You were always the brave one, the smart one, the one with all the answers."

  He fought back a sob and squeezed her hand, lifting it to his face. "How could you leave me alone like this?" Brian's tears dripped on his wife's face. He couldn't stop the flow; they came freely, clouding his vision and coating his voice with heavy grit. "I love you, God damn it, I love you. I've loved you since the day we decided to get married. I loved you for carrying my baby and wanting to make a life with me. I loved you for making us a family and for everything you did and everything you were. Don't you ever forget that. Don't you ever doubt that!" Brian clinched his teeth as he said these words to her, and his mind drifted to one of the most important moments in his life…

  He couldn't believe the screaming coming from such a little being.

  "It's a girl!" The doctor held up the little beet-looking baby covered in slime and showed Brian. Yep, no penis; it's a girl for sure, and wow, look at her. "It's a girl, Jules!"

  "I want to see her. Show her to me," Julie said, trying to sit up enough to get a glimpse of the baby. The nurse wrapped her up like a little burrito and laid her on Julie's chest.

  "Wow, look what we made." He stared in awe at his new little girl, and his chest tightened up a little. His daughter…the first thing he'd ever done right in his entire life.

  "She's so beautiful, Brian. Look at all her dark hair."

  "I know. I think she has more hair than me."

  Julie turned to look at him when she heard the waver in his voice. "I hope it's curly like yours."

  He cleared his throat and mumbled, "She's beautiful like her mother."

  Julie clutched his hand and pulled him in for a hug. He wrapped his arms around both his girls and whispered, "I love you, Julie."

  "Brian!" She pushed back to see his face.

  "What's wrong?" he said, looking down at the baby.

  Julie's face crumpled and she started to cry.

  "What's wrong? What did I do?"

  Her free hand came up to cover her eyes.

  "Shh, don't cry, talk to me. Tell me what's wrong."

  With a deep breath, she brushed the tears off her cheeks and smiled wide at him. "That's the first time you've said you love me."

  After several minutes, Brian took a deep breath, trying to pull himself together. When he thought himself capable of speaking to the doctor, he stepped out of the room and into the hall.

  "Detective, she has an open, penetrating head wound…"

  Brian's stomach rolled.

  "…extensive damage…"

  Brian closed his eyes, trying to block out the doctors words.

  "…won't recover…"

  Brian wanted to scream at the doctor to shut the hell up. He didn't want to hear anymore. The facts were the facts. Dr. Cooke had made his point clear. Brian understood. Julie was brain dead…which was, essentially, dead.

  He opened his eyes as a tear fell from each lid. "If you're sure she's not coming out of this…" He took another deep breath and tried again. "I don't want her to lie there in pain any longer than she has to. I don't want her to live on some machine. Just…give me a little while longer with her. My kids need time to say goodbye to their mother."

  Chapter Five

  The darkness soothed her. After sitting in the hospital for forty-eight hours, it was a relief to sit in silence, to remember her friend from before and not the way she looked as she slipped into death.

  It had only taken a few minutes for Julie to fade away once they removed her life support. Watching that, being there, was excruciating, but she couldn't leave them. She couldn't walk away for even a moment to gain some sense of sanity or relief, not when Brian and his kids needed her there. She also needed to be there for herself. She'd lost sixteen years—geez, no, seventeen now. After losing that much time with Julie, she wouldn't miss another second, even if they had to be the last few of Julie's life.

  Melissa sobbed, her chest heaving at the memory of Cody gripping his mother's hand, begging her to keep breathing. In hindsight, Melissa wondered if he should have been there at all. Wasn't he too young to experience death in such a way? Too young to watch his mother's life slowly drift away.

  Erin hadn't begged like Cody, but her fierce sobbing as she said goodbye one more time was too much for Melissa, and from the pained expression on Brian's face, it had been too much for him, too.

  Melissa didn't move when the doorbell echoed through her loft, breaking her silent solitude. On the second ring, she slowly glanced over at the door then turned her eyes back to the blackness outside. She couldn't bear any more. As much as she wanted to be strong, she no longer could. She was too tired, too drained to face anything else. She curled her knees into her chest and sank farther into the couch cushions.

  A moment later, footsteps sounded on the stairs leading to the interior door. When the door opened, she still didn't move. The door closed softly, and the clicking sounds of her intruder's shoes came closer.

  "Melissa?"

  Chase…yes, of course it was Chase. She glanced over at him, their eyes meeting in the darkness.

  "Melissa, have you forgotten about our date?"

  Was it Sunday already? She stared at him, not sure what to say. Chase in a suit. His shoes glinted slightly from the moonlight shining in from the tall windows. He lifted his hand and tugged on the chain to illuminate the lamp on the table next to the couch. Melissa immediately squee
zed her eyes closed. It wasn't dark when she'd sat down…still early afternoon. She'd watched the sun set and had welcomed the darkness. Why was he taking that away, bringing light into her world when she least wanted it?

  She held her hand out to block the light. "Please, don't."

  "We have time. Go get dressed."

  Melissa blinked and waited for her eyes to adjust. She squinted up at him, wishing with every molecule in her body she didn't have to explain, didn't have to recall then recite the details of the last two days.

  A flash of annoyance crossed Chase's face. "You've been crying. What's happened now?"

  She blinked at him again, only this time, it wasn't due to the light. Now? What on earth did he mean? "Julie is dead," she blurted, unable to find a better, more delicate way to say it. "Sorry if that's a little more drama than you're willing to deal with on a Sunday night."

  "Melissa…I'm sorry." He lowered himself down next to her. "I didn't mean…of course, I'm not trying to be inconsiderate, but it seems like you're dealing with one tragedy after another these days."

  "Yes, apparently God has a sense of humor." She threw her hands out and vaulted off the couch. "I'm sorry someone kidnapped my nephew. I'm sorry my sister's maniac ex-husband abducted and nearly raped her. I'm sorry my friend's death has interfered with our date. I'll work harder on living less of a drama-filled life from now on."

  Chase lowered his head and ran his hands through his freshly trimmed hair. "I've said the wrong thing. I'm sorry to have upset you further. That wasn't my intention."

  Melissa looked at his shiny shoes again and followed the line of his slim-fitting suit, his best suit. He had made special plans for them tonight. He'd even requested she wear her new red dress. A dress she didn't really like, but he loved. Appearance mattered to him. She liked maxi skirts and tank tops. She preferred faded jeans and flip-flops over wrap dresses and matching shoes.

  Chase grew up back East, something she'd always blamed for their differences. He and his family were much different than hers. Her Bohemian style clashed with him and his family completely. She almost snorted out a laugh. Hell, her entire family was Bohemian compared to his, and she was their black sheep. She could only imagine what they'd thought of her. He'd once even rolled his eyes and accused her of being Berkeley-ish, as if Berkeley were a dirty word.

  As different as she was from him, she was also nothing like her mother or her sister. Ali had always been the smart one, the realistic one with all the plans. She was always better in school, and didn't have an artistic bone in her body. Melissa had inherited all the creativity in the family. She was a writer, like her father. He was an artist who liked to sleep late in the morning. She certainly never had any intention of going to law school like Ali. Not that she could have after what happened with Brian. No, she had always wanted to be a journalist. Which is why she'd picked a school in New York…and look how that had turned out.

  She sighed and met Chase's eyes again. "Julie is dead, Chase."

  "I'm sorry, Melissa." He reached out and took her hand, tugging her toward him and onto his lap. "I'm very sorry you've lost your friend."

  "I understand you'd planned a special night, but it's been the most excruciating couple of days. I'm sorry I never got around to calling you."

  "Have you eaten anything? You're pale."

  She shook her head. "I don't have an appetite."

  Chase ran a hand up and down her back. "Why don't you go take a hot bath and I'll order Thai food for delivery."

  She nodded into his chest, now thankful to have him there. She needed him and his steadiness right now. She shouldn't sulk in the dark and let her mind drift into ugly corners. She'd lost years to depression, years to a darkness that had consumed her when she couldn't get a grip on life.

  Chase shifted and set her on the couch before getting up and disappearing into the bedroom. The sound of running water came from the bathroom, and a few minutes later, he emerged without his jacket, his sleeves rolled to his elbows. He knelt in front of her and stared into her eyes.

  "You'll feel better after a hot bath and a good scrubbing."

  She wanted to smile. He had such a nice way of telling her she smelled bad. She hadn't showered since Friday, but of course, that was due to being on Julie's death watch. Regardless, he was right; she would feel better after a bath.

  With a nod, she stood and went into the bathroom. The darkness surprised her. He'd left the light off and lit candles instead. Now she really did smile. How considerate. It was nice to know he could still surprise her. She stripped naked and suppressed a groan as her body came in contact with the silky heat, then slowly submerged herself into the hot, bubbly water.

  She rested her head back onto the towel Chase had rolled and left on the edge of the tub. She closed her eyes and tried to clear her mind of all the grief and hurt. If anything, she'd learned something from Julie's death. Life was short. Too short to hold seventeen years worth of grudges. That was indeed a true loss. Years of friendship had been squandered over a man. A man who, above all, had dearly loved his wife. Had Brian ever been Melissa's as she'd thought all those years ago?

  As she lay in the hot bubbles, she had to question everything she'd ever believed about herself, about Brian, and about Julie. If she could've forgiven, moved on sooner, and not let her anger and depression get the best of her for all those years, she could have had more time with her friends and less hurt. God, what a fool she'd been. Tears pooled in her eyes as she remembered that first year without Brian. She'd nearly lost everything for him. She'd let too many things slip away in her grief.

  She'd forgotten a lot from those days, but there was one thing she'd never forget—the undeniable sense of emptiness that overcame her when she'd lost Brian. Her pain had become a living, breathing part of her being. Why had she let it go that far? She didn't think it would have hurt any less had he been killed. At least, this is how her teenaged mind had made sense of it back then. Now, she knew the difference. Being back here and spending time with Brian, Julie, and their family…death was permanent, but losing Brian and Julie all those years ago didn't have to be permanent.

  "How are you feeling?" Chase asked, slipping into the room.

  She cracked open an eye to see him smiling, smiling oddly, like he had a secret to share. She cleared her throat and said, "Much better. Thank you."

  He knelt on the floor next to the tub and rested his elbows on the edge, looking down at her with that same smile. "I have something for you." His lids lowered then lifted again as he looked at her. "I had important plans for tonight, and, seeing as you're so down, I'm following through with my plans."

  Melissa opened the other eye and turned her head toward him. "Chase, I feel better, but I'm still not up for going out."

  "No, no, we don't have to leave. I ordered dinner. It'll be here in half an hour." He reached down into his pocket. "What I meant by plans was that I wanted to…" He pulled a small box out of his pocket and snapped it open, turning it toward her. "I wanted to ask you to marry me."

  Melissa sat up quickly, sloshing water up the sides of the tub and over the edge, soaking Chase and the floor.

  "Arh!" He jumped to get out of the way, but it was too late. "God damn it, Melissa, what are you doing?"

  She slapped a hand over her mouth. "Sorry! God, Chase, you're proposing to me now?"

  "Yes!" He rubbed at the wetness down his shirt and pants then reached for a towel, patting his front with it. "I was trying to."

  "Now?" She stared at him, not sure what to say. "Today?"

  "I can't think of a better time, Melissa." He waved the towel at her. "You've just had the ultimate reminder of how quickly life can change. Why waste time when we already know what we want." He gave up on drying his clothes and dropped his hands to his sides. "I thought you loved me. I thought you wanted a family. You said you were ready for this."

  "I do. I am. I want a family more than anything, but I didn't expect this now, after everything that's happened
the last few days."

  "I thought this would cheer you up. Now you can focus on us and our future together. It's not like her friendship was that important to you."

  "What?" She stood and reached for the last towel on the bar. "Excuse me?"

  "Melissa, whether or not you want to marry me has nothing to do with this woman. I know she was once a good friend, but you grew apart. And still, again, she has nothing to do with us and our future."

  Melissa wrapped the towel around her and side-stepped him to leave the bathroom. She walked into her bedroom and stood there, not sure what to do. Her mind couldn't process what he was saying, couldn't grip the change in her feelings. Marriage was meant to be a celebration, yet she couldn't bring herself to feel happy when she was still consumed with grief.

  She sat down on her bed and closed her eyes.

  "I thought this was what you wanted."

  She nodded and opened her eyes to look up at him. "It is, Chase."

  He knelt in front of her again. "Then tell me you'll marry me."

  Melissa stared at the ring, the beautiful and incredibly large diamond shimmering in the light. She closed her eyes again as a tear slipped out, along with the image of another ring, given to her at seventeen. Two thin, gold bands sitting in the palm of Brian's hand…

  "One for you and one for me. It's a promise, Lis. A promise to always belong to each other."

  Melissa nodded. "That's the easiest promise I've ever made."

  "Melissa, I promise to love you for the rest of my life. You will always be the center of my soul, the rhythm of my beating heart, and the air I breathe."

  Tears streamed from her eyes, and it was all she could do to hold in the sob. She wasn't a kid, and childhood promises didn't equal real life. Maybe Chase was right, she needed to embrace her future and stop dwelling on the past. She'd learned firsthand that life wasn't a fairytale. She wanted a family more than anything, and that was something Chase was ready to give her. What had she learned from Julie's death? Life is short! Too short.