Until the End of the World (Book 1)

  I write to Eric. I tell him about the ring and thank him for saving it for me. I tell him he was right—about the ring, about Adrian, and about the infection being so much worse than we thought. I tell him he saved me by making me promise I’d leave New York. I tell him I love him and am picturing him and Rachel hiking through the woods, having the time of their lives, because that’s how I always think of him. I tell him to meet us in Vermont when he can.

  ***

  It’s only three o’clock, but the house is dark. The inside of every window and door in the living area is covered. John’s made frames that fit around them so the plywood shutters can be easily hung. They have small hinged doors for viewing and firing a gun.

  “I have one for the hallway,” John says. “I didn’t have enough wood for the bedrooms, but those windows are higher. We can make this a panic room of sorts until we get more. We’ll put them up every night.”

  “I feel like we’re on an episode of the A-Team,” I say. When everyone looks at me curiously, I explain: “I used to watch the reruns with Eric. Remember at the end they would always build a crazy vehicle or fortress or something?”

  James’s face had been sober as we sat in the dark and imagined being surrounded, but now his usual smile is back. “That was my favorite part.”

  “So, do I get to be Face?” Nelly asks.

  “You and Peter can fight for it,” I say. “But I’m Murdock, he was my favorite.”

  “You know,” Peter says. “That doesn’t surprise me one iota.”

  He and Nelly high five each other. What is with the high fives?

  “Well,” James says. “I know there’s no question that I’m B.A. Baracus. I’ve been told the resemblance between me and Mr. T is striking.”

  “That’s what attracted me to you at first,” Penny says to James, who crosses his arms in a Mr. T pose.

  “I pity the fool who messes with my plywood shutters,” James says in a deep voice, which makes us laugh.

  Even Bits laughs, although she has no idea what we’re talking about. And when she mimics James and says it, with her scrawny arms crossed and her tiny voice as deep as she can make it, we lose it completely.

  John pretends to be disturbed. “Okay. We’d better take them down. I think the dark might be getting to you all.”

  CHAPTER 101

  It’s seven in the morning, but the day is already hot, humid and still. Nelly washes the breakfast dishes while we sprawl out in the living room. There’s so much to do, but none of us feels like moving.

  “It’s hot,” Bits whines from where she lies flat on the floor.

  “It is,” Peter agrees. “I think you’re starting to melt. Look at you, you’re oozing into the wood.”

  She giggles. I fan her with an old magazine, and she closes her eyes and pants as the air rushes past.

  “It’s too hot to do anything,” Penny says. She looks at me with one eye squinted, just like she used to in high school. “Should we cut school?”

  It’s the best idea I’ve heard all morning. “We totally should. We should go to the pond.”

  Bits sits up. “Pond? Like swimming?”

  I nod. “Yep. We have to walk about a mile, and it’s kind of muddy and gross, but we can catch frogs and salamanders. And swim, if it’s not too icky for you.”

  “It’s not! Can we really go?” Bits leaps to her feet, the heat forgotten.

  I look to John, who nods. “We’ll have to check it out first, Bits, make sure it’s safe, but I don’t see why not. I still have the kids’ frog-catching nets at the house.”

  “Can we have a picnic?” Bits asks. “And, Cassie, can we paint? Outside, like you were telling me about?”

  “Sure.” I love to see her so excited and wish for the hundredth time that she could have a normal childhood. I point to Nelly. “We’ll just load up our pack mule to carry it all.”

  “Hee-haw,” he says.

  “That’s a donkey, silly!” Bits laughs, before running off to find something to wear.

  John and Peter radio us to come down. The pond is a tiny tributary of the creek that runs through my parents’ land and ends in a beaver dam. This time of year it’s buzzing with dragonflies and frogs and surrounded by cattails.

  By the time we reach the pond we’re dripping with sweat. John and Peter stand in the clearing around the water and survey the surroundings. I strip to my bathing suit and spray Bits and myself with sunblock.

  “Hey, blanquito,” Penny says to James. “Come and get some of this.”

  She sprays James, and I eye her tan enviously. “I hate you,” I say. She responds with a grin.

  Nelly drops his bags in the grass and pulls off his shirt. “I’m going in. You with me, Bits?”

  “Yeah!” she yells. She runs into the muck at the water’s edge and turns back. “Ew, it’s gross, but not too gross. The water’s warm, though. Come on!”

  I make my way to the water. I love it here, although being so far from the house with no early warning system makes me nervous.

  Bits squeals as frogs plop into the water while we wade in, the mud squishing between our toes. “There’s one, Cassie! And another! There’s, like, a million!”

  Nelly runs past and dives in. He comes up spouting water and goes under again. Bits doggy paddles around me and talks incessantly. The water is cool and feels wonderful. I’m about to dunk myself when my ankle is yanked out from under me.

  Suddenly I’m in the water up to my neck. I gasp for air to scream. In an instant I can see how it will all play out: The bite on my ankle, the slow death, the way they’ll have to finish me off when I’m finally dead so that I stay that way. I kick until its grip releases and grab Bits just as Nelly pops up, rubbing a red mark on his chest.

  “Sorry,” he says with a sheepish grin. “I guess I kind of forgot things like that aren’t funny anymore. This is definitely gonna bruise. Nice karate moves, by the way.”

  “Oh my God, Nelly!” I hold my hand over my heart. “You scared the shit out of me!”

  I splash him as hard as I can. Bits joins in and laughs as he takes his punishment with a smile. Peter, who’d raced over when he realized something was amiss, picks up Bits and cradles her in his arms. She nods, and he tosses her into the water with a splash.

  She comes back up squealing. “Again, Peter!”

  John keeps an eye on the woods. We haven’t seen a single Lexer up by us, since we’re on a steep, remote hill, but there’s no guarantee it’ll stay that way. When I’ve had my fill, I head to the blankets to set up the paints. I show Bits how to mix the colors, and we sit in the sun with our brushes, our bodies cool from the water.

  A shadow looms behind me. “Hey, that’s really good,” Peter says.

  I fight the urge to cover my painting. “Oh, no, it’s not. It’s terrible.”

  He crouches next to me. “Well, in thirty minutes you’ve made something better than I could do in a year, so I think it’s good. I’ve never seen any of your stuff.”

  “Yeah, you have. That painting in the living room?”

  It’s a painting of the vegetable garden in bloom, with a woman, my mother, in the shadows, tending to it.

  “You did that? Wow. Whenever I pass by I think how I’d like to step into that world. The colors are like in a dream: all bright and liquid, but creamy.”

  I smile and nod. My mother always said it’s what she’d dreamed heaven must be like. “Thanks. I do like that one, but I’m rusty. We’ve got to practice if we want to get better. Right, Bits?”

  She nods and points to her canvas, where she’s painted three thousand frogs sitting at the water line. “Look at mine, Peter.”

  He moves to hers and stands with his hand under his chin, like a serious art buyer. “I love it. I really like your use of the frogs. We’ll hang it up when it’s done, for sure.”

  “We’re going to have a gallery, Cassie said! And I’m going to put on an art show.” She cleans her brush and wipes the sweat off her brow. “Can I swi
m again? I’m hot.”

  Nelly and Ana are in the pond, so I nod. “Sure, then we’ll have lunch.”

  We watch her lope to the water and smile as Nelly tosses her in the air.

  “I love that kid,” I say. “I was worried she’d be too scarred from all of this, but she takes it all in stride.” I shake my head. “I don’t think I could be so strong.”

  “I know.” Peter watches her giggle as Ana pulls her through the water. “She amazes me.”

  “Doesn’t it scare you?” I need to know if I’m the only one. “That we won’t be able to protect her?”

  He nods, his face fierce. “I’ll do whatever I need to do to keep her safe. I love her so much. I didn’t know it was possible—” He breaks off and looks away, blinking fast.

  I rest my paint-covered hand on his shoulder. “I know. She knows it, too. Maybe that’s why she’s so happy, because we all love her.”

  Peter puts his hand over mine and smiles. He looks happy, at least as much as is possible while thinking of things like this.

  “We’ll do the best we can,” I say, no longer feeling so alone in my fear. I yank on his hand and stand up. “Now, how about a game of chicken? I know Nelly and Ana are in.”

  His teeth flash. “C’mon, we’ll whoop their asses.”

  CHAPTER 102

  I’ve slept late, for once. Nelly must have snuck out as a little birthday present. I’ve always liked having a birthday in August because it meant I could spend it here.

  Bits stands at the end of the hall and slips away when she sees me, cackling madly. She’s been acting suspicious and innocent for days, in the way only little kids can. There are pancakes on the table, and the shutters lean against the wall at the far end of the living room, taken down for the day.

  Penny’s in the kitchen cleaning up. “Happy birthday!” she says with a hug. “How does it feel to be old?”

  “You’ll find out in four months. Until then you’re too young to understand.”

  “Happy birthday! When I’m as old as you I’m going to wear makeup!” Bits yells, apropos of nothing. You’d think it was her birthday, the way she’s dancing around. “Twenty-nine, that’s old!”

  I stoop and pretend to walk with a cane to the table. Bits sets something on my head. I reach up and feel soft fabric.

  “It’s your birthday crown,” Bits says. “I always get a birthday crown.”

  I take off the purple felt crown with a star sewn on the front.

  “It’s absolutely beautiful,” I say. “Did you make it?” Her smile is wide. She nods and I squeeze her tight. “Thank you so much. I’ll wear it all day.”

  I load up my plate and get more birthday wishes from the others. Nelly comes in with a pail of milk, and I thank him for letting me sleep.

  “Thank you for letting me sleep, birthday girl,” he says, as he rubs my shoulders. It’s been weeks with no nightmares.

  I find Ana in the garden. I know she’ll know what’s ripening, since she’s always in here.

  “There’s so much,” she says. “We have to get canning again tomorrow.”

  “I’ll do some tomatoes today,” I say.

  “Let’s just say the stove will be in use today and you will be out of the kitchen. If I say any more Bits will kill me.”

  I laugh. “Got it.” I smell the tomatoes we’re picking and sigh.

  “I know,” Ana agrees. “And they actually taste like they smell.”

  I compare the Ana of four months ago, flipping her hair and scowling, to the one that stands here. She must know what I’m thinking because she shakes her head.

  “I know. Gardening. Who would’ve thought?”

  “I could’ve sworn I saw you talking to the seedlings.”

  “I totally did, when no one was looking. I wanted to sing to them with you and Penny, but I just couldn’t. Like if I did I would be admitting to all of this. I didn’t want it all to change.” She raises her shoulders and places tomatoes in the crate by her feet. “I still don’t.”

  “Me, neither.” I think of the years I wasted after my parents died. “I’d like to go back to the way things were but do a few things differently.”

  “Me too. But Mama always says dwelling on the past gets us nowhere, so for once I’m going to listen to her.”

  “She’s right.” I have recent experience with that. “And speaking of the future, what’s with you and Peter? And I’m totally prying, so tell me.”

  She holds her hands out and a crease appears between her eyebrows. “Nothing. Sometimes I think he wants to kiss me and then, nothing. I have no idea. It’s driving me crazy. I like him so much, Cass.” Her voice has softened. “He’s the first guy I’ve ever liked that I actually like, you know?”

  I know all about that. “I’m on it.”

  ***

  Nelly and I run the generator in the afternoon after Bits orders me out the door until dinner. John’s house is quiet and cool. We lounge around in his living room while the freezers run.

  “So, I have something for you,” Nelly says from the couch.

  “A present?” I ask.

  “Yeah.” He looks uncertain. “But I don’t know if you’ll like it.”

  “How could I not like anything you gave me? Hand it over!”

  He pulls a little jewelry box out of his pocket. Inside is a silver chain of tiny, hand-twisted links. It’s old-fashioned looking and I love it instantly.

  I kneel and give him a kiss on the cheek. “It’s so pretty. Thank you.”

  “I know you don’t wear much jewelry, but it’s for the ring. Maybe you don’t want to wear it on your finger, but it might get lost in your pocket.”

  I stare at him for a few seconds, wondering how he knew.

  He raises an eyebrow. “We live in the same room. Plus, I know you, darlin’. But you don’t have to use it for that if you don’t want to.”

  “I do.” I thread the ring on the chain and hug him after he clasps it. “How do you always know what I need?”

  He lifts an eyebrow. “I just think to myself: If I were a klutzy, flaky, artist-type, what would I want?”

  “Very funny.” I touch his knee. “No, really. Thank you, Nels, for always being there for me.”

  “You’re there for me, too.” He shrugs, embarrassed by the sentiment, and reverts back to his normal self. “Just so you know, I’m expecting a kick-ass birthday present now.”

  I wink. “I’ll see what I can do.”

  CHAPTER 103

  Bits insists I be blindfolded and pulls it off while everyone yells, “Surprise!” There’s a beautiful, lopsided and heavily-iced cake, obviously her work, surrounded by homemade pizza and beer. But the best part is my dad’s wind-up record player. When I open my eyes, James drops the needle and “Happy Birthday Sweet Sixteen” blares out of the speaker. He’s fixed it to work with 45s.

  “It’s a dance party!” Bits says. “Penny said you wanted one.”

  My eyes prickle as Penny smiles at me. I’m so lucky to have friends who know what you want and try their best to get it for you. I hug them, one by one.

  “Don’t worry,” James says in answer to my unasked question. “John checked the volume. You can’t hear it down the driveway.”

  I relax. I grew up on this music, because my parents did, and hearing it makes me feel like I’ve really come home. We teach Bits the twist, the swim and the mashed potato. Even John dances, because the mood is contagious, although he swore he wouldn’t. There’s a lull while Bits looks through records and we eat.

  “How about this one?” she asks. “ ‘This Magic Moment?’ ”

  Penny gently takes it from Bits and glances my way to see if I’ve noticed.

  There’s a twinge in my heart, but I nod. “That’s one of the best songs in the world. It was my parents’ song. You should play it.”

  The opening chords begin, and my chest constricts more. This song is my mom and dad; it’s Adrian. But then Nelly comes with his hand out, and I rise to my feet. It hurts,
but suddenly I understand that it’s better to feel something than nothing at all. And I find that once I give into it, it lessens, and all that’s left is love.

  ***

  Peter’s in the kitchen cutting carrots and cucumbers into sticks. I jump up on the counter and swing my feet.

  He flicks my crown and smiles. “Hey there, birthday princess.”

  “Hey,” I say. “So, are you ever going to kiss that poor girl?”

  His hands go still. “Cassie, I have a lot of money. A lot. It can all be yours.”

  I wave a hand. “I don’t care about your money.”

  “Yes, I know.” His eyes glint. “I always thought it was refreshing, but right now it’s just bothersome.”

  I scream with laughter. He starts to chop again, but I touch his arm. “No, really, what are you waiting for?”

  He sets down the knife, looks out the window into the night, then turns to me, his eyes anxious. “I don’t want to ruin things.”

  I remember being told the same thing. If he feels that way about her then it’s only a matter of time.

  “But you guys are perfect for each other,” I argue. “You won’t mess anything up. Are you worried about the kissing? You have nothing to worry about, Pete. I know from experience.”

  He blushes to the roots of his hair. I hear what I’m saying and think I should have skipped that last beer, but I don’t feel drunk. I feel good and silly.

  “Just think, you guys could open the world’s first post-apocalyptic boutique together.”

  I put my hands in a frame like I can see it.

  He laughs despite himself. “Cass, what has gotten into you tonight?”

  “I’m just happy.”

  I can’t wipe the smile off my face, and he grins at me. Peter always seems to be holding back a little, like he’s afraid to laugh too hard, but this smile is genuine.

  “I’m really glad to hear that. Even if it does result in your being even weirder than normal.”