Like a Memory

  Though she didn’t get very far into the song. It was then she threw up her hands, turning in a circle that became a squeal when she saw me standing there. I didn’t move. I just grinned. Then slowly clapped my hands.

  She jerked the white cord of her ear buds. As expected her face turned bright red and I felt a little guilty for that. But damn, this was fun to watch. I could get over being a dick. I liked seeing Bliss this way.

  For a moment, she was the girl I remembered. The one that made that summer. Now the woman, the Bliss of now, the thing she’d grown into, stammered for something to say.

  “I was hoping you’d get to the good part. I think you’d do it better than her. Definitely give her a run for her money.”

  I was trying to tease so she’d laugh. It worked, she pressed her lips together, and released a loud giggle. “How long were you standing there?”

  “Long enough to see your repertoire of ass wiggling, hip jerking and impressive shimmies I had no idea existed.”

  Again, she laughed and covered her face with both hands hiding her embarrassment. “Oh God!”

  “I was entertained as hell.”

  She shook her head. I waited until she finally dropped her hands and smiled Bliss York’s huge grin. It was like a punch in the gut. As if time hadn’t happened and she was still fifteen, the smile the same, genuine, full of life. Back then that’s what I loved the most, Bliss enjoying everything. She found the good in everyone without any jealousy or any of the negative shit I was accustomed to hearing from girls my age. She didn’t do that, had no interest in anger or spite.

  I once thought her smile the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen because she meant it. Nothing fake in its delivery or meaning. Seeing it again I knew it was the same, no matter what happened after that summer, she was still Bliss York. Now she was just older, more mature and more beautiful.

  “I didn’t expect you until later.” She appeared to be explaining herself.

  “Clearly,” I agreed.

  She let out a sigh and another small giggle. Bliss nodded her chin to the left. Towards the boxes stacked on the side. “I need to know what to do with those. Three boxes, the exact same order. I know Octavia loves the Jimmy Choo scarves. The ones she found in Italy were shipped here then these others arrived. I don’t think she wanted that many in stock. She means to keep smaller quantities, to make them more exclusive, and these seem to be overkill. I believe there’s been a mistake.”

  The way Bliss spoke with so much knowledge of Octavia’s vision for the store impressed the hell out of me. They’d only met once in the interview. Bliss paid attention and remembered. Octavia had been smart in hiring her.

  “I agree. She wouldn’t order that many. It’s about to be hot as hell for the next few months. Few people will be buying scarves.”

  Bliss nodded. “That’s what I was thinking. Could she have ordered for her father’s stores?”

  That was a possibility. I could call her and ask but this was something Bliss had caught for Octavia. And Octavia needed to know that. My fiancé wasn’t easy to impress and she was hard where Bliss was soft. I wanted Bliss to do well and succeed. Nothing had been handed to her, whereas Octavia, well, had been given the moon and then asked if she’d like condos on its surface. I admit the same goes for me, but I’d learned to appreciate drive, in those who had to make it by themselves.

  “Call her, tell her and see what she says.”

  Bliss frowned. “You want me to call?”

  She sounded terrified, which was good. Octavia could be a mean bitch. Bliss just had to impress her.

  “Yeah, Octavia hired you, she needs to hear it from you.”

  Bliss chewed on her bottom lip and I wanted to chew on it to. Jerking my gaze off her mouth I silently cursed myself.

  “When?”

  “Now.”

  “Now now?”

  “Yep, right this second.”

  She inhaled deeply, squared her shoulders and simply replied “okay.” That one word sounded like she was going into battle. It was fucking adorable.

  “Thank you for stopping by.”

  I shrugged. “I was coming in anyway. I’ve got a shit ton of things to work on. I’ll be here most of the day.”

  She looked as surprised as me.

  Bliss York

  OCTAVIA WAS FURIOUS about the order. She had me get the invoice, read it entirely and when I gave her the balance she freaked, cursing a blue streak and threatening the lives of those who were to blame. I had to admit her anger was justified. Paying thirty thousand dollars for scarves she didn’t order would make me have a stroke. She’d ordered ten, receiving sixty. I was instructed to repack them, though I hadn’t unpacked them, only had a peek. Then return them all. The supplier had made a mistake. She wouldn’t be buying any scarves from them. I thought that was a bit overboard. She was carrying Jimmy Choo items and it was an honest mistake but I didn’t say so.

  Once that was all handled the new shipment arrived. Light shoes, swimsuits, summer wear in general, the things she wanted displayed. Octavia wouldn’t buy more than ten of each item and those sizes were select and popular. If anyone wore something larger than an eight they shouldn’t step foot inside this place. She carried double zeros, up to size eight, and only one size eight per item.

  I thought it was a little elitist and exclusive, which was exactly what Octavia was. This was an elitist and exclusive store. The more I got to know Octavia through her calls, along with the texts she sent, I realized she thought that way. I myself didn’t exclude anyone, because I didn’t want to be excluded. This, of course, made me wonder about Nate. Who had he become? Someone attracted to that?

  I didn’t want to judge him. I knew nothing about their relationship and it was unfair to make assumptions. But I did once know Nate. He was nothing at all like Octavia. He came from privilege and wealth, however, he didn’t act entitled. Currently he was standing on a ladder in the shop putting fancy light bulbs in the chandelier Octavia had him hang.

  He hadn’t said much after telling me to call her. Well, actually, Nate hadn’t spoken at all. He’d stayed up front while I worked in the back. We had a moment this morning laughing at my dancing, when I saw that gleam in his eyes. I thought for a second he remembered me. Us. But then he said nothing at all.

  I tried not to let that defeat me. I also tried not allowing resurfacing memories to make me sad, spiteful and angry. There’d been a connection, that connection was gone, I would never experience it again. My experience with men was limited. I thought that was mostly the problem.

  “You ready for lunch?” Nate asked. His voice startled me, I flinched, jerking up my head from the bikinis I was displaying.

  “What?” I stammered. “Huh?”

  He smirked and it was ridiculously attractive. “Do you eat?”

  I nodded. What kind of question was that?

  “Then are you ready to eat some lunch?”

  Oh. He was asking about my lunch break. I rarely took one unless Eli stopped by and Eli wasn’t here. “I guess. I usually don’t stop unless Eli comes and stops me.”

  Nate pulled his keys from his pocket. “That’s not healthy. You should eat. Let’s go. I know a place.”

  I stood up and stared at him. The keys jingled in his hand. He wanted to take me to lunch? Would Octavia be okay with that?

  “Oh, um.” I didn’t know what to say. Although the idea of eating lunch with him and riding in his truck were tempting.

  “Stop over thinking it Bliss. Let’s go eat. We’ve earned a lunch.”

  I managed a nod and walked over to my purse. This was normal. We worked together. In a way he was my boss. He wanted to take me to lunch.

  “Okay.”

  “I see you’ve not unpacked the boxes. She must’ve said to send them back.”

  “Yeah. She wasn’t happy.”

  He chuckled. “I bet she wasn’t.”

  There it was. The way he chuckled like he knew her and she amused him. Its warmth,
the way he delivered it, the jealousy bit me hard. I hadn’t ever dealt with that before, but now it was here and it was hard. It sucked. What a horrible feeling. The top of my head went numb.

  “How long have y’all been together?” I tried to act like it didn’t bother me.

  Nate locked up the back and we headed to his truck.

  “Since our freshman year of college.”

  College. Something else I missed. Actually going to a campus. I’d taken all my classes online and in the fall would complete my courses. Then my student teaching. I hoped the school where I taught would hire me. Elementary education wasn’t in high demand. Not around here it wasn’t. There were too many teachers wanting to teach on the coast. Maybe I could go inland? Perhaps to a poorer county? That’s where teachers were needed most.

  “Did you go to college?” he asked. I hated having to answer this. Unless he knew my past and all about the cancer it looked like I’d taken a short cut. Gone for the easy way out. I could explain it, but then, like every other man, he would immediately treat me different. Like I was fragile and consumed with disease. I didn’t want to be the sick girl. I wanted to be normal and this was my chance to finally live like my friends. And if he didn’t remember me, or acknowledge that summer, I would view that as part of the cycle of living a normal life. Though currently it was aggravating.

  “Yes,” I replied. That’s all. I then asked “where are we eating?” The subject had to be changed.

  “My grandpop’s place. Best shrimp poboys in town.”

  I’d eaten there seven years ago. In fact, numerous times. Would his grandpop remember me? I never went back after that summer. It was an off-limits place for me. I hadn’t wanted to go in without my hair and have his grandpop report to Nate, which he probably wouldn’t have done. But my need to preserve our summer and the memory of it had been too important. Every time I passed his place I remembered Nate. I thought about him and wondered if he came to visit his grandfather often. Now I knew.

  I wasn’t sure what I should say. If I asked him questions about it then it was like I was lying. I already knew the answers. So, I stayed quiet. He could talk if he wanted.

  “Last night at the club, were those your friends?” Thank you Jesus, he was changing the subject.

  “For the most part, yes, they were. Some forced upon me since birth. Our parents are all very close. We grew up like family.”

  “The drunk girl,” he began and I laughed.

  “Saffron. Her dad owns the place. She’s a train wreck most of the time.”

  “She asked me to dance. That’s why I left. When I said no as nicely as I could she began to rub my thigh. I like hot women rubbing my thigh, but she was highly intoxicated, and I’m guessing underage.”

  I winced. I’d missed that. “She’s nineteen. And stays in trouble. My daddy says that her dad is getting paid back for the hell he raised when he was younger.”

  Nate laughed. “Mom used to say the same about me. That I was my dad’s payback.”

  The Nate I knew hadn’t been a hell raiser. Those were years I didn’t know.

  Nate Finlay

  I KNEW GRANDPOP would recognize her. But I was going to take her there anyway. This was impulsive. Possibly stupid. A desire to do something we’d once done that would make her remember me. What we were doing was once our thing. But why did I have to do it? I was the one playing dumb. I knew who was sitting beside me. What she was and what she’d meant. I also didn’t have to remind her. She hadn’t forgotten.

  I pulled into the parking lot. Grandpop’s blue 1989 Chevy was parked in the back as usual. I loved that truck. Its sight was comforting, the Chevy seemingly permanent, because the man was always here. And he could force me to admit the past. Unless, I got to him first and asked him not to say a word.

  He’d think I was crazy and probably blurt it out. Grandpop hated Octavia. Said she was trouble and a “sure fire divorce”. He’d already been divorced twice. The woman he spent his life with now was a widow and they both agreed marriage was not for them.

  “Ever been here?” I asked Bliss, knowing full well she had been. I just wanted to see if she’d be honest.

  She stared at the place for a few long seconds before turning her gaze to me. “Yes,” she simply replied. But with that response her eyes lit up and I felt like a dick again. But of course, if I admitted it now, then everything would become difficult.

  “Then you know how good the food is.” I should have said more than that. But I didn’t. It was best for the both of us that I keep it this way.

  She nodded, but said nothing more.

  I had to get out of this truck. Put some distance between our bodies. Preferably where I couldn’t smell her. Or reach over and touch her. I loved Octavia in a way of speaking. Loved the idea of “us.” We fit. The sex was hot. She wasn’t needy. It was and had been the easiest relationship I’d ever had. I’d be stupid to destroy it.

  Opening my door, I got out. Inhaling the sea breeze deeply cleared my nose of Bliss’s sweet scent. I listened as she opened her door. My mother would be ashamed of me for not running around to do that. Octavia demanded that kind of thing, though Octavia didn’t really deserve it. On the other hand, well, Bliss did. Octavia would’ve waited until I came for her door, then emerged like she owned the place.

  Bliss was waiting for me to stop staring at the water. I had to get my head together. Whether grandpop would agree to play along wasn’t easy to predict or know. Before he saw her, I would intervene. Debrief him, shit like that.

  “Let’s go eat.” I shot her a friendly smile and started for the door of the restaurant. She fell into step beside me.

  “Does your grandpop work here?” she asked. I glanced. She was looking at his truck. He’d had that truck since he moved here. Bliss had seen it before. She knew it was his and was wondering if he’d remember her.

  “Yep. Never missed a day.”

  She gave me a tight, nervous smile. I opened the door then stood back and let Bliss go inside first. At least my momma would be happy about that. Even if she wouldn’t approve of everything else I’d done concerning Bliss and all my secrecy. Along with not opening the truck door.

  When I stepped in I saw grandpop animatedly speaking to the bartender. He’d always been happy here. That made my mother happy. Once he was dark and depressed. Grandpop made some bad mistakes but my mom forgave him. Because his mistakes had led her to my dad. That was a mushy, fairytale story I’d heard too many times. They took being in love way too far for the reality of the world around them. I’d never go in like that. Too deep. Too fucking deep. People didn’t stay together anymore. I wasn’t going to get myself burned. Octavia couldn’t burn me. She was safe. The effort was minimal.

  “Pick a table. I’ll be right there.” I then beelined for my grandpop. He noticed me headed his way, a smile spreading across his face.

  “Look who can’t stay away from his grandpop’s cooking.”

  “Nothing beats you,” I assured him. He liked being told that even if it wasn’t the actual truth of the matter. This place was more of a bar, though the food was above average for the bar cuisine and takeout. His poboys really were good.

  He stepped from behind the bar. Opened his arms to hug me. “Haven’t seen you in a couple of days. How’ve you been eating?”

  “I grab something here and there. Been working on Octavia’s shit.”

  He frowned at her name. Grandpop didn’t approve. Then his eyes fell on Bliss and he paused. I gave him the moment he needed.

  “I’ll be damned, that one made a beauty. Glad you looked her up. Remind yourself what a good woman is.”

  “I didn’t. She works for Octavia. I haven’t told her I remember her. She thinks I’ve forgotten that summer and her and I’d like to keep it that way. She’s a good employee and Octavia needs someone, so please don’t make it complicated.”

  Grandpop didn’t respond. His expression told me enough. He’d thought I’d lost my marbles. “Are you shittin
g me right now?”

  I shook my head.

  “Well, hell.”

  “It’s just easier if our past stays there.”

  “Easier than what? Truth?” He sighed. “I’ll keep my mouth shut, but not for you, and your fancy ass fiancé. I’ll do it for that girl over there. She was sweet. Doesn’t need to get hurt. They raised money for her back when she was sick. I donated poboys to the community event. Even with insurance, which will tend to fuck you over, her hospital bills were steep. I have no idea how her parents got the hell out from under them. It’s all a goddamned roll of the dice.”

  Sick? What? What bills? “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “The girl beat cancer. Fought and won the war. Strong girl. Town really loves her.”

  “Cancer?” What the fuck did he mean she had cancer?

  He nodded. “Yeah. She’s got a lot of friends in Sea Breeze. Worried the whole bunch to death.”

  I looked back at Bliss. Letting his words sink in. Never had I imagined she’d lived through something like that. She was more mature, older, less naïve but I thought that all came with age. Not a brush with death. She didn’t look our way. She was intensely studying a menu.

  “When did she get sick? Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Happened after that summer. The one you spent with her. I figured you knew. Didn’t want to upset you by talking about the inevitable. I was going to let you bring it up if you wanted to further discuss it. You were just a kid then. I hated for you to see the ugly this world has so soon.”

  Bliss looked up from her menu. She smiled and I saw a flash of sorrow