Every Which Way (Sloan Brothers)

  Severine clapped her hands together, and Thayer tossed it her way. The first shot of Severine’s bounced off the rim. Thayer tossed the ball back to her. She tried again and missed. Her body was less chilled and her breath hefted out lightly. Severine kept catching the ball from Thayer. Sometimes she’d make a shot, but most times she didn’t. But when she did, Thayer was right, it encouraged her to keep going. Severine’s cheeks were frozen, her hood had fallen off minutes ago, but she was having genuine fun.

  “Your turn.”

  “You weren’t bad,” Thayer conceded.

  Severine flipped her hood back up and finally asked a question she knew he might not answer. “When you started playing basketball...why was it a hard time for you?”

  The flicker of light in his eyes went away. “My parents were getting divorced and were each trying to get full custody of us. My mom won after a nasty battle. I lived with her for a year until my grandpa won full custody of Mathias and me. Macsen stayed with my mom.”

  She tried to picture both Macsen and Thayer broken apart as children, living in two different households. Sympathy wrapped around her heart. They should’ve been able to know each other. They were brothers. “That’s why you lived in Tennessee as a kid.”

  He nodded. “During my seventh grade year, Mathias and I finally got to live with my dad. I’d visit my grandparents in the summer. They were like second parents.”

  “I can understand that,” Severine said quietly.

  She processed Thayer’s explanation of his family life. It answered so much. Her heart ached for him, though. When her parents split, she was too little to notice the change. How could she miss something that had never been there? But to be tossed around between two parents like a hacky sack would’ve done more damage than Severine could ever imagine.

  “Is that another thing we have in common?” Thayer asked.

  Severine nodded and walked closer to him. Thayer rolled the ball away and met her halfway. “I think we’re alike in so many ways.”

  “I liked you watching me play tonight,” Thayer whispered.

  Her throat felt like it closed; she couldn’t get enough air in her body. When he looked at her so sincerely, she forgot everything else. “I liked watching you, too.”

  “Not at the game. Here. Right now.” His honesty projected off him and onto Severine.

  She wanted a ladder to climb into his soul and fix everything that had ever broken him.

  “My ass is numb and I’ve lost all feeling in my feet. But I don’t care.”

  “Are you still that cold?” His arms wrapped around her tightly.

  “After jumping around and shooting? I’m just chilled now.”

  His fingers pressed into her hair and the snow falling down around them melted into her dark strands. Severine kept her body still. Pressed against him, she didn’t feel the algid temperature.

  “The winter sun burns the worst. You know that, right?”

  Severine said nothing in response. Her chest was being slammed by a freight train. Whatever he said, she knew it was going to crush her. From the truth in his eyes, she knew he wouldn’t be able to take it back.

  “No one would really know. Who stays outside long enough to really notice? The air is freezing and harsh. But if you really concentrate, you’ll feel the heat.” Thayer laughed harshly. It pained him to speak. “I think you’re my winter burn.”

  The war in her mind came at a standstill. There was no optimism left for her. She wouldn’t walk away from him pain free.

  Chapter Forty-three

  “Are you going to get into trouble for having me up here?” Thayer whispered into her ear.

  Her key scratched against the door when Thayer wrapped his arm around her waist. “If you let me concentrate and open this damn door, we won’t get caught,” Severine whispered back.

  The key finally worked, and the door opened widely. Thayer shut the door behind them as Severine took her coat and boots off. The heat was always too much in the dorm room, but right now it was perfect for her chilled body.

  Severine walked to Thayer. “What would happen if I came at you with everything I had?”

  He raised a brow and leaned against the wall with anticipation. Severine wanted to say that it was all a game, but she was starting to crave these encounters with him. There could never be small portions with him.

  “I’d be ready. Hell, I’m ready right now.”

  Her fingers laced around his neck. Her lips met his softly. Everything in Tennessee was based on greed and the desire to overwhelm. And even though those feelings were still there, Severine wanted slow. She wanted to kiss him at an unhurried pace.

  One. She barely pulled back.

  Two. Her lips kissed his neck and cheek slowly.

  Three. Thayer cradled her face. When she looked up at him, she saw impatience in his eyes. His lips landed on her own, soft but demanding. Severine breathed through her nose and stood on her tiptoes.

  Her selfish side rose to the surface as she moved her tongue into Thayer’s mouth. When he left her room tonight, she wanted his preference to be only her.

  His hands would only want her skin. He’d only fit perfectly with Severine.

  A moan escaped her lips, and Thayer tilted her head slightly to the side. With more demand in his kiss, Severine’s excitement raised a notch.

  Thayer guided her back to her bed. Her hands were clenched around his sweatshirt. When she fell back onto the bed, she made sure he followed.

  Quickly, he yanked his sweatshirt and shirt over his head. His legs trapped her from moving, as he stood above her quietly. His eyes drifted down to her shirt, and with one hand, he flicked open the lowest button on her shirt. Severine kept her hands firmly on the sheets beneath her and watched his face as another came open.

  And another. And another.

  Thayer’s hands moved aside the open fabric, and he played with the last button. His movements were lazy as he stared at the small object with dedicated concentration. She was going insane, completely losing any rational thoughts. He finally looked at her, and at the same time, the last piece keeping her clothed was broken away. Everything was a defiant challenge between them. All the verbal gauntlets she had thrown at him before seemed to be hitting her straight in the face. She was close to losing this battle.

  Maybe he knew she was going to throw a white flag between them. Maybe that’s why he moved the thin black strap of her bra aside and kissed the upper part of her breast. Maybe. But it didn’t explain why she let him.

  She lifted herself up, and Thayer moved slightly away, giving her enough room. He didn’t hide his disappointment. He was giving her a chance to leave. Thayer was giving her free rein to call her boundaries between what felt amazing and what was too much out of her control.

  Severine stared at the man in front of her. One that everyone thought they knew so well. Thayer looked close to breaking.

  With part of her shirt and bra strap hanging down her arm, she moved above him and straddled his lap. Her shirt dropped to the ground, her bra chased quickly after. Thayer’s hands wrapped around her waist making her feel delicate, craved...

  His lips made contact with her skin. Finally, it felt good to lose.

  * * * * *

  It was four a.m. Severine covered the clock and looked at Thayer. He was supposed to leave last night. She grabbed hold of his shoulder and slightly shook him.

  “Mmm?” He groaned.

  “Thayer, it’s four. You should probably go,” Severine whispered against his back. He tensed up and finally nodded.

  Severine moved away first and went to her closet for a robe. For the first time, she’d use it.

  “I can’t even move, I’m so tired.”

  “You can stay here. But it will be a bitch to sneak you out tomorrow.”

  “Nah, I’ll go now.”

  His body was covered, and he stood to his full height. “I don’t like leaving and sneaking around.”

  Severine nodded. “I know.??
?

  He dug through his pockets for his keys, and with a gruff voice, he spoke, “I can’t wait forever, Severine.”

  All breathing after that comment was out of the realm of possibility. She gave him the truth. “Maybe I’ll never be able to trust,” Severine admitted.

  Thayer nodded and combed a hand through his hair. “You’re better than that, though. You’re way too fucking durable to run away from us.”

  Severine knew his words were bait for her to latch onto, but everything she was saying was the truth. What if she really couldn’t trust again?

  He looked almost disappointed. Severine sat on her bed and clutched the front of her robe close to her heart. “This all makes me ache.”

  His eyes dissected every move. “Then don’t run.”

  “It’s not that easy, Thayer.”

  “I can’t keep walking away from this like nothing is happening.”

  “I’m not bulletproof.” Severine stood and wrapped her arms around his waist. She leaned her cheek against his chest. Through the layers of clothing, she could feel his heart beating wildly. “If I was, I would’ve never been hurt by Macsen. I just need time.”

  Chapter Forty-four

  “Read pages thirty through fifty-five. If you don’t, it’s not my problem. Class is dismissed.” Severine shut her laptop and slid it into her messenger bag. Everyone around her shuffled about and gathered their belongings. She took a glance at the door and almost groaned.

  “You seem preoccupied,” Tosha commented beside her.

  “Because I am,” Severine rushed out. Her mind was foggy, and her head was begging to touch her pillow back at the dorms. After Thayer left last night, sleep became impossible, and she was left with a grand total of three hours of beauty sleep. But she was still alert enough to double-check the doors of the classroom one more time. Maybe her luck would change and there wouldn’t be anyone waiting for her today. It hadn’t. Macsen waited at the door, staring at her from across the room.

  Nothing about his expression was friendly. His green eyes were sharply looking at her, taking in her every action. This happened every day and most of the time he’d back off once he realized that Severine wasn’t going to respond. Today was different. The look in his eyes was all off.

  Tosha noticed the exchange and raised a brown brow. “Things still awkward?”

  Not at all. I just slept with his brother last night, but things are great. Severine grabbed her bag, slung it over her shoulder, and gave Tosha a bright smile. “With him? Not at all. We hardly talk.”

  “It looks like that’s what he wants to do.”

  Severine walked slowly down the steps with Tosha. Her feet settled on each step. They had their own story. Every footstep whispered out his betrayal. It should be so easy to let something go. But as she walked closer to Macsen, all that filled her mind were his lies. It didn’t matter anymore what she thought they could’ve been. Her hatred had dimmed down to pity. It was only a matter of time until she had nothing left to feel for him. He’d be a complete stranger walking down the street; just a stranger that had once broken her trust.

  “Yeah. This is weird, I’m gonna go,” Tosha muttered. She slid past Macsen just as Severine was getting ready to open her mouth.

  Severine held her head high and followed Tosha’s lead.

  “I need to talk to you,” Macsen said behind her.

  If she stared forward and looked unfazed, Macsen would look like he was talking to air. He called out her name more persistently, each time more harsh and demanding after the next. When she was close to the door, he yelled at her.

  “I knew he liked you!”

  Everyone around them paused to stare at him, then at her. Severine gripped the handle of the door so hard her circulation felt cut off. She didn’t want to have a conversation with Macsen, least of all in a building surrounded by students. The pain would never pull away, not when he kept luring her back with strange comments like that. Her finger unclasped the door handle, and on second thought she barged through the door and hurried down the steps.

  “I saw him at that party! I watched him look at you, and it drove him fucking crazy that you didn’t notice!” Macsen yelled behind her.

  Severine stopped walking and quickly turned back around. Her gaze narrowed on Macsen. She grabbed him by the jacket and didn’t stop until they were behind the building, away from everyone.

  Macsen’s bag dropped to the ground, and he approached her slowly. Her lungs felt compressed as he walked closer. “I had something he wanted, Sev. You were talking to me, you were flirting with me!” He grabbed his shirt and wrapped it tightly around his fist. “You loved me first!”

  “Shut up!” Severine screamed. She clutched her hands tightly to her ears, hoping to block out everything he said. But it didn’t. It ruined everything. It ruined what she thought some form of their relationship had been. It ruined her heart.

  “I have nothing to lose. All the fucked up mistakes I’ve made, everything wrong about me, you’re seeing right now.” Macsen stepped closer and peered at her with an expression that ached. His eyes implored her to see the truth. “What do you know about Thayer? Hmm?”

  Severine repeatedly blinked her eyes. “I know all I want to.”

  “You know nothing.”

  “Or I could know everything.”

  “You wanna take that risk? Take a chance like that?”

  How much pain could someone sustain? Severine gritted her teeth together. “I think the worst chance I ever took was on you.”

  Macsen flinched, but he kept talking. “I heard you were at Thayer’s game yesterday.”

  Severine turned around slowly. “Yes, I was.”

  “You hate basketball games,” Macsen pointed out.

  “I hate cheaters too, and oh look, I’m talking to you.”

  “That’s fucking low, Sev.”

  “No. It really isn’t. I’m going to keep calling you out on it until it’s out of my system. Until-”

  “Until what?” Macsen interjected. “Until I’m out of your system?”

  Severine stared up at him, hating that he was getting underneath her skin. “When you have to work so hard for something to leave your memory, shouldn’t you wonder why it refuses to erase itself?”

  He stood in front of her. They hadn’t been this close in so long. He was close enough for her to see his light green eyes wide with caution, his black lashes were wet from the harsh wind. All it did was make his irises stand out. It drew her back to the moment she first talked to him, the memory of spending time with him at the library. She remembered how she felt safe around him; how everything felt easy and carefree with him. It still hurt that those memories were now tainted.

  “If you close your eyes, you’ll remember us. You’ll remember how we were together.” Macsen was close enough that Severine could reach her hand out and touch him.

  Her eyelids wanted to close so badly. She wanted to adhere his words and just listen for once. But she couldn’t. If her strength was anywhere, it laid with Thayer. His face flashed into her mind and her heart instantly. She used to think Macsen was authentic—that there was no one like him. She knew nothing about him. Chances were, she never would.

  There was nothing to say after this. She had been pushed off their cloud of happiness months ago. Macsen’s feet were just now touching the ground. Pain smeared his features, and Severine stepped away.

  “I gotta go.”

  “You know I love you. That has to stand for something!”

  Severine peered back to look at him. “And when it’s ruined, it stands for nothing. Before you screwed up, you had no idea how you wore me.”

  Confusion showered his face. “What are you talking about?”

  Severine looked up at the clear blue sky. When she looked back at Macsen, her voice wavered, but stayed sure. “My heart was on your sleeve, waiting patiently. You shrugged it off. You didn’t care. You didn’t realize.”

  Macsen stood speechless. It felt like Sev
erine was going back to the same place—a place of despair over Macsen—one too many times.

  Slowly, she walked backwards, gazing at him sadly. “I think I’m just now realizing that now.”

  There was a tiny spot for her to turn around and tell him that they could try again, but in this situation, it was too late. Severine had broken him down. It didn’t feel good. She knew firsthand that sometimes people had to be at their lowest before things ever let up. None of this was Severine’s problem. He wasn’t hers to build back up.

  She walked across campus like everyone else. No one looked at her twice as she walked to her car. She felt broken, but she kept repeating she was fine.

  But she wasn’t fine. She wasn’t okay. Now she was in so incredibly deep. Macsen’s betrayal made her doubt every direction. But the pain she was in now created new lacerations on her already cut up heart. Now she was like Macsen, she couldn’t let go of Thayer. She was greedy and selfish all wrapped up with a pretty little bow on top.

  Chapter Forty-five

  Severine was in a pattern—running around in one big circle with no way to get out. Her feet didn’t step out of the boundaries once. As much as she liked to complain to herself, she didn’t plan on leaving, no matter how chaotic her cosmos were becoming.

  Her feelings for Thayer were her guilt—a want that never seemed to be filled. Even when she went after what she wanted, she still ended up making mistakes.

  She slammed the door harder than necessary and crossed the parking lot, toward the sidewalk. Her fingers rapped once against the door. Thayer opened it quickly. The door wasn’t even shut before Severine wrapped herself around him and kissed her pain away.

  Thayer didn’t question. He took all her pain in and gathered it as his own. Reaching across the space, she laced their fingers together. They were getting to a point where kissing, and being together in the closest way possible, wasn’t enough.