Every Which Way (Sloan Brothers)

  At the thought, her fingers reacted and gripped her bag tightly. She was still Severine. She was still herself. She was secure with her actions.

  But you’re not. Her thoughts jeered back in response.

  She crossed her fingers that he didn’t notice her struggle. It was the worst, thinking he might know how much his words truly bothered her.

  Now, right now, she was feeling like that girl. It pissed her off and carried a deep amount of shame with it.

  “Severine! Wait up!” Lily caught up with her and squealed loudly. “I did it!” She proudly announced.

  Severine’s mind wasn’t really focused enough to have a conversation with anyone. She repeated back Lily’s words to herself, but her eyebrows still formed a tight v. “What?”

  Lily rolled her eyes and looped her arm through Severine’s. “I took your advice and walked up to Benjamin. I suggested we get together and hang out or something.”

  “That’s great, Lily!” Severine meant it. Her sullen thoughts were bumped down to a lower shelf. They were still there, waiting for a quiet time to sneak their way to the top.

  “He wants to hang out tonight.”

  “I completely approve,” Severine stated.

  “Really?”

  Severine bumped her hip against Lily’s. “Uh, duh. You grabbed your confidence, slapped it around a little and look what happened! You’re meeting up with him later!”

  “I thought you’d be pissed a little,” Lily confessed.

  “Because?” There was always a because.

  Lily shrugged and made no eye contact. “He wants me to meet him at the Sloan’s apartment. I told him you’d come with me.”

  Her hand made contact with her forehead the minute she heard the last name of Sloan. “I’m not going!”

  “It’s a study thing,” Lily quickly said.

  “None of us share the same class,” Severine whined. “How would it be a study thing?”

  “Ben and I do!”

  “Yes,” Severine said slowly. “But I don’t. You see the trifecta? Oh wait, we don’t make one!”

  “But I want you there. Look, I’m not comfortable enough to go there myself. Hell, I’m lucky I even approached him today. Baby steps, Severine, baby steps.”

  Severine was proud of Lily, but that didn’t mean she was going.

  “So, will you come?” Lily prodded gently.

  Severine’s lips dropped down in thought. “If I hear the name Sloan one more time, I’m gonna cut my ears off. I’m not in the mood to deal with them.”

  Lily glanced at Severine thoughtfully. “I thought you were fine with Macsen?”

  “I’ll tell you later.”

  “When, later?”

  “When we’re on our way to their place, and you swing by a coffee shop to get me a pumpkin spice frappe.” Severine was weak. That should make her cringe. But for her best friend, she’d do just about anything to see her happy. Being weak sometimes wasn’t the worst thing.

  Lily bounced around and hugged Severine tightly. “Oh I love you, chica! I do!”

  Severine’s lips remained tight. “I love you too. This will be great.” She was going to hell. She didn’t mean anything she had just said.

  “Great? It will be freakin’ amazing.”

  There was nothing to really say to that. Severine nodded her head and kept her lips sealed tightly shut.

  Chapter Five

  “You know, this is ridiculous,” Lily hissed out into the cold night air.

  Severine adjusted her bag and hurried across the parking lot. “You said you needed to study, right?” Her friend barely nodded her head. Severine gestured behind her with both hands. “Well, look no further!”

  “I don’t think anyone had the library in mind.”

  Severine sighed. It wasn’t a pretty sigh. “I’m with you, like you asked me.”

  Lily adjusted her winter hat. She was pissed, but she’d get over it. “What’s the problem with going over to the Sloans’ apartment?”

  Because one of them would be there. Because it’s too much. Because I’m terrified.

  She was still trying to recharge her emotions from her conversation with Macsen. Seeing both Sloan brothers at the same time just seemed like a giant disaster waiting to explode around her. Severine took her time answering, toying with the straw of her frappe, and trying to form the right words—anything to portray how perfectly in control she was. “Lily, going over to their apartment? Really?”

  Lily scrutinized Severine and finally gave up the fight before she sighed loudly. “Ben suggested it.”

  Severine wrapped her arm around Lily and squeezed her tightly. “I know that. But stick with me, there’s no reason why we should go there.”

  “Why does it bother you?”

  “Uh...it just spells trouble.” She was a much better liar than this. A part of her wanted Lily to call her out on her bullshit.

  “You realize it’s a get-together, not an orgy, right?”

  Severine kept silent and held the door open. Lily stayed rooted on the sidewalk and pinned a sneaky smile in Severine’s direction. “Are you scared to go over there?”

  “Yes,” Severine admitted slowly before she let go of the door and moved closer to the warmth inside. “I’m also scared of the dark, snakes, and the movie, The Ring. All for good reasons.”

  “Well, the freaky girl in that movie is creepy,” Lily pointed out as they entered the library. “Snakes freak anyone out, and the dark thing...well, that explains why you slept with a nightlight in high school.” Lily tried to laugh lightly, but instead it came out with a gust of energy. She was done being mad.

  Severine unraveled her scarf from her neck as she quickly scanned the inside of the campus library. It was quiet, minus the silent beep of librarians scanning books being checked. The first floor mostly held fiction reads. It was a place people could voluntarily read. Upstairs, where they were heading, that’s where noise was completely unacceptable. A pen dropping was liable to have someone kicked out. For tonight, it was the perfect place.

  They bypassed the elevator, and the two of them walked up the brick steps toward the second floor. Lily finally spoke again in a hushed voice. “I can’t figure out why they freak you out so much. Tell me, what’s your good reason?”

  Severine swung her head toward Lily. “Ah! I thought we were done talking about this!”

  “When you’re freaked about something, it’s not just something. The two individuals you fear are only guys. You could stomp across them with a beautiful pair of Manolo Blahniks and walk away like it was nothing.”

  Severine wanted to, but somehow she knew if she made that attempt, she’d be the one with the marks. It was her conscience that whispered they’d walk away scrape-free.

  “It just doesn’t feel right around them,” her answer was vague. But it was all Severine could say.

  “Wow,” Lily commented dryly as they walked in between the rows of books. Save the elderly lady standing at the reference section, not a soul was upstairs. “It’s a rager,” Lily said sarcastically.

  Rows of books were scattered throughout the area around them. Lined in perfect order, in the middle of the room were six tables. All of them were empty.

  “I love it up here,” Severine said in a hushed voice. “You look out the window, and it’s perfect in the fall. The color of the leaves relaxes me.”

  Lily’s eyebrows rose. “Yeah, sure thing, Thomas Kinkade. Where’s your easel?”

  Severine snapped her finger and pointed at the chair across from her. “Zip it, and sit down.”

  “You’re a buzz-kill, you know that?”

  She made a sound through her nose and dug out her books. “I’ve been called some unique things, but buzz-kill has never been one of them.” Severine settled into her seat and looked down at her phone. “What time are they supposed to get here? Remember, my time is precious.”

  “Relax, re-runs of Roseanne will still be on when we get back to the dorms.”

&n
bsp; Severine draped the strap of her bag on the back of her chair and looked around the room. “Well, while they’re taking their sweet time, I’m gonna go pee.”

  Lily shrugged out of her jacket and stared at the screen of her phone. She barely nodded her head.

  Severine stalled in the bathroom. She took the world’s longest pee and stared at the writings around her. It turns out you can learn a lot from a bathroom stall. A girl named Tiffany was a whore. Severine scrunched up her nose. If you’re going to write the information out, at least have the consideration to carry enough nail polish to finish the message. Selfishness was what it was.

  She took extra time to wash her hands. They were cleansed so well, they could pass any inspection. When Severine glanced at herself in the mirror, inches from her face, her cheeks were flushed bright red from the outdoors. With the cold weather came pale skin. Her freckles along the bridge of her nose and upper cheeks had faded. If anyone was to really look, they’d notice they were still there, still peppered across her face.

  Severine didn’t want to look too long at her reflection, because if she stared any longer, she’d notice the change of emotions in her eyes. She stepped away from the mirror, straightened out her shirt and left.

  Who would want to waste their time sitting around at a library? Unless you wanted to read or study, there was no way you’d willingly volunteer to tag along. She was hoping that was Thayer and Macsen’s mindset.

  When she saw Lily and Ben sitting around the table, Severine almost broke out in the Irish jig. The down funk she was in earlier instantly lifted.

  “Hey,” Severine breathed out. “I’m back. Not that you care or anything.”

  “Did you fall into the toilet? You were gone a long time,” Lily stated.

  Severine’s eyes sparkled as she grabbed a notebook. “Yep, I totally fell in. That’s exactly what happened.” She ignored Lily’s eye roll and turned towards Ben. “So Ben, no one came with you? That’s too bad.”

  Ben opened his mouth and quickly shut it.

  “At a distance, I thought you were talking about me.” The voice came to her right, and a scent of shampoo and soap cloaked itself all around her. Severine almost broke the pen in her hand as more words were spoken close to her ear. “Now I know you were.”

  So freaking close.

  Severine leaned her elbow on the table and circled her face around to stare up at Thayer. His hands were hidden in the pockets of his hoodie and a pair of track pants hung on his hips. The dirty blonde hair that almost bordered on brown was messed around in complete chaos. It was ruthless to see him look so good without making an effort. Yet, there was nothing better than a guy that didn’t try. Any male that just was made her nerves tingle in appreciation.

  “Sorry I’m late.” Thayer sat down next to Severine. He glanced at her briefly. “Practice went over.”

  Great. Severine rubbed the bridge of her nose. Now all she could picture was that he just came from the shower, from practice. He probably wore one of those practice jerseys that were created to show amazing biceps and make a girl’s jaw unhinge all the way to the ground.

  His gray eyes gleamed brightly, like he knew exactly what she was imagining. “I can tell you were waiting anxiously for me,” Thayer said, his tone hushed.

  Severine mashed her teeth together and wrote firmly on the paper in front of her. Maybe if she pressed down hard enough, she could get the picture of Thayer sweating out of her head. It wasn’t a bad scene to envision.

  Justifying the thought only showed Severine that she needed some serious help.

  “I didn’t think you’d show,” Severine blurted out.

  Normally, she could say what she wanted, whenever. It was controlled. She knew exactly what was coming out of her mouth. Around Thayer, there was no filter. Everything just burst through the nonexistent dam.

  His lips quirked up, “I know.”

  “Now that we’re all here, we can study.”

  “You know Macsen’s coming.” He shifted close enough for her to smell his clean scent; close enough that Severine could count the flecks of black in his eyes. But she didn’t do that...

  Five. There were five little flecks.

  Severine nodded her head like an obedient bobble head and gave a one-word answer. “Cool.”

  Tonight was going to hell. It wasn’t as if she walked into the library convinced they wouldn’t be here, but before she heard Thayer, she was well on her way to that feeling.

  Right now, she felt a fucked up mixture of excitement and panic. The dynamic between the two brothers was strained. Sometimes, like right now, she didn’t care. Later on, she would, later was when the panic would set in.

  He grunted. “I’m sure that doesn’t bother you at all.”

  Severine laid her pencil down. All her attention was on him. It was easy now that she wasn’t fighting the urge. “Enlighten me. Tell me why you think that.”

  “Are you searching for ways to be pissed at me?” Thayer asked.

  It was her fault for being piqued into the conversation. Severine couldn’t blame anyone but herself. “When you make a statement like that, I’m curious.”

  He leaned back in his chair—to the point that it was dangling on two legs. She wanted to kick it out from underneath his feet. “It’s just obvious which Sloan brother you prefer to be around.”

  “I prefer talking to him,” Severine mumbled. They both knew which brother. No need to elaborate.

  Thayer didn’t buy anything she was saying. “That’s it?”

  “What else would there be?” Her thoughts and feelings felt uncovered and completely bare. It made Severine move back slightly.

  Thayer’s seat dropped firmly on the floor, and he shifted his body toward her. He was thinking something bad. It shone in his eyes. And his smile...it was almost artful. He skillfully perfected the devious grin: a slow smirk of the lips that never touched his eyes. “I think you prefer me more in a lot of different ways.”

  Show no reaction. Keep your expression neutral.

  Severine opened her mouth to retort. He beat her to the finish line.

  “This might be sweeter than I thought. You can’t think of anything to say back.”

  Sparks were seconds away from shooting out of Severine’s ears. She gave him a hard look. “I’ve thought about many things to say, unfortunately, all of them start with Fuck. And end with you.”

  Nothing. Not a look of surprise, not a look of amusement. He stared at her a second longer than she was comfortable with and folded his fingers atop his stomach. “So your dark side is out to play?”

  They both stared at each other. Neither one retreated first. It was Lily’s voice that finally made Severine look away.

  “Oh look!” Lily said with forced enthusiasm. “Macsen’s here.”

  Thayer pulled away, and Severine took a deep breath. It didn’t help her much; she was still breathing him in.

  “Macsen. Come sit. So great to see you!” Lily hopped out of her chair and quickly grabbed a chair from an available table.

  Severine smirked at Lily’s attempt to keep everything calm and evenhanded. She glanced over at Macsen as he caught her eye. From his expression, she knew he was curious about what he had interrupted.

  If she tried hard enough, she could create her perfect Eden. It’d be far away from here—maybe on a beach. Her paradise didn’t include being caged in between the Sloan brothers. Severine wanted out of this room. If she could sprout wings, she’d have taken flight.

  “Sit down, brother,” Thayer said, his tone completely flat.

  Macsen barely acknowledged Thayer and set his book bag on the floor. “How are you, Severine?”

  “Much, much better.” She pointedly looked at Thayer at her last word. Her smile was genuine when she directed her attention back to Macsen.

  Flicking his green eyes in Thayer’s direction, Macsen leaned closer to Severine. “What did I miss?”

  “Nothing,” Ben muttered. “Just the world’s most incre
dibly awkward conversation. Ever.”

  Macsen nodded his head in understanding. “If you were talking to Thayer, that sounds about right.”

  Severine grinned and went back to studying. At the rate she was going, she’d be on this page for the next hour. Her mind was a sphere that never seemed to stop spinning. After a while, she gave up and shut her book. Slowly, she traced the words on the exterior of the book.

  Everyone was quiet. It wasn’t the silence that was accompanied by calm energy. All five of them sat with their backs straight. They were runners at the starting line. One of them was going to bolt.

  Macsen shifted loudly in his seat. Severine looked up on instinct. He gave her a pointed look and nudged his head toward the shelves of books on the right side of the floor. Severine gave him a brief nod.

  He wanted to talk to her. She got up to follow him, and she swore that with each step her legs were calling out, don’t talk about it, don’t talk about it.

  When they were settled in the back, Macsen turned around and sighed loudly.

  “I think I offended you earlier.”

  “Hmm?” Severine couldn’t materialize indifference. She could at least try.

  “Let me rephrase. Earlier, in class, I upset you.” Severine’s face remained neutral, and he narrowed his eyes. “I’m sorry if I did,” he said sincerely.

  “You didn’t, though.” To her ears, it sounded good enough. “There’s no reason to apologize for something you didn’t do, right?”

  He looked doubtful. It seemed he wanted to say more, but finally, he nodded. “You sure?”

  “Positive.”

  “If you’re positive, then let’s go back.” He swept his hand in front of himself for her to go first.

  “You felt the tension. Do you really wanna go back to that?”

  He dug his hands into his pockets and leaned against the shelf behind him. “What did I interrupt earlier?”

  “You interrupted nothing.”

  “Really? It looked like something.” Macsen’s lips quirked, “Is my brother getting to you?”