The Story of a Doctor's Telephone—Told by His Wife

  CHAPTER XII.

  It was a lovely morning in late September. The sun almost shone throughthe film of light gray clouds which lay serenely over all the heavens.There was a golden gleam in the atmosphere,

  "And a tender touch upon everything As if Autumn remembered the days of Spring."

  The doctor and his wife were keenly alive to the beauty of the day.After they had driven several miles they stopped before a little brownhouse. The doctor said he would like Mary to go in and she followed himinto the low-ceiled room.

  "Here, you youngsters, go out into the yard," said the mother of thechildren. "There ain't room to turn around when you all get in." Theywent. A baby seven or eight months old sat on the floor and stared up atMary as she seated herself near it. Two women of the neighborhood satsolemnly near by. The doctor approached the bed on which a young womanof eighteen or twenty years was lying.

  "My heart hain't beat for five minutes," she said.

  "Is that so?" said the doctor, quite calm in the face of an announcementso startling. "Well, we'll have to start it up again."

  "That's the first time she has spoke since yesterday morning," said oneof the solemn women in a low tone to the doctor.

  "It didn't hurt her to keep still. She could have spoken if she hadwanted to." The two women looked at each other. "No, she couldn't speak,Doctor," said one of them.

  "Oh, yes she could," replied the doctor with great nonchalance.

  "I _couldn't_!" said the patient with much vigor. This was just what hewanted. He examined her carefully but said not a word.

  "How long do you think I'll live?" she asked after a little.

  "Well, that's a hard question to answer--but you ought to be good forforty or fifty years yet."

  The patient sniffed contemptuously. "Huh, I guess you don't know it allif you _are_ a doctor."

  "I know enough to know there's mighty little the matter with _you_." Heturned to one of the women. "I would like to see her mother," he said.The mother had left the room on an errand; the woman rose and went out.There was a pause which Mary broke by asking the baby's name.

  "We think we'll call her Orient."

  "Why not Occident?" thought Mary, but she kept still. Not so the doctor."_That's_ no name. Give her a good sensible _name_--one she won't beashamed of when she's a woman."

  Here Mary caught sight of a red string around the baby's neck, and askedif it was a charm of some sort. The mother took hold of the string anddrew up the charm. "It's a blind hog's tooth," she said simply, "to makeher cut her teeth easy."

  The mother of the patient came into the room. "How do you think she is,Doctor?"

  "Oh, she's not so sick as you thought she was, not near."

  The mother looked relieved. "She had an awful bad spell last night. Doyou think she won't have any more?"

  "No, she won't have any more." The look on the patient's face saidplainly, "We'll see about that." It did not escape the doctor.

  "But in case you should see any signs of a spell coming on, and if shegets so she can't speak again, then you must--but come into the nextroom," he said in a low voice.

  They went into an adjoining room, the doctor taking care to leave thedoor ajar. Then in a voice ostensibly low enough that the patient mightnot hear and yet so distinct that she could hear every word, hedelivered his instructions: "Now, if she has any more spells she must beblistered all the way from her neck down to the end of her spine." Themother looked terrified. "And if she gets so she can't speak again, itwill be necessary to put a seton through the back of her neck."

  "What _is_ a seton?" faltered the woman.

  "Oh, it's nothing but a big needle six or eight inches long, threadedwith coarse cord. It must be drawn through the flesh and left there fora while." Then in a tone so low that only the mother could hear, hesaid, "Don't pay much attention to her. She'll never have those spellsunless there is somebody around to see her."

  He walked into the other room and took up his hat and case.

  "I left some powders on the table," he said to the mother. "You may giveher one just before dinner and another tonight."

  "Will it make any difference if she doesn't take it till tonight?"

  "Not a bit."

  "Pa's gone and I didn't 'low to git any dinner today."

  At this announcement Mary heard something between a sigh and a groan andturning, saw a rosy-cheeked boy in the doorway. There was a look ofresigned despair on his face and Mary smiled sympathetically at him asshe went out. How many lads and lassies could have sympathized with himtoo, having been victims to that widespread feeling among housewivesthat when "Pa" is gone no dinner need be got and sometimes not muchsupper.

  As the doctor and his wife started down the walk they heard a voice say,"Ma, don't you ever send for that smart-aleck doctor agin. I won't_have_ him." The doctor shook with laughter as he untied the horse.

  "They won't need to send for me 'agin.' I like to get hold of a finecase of hysterics once in a while--it makes things lively."

  "The treatment you prescribed was certainly heroic enough," said Mary.

  They had driven about a mile, when, in passing a house a young mansignaled the doctor to stop. "Mother has been bleeding at the nose agood deal," he said, coming down to the gate. "I wish you would stop andsee her. She'll be glad to see you, too, Mrs. Blank."

  They were met at the door by a little old woman in a rather short dressand in rather large ear-rings. Her husband, two grown daughters andthree children sat and stood in the room.

  "So you've been bleeding at the nose, Mrs. Haig?" said the doctor,looking at his patient who now sat down.

  "Yes, sir, and it's a-gittin' me down. I've been in bed part of theday."

  "It's been bleedin' off and on for two days and nights," said thehusband.

  "Did you try pretty hard to stop it?"

  "Yes, sir, I tried everything I ever heerd tell of, and everything theneighbors wanted me to try, but it didn't do no good."

  "Open the door and sit here where I can have a good light to examineyour nose by," the doctor said to the patient. She brought her chair andthe young man opened the door. As he did so there was a mad rush betweenthe old man and his two daughters for the door opposite.

  "Shet that door, quick!" the old man shouted, and it was instantly done.Mary looked around with frightened eyes. Had some wild beast escapedfrom a passing menagerie and was it coming in to devour the household?There was a swirl of ashes and sparks from the big fireplace.

  "This is the blamedest house that ever was built," said Mr. Haig.

  "Who built it?" queried the doctor.

  "I built it myself and like a derned fool went an' put the fireplaceright between these two outside doors, so if you open one an' the otherhappens to be open the fire and ashes just flies."

  The doctor took an instrument from his pocket and proceeded with hisexamination.

  "But there's a house back here on the hill about a mile that beatsthis," said the old man.

  "That is a queer-looking house," said Mary. "It has no front door atall."

  "No side door, neither. When a feller wants to get in _that_ housethere's just one of three ways: he has to go around and through thekitchen, or through a winder, or down the chimney."

  "If he was little enough he might go through the cat-hole," suggestedthe young man, at which they all laughed.

  "And what may that be?" asked the mystified Mary.

  "It's a square hole cut in the bottom of the door for the cat to go inand out at. The man that owns the place said he believed in havingthings handy."

  "Now, let me see your throat," said the doctor. The patient opened hermouth to such an amazing extent that the doctor said, "No, I will standon the outside!" which made Mary ashamed of him, but the old couplelaughed heartily. They had known this doctor a good many years.

  "What have you been doing to stop the bleeding?" he asked.

  "I've been a-tryin' charms and conjurin', mostly."

  Mary saw that there w
as no smile on her face or on any other face in theroom. She spoke in a sincere and matter-of-fact way. "Old Uncle Peter,down here a piece, has cured many a case of nose-bleed but he hain't'peared to help mine."

  "How does he go about it?" asked Mary.

  "W'y, don't you know nothin' 'bout conjurin'?"

  "Nothing at all."

  "I thought you bein' a doctor's wife would know things like that."

  "I don't believe my husband practises conjuring much."

  "Well, Uncle Peter takes the Bible, and opens it, and says some wordsover it, and pretty soon the bleedin' stops."

  "Which stops it, the Bible or the words?"

  "W'y--both I reckon, but the words does the most of it. They're thecharm and nobody knows 'em but him."

  "Where did he learn them?"

  "His father was a conjurer and when he died he tol' the words to UnclePeter an' give the power to him."

  "Did he come up here to conjure you?" asked the doctor.

  "No, he says he can do it just as well at home."

  "He can. But I think we can stop the bleeding without bothering UnclePeter any more. I'd like a pair of scissors," he said, meaning to cutsome papers for powders.

  "They won't do no good. I've tried 'em."

  "What do you think I want with them?"

  "I 'lowed you wanted to put 'em under the piller. That'll curenose-bleed lots of times. Maybe you don't believe it, but it's so."

  "Can Uncle Peter cure other things?" asked Mary.

  "He can _that_. My nephew had the chills last year and shook and shook.At last he went to Uncle Peter an' he cured _him_."

  "He shot 'em," said Mr. Haig.

  "Yes, he told him to take sixteen shot every mornin' for sixteen daysand by the time he got through he didn't shake a bit."

  "By jings! he was so heavy he couldn't," said Mr. Haig, and in the laughthat followed the doctor and his wife rose to go. A neighboring womanwith a baby in her arms had come in and seated herself near the door. Ashe passed out the doctor stopped to inquire, "How's that sore breast?You haven't been back again."

  "It's about well. William found a mole at last and when I put the skinof it on my breast it cured it. I knowed it would, but when we wanted amole there wasn't none to be found, so I had to go and see _you_ aboutit."

  "I thought it would soon be well. Good for the mole-skin," laughed thedoctor, as they took their leave.

  When they had started homeward they looked at each other, the doctorwith a smile in his eyes--he had encountered this sort of thing so oftenin his professional life that he was quite accustomed to it. But Mary'sbrown eyes were serious. "John," she said, "when will the reign ofignorance and superstition end?"

  "When Time shall be no more, my dear."

  "So it seems. Those people, while lacking education, seem to be fairlyintelligent and yet their lives are dominated by things like these."

  "Yes, and not only people of fair intelligence but of fair educationtoo. While they would laugh at what we saw and heard back there they areholding fast to things equally senseless and ridiculous. Then there arethoroughly educated and cultured people holding fast to littlesuperstitions which had their birth in ignorance away back in the pastsomewhere. How many people do you know who want to see the new moon overthe left shoulder? And didn't I hear you commanding Jack just the otherday to take the hoe right out of the house and to go out the same doorhe came in?"

  "O, ye-es, but then _nobody_ wants to have a _hoe_ carried through thehouse, John. It's such a bad sign--"

  The doctor laughed. "This thing is so widespread there seems to be nohope of eliminating it entirely though I believe physicians are doingmore than anybody else toward crushing it out."

  "Can they reason and argue people out of these things?"

  "Not often. Good-natured ridicule is an effective shaft and one I liketo turn upon them sometimes. They get so they don't want to say thosethings to me, and so perhaps they get to see after a while that it isjust as well not to say them too often to other people, too."

  "Don't drive so fast, John, the day is too glorious."

  Yellow butterflies flitted hither and thither down the road; the corn inthe fields was turning brown and out from among it peeped here and therea pumpkin; the trees in apple orchards were bending low with their rosyand golden treasures. They passed a pool of water and saw reflectedthere the purple asters blooming above it. By and by the doctor turneddown a grassy road leading up to a farmhouse a short distance away. "Areyou to make another call today?" asked his wife.

  "Yes, there is a very sick child here."

  When he had gone inside three or four children came out. A curly-headedlittle girl edged close and looked up into Mary's face.

  "Miss' Blank, _you_ know where Mr. Blank got our baby, _don't_ you?"

  Mary, smiling down at the little questioner, said, "The doctor didn'ttell me anything about it." The little faces looked surprised anddisappointed.

  "We thought you'd know an' we come out to ask you," said another littlegirl. "You make all the babies' dresses, don't you?"

  "Dear me, no indeed!" laughed the doctor's wife.

  "Does he keep all the babies at your house?" asked the little boy.

  "I think not. I never see them there."

  "Didn't he ever bring any to your house?"

  "Oh, yes, five of them."

  "I'd watch and see where he _gets_ 'em," said the little fellow stoutly."Jimmie Brown said Mr. Blank found their baby down in the woods in anold holler log."

  The doctor came out, and the little boy looking up at him asked, "Isthey any more babies down in the woods?"

  "Yes, yes, 'the woods is full of 'em,'" laughed the doctor as he droveoff leaving the little group quite unsatisfied.

  When they had gone some distance two wagons appeared on the brow of thehill in front of them. "Hold on, Doctor," shouted the first driver, asthe doctor was driving rapidly by, "I want to sell you a watermelon."

  "Will you take your pay in pills?"

  "Don't b'lieve I have any use for pills."

  "Don't want one then, I'm broke this morning," and he passed the secondwagon and pulled his horse into the road again.

  "Wait a minute! _I'll_ trade you a melon for some pills," called thedriver. He spread the reins over the dashboard and clambered down; theman in front looked back at him with a grin. "I've got two kinds here,the Cyclone and the Monarch, which would you rather have?"

  "Oh, I don't care," said the doctor.

  "Let us have a Monarch, please," said Mary. Monarch was a prettier namethan Cyclone, and besides there was no sense in giving so violent a nameto so peaceful a thing as a watermelon. So the Monarch was brought anddeposited in the back of the buggy.

  The doctor opened his case. "Take your choice."

  "What do you call this kind?"

  "I call that kind Little Devils."

  "How many of 'em would a feller dare take at once?"

  "Well, I wouldn't take more than three unless you have a lawyer handy tomake your will."

  "Why, will they hurt me?"

  "They'll bring the answer if you take enough of 'em."

  The man eyed the pills dubiously,--"I believe I'll let that kind alone.What kind is this?"

  "These are podophyllin pills."

  "Gee, the _name's_ enough to kill a feller."

  "Well, Morning-Glories is a good name. If you take too many you'll bewafted straight to glory in the morning, and the road will be a littlerough in places."

  "Confound it, Jake," called the first driver, "don't you take _none_ of'em. Don't monkey with 'em." But Jake had agreed to trade a melon forpills. He held out his big hand. "Pour me out some of them LittleDevils. I'll risk 'em."

  The doctor emptied the small bottle into Jake's hand, replaced it in thecase and drove off.

  "John, why in the world didn't you give him some instructions as to howto take them?" asked Mary, energetically.

  "He didn't ask me to prescribe for him, my dear. He wanted to trade awater
melon for pills and we traded."

  "For pity's sake," said Mary indignantly, "and you're going to let thatman kill himself while you strain at a point of professional etiquette!"She was gazing back at the unfortunate man.

  "Don't you worry, he'll be too much afraid of them to hurt himself withthem," said the doctor, laughing.

  "I sincerely hope he will."

  As they came in sight of home the doctor, who had been silent for sometime, sighed heavily. "I am thinking of that little child out there. Itell you, Mary, a case of meningitis makes a man feel his limitations."