Jennifer Murdley's Toad

  “Someone new?” asked Jennifer.

  “A new immortal. It didn’t happen very often. Once that girl knew toads and snakes would pour out of her mouth every time she spoke, she didn’t say much. But I guess she still felt compelled to speak on occasion, because every now and then a handful of new immortals would enter the forest.

  “After a while I decided to leave the woods. With Esmerelda gone I had no real reason to stay, and part of me had always wondered if she had grown angry for some reason and run away.

  “And thus have I wandered the world for centuries, seeking my lost love. But alas, alas, not a sign of her have I seen.”

  Bufo sang these last words in a voice that reminded Jennifer of the wandering minstrel who performed at the Renaissance Faire the Murdleys visited every summer.

  “Is that why you were crying last night?” she asked after a moment.

  “You weren’t supposed to hear that.”

  Jennifer didn’t say anything.

  Bufo sighed. “It’s true. I was weeping for Esmerelda.”

  “Then you’ve been true to her all this time?” asked Jennifer. She was slightly amazed at the idea, since at least three families on their street had had divorces in the last year or so.

  “Yes, I have,” said Bufo sharply. “Not that I’ve had that many opportunities for hanky-panky. After all, I’m not interested in your average, garden-variety toad; I need a woman I can talk to. And there ain’t that many witty, literate, immortal lady toads to be found.”

  Jennifer made a mental note not to say anything too witty or literate while she was still a toad. “What were you doing in the magic shop?” she asked after a brief silence.

  “A temporary haven. I had been working for wizards off and on over the years. About ten years ago I was having some trouble with my current boss and the old man took me in. I helped around the place a bit, kept track of records for him, did a few of the kinds of chores that a brilliant immortal toad is best at. Funny old coot, that Elives. I think I was at least as surprised as you were when he sold me to you.”

  “Why did he do that?” asked Jennifer.

  Bufo lifted his warty brown shoulders in a shrug. “Who knows? But I’ve never known him to do something without a reason.”

  Jennifer hoped that Mr. Elives’ reason didn’t have anything to do with her becoming a toad and filling the hole in Bufo’s life. Before she could find a way to say that without being too insulting, Brandon’s phone began to ring again.

  “Should we answer it?” she asked in a whisper. Glancing at Bufo, she noticed that his eyes were larger and rounder than usual. But before the toad could give his opinion, Brandon reached out and lifted the phone off the hook.

  “Murdley Residence,” he said, his voice muzzy with sleep.

  He held the receiver for a moment, then lifted it away from his ear. “Jennifer,” he said, “It’s for you.”

  Jennifer felt her heart begin to speed up. “Who is it?”

  Brandon put the phone back to his ear and repeated her question. “His name is Elives,” he said after a moment.

  Jennifer felt a surge of relief. At least it wasn’t the woman from the beauty parlor. “Bring the phone up here, Bran, would you?” she croaked.

  Brandon stood and lifted the red plastic phone onto the dresser. Jennifer noticed with amusement that his eyes were hardly open. “Thanks, sweetie,” she said. “You can lie back down now.”

  He settled back to the floor without realizing that his sister was now a toad. His thumb finding its way back to his mouth as if guided by radar, he sighed once and was sound asleep again.

  Envying his peaceful oblivion, Jennifer squatted beside the receiver. “Hello, Mr. Elives,” she said, trying to keep her voice from quaking.

  “Jennifer, I just learned that you’ve been turned into a toad. I need to warn you that the spell is dangerous.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “If you stay in that form for more than ten hours, the change will be permanent.”

  An icy fear crept into Jennifer’s heart. How much time did she have? She had put Brandon to bed at eight. So it couldn’t have been later than 8:10 when Skippy kissed her.

  Which meant that at a little after six in the morning she would become a toad forever.

  “What can I do?” she asked urgently.

  Mr. Elives’ response sounded impatient. “You have realized that the kiss can be passed on, haven’t you?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, keep passing it around until a more permanent solution comes along. Find a friend to share it with. Just make sure that no one stays a toad for more than nine hours and fifty-nine minutes. ”

  “We can’t go on doing that forever!” said Jennifer desperately.

  “It will have to do until something better comes along,” snapped the old man. “Listen, opportunities are all around you. Most people simply don’t realize they are there. Keep looking, keep listening, keep thinking. The answer will present itself. Let me speak to Bufo.”

  “Certainly,” said Jennifer. Slightly dazed, and a little angry, she turned to Bufo and said, “He wants to talk to you.”

  Bufo hopped over and squatted next to the phone. “Hey, boss,” he said, trying to sound cheerful. Though Jennifer could not make out the words coming from the receiver, the tone and the volume, and the way Bufo winced, gave her a pretty good idea of the kind of thing Mr. Elives might be saying. Bufo kept trying to respond, but never seemed to be able to get past, “Yes, but . . .” and “Well, I didn’t . . .”

  Jennifer was astonished at the idea of someone being able to outtalk Bufo. But suddenly the expression on the toad’s face changed. His eyes went wide, and he listened more intently. Then he blinked, and Jennifer could tell that the line had gone dead.

  “What did he say?” she asked.

  “He’s annoyed with me for kissing Sharra to begin with. I swear I had no idea that it would turn her into a toad. She’s the first human I ever kissed, and that was only to annoy her. It’s not as if I find her attractive or anything. Anyway, once he finished bawling me out, he said, ‘The wheel is turning, hearts are burning, what’s worth learning is never free.’ I tried to ask what the heck that meant, but he hung up.”

  “Is he always like that?”

  “Yeah, he likes to keep people on their toes. Part of that ‘air of mystery’ he likes to cultivate.”

  “Where is he now?”

  Bufo shrugged. “He could be anywhere. He moves that shop around like a con man shuffling shells and peas. What I don’t know is if he’s the one who decides where to go, or if he’s taking orders from someone else. I do know you can’t find the place if he doesn’t want you to. So he must have had some reason for letting you come in.”

  “I suppose he let me in so that I could get turned into a toad,” said Jennifer bitterly. “I just wish I could figure out what I did to deserve this.”

  “Don’t be silly,” said Bufo. “Things aren’t over yet.”

  “Right,” said Jennifer. “Which means there’s still a chance that they can get worse.”

  “You may think that’s happened already when you hear my next idea,” said Bufo.

  Jennifer swallowed nervously—an interesting sensation when done with a toad’s throat. “What is it?” she asked.

  “Give me a kiss.”

  “I knew it!” she cried. “I knew I was going to have to kiss you before this was all over!”

  “You don’t have to kiss me if you don’t want to!” said Bufo, sounding hurt. “I just thought that it might reverse things. You know—one kiss turns you into a toad, the second one turns you back.”

  “Do you really think so?” asked Jennifer suspiciously.

  “I have no idea,” said Bufo. “I told you, I never kissed a human until that little blond bombshell got me so annoyed. It’s just a thought.”

  “Wouldn’t Mr. Elives have mentioned it if that was true?” asked Jennifer.

  “Not necessarily. He might
not know. And if he did, he might not tell. He’s big on letting people work things out for themselves.”

  “How do I know it won’t just double-toad me?” asked Jennifer.

  “You don’t!” said Bufo, his voice tinged with exasperation. “Look, it’s not my life’s ambition to kiss you. I’m just making an offer.”

  Jennifer sighed. I may be the only kid on earth so ugly even a toad doesn’t want to kiss me, she thought bitterly.

  “Well?” asked Bufo.

  “I’m thinking!”

  “Don’t blow a brain cell on my account,” he snapped.

  “All right, all right! Let’s try it.”

  Gathering her courage, she hopped closer to Bufo. “Just a little one,” she said nervously.

  “You’re the boss,” replied Bufo, pursing his lips.

  Jennifer leaned forward, and planted her lips against his.

  No thunder rumbled above them. No cloud of smoke formed from the air.

  Yet a strange sensation jolted through Jennifer’s frame. To her astonishment, Bufo jumped backward—something she had never seen a toad do before.

  “Good grief,” he said, “I had no idea that would happen!”

  “What?” cried Jennifer. “What is it?”

  But she didn’t need Bufo to answer. Once she was calm enough to take stock of the situation, she could see for herself what had happened. It wasn’t clear if she was more toadly than ever, but she was certainly more of a toad than ever. Exactly twice the toad she had been, in fact—which is to say that she seemed to have doubled in size.

  “Remarkable,” said Bufo.

  “‘Remarkable’!” cried Jennifer. “Is that all you can say? You come up with this stupid ‘Kiss me’ idea, turn me into the biggest toad in the state, and the best you can come up with is ‘remarkable’?”

  “Astonishing,” said Bufo. “Incredible, amazing, and slightly stupefying. Does that make you feel better?”

  “Don’t be such a smart aleck,” said Jennifer. “What am I going to do now?”

  “I’m sure you can get one of the others to change places with you for a while,” said Bufo.

  “Probably,” said Jennifer. “But when I turn back into a human, will I be my usual size, or will I be nine feet tall?”

  Bufo shrugged. “I told you, this is all new to me.”

  Jennifer hopped to the edge of the dresser and stared into the darkness.

  TEN

  Bang-o, Change-o!

  As the returning sun leached the darkness from the sky, Jennifer gazed through her window, thinking about everything that had happened so far.

  Soon she was going to have to wake someone and beg them to take her place as a toad. Her only choices at the moment were Ellen, Sharra, or Brandon.

  Though she had been horrified when Sharra had been turned into a toad, she had also found it slightly amusing. That was because she had had no idea what it felt like to lose your body and be twisted into a different shape. An ugly shape.

  Now she knew.

  She looked at the floor. Way down. What would happen if she jumped? Was she now immortal, like Bufo? She decided not to test the idea.

  She was getting ready to wake the sleepers when Brandon began to stretch and yawn. After a moment, he stood and stared at the two girls still sleeping in her bed.

  “Jennifer?” he asked, sounding puzzled.

  “Over here, Brandon,” she said softly. “On the dresser.”

  Brandon crossed to the dresser. He stood for a moment, then blinked, shook his head, and cried, “Hey, how’d you do that?”

  Jennifer glanced at her clock. It was 5:52. She had less than twenty minutes before the change was permanent. Feeling guilty, even though she knew she could change him back, she said, “Take me outside and I’ll show you.”

  “Okay,” said Brandon. He reached forward with both hands to pick her up. “Man, you’re the fattest toad I ever saw,” he said, once he had her in his grasp.

  “Just take me outside,” snapped Jennifer. “And be quiet. We don’t want to wake anyone up.”

  Once they were in the backyard, Jennifer said, “All right, here’s what we’re going to do. I’m going to let you turn into a toad for a minute, so you can see what it’s like. Then I’m going to turn you back. All right?”

  “Okay!” said Brandon happily.

  Trying to keep her sense of guilt from overwhelming her, praying that she would return to her normal size, Jennifer said, “Then give me a little kiss.”

  Unlike Skippy, Brandon was still fond of kissing the other members of his family. Furthermore, he seemed to have no qualms about kissing a toad. A bang, a flash of light, and the transformation was made. To Jennifer’s enormous relief, she was her regular size, not some nine-foot-tall monster.

  Sitting at her feet was the cutest little toad she had ever seen. “Bang-o! Change-o!” it cried. “This is neat.” Then it began to hop around like mad.

  “Brandon!” said Jennifer. “Settle down.”

  She reached down for him, but he hopped away with a series of improbably high bounces, crying, “Wheee! I’m a toad!”

  “Brandon!” she snapped. “Come here. I have to turn you back now.”

  “No! I wanna be a toad for a while.”

  Jennifer hesitated, tempted to let him stay a toad for the next several hours, so she wouldn’t have to return to that shape. No, she told herself, I can’t do that. This is my problem, not Brandon’s.

  “Maybe I’ll let you be a toad again later, Brandon,” she whispered. “But for now I need to turn you back. Mommy might get mad if I don’t.”

  “Why?”

  Jennifer was losing her patience. It was hard enough to force herself to do the right thing without Brandon begging her not to. “Because there are things out here that eat toads,” she said ferociously. Then, toning down her voice, she added, “Let me turn you back and we’ll get you some breakfast.”

  “I want to be a toad,” said Brandon stubbornly.

  “Mommy will get mad if I leave you this way,” said Jennifer—a comment that was an understatement, to say the least. “Do you want a bowl of Sugar-Boogers?”

  “Sugar-Boogers” was the name Skippy had given Brandon’s favorite breakfast cereal. He had invented it in an attempt to annoy the youngest Murdley. But Brandon liked it, so Skippy had only ended up annoying their parents—which from his point of view was almost as satisfactory.

  “Yay for Sugar-Boogers!” cried Brandon.

  “Right,” said Jennifer, who ate nothing but granola for breakfast herself. “Yay! Now come here.”

  Brandon hopped over to her, and Jennifer bent down to kiss him. In a flash she was a toad again. She had one small bit of relief; she had feared that when she kissed Brandon, she would end up as big as she had been the last time. But she was only the size she had been with her first transformation. That was good. Being a toad was trouble enough; she had no desire to be an abnormally large one on top of that.

  After Jennifer had talked Brandon through the process of getting his bowl of cereal (which they managed to do with only minimal milk slopping), he put her on the table next to him. Soon a fly came buzzing past Jennifer’s forehead. Without thinking, she shot out her tongue, pulled the insect in, and swallowed it.

  “Hey!” yelled Brandon. “How come you get to eat bugs? Everyone yells when I do it.”

  “It was an accident,” said Jennifer, feeling queasy. “Besides, I’m a toad. Toads are supposed to eat bugs.”

  “See!” said Brandon. “I knew it was fun being a toad! I wanna be a toad again!”

  Jennifer was too busy trying not to throw up to argue with him. After Sharra’s extravagant display of disgust, she didn’t want to put on a big show. But her stomach was doing flip-flops at the idea of what she had just tossed into it.

  Before she could get herself under control enough to speak, Mrs. Murdley walked into the kitchen.

  Jennifer felt a chill of terror. What was she doing here? Normally she wouldn?
??t be up for hours yet!

  And how was she going to react to the discovery that her daughter was a toad?

  But of course, Mrs. Murdley didn’t look at Jennifer and cry, “Why, dear, what happened? How did you get turned into a toad?” She took one look at her daughter and said, “Brandon, get that toad off the table! You know you’re not supposed to have animals up there. How did you get that cereal and milk for yourself, anyway? Why didn’t you come and get me if you were hungry?”

  “Jennifer help-ted me,” said Brandon, smiling broadly.

  “Where is Jennifer?” said Mrs. Murdley, tightening the belt on her robe and running a long-fingered hand through her tangled red hair. “I want to talk to her for a minute.”

  “She’s right here,” said Brandon, pointing to Jennifer. “This is Jennifer. She’s a toad.”

  “Oh, Bran,” said Mrs. Murdley, kneeling beside her youngest son. “You know how sensitive Jennifer is about her looks. I know she isn’t beautiful, honey, but you shouldn’t name this toad after her. It will really hurt her feelings.”

  Not any more than you have already, thought Jennifer, trying to stifle the sob she felt building inside her. It came out in a strangled form that made Mrs. Murdley jump. “What was that?” she asked.

  “I don’t know,” said Brandon. “Jennifer did it.”

  “Brandon,” said Mrs. Murdley, “I don’t want you to call this toad by your sister’s name. Now either take it outside, or go put it in that terrarium she just made. And tell Jennifer I want to see her.”

  “Can I finish my Sugar-Boogers first?”

  “Don’t call them that! And yes, you can finish them. I probably shouldn’t talk to Jennifer until I’ve had some coffee, anyway.”

  Mrs. Murdley wandered over to the counter and began fumbling with the coffeemaker. As she did, Jennifer held up a short brown finger and pressed it to her lips, telling Brandon to be quiet.

  He nodded, finished his cereal, scooped up Jennifer, and left the room.

  “Brandon!” yelled Mrs. Murdley, as he left the room. “Tell Jennifer I want to see her now!”