A Shattered Moment

  “No, it’s not that. I just like hearing you tell stories. You’re easy to listen to,” he said, pushing the door open to let me enter the apartment first. I could have kissed him for that remark alone, forget about everything else that made me want him. In the month or so that I’d been coming over, I’d never seen the guys’ apartment look so good. It even smelled clean, which meant they had put some real effort into it.

  “You cleaned,” I commented, standing in the middle of the living room. “How did you bribe the guys into helping with this?”

  He set the food on the counter before joining me. “I may have threatened Sherman’s life, and some money may have switched hands, too.” He placed his hands on my hips, turning me to face him. “Is everything okay?” He gently tugged on my lip. I hadn’t noticed that I was unconsciously gnawing it. He leaned in, lightly kissing the corner of my mouth. “Are you nervous?” His lips trailed across my cheek until they reached my ear, covering my arms in goose bumps. His warm breath tickled the tendrils of hair on the back of my neck. He pulled me closer so our bodies were pressed together. My anxiety faded as I felt every delicious inch of him pressed against me.

  “No,” I moaned as he sucked on my neck, making my legs want to collapse.

  I wrapped my hands around his face, dragging his mouth up to mine. Feeling bold, I took charge of the kiss by letting my tongue delve into his mouth. He responded by wrapping his arms tightly around my waist.

  He pulled his mouth away, reluctantly. “Do you want to eat?”

  I knew what he was asking. He was trying to give me more time. I shook my head, taking his lips again. He practically growled his approval, pulling me closer by cupping my butt tightly. His hands moved under my dress. The feel of his touch on the small of my back made me shudder with pleasure in his arms.

  Without breaking the kiss, Bentley lifted me off my feet and carried me from the living room to his bedroom. My fingers worked at the buttons of his shirt, exposing the chest I’d been waiting to see up close and personally. It was the first time I’d touched him like this. I couldn’t resist running my tongue along his collarbone. This time it was his turn to shudder.

  “Do you like that?” I asked boldly as he lowered me to the bed. My hands slid along his rib cage beneath his shirt. His skin was smooth and practically begged to be kissed.

  “You tell me,” he said, pressing his body against mine. My dress hiked to my waist as my knees fell apart. Wanting to feel more of him, I pulled at his shirt until he shrugged it off. In the dim light from the hallway, I could see he was as lean as he looked. I ran my fingers over his taut muscles, exploring his chest and chiseled abs. Unable to resist the urge, I lifted my head off the pillow and circled his hard nipple with the tip of my tongue. My body was once again calling the shots, taking what it wanted from him. He responded by grinding against me, which made my toes curl with anticipation. Trying to elicit another reaction from him, I trailed my tongue over his chest until I reached his other nipple. I sucked it into my mouth, grazing my teeth over its tautness. He rocked against me again, running his hands up under my dress. His hands continued to slide upward, taking my dress with it until it lifted over my head.

  He gazed down at my lace bra and matching panties that left nothing to the imagination. “You are so fucking beautiful,” he murmured, running his hands over my chest before reaching behind me to unclasp my bra. My breasts spilled out into his hands. His thumbs circled my hard nipples, teasing them.

  I whimpered, moving restlessly against him. I wanted more, but didn’t know how to tell him. I wanted him to take me. He must have sensed my need as he shed his jeans and boxers. Shyness prevented me from looking down, though I could feel him heavy and hard against my thigh. I shifted, trying to give him the access that I desired.

  “Wait, not yet,” he whispered hotly, lowering his mouth to one of my nipples. He sucked it into his mouth, swirling his tongue around until I arched my back. He chuckled lightly at my response, moving to my other breast, where he elicited the same response. “I guess you like that?” he asked, running his mouth slowly down my abdomen. My hips responded by lifting off the mattress as his tongue circled my belly button before moving lower. His hands gripped my hips, supporting me as he placed his mouth intimately on me. I nearly came undone, feeling his wet mouth through my panties.

  My breathing became ragged as my hips jerked. “Bentley, please,” I begged, unable to handle the pressure that was building inside me. Sensing I was past the point of no return, he peeled off my panties and dropped them to the floor before pulling a condom from the nightstand near the bed. He moved between my legs, and I braced myself for the inevitable pain. It had been a while since Zach and I had gone all the way, but that part of it I remembered.

  With Bentley, I wasn’t scared. I didn’t care how much it hurt. I wanted him too much. I felt him slowly slide into me as he coaxed his tongue into my mouth. My hands clutched his butt, trying to tug him closer. His movements were careful and hesitant, but slower than what my body wanted. Unconsciously, I lifted my hips so that he was buried all the way inside me. He groaned into my mouth as I wrapped a leg around him, locking him into place. His face moved to my neck as he began to move inside me, more forcibly this time. The same pressure I had felt on Friday began to build. I pulled him closer, gripping him hard on his back.

  “God, yes,” I called out as my release ripped through me. Bentley increased his pace, thrusting deep and fast. I raised myself on my elbows, sucking his neck as he rocked hard inside me. The sensation was mind numbing. I’d never experienced the kind of feeling that had me unsure if I could continue to take the intensity, while at the same time wishing it would never stop. Bentley moaned with pleasure one last time before collapsing on me.

  With his face buried in my neck, he whispered something that I could barely make out. “What?” I asked as my body relaxed.

  He raised himself so he could look at me, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear before cupping my cheek. “I love you.” He looked like he was expecting me to bolt for the door. For a moment, I was tempted to. Did sex automatically put us in a position where we had to declare ourselves? Was he trying to pressure me into saying something I wasn’t sure of, or even capable of in the future? I was moving on from my past, but still had serious doubts as to whether love would ever be in the cards for me. I turned my head so I wouldn’t have to see the disappointment in his eyes, or worse yet, anger when I didn’t return the sentiment.

  His hand moved my face so I had to look at him. “Does that scare you?” he asked, running a thumb over my bottom lip.

  I nodded my head.

  “Why?”

  “I’m afraid I’m going to lose you,” I answered honestly.

  “I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Maybe not now, but what if I’m not capable of love?” I whispered, voicing my biggest fear.

  “You just need time. I know that. I just wanted you to know how I felt. This isn’t a ‘you either tell me you love me or I’m gone’ moment. It’s just another step in our journey, that’s all,” he said. “There’s no rush, okay?” He kissed me so gently I could have wept.

  I nodded my head even though I felt I was doing him an injustice by misleading him. I’d been down this road before. Love was nothing but an illusion. I could have ruined the evening by obsessing over it all night, but Bentley distracted me, urging our fingers to explore each other’s naked bodies. Eventually, he strolled out to the kitchen to retrieve our cold dinner. Not that I cared. Cold Chinese food versus what we had done was a more than fair trade-off. We ate in his bed, watching an old movie on TV. Any more talk about his declared feelings or my lack thereof was left unsaid.

  twenty-five

  Mac

  Trina rolled over in her bed, pulling the pillow over her face at the sound of the alarm on my cell phone. I didn’t mean to wake her since I knew she didn’t have an early class today, but I had no choice. Today was physical therapy day for me. “Sorry,” I wh
ispered, grabbing the clothes I had laid out on my desk chair. I had already showered the night before to save time, so I basically just had to fix my hair and brush my teeth before heading out.

  For the first time I was actually excited for my appointment. I had started feeling stronger since dating Bentley. Not only emotionally, but physically. I couldn’t wait to see if Jake, my therapist, would notice the difference.

  I climbed from my vehicle and headed inside the therapy office with as much pep in my step as my leg would allow.

  Mary, the receptionist, greeted me with a smile. “Mac, did you have a nice Thanksgiving?” She scooted the sign-in sheet toward me as I approached the counter.

  I returned her smile. “It was nice. I ate too much food, of course, but that’s typical, right?”

  She looked up at me, surprise coloring her face. “Well, uh, ain’t that the truth. I swear I spend the rest of the year trying to dump all the weight I put on during the holidays, and then start over again.”

  I knew why she was surprised. Since I’d been coming, I had not been the most talkative person. Most of the time I gave one-word answers to her attempts at small talk. “My mom says the same thing. Doesn’t look like you have anything to worry about, though.” Mary looked to be roughly Mom’s age, but even wearing baggy scrubs, she was clearly trim and in shape.

  “Bless you. I don’t think Jake would keep me around if I needed to be rolled into the office.”

  I couldn’t help laughing in agreement. Jake wasn’t some asshole dictator like her joke made it seem. He was just all about fitness. “I’m sure that would never happen.”

  She laughed, too. “Only because he would be lost if he had to do all the bookkeeping. You can go on back now.”

  Adjusting my cane, I headed through the door to the large physical therapy room where Jake normally worked on my leg. With all the different machines and contraptions, the wide-open room looked like a combination dance and Pilates studio mixed with a gym. I grimaced looking at the padded tables that lined the far wall. During my last visit, I’d lain there with an electric muscle stimulator attached to my leg. The idea of electronic impulses stimulating my muscles turned out to be less painful than it sounded, but I still found the vibrating, tingling sensation unpleasant. Hopefully, I would be spared that torture treatment today.

  “Hi, Mac,” one of the other therapists called out as I passed. She was working with an elderly man on the rowing machine.

  I waved to her. “Hey, Grace. How are the girls?” I learned a lot about each person that worked in the office by listening, even if I hadn’t engaged in much conversation.

  “Growing like weeds. Thanks for asking. They’re with their dad this week, so the house is pretty quiet.”

  I set my bag and cane on the long counter on the opposite side of the room. “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” I asked, going to the mats on the floor where I knew Jake would start me off with stretching.

  She laughed. “I never thought I would say it about my babies, but after having them home for Thanksgiving break, the silence is a little nice.”

  “Nothing wrong with that, honey,” the elderly gentleman piped in. “Beth and I love our grandkids, but we thank God Almighty every time we send them home.”

  “My darling, Mac. How’s it going today, girl?” Jake bellowed, entering the room as the three of us laughed. “Did I just walk into the Twilight Zone or something? What’s so funny that even my lovely Mac is laughing?” he asked, hunkering down on the mat by my feet. He grasped my bad leg at the ankle and lifted carefully as I lay on my back.

  “You know the routine. Take a deep breath and exhale as I lift.” I grimaced as he pushed against my leg to stretch my hamstring. “That’s good, Mac. And back down. So, what was so funny?”

  “Grace was just telling us about how nice and quiet her house is.” I gasped slightly as he repeated the stretch on my other leg.

  “She was, huh?” He looked at me for a second in the same surprised fashion Mary had. Jake had more success at getting me to talk during our visits, but he hadn’t seen me actually engage in conversation with anyone in the office other than him. “Don’t let her fool you. By the end of the week, she’ll be moping around.”

  “Not this time. I’m going to binge on Game of Thrones and eat all the food the girls normally won’t eat,” Grace called out.

  Jake looked at me, shaking his head. “Sounds like a plan.” Grace and her husband had split up during the summer after ten years together. They were still trying to work out the kinks and custody headaches. Being shuttled back and forth every other week between parents didn’t sound like an ideal situation to me if I was a kid, but what choice did they have? None, I guess. Thank God Mom and Dad had never put me in that position.

  “You seem more sore than usual,” Jake commented as I continued to grimace while he twisted and stretched my bad leg. “You overexerting yourself in other ways I need to know about?”

  I choked, sucking in a deep breath as an image of what Bentley and I had done in his apartment the other night flashed in my head. I rolled to my side coughing, while Jake patted my back.

  “Whoa. You okay, girl?” He helped me to my feet so we could move to the next exercise.

  I cleared my throat, shuffling slowly behind him since walking without my cane took more effort. “I, uh. No. I’ve just climbed more stairs since I last saw you.”

  “Really? What is that, two times now?”

  “Three. The theater, a basketball game at the arena, and I climbed the stairs at Bentley’s apartment the other day.”

  “Wow. Okay, how was the leg afterwards?” He slid my foot into the harness of one of the leg exercise machines.

  “The stairs at the apartment made me pretty sore, but not intolerable. It definitely wasn’t as bad as the arena and much better than the theater.”

  “That’s great. I don’t want you to overdo it, but it’s good that you’re pushing yourself. I can tell by the way your calf muscle is developing that your leg must be getting stronger. We’ll do some work with the weights to see just how strong.”

  “Oh joy.” I had a hate-loathe relationship with the weights. They hated me and I loathed them.

  Jake chuckled. “You’re cracking me up today. I like this happier, more talkative Mac. Things must be going good with Bentley.”

  “Yeah, it’s good.” Jake kept up a running commentary as he put me through the paces on each machine. By the time we were done, my legs felt like cooked spaghetti.

  After confirming my next appointment with Mary, I headed to my car, still sweating profusely. I caught my reflection in the tinted windows. It was never a pretty sight after my therapy sessions. My hair was stuck to the back of my sweaty neck and my face was a red blotchy mess.

  If Bentley saw me now, he’d probably rethink the whole love thing. Since his bold declaration the other day, he continued to be open about his feelings. He wasn’t pressuring me in any way, but I could tell he was disappointed I hadn’t returned the sentiment. It wasn’t that I didn’t have strong feelings for him. I just couldn’t bring myself to say it.

  twenty-six

  Bentley

  I checked the clock for about the twentieth time since arriving at work that morning. Not one call had come in for us to handle. I was bored out of my mind. I would have texted Mac, but she was spending the day with her mom. It probably wouldn’t be cool to interrupt that. She was home for winter break, so we’d been commuting back and forth the past couple weeks to see each other.

  I went home myself for a few days to celebrate Christmas, but Allie still hadn’t forgiven me for busting her phone. She basically took the fun out of the visit. Seeing the impact her behavior was having on Mom and Dad, I couldn’t help regretting my hasty actions at the restaurant that day. I lost my head and now Allie was making everyone in the family pay for it. It wasn’t like they could throw her out. Regardless of what Allie believed, she was still a fifteen-year-old kid. I tried to put myself in her sho
es to give her the benefit of the doubt, but half the time I wanted to throttle her for what she was doing. The entire family was walking on eggshells wondering what she would do next.

  Ironically, it was Mac who was the most sympathetic toward Allie, claiming the two of them weren’t all that different. In spite of my argument, she disagreed, saying she understood the shell Allie seemed to keep herself in. Hearing Mac talk was a glaring indication of how far she’d come in the last few months that we’d been together. It was hard to remember what she had been like that first day in the library.

  In the weeks that followed, Mac was forced to spend more time than she wanted dealing with the court case surrounding her accident. Things had become tense, and I could tell how much it bothered her. Mac wanted nothing more than to put the whole thing behind her. The situation made me feel powerless. I couldn’t believe how much the trucking company and, worse yet, the insurance companies had dragged this out. Mac never openly complained, but how were people supposed to move on?

  Before winter break, Mac was beginning to spend more nights with me than at her dorm. I’d gotten used to having her over, and now it felt weird that she wasn’t there. I tried to talk her into staying with me the entire break since Chad and Michael had headed home for Christmas, but she claimed her parents would flip out if she did that. Not that I bought that excuse. I mean, we were both adults. What more could I do? I’d be a dick if I pressed the issue, especially considering everything else she had going on.

  The answer was nothing except sit and watch the clock count down the hours until my shift was over. We’d made plans for her to come over and spend the night on Wednesday since it was New Year’s Eve, and we wanted to make the most of our night.

  All I had to do was get through this slow-ass shift. Not to play devil’s advocate, but I found myself wishing a call would come in so at least we’d have something to do. It was sadistic as hell. I knew that, but after a dozen hands of Go Fish with Steve, I was ready to jump in front of a moving bus myself so there would at least be a trauma to take care of.