Just Breathe
Knock.
“Lucas, come in. What are you doing here?” I asked surprised at his visit, not exactly sure how he knew where I worked. I stood from my desk and greeted him with a friendly hug.
“I am under strict instructions from Jack to pick you up from work and take you back to the apartments. A pool party is happening and you need to be there.”
“How do you know where I work?”
“You told me last night before you ran off after Tate.”
“Oh my god, I am so sorry about last night. I didn’t mean to run off.” I dropped my eyes in embarrassment as I packed up my things.
“It’s fine. I knew something was going on with you the moment he turned up last night.”
“There’s nothing going on between us.”
“I don’t think he sees it that way.” I raised my eyes at his incredulous words.
“There’s nothing going on between us, Lucas,” I repeated, my voice quivering.
Lucas grinned at me. “Whatever you say, Sav.”
I followed Lucas through the office and couldn’t help but smile as every woman he passed stared at him like they were in heat. Yes, he was a gorgeous guy. I shook my head, amused that every guy in my life had this effect on women. Mr. Davenport had women wanting him at every Beautify office around the world, I had unfortunately been CC’d in one of the group emails with the title “Deep Throat Davenport”; Jack had every woman at Red Velvet swooning over him; Lucas could have looked at any one of my colleagues and they would be ripping off his clothes without a second thought; and then there was Tate, sexy, enticing, electric Tate, stop-traffic Tate.
“Every woman in this office wants to get in your pants.” I laughed beside him. His eyes looked around the office and he shook his head in amusement.
“Maybe you’ll have to hook me up with one of them now that you’re off the market.” Lucas winked at me while I started to object.
“Lucas! There is nothing with Tate and me. Nothing. Never. No way.”
***
The music and laughter from the pool party could be heard from my apartment and I couldn’t wait to get in the middle of it. It was a beautiful Friday afternoon in Los Angeles and it needed to be enjoyed. Lucas had followed me to my apartment and I left him in the living room while I dressed. I pulled out my favorite hot pink bikini and sheer white overlay and quickly dressed. I glanced at myself in my mirror and smiled, this bikini always made me feel sexy, giving me more confidence than I needed. I knew I needed to distract myself this afternoon. I needed to get Tate out of my head and forget about Lucas’ crazy comments about the two of us. It was one kiss and one kiss it would only ever be. I walked out of my bedroom to find Lucas looking at my DVD collection and chuckling to himself as he looked at the latest Adam Sandler release.
“You ready?” I asked as I chucked my hair up into a high bun and grabbed my sunglasses from my handbag. He quickly spun around and looked me up and down.
“Tate is going to freak the fuck out.” Lucas laughter boomed through my apartment.
“Stop with the whole Tate thing. It’s nothing. It won’t be anything.” I laughed at him and pushed his shoulder sharply. “If you don’t stop with this ridiculously idea of Tate and me, I will not be finding you a lady friend. You have been warned.”
Vibration rang through my apartment and the flashing of my phone caught my attention. I fired one last warning glare at Lucas, who was still laughing, and grabbed my phone off the table.
Mr. Davenport: The models are coming to the pool party. Behave yourself x
Finally, the stars were aligning. Cute model + pool = Savannah being able to drool over a shirtless hot man. Mr. Davenport had no idea that he was unintentionally encouraging a flirt fest, but I would take his encouragement and use it to my advantage.
I looked up at Lucas and smiled brightly. “The models are coming. Want me to set you up with one of them?”
“Please do, it’s been a while if you know what I mean.” Lucas draped his arm over my shoulders as we made our way out of my apartment and toward an afternoon of fun and frivolity. For a guy I had met less than a day ago, we were getting on like a house on fire. Maybe Los Angeles truly was a new start for me.
The moment Lucas and I walked into the pool area, I was overcome by the feeling of awesomeness. The music was blaring, the smell of barbeque lingered in the air and the amount of gorgeous people around me was overwhelming my senses. For a moment I had no idea where to look.
“Sav, I think we are getting in trouble today,” Lucas whispered, leaning down to me as his eyes darted from one model to the next. I followed his eyes as he focused on a beautiful leggy blonde near the speakers. The smile on Lucas’ face was obvious; he had her in his sight. I bit my lip as I saw the gorgeousness that was Tyson walk in with a group of other beautiful men. I knew that the possibility of breaking all promises I had made to myself was very likely…yet again.
“Savannah!” Tanzi rushed me with a hug and started talking a hundred miles an hour. “Mr. D. seriously is the best, he even told PR that we could leave early. Hold up, what are you wearing?” she asked, pulling away and running her eyes over me.
“A bikini?” I replied, wondering what I had missed in her question.
“No, you are wearing a weapon of mass destruction. You are going to have the guys falling at your feet? Oh, and I totally heard about your little rendezvous with my brother last night!”
I inhaled deeply, afraid of her reaction, afraid that I would soon be in Los Angeles without a friend. “It shouldn’t have happened. I’m so sorry,” I said softly and pleaded with apologetic eyes.
Her smile shocked me to the core. “Why are you sorry? It should have totally happened.”
“Hey you.”
I turned to the sound of the thick Texan drawl behind me and couldn’t resist grinning. I looked him up and down and sighed. Tyson was what every model should look like. Cut, bronzed and gorgeous and the way his board shorts clung to his body was out of this world.
“You came.”
“Not yet I haven’t,” he purred at me. Well, well, well wasn’t he just Mr. Confidence. I cocked my eyebrow and was about to fire a comment but Tanzi had other ideas.
“Sav, let’s swim,” Tanzi declared and pulled on my arm. She didn’t hide the daggers she was throwing at Tyson as we walked away. I looked over my shoulder and was happy to see Tyson’s eyes following me.
“Have you forgotten my brother already?” Tanzi questioned as we slid into the pool, the coolness of the water provoking every inch of my body.
“What? No! He’s your brother, Tanzi; it just can’t happen,” I wailed. I really didn’t want this conversation. So much for forgetting about Tate.
Tanzi’s eyebrows shot up in amusement. “You’re trying to stay away from him because of me?”
“That’s one reason, yes.”
“Well, I give you my blessing.”
“Tanzi, I really ca—”
I stopped mid-sentence as soon as my eyes landed on Tate. He walked into the pool area with a confidence that no one could match. It was one of the many things that attracted me to him and it was one of the many things I wish he didn’t have. His board shorts were hanging dangerously low on his hips, and the way his fitted tee was hugging his body was almost making me lose it in the pool. He stopped talking to Jack when his eyes met mine and my heart felt like it stopped beating. The eyes that made me weak at the knees were crystal clear and they twinkled at me in silent remembrance of last night. My lips curved slightly and my stomach clenched at the subtle wink he fired in my direction. He was so magnetic.
I turned my back to him and swam to the other side of the pool. I could feel his eyes on me, and I couldn’t deny the impact it had on my body. As I turned around, I leaned back on the edge of the pool and stared back at him. Tyson had suddenly been forgotten; everything seemed to have been forgotten.
“Tate baby, how are you? I’ve missed you.”
Tate froze at th
e sound of his name and looked at me over the pool with wide eyes that never left mine. I watched him flinch every time the high-pitched brunette called his name and every time she called his name, I became more agitated. The one thing I quickly learned was that he definitely didn’t have a preference in hair color, since I’d arrived I’d seen him with a blonde, brunette and redhead.
“What do you want?” Tate hissed when he reached her.
“When am I seeing you again? I want you to fuck me up against the window again.” She pressed her over-enhanced body into his and got dangerously close to his lips as she spoke. I couldn’t watch this, the thought of ripping her hands off him was almost too much and that was confusing me.
My eyes scanned the pool area for any sign of relief and I found Tyson…distraction found.
I climbed out of the pool, pulling my body up with my arms, my eyes never faltering from Tyson. I was fuming at the giggling brunette, I was fuming at Tate and I was fuming at my reaction to it all. I sauntered toward Tyson and I could tell by the look in his eyes that I was enticing him.
“I think it’s about time you came swimming with me,” I suggested, holding out my hand to him.
“I thought you’d never ask.”
Tyson grabbed my hand and pulled me toward him, his arms sliding around my waist. We walked to the pool and I knew we had grabbed the attention of my friends.
“What the hell is she doing?” I heard Tanzi gasp. Trying to forget your brother, I thought to myself.
Tyson followed me to the pool and slipped in behind me. His hands found their way to my bare stomach the moment I stood in front of him. I knew exactly what I was doing. He was gorgeous, he was everything I’d be attracted to, but I knew I was using him to feed my ego and I was pathetically weak for doing so. I fathomed a look over Tyson’s shoulder and saw Tate glaring at me; his eyes flickering with a competitive streak. Tate pulled the “fuck me against a window” girl onto his lap and one hand caressed the length of her back while the other cupped her arse. The sound of her giggle made her sound like a hyena; it would seem that she was going to get her wish tonight.
I wrapped my arms around Tyson’s neck and took a step closer to him, my knee pushing open his legs so I could get as close to his body as possible. His hands dropped to my arse and he squeezed tightly, showing his intention. His lips crashed to my neck and I bit my lip to muffle the sigh that was begging to escape. My eyes connected with Tate’s over the pool. His hand gripped the brunette’s hair and he pulled her face to his and his lips connected with hers. She was straddling him in the middle of the pool area with no sign of stopping.
Tyson’s lips swallowed mine and his tongue forced open my mouth. This kiss was something else. My hands gripped his hair, holding his face into place, willing him to stay as close as possible to me. I ground my hips into his and a low growl escaped from deep in his chest. I was pushed up against the side of the pool and he lifted me so my legs were wrapped around his waist. “Are you happy you signed up for this job?” I whispered against his lips.
“You have no idea,” he moaned against mine.
His lips hit my neck again and I looked back at Tate. I gasped when I saw the giggling hyena climbing off his lap with a satisfied grin on her face. Tate’s brows were furrowed as he glared at me, and the look on his face made me feel like I was the smallest person in the world. My breath caught, I watched him intently, waiting for his next move. “We should go to your apartment.” I broke my gaze at the sound of Tyson’s voice. I looked at the guy that I was blatantly using to get back at Tate. Everything I had become was on display right now. I was weak when it came to my emotions and my feelings. I was weak when it came to facing anything that made me feel like I was losing control and it seemed that I was weak when it came to Tate Connors.
“I should get back to my friends. I’m sorry Tyson, but you don’t want this. You need to go and find someone who’s not a crazy mess. I’m sure there are plenty of girls here who want to take you back to their apartments. It just can’t be me.” He looked at me with wide eyes, nodded and pulled his body away from mine.
“I do wish it could be you. It’s that accent, it does things.” I smiled at his reference to my accent, the one thing that connected me to home.
“Your accent is freaking hot. If I could, believe me I would, but I just can’t now.”
I pulled myself out of the pool, my eyes fixed on the ground. I didn’t want to look at anyone; I was scared to look at Tanzi. I pulled my sheer overlay over my body and grabbed my things and started toward the gate. I wanted to hide in my apartment.
“Sav, wait.” Looking over my shoulder, I saw Tate strutting toward me, sans the giggling hyena.
I increased my pace; I couldn’t do this. Grabbing my shoulder, Tate spun me around to face him. “Just stop.”
“What Tate?”
“What was that?”
“It’s called distraction Tate. I don’t want to hear about you fucking some girl against a window. If we’re sharing stories, how about I tell you about my time at the lake or the stairwell or the photocopier? It’s your choice!” I glared at him, breathing hard.
“You were practically fucking that guy in the pool.”
“What business is that of yours, Tate? It didn’t look like you were too concerned.”
“Look, just, fuck!”
We stood chest to chest, both heaving in anger. I knew we were causing a scene.
“Why is Lucas here?” Tate asked as he glared at Lucas over my shoulder. I turned to look at Lucas and smiled when I found him in the middle of a flirt session with the long-haired blonde model. “Last night should have made you forget all about him. It sure as hell made me forget about everything.”
I swallowed hard. I couldn’t deny that the kiss hadn’t crossed my mind all day. “I invited him. That kiss shouldn’t have happened. This, we, can’t happen,” I said quickly and pointed between us, trying so desperately to believe what I was saying.
Tate lips curved into his smirk as he focused on my lips. “Are you saying you didn’t enjoy it?”
“I enjoyed every second of it, but it’s not going to happen again. You’ll never kiss me or touch my body again,” I hummed at him.
His eyes darkened and I knew I had unleashed something in him. Not only had I become his game, I was now his challenge and that unleashed an excitement in me that was bubbling deep inside.
“Are you challenging me, Savannah? Because believe me, I will make sure we happen again,” he promised with pursed lips and heated eyes.
“It won’t.” I shook my head defensively. “It can’t.”
I swallowed hard as he stepped toward me and dissolved the air around us. Being this close to him was dangerous. He had a way of making me forget everything, including Tyson and the giggling hyena. His eyes flicked over every inch of my face and I almost lost it when he bit that perfect bottom lip of his.
“Why does it sound like you’re trying to convince yourself?” His lips brushed my ear as he whispered those simple words.
“Tate, we are just two people who made out and shouldn’t have.”
“Yeah, that’s totally what this is,” Tate mumbled as sarcasm dripped from his words.
I was frustrated, and he wasn’t making this any easier. “It can’t be anything more.”
“You and I both know that it is,” Tate admitted with one last lingering look at me before he walked out of the pool area with the giggling hyena fawning over him.
Chapter Ten
I was on cloud nine. Saturday had arrived, the sun was shining, I had spent the day at Red Velvet finalizing the last details for the magazine launch, Red Velvet was looking perfect, Tate hadn’t frustrated me, Tanzi and I had spent the day laughing, Lucas and Jack had come down to help and Mr. Davenport was smiling. Everything was perfect.
My face was aching from the smile that had been plastered on my face all day, but I didn’t care. Tonight was going to be amazing. As I walked into my apartment to get read
y for the night ahead, the familiar tone of an email came through. The smile on my lips didn’t falter as I scrolled through my inbox, but it was shattered the moment a name that I wished I never had to see again flashed in front of me. Dianna Reynolds, Corey’s mum.
Hello, Savannah. Today would have been the day Corey graduated university. He would have been moving to the next point of his life. He would have been happy. He would have been making us proud. I wish he had never met you. I wish my son had never laid eyes on you. I would have been celebrating my son’s achievements if it wasn’t for you. I hope the memory of him keeps you awake. You do not deserve anything.
It was inevitable. I knew the day would come when my past slapped me in the face, but why did it have to happen today? I knew that as soon as I even thought of becoming happy in my new life, something from my past would rip me back to reality.
I was thousands of miles from Australia, thousands of miles from my memories, thousands of miles from Corey’s mum, but here I was shaking uncontrollably, my chest tightening to the point of pain and sobbing hysterically. I reread the email time and time again. Corey’s parents hated me. I don’t even think hate was a strong enough word to describe how they felt about me. In their eyes I was the person who killed their son; the person who took their most precious thing away from them. These were the moments when my heart ached for my parents. I needed them. I needed their comforting arms around me. I needed their soothing words. I needed to hear them tell me that everything would be okay. But they weren’t here and as I slid to the floor, I had never felt so alone.
I huddled against the wall in my living room. My legs pulled close to my chest as I tried so desperately to protect myself. My sobs were unrelenting, my chest tightening and I knew that a wave of panic was about to crash all around me, debilitating me.
I didn’t even hear my front door opening. It was only when I felt arms slipping around my waist and under my legs and the feeling of being lifted off the floor and carried through my apartment did I realize someone was with me.