Journey to Wudang

  ‘You can’t make them soap and deodorise the carpet as well, so tell her to bring the carpet cleaners up,’ I said. ‘But let your elementals have a try first.’

  She grimaced and dropped her head. ‘Okay. Sorry, Emma.’

  ‘Why didn’t you go to the Celestial to play with him? A Hong Kong flat is not the ideal environment for a young horse.’

  ‘He wanted to see my room.’

  I shook my head. ‘Can’t you find something else to do?’

  She swung her chair around in a circle. ‘I’m so bored! I have nothing else to do!’

  ‘Contact the principal of CH and make an appointment to see him tomorrow with a view to Simone starting school next week,’ the stone in my ring said.

  ‘Can I? Will he see me so much earlier than the original appointment?’ Simone said.

  ‘Ask him and see,’ the stone replied. ‘Emma, I’ve opened a composition email on your desktop with his address in it. Email him and ask him.’

  The stone had already written the formal text of the request; all I had to do was fill in the blanks.

  To: Principal, Celestial High

  From: Emma Donahoe

  Re: Princess Simone Chen of the Northern Heavens

  This honoured servant of the Jade Emperor requests an audience with the honoured Principal of the First Celestial Middle School with regard to the possibility of the early admission of Princess Simone Chen of the Northern Heavens. Your kind consideration of this matter is appreciated.

  Signed and chopped.

  ‘Oh, Emma, you have an appointment next week to collect your chop,’ the stone said.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Cool, you’ll have your own seal,’ Simone said. ‘I wonder what they’ll put on it.’

  ‘I never ordered this,’ I said. ‘It’s totally unnecessary. As a Westerner I’m not obliged to have one.’

  ‘Too bad,’ the stone said. ‘Everybody said you should have one, so they had one made and it’ll be ready next week.’

  Simone leaned on the desk. ‘Why do they say “signed and chopped” on emails when there’s no signature or chop at all?’

  ‘The words are the signature and chop,’ the stone said. ‘The idea of them.’

  Simone leaned back. ‘That’s stupid.’

  I hovered the mouse over the send button. ‘Are you happy to start at CH earlier?’

  She hesitated for a moment, then nodded. ‘I have to go anyway. I’m bored as hell here so might as well go sooner.’

  ‘Very well,’ I said, and clicked the button.

  Simone rose. ‘I’ll see what I can do about that carpet before the cleaning guys get here. His pee smells awful!’

  Fifteen minutes later, I received a reply from CH.

  To: Emma Donahoe

  From: Principal, Celestial High

  Re: Re: Princess Simone Chen of the Northern Heavens

  This humble servant of the Celestial is gratified to provide the Princess with an appointment to discuss the possibility of her early admission into this institution. If it is suitable for your Highnesses, a time of nine o’clock Hong Kong time tomorrow morning has been set aside for you to put your case to the Principal. This humble Worthy also requests the attendance of the Princess’s relation Bai Hu, the Esteemed Emperor of the Western Heavens, to speak on her behalf.

  Signed and chopped.

  ‘Tell Simone,’ I said to the stone. ‘And ask the Tiger.’

  ‘Tiger says yes,’ the stone said. ‘Simone says —’

  Aww, do I have to wake up early tomorrow? Simone said into my head.

  ‘Back to school, Simone, no more sleeping until lunchtime,’ I answered.

  I won’t be able to sleep at all with this smell in here! I might have to move rooms!

  The carpet cleaners showed up early the next morning. Simone had moved into her father’s room for the night, and when she came out it was obvious she hadn’t slept well. The cleaners shook their heads and tutted at the state of the carpet, then spoke to me with some difficulty in English.

  ‘I understand Cantonese,’ Simone said. ‘Talk to me, I’ll translate.’

  The cleaners were obviously relieved. One of them pointed at the floor. ‘A steam iron and a hairdryer only made this worse. Is this dog?’

  Simone nodded. ‘Yes. Big dog.’

  They shook their heads. ‘We’ll try our best, but what you’ve done to it has made it worse,’ the male cleaner said. ‘It’s gone through to the stuff underneath and dried in there. We may not be able to save it.’

  ‘See what you can do,’ I said. They stared at me. ‘I can understand, I just can’t speak well,’ I added.

  They nodded, and started plugging in their equipment.

  ‘Uncle Bai’s here, it’s time to go,’ Simone said. She dropped her voice. ‘You’ll need to change in the living room.’

  ‘Just make sure they don’t come out and see me,’ I said.

  Half an hour later, we materialised on a grassy lawn surrounded by traditional Chinese buildings with green roofs. Students sat on chairs and lounged on the grass around us. A couple of students were battling with swords to one side, a small group of mildly interested spectators watching them.

  ‘Main admin building is this way,’ the Tiger said.

  A couple of girls rushed over: Sylvie and Precious. They hugged Simone, and Precious jiggled with excitement.

  ‘About time you turned up here,’ Sylvie said, swinging Simone’s hand with delight. ‘I hope we have some classes together.’

  ‘Won’t we be in different years?’ Simone said.

  ‘No year-grade bullshit at CH,’ Precious said in her little-girl voice. ‘You work at whatever level you need to. You study until you think you’ve done enough, then you can go. Most of us are between about twelve and twenty-two or twenty-three, which works out the equivalent of Earthly grades seven to about fourth-year university.’ She grinned at Simone. ‘Come on, let’s show you around.’

  ‘I have to see the principal first,’ Simone said with dismay.

  ‘You don’t need to sound like that, he’s not scary at all,’ Sylvie said. ‘We’ll come too.’ She winked at me. ‘Nice scales.’

  I shook my serpent head and followed them across the lawn to the largest building. Students lounged on the veranda, some of them studying but others working with chi and shen energy. A boy of about sixteen threw a fireball into the ground near a group of girls who were reading on the grass and they squealed and berated him loudly.

  We went up onto the veranda, the wood creaking beneath us. The young man who’d thrown the fireball nodded and made way to let us through. The Tiger opened the double doors for us and we went in. There was a standard reception desk inside, with an elderly, scraggly-bearded Chinese man sitting behind it. He grinned when he saw us.

  ‘Oh, the daughter of Xuan Tian, welcome, madam.’ He saluted me. ‘Heavenly General.’ He nodded to the Tiger. ‘Emperor. The principal is on his way.’

  ‘Your honoured name, sir?’ I said, and added silently to the stone, This isn’t the principal himself trying us out, is it?

  Nah, this is the receptionist, he’s been doing this forever, the stone said.

  ‘I am Mr Leung, and I am pleased to make your acquaintance,’ the receptionist said. He brightened. ‘Ah, here comes Lord Hong now.’

  A brilliant red dragon, his fins and tail the same colour as his crimson scales, flew in the door and landed lightly on his back legs just inside. As his feet touched down, he changed to a good-looking young Chinese man of about twenty-five with long red hair, wearing a pair of khaki chino shorts, an olive T-shirt and scruffy sandals. He saluted around us and spread his arms to welcome Simone. ‘About time you got here, missy. The Tiger’s sons seriously need taking down a peg or two by one of the weakling females that they all despise, and you are the perfect young woman to do it.’ He raised his hand to high-five her and she stared at him wi
th wonder.

  He changed his hand to a fist. ‘Fist bump? No?’ He held his hand out for her to shake it. ‘How about this?’

  She shook his hand. ‘Sorry, I’m just a bit …’

  ‘Shell-shocked. I understand.’ He waved us towards the inner door. ‘Come on in, let’s see what we can do about the removal of shell-shock and the insertion of skills, knowledge and judgement.’ He turned to Sylvie and Precious. ‘You two troublemakers can leave us now. I’ll let you show Simone where the food is later. Does that suit?’

  ‘Sure, Hongie,’ Sylvie said, and she and Precious went out.

  The principal ushered us into his spacious office. I stopped when I saw it. ‘You sure you’re a dragon and not a turtle Shen?’ I said.

  He turned, confused. ‘No, I’m one hundred per cent dragon. Why do you ask?’

  ‘Oh, nothing,’ I said, and slithered up onto one of the visitors’ chairs next to a desk so messy it rivalled John’s. Files and open books littered the floor, and a stack of papers on a sideboard appeared precariously close to falling.

  Simone pointed at the pile of papers. ‘Wouldn’t it just be easier to sort them out rather than holding them up by magic?’

  ‘They’re not being held up by magic,’ the principal said. ‘There’s no such thing as magic, that’s for the realm of fantasy books.’

  ‘Energy then,’ Simone said.

  ‘Would you say magic again if someone asked you what was holding them up? Someone other than me?’ the principal said.

  ‘Probably,’ Simone said, obviously wondering where this was going.

  ‘Then why did you back down?’ he said with enthusiasm. ‘If you want to use the word “magic”, who’s going to stop you?’

  ‘You?’ Simone said.

  ‘Never,’ he said with finality. ‘No need to fold up like that if people disagree with you! Stick to your guns, Simone.’

  He glanced at the Tiger. ‘Tiger, I have been trying to arrange a parent–teacher meeting with you for about six weeks. At least three of your sons are borderline uncontrollable, and two of your daughters are —’ He bit off what he was about to say. ‘Of a similar nature. Discipline at school is ineffective if it’s not backed up at home. You need to do something about these kids!’

  The Tiger put his hand on the table. ‘And I’ve been telling you for a hundred and fifty years now that I have nothing to do with the raising of my sons beyond making sure they’re fed and housed. If you want to discuss their behaviour, talk to their mothers.’

  ‘They need a strong father figure in their lives,’ the principal said with exasperation.

  The Tiger leaned over the desk and glared at him. ‘I’m Emperor of a quarter of fucking Heaven, boyo. You don’t get much stronger than me.’

  ‘Do something about their behaviour or you’ll be getting them back.’

  The Tiger hesitated for a moment, then said, ‘Okay.’

  ‘Oh! I nearly forgot,’ the principal said. ‘Do you mind if we invite Three One Five in to do some postgraduate honours work? He has an Earthly degree, and I’d really like to top that off with some Celestial polishing.’

  ‘Go right ahead,’ the Tiger said. He gestured towards Simone. ‘Please accept my beloved niece as a student in your institution. She is brave, smart and talented.’

  ‘I will be honoured to accept her, and will endeavour to do my best to instruct her in the ways of the Celestial,’ the principal said. ‘Now.’ He smiled at Simone. ‘Year Ten on the Earthly, right? But no Shen-style training whatsoever?’

  ‘That’s right,’ Simone said, her voice small.

  ‘Not a problem. You join whichever classes you’re interested in. If you have to go off and fight demons or something that’s fine. Attend when you can, learn what you want. At the end of it I’ll have you back in here and throw you a few really pointless koan to prove that you’ve either learned wisdom or how to fake it really well.’ He spread his hands. ‘Any questions?’

  ‘School hours?’ I said.

  ‘Whatever Simone chooses. Classes are held between 11 am and 8 pm.’

  ‘That’s a late start,’ I said.

  ‘Mornings suck and should be banned,’ the principal said with feeling. ‘Particularly when you’ve been up gaming all night.’

  Simone stared at him.

  ‘There’s a kitchen, there’s food; I can give you the tour. There are training rooms for combat in both energy and weapons. You can learn maths, languages, science, art, weapons, poisons, equestrian, summoning, dancing, alchemy, calligraphy and advanced demon-handling techniques. We have an extensive library of both fiction and non-fiction, but of course being a dragon I have banned all works by Anne McCaffrey. All you have to do is work out what you want to learn.’

  ‘Equestrian?’ Simone said. ‘You have horses here?’

  ‘You can bring your own if you want,’ he said.

  ‘Even if he’s half-demon?’

  ‘Especially if he’s half-demon; we can cater for his particular needs.’

  ‘The Red Phoenix said that you have evaluations to see what each student is capable of,’ Simone said.

  ‘Yes, it’s part of the orientation. We show you around, and use the evaluation to see exactly how scared of you we need to be.’

  ‘Can you tell me if I’m Immortal like my father?’

  I looked at Simone. She’d never brought this topic up before.

  ‘No,’ the principal said. ‘The only way you can find out if you’re Immortal is by being examined by a very large Immortal, or getting killed. I think the first option is way preferable, but that’s just me.’ He grinned at us all. ‘Can I show you around now? I love showing off my little school! It’s so cute!’

  They rose and I slid off my chair.

  ‘I hear you expanded the demon-training centre,’ the Tiger said as we went out.

  ‘We now do advanced demon-spotting as well as standard binding and controlling,’ the principal said. ‘As Lady Emma can attest, demon copies are showing up damn near everywhere and we need everybody able to identify them.’

  ‘After this I’m heading down to my own Academy to check the copies that Ronnie Wong has identified,’ I said. ‘Apparently three demon copies slipped straight through our testing process.’

  The principal stopped. ‘That is very bad news.’ He brightened. ‘Can I borrow Ronnie off you for a couple of hours? He can teach the kids how to spot them.’

  ‘No,’ I said. ‘But I can give you his mobile number and you can ask him yourself. He’s a free agent; I don’t own him.’

  ‘Wonderful! I’ve been trying to contact him for a while now and he’s been carefully avoiding me. If I have his mobile, I can make his life complete hell until he does what I ask.’

  I stopped. ‘I’m not so sure I want to give you his number now. Let me talk to him first.’

  The principal smiled broadly. ‘Go right ahead. I’d love to hear what he has to say.’

  I looked around. ‘Where’s Simone?’

  The principal concentrated for a moment. ‘Sylvie and Precious are showing her around.’ He shrugged. ‘Gee, I wanted to do that. I’ll have to catch up with them and drag them off her. I like showing people around.’ He disappeared.

  Go back down, I’m fine. I’ll see you later, Simone said into my head.

  ‘You sure?’ I said, and the Tiger relayed for me.

  Yeah, this place is way cool! See you at dinner. Should I do poisons or showjumping?

  ‘Both,’ the Tiger said. ‘I’d like to see you give my kids a run for their money, and being able to clear any sort of poison from yourself or others is a valuable skill.’

  Oh, okay, Simone said. Talk to you later. I have my phone so you can call me anytime — and they’re not banned here! How cool is that?

  ‘I’ll take you back down,’ the Tiger said to me. ‘Where do you want me to drop you?’

  ‘The Academy. Ronnie’s there with the copies.’

  ‘I want to see them too, if I may, ma’
am,’ he said.

  ‘I think we need as many people as possible to see them,’ I said. ‘The fact that they made it past the Celestial Masters of Wudang is very disturbing indeed.’

  CHAPTER 19

  The demon copies were being held in a cell at the far end of the armoury floor, as far from any sensitive areas as possible. They sat side by side on the bed holding each other, obviously terrified. One of them was Apple, my second-year energy student.

  ‘Apple’s not a demon; I had a class with her last week,’ I said.

  Liu pulled me back out of earshot. ‘Apple killed one of the human IT guys with a blast of black energy. She has no recollection of doing it.’ He dropped his head and shook it. ‘I didn’t want them to know what they are, but if we’re going to have people identifying the demon copies, they have to be instructed on what to look for. That means demonstrating with the demon present. They keep saying that it’s a mistake.’

  I turned away. ‘Those poor kids.’

  He didn’t let go of my elbow. ‘Those poor kids just murdered three of our staff in cold blood. They’re demons, Emma. The real Apple, Jeremy and Tanaka are dead, and these things probably killed them.’

  Ronnie Wong saw us and approached. ‘I’m teaching as many as possible how to identify them. You’d better come take a look, ma’am.’

  ‘How hard are they to spot?’ I said as we drew nearer.

  Apple saw me and jumped up to grab the bars. ‘Oh, thank God. Lady Emma, please tell everybody that I’m not a demon. You know me, I wouldn’t hurt anyone! Please let me out.’

  ‘Apple, please put your hand through the bars,’ Ronnie said.

  Apple dropped her head, grimaced and put her hand through as asked.

  ‘Don’t hurt her!’ I said quickly.

  ‘I wouldn’t dream of it,’ Ronnie said.

  He nodded to Liu, who touched Apple’s hand. It rippled the same way the demons had when Simone touched them in Paris all that time ago.

  ‘That’s the tell. Touch them with shen energy and they do that,’ Ronnie said.

  ‘It’s an illusion, ma’am, that’s not me at all,’ Apple said. She moved closer to me, obviously desperate. ‘It’s a trick! I’ve been framed. I’m not a demon, I’m Apple, from Chai Wan. You know me!’ Her voice changed to sobs. ‘Let me out, don’t kill me, I’m not a demon, let me go!’ She reached out to me, her hand waving through the bars, and I stepped back out of her reach. ‘Touch me, Emma, see I’m not a demon! Touch me!’ She waved her hand desperately at me. ‘Touch me!’ She screeched the words, higher and more frantic. ‘Touch me! Touch me!’