Earth to Hell: Journey to Wudang Bk 1

  ‘Who’s Denis?’ Scott said.

  ‘Marcus is taking some time off, and we have a White Horseman acting as driver for a while,’ I said.

  ‘Thanks, ma’am,’ Tymen said.

  ‘Not a problem. Let me think about this snake thing while you two go and buy the heart and go to the airport. Stone, talk to Denis about taking them, please.’

  ‘Done.’

  The two students rose, fell to one knee to salute me, and went out.

  The intercom buzzed and I pressed the button again. ‘Master Leo is here with your noodles, ma’am.’

  ‘Send him in.’

  Leo came in holding a couple of foam takeaway bowls. He put one on the desk in front of me with the cheap paper napkin, plastic Chinese spoon and disposable chopsticks, and cleared a space on the desk for a similar bowl for himself. He flipped off the top and stirred the noodles with the chopsticks. ‘Vegetarian for you.’

  ‘Thanks.’ I took the lid off and stirred my own ho fan: slender white rice noodles in vegetarian broth with baby bak choy and fried bean curd. ‘What did you get?’

  Leo hesitated, then picked up a dark red cube on his spoon. ‘The Demon King was partially right. I can eat the noodles and the soup, but I really crave this. I’m surprised how easy it is to get.’

  ‘It’s hard to find anywhere else in the Territory; people are more aware of health issues after the SARS thing,’ I said. ‘But the restaurants around here sell it because we have so many demons working here, who love it.’ I gestured towards his bowl. ‘You never liked that before.’

  ‘Well, it wasn’t me, it was the real Leo.’ He slurped the cube of pig’s blood off the spoon. ‘Meredith’s had a look at me, and she says there’s something weird going on and that I look like a human. She can’t find anything in my memories. Then she was called away by something happening in the Northern Heavens, they needed her energy skills or something.’

  ‘Without John to provide the Centre of Power for the Northern Heavens, it’s like the entire place is running out of batteries,’ I said. ‘It’s often in complete darkness and very cold. The plants are dying. Meredith, other senior energy workers and dragons from the Academy try to connect to the life force there, the stream of chi, and bolster it, but it’s a losing battle. The temperature drops a couple of degrees every year.’

  ‘How long before it’s unliveable?’

  ‘They give it about three to five years before everybody will have to move out and all the plants die.’ I forced myself to eat the noodles; suddenly I wasn’t hungry. ‘Some of the trees in the Northern Heavens are sentient Shen, and they’re dying too. Some of them have already died.’

  Leo saw the stack of private school brochures on my desk. ‘I thought Simone went to the Australian School.’

  ‘You remember that?’

  ‘Yeah.’ He grinned. ‘We had a huge argument about it—you wanted her to go to the American school, I wanted her to go to the Australian one. Only argument I had with you that I ever won.’

  ‘Not true.’

  He gestured with his chopsticks towards the brochures. ‘So what happened?’

  ‘The Demon King and his assorted children are attacking the Celestial all the time. Sometimes Simone is called in to help. As her father isn’t around, she’s one of the most powerful demon slayers in existence right now. She’s been skipping school to help out, and was expelled for not attending enough classes.’

  ‘Poor Simone,’ Leo said. He hesitated for a moment, concentrating on his noodles, then changed the subject. ‘I was wondering how Rob was after all these years.’

  ‘You remember him?’ I said.

  He smiled gently. ‘Yeah. I treated him real bad. I hope he found someone.’

  ‘Do you remember the relationship you had with him?’ I said.

  He shook his head over the noodles, still smiling gently. ‘He knew how I felt about Mr Chen, but he stuck with me anyway. That guy deserves to find real happiness with someone else.’

  I put my chopsticks across the top of the bowl and glared at him. ‘Leo, are you straight or gay?’

  He stared at me, incredulous, then said, ‘What a dumbass question, Emma. I think you outed me like five minutes after you joined the household, when I brought Rob home.’

  ‘You made a pass at me last night.’

  He snorted. ‘Yeah, sure I did. Like I’d be interested.’ He leaned over the noodles and grinned. ‘You got the wrong equipment, sweetheart.’

  I opened my mouth to protest, then returned to my noodles.

  ‘Oh my God, you’re serious,’ Leo said.

  ‘Do you remember anything about what happened when I showed you into your room last night?’

  Leo stared at me, then shook his head, his face blank. ‘Not a damn thing. I remember…’ He thought for a moment. ‘I remember us coming home, and Simone trying to tame me…After that, nothing.’

  ‘It’s not surprising that you have some problems. You’ve been gone a long time.’

  ‘No, I haven’t. I’ve been alive a very short time, and I’m a—what did the King call it? A fragile copy. Imperfect.’

  The intercom popped; it was Yi Hao. ‘You asked me to remind you, ma’am. Er Lang will be here in less than an hour, and you have to prepare.’

  Leo scooped his noodle bowl off the desk. ‘I’ll get out of your way.’

  ‘What have you been doing with yourself? You keeping busy?’

  ‘Some of the kids from my old classes have been showing me photos, trying to help me remember things,’ Leo said. ‘I think I have about half of the real Leo’s memories.’ He rose and took my empty bowl. ‘You get ready to meet with Er Lang. I’ve heard that he’s challenged you. He’ll kick your ass if you don’t make him back down.’ He turned and opened the door. ‘Good luck.’

  An hour later I sat behind my immaculately clean desk waiting for Er Lang. I’d showered, washed my hair and tied it back into a neat bun, even though it kept threatening to come out again. I wore the standard Mountain uniform of black cotton pants and jacket with a mandarin collar and toggles and loops down the front, but my uniform was freshly laundered, starched and pressed by the demon staff of the Academy. I was so nervous I felt ill.

  Yi Hao tapped on the door, opened it, and moved back for Er Lang to come in. I rose to meet him.

  Yi Hao closed the door softly behind Er Lang and he and I sized each other up for a moment. He was in human form: a handsome man in his mid-thirties, wellbuilt and stern. His dog, who appeared as an enormous black Doberman, stood at his heels. Er Lang wore a jade-green traditional mandarin-collared Chinese robe that fell to the floor over his black trousers. He wore his hair long in the traditional style, with a topknot wrapped inside a Tang-style filigree gold crown, only about five centimetres across.

  I politely and formally saluted him. ‘My Lord Er Lang, Second Heavenly General. Welcome to New Wudang.’

  Er Lang saluted back. ‘My Lady Regent, First Heavenly General. I thank you.’

  Okay, this was going to be three hundred per cent formal. Lovely. I moved around the desk and opened the door. ‘If you will come with me, my Lord, we have a more suitable meeting room for a dignitary such as yourself.’

  He bowed slightly to me. ‘Any place is suitable, ma’am. Here is acceptable, if you wish.’

  I gestured with one hand towards the door. ‘I have a much more suitable place. This way, please.’

  He bowed again and stiffly walked through the door. I followed him, then guided him through the corridor to the conference room on the other side of the building, suddenly feeling that the entire top floor needed to be renovated.

  The conference room had been reconfigured to suit the occasion. The large table had been moved out and Chinese-style meeting chairs, side by side with a tea table between them, had been installed. Gold and Jade stood behind my chair to act as Retainers. Er Lang glared at them. I gestured for him to sit at my left. He stopped and glared at the chairs, then stared around the room without moving
.

  I waited for him to ask me to sit, but he didn’t. Eventually I had to break the impasse. ‘Please, my Lord, sit,’ I said, again gesturing towards the chairs.

  He grimaced, then flipped the hem of his robe out and sat stiffly in the armchair. I sat next to him, and his dog took up position at his left next to his chair.

  He sat down before you did, Gold said into my head. Be careful, ma’am, that’s a huge breach of protocol. The one with highest precedence traditionally sits first, and he should have stopped and asked you to sit first anyway. Emperors have had people beheaded for less.

  I nodded to indicate that I’d understood what Gold meant as I poured some Tikuanyin tea. ‘This tea is from one of the plantations in the Northern Heavens, my Lord. I hope it is suitable.’

  He nodded, took a sip and grimaced slightly. ‘Is it stale? It does not taste fresh.’

  Jade and Gold shifted slightly behind me without speaking.

  ‘It may be, my Lord,’ I said. ‘I shall have it replaced if you wish.’ I nodded to Jade, who moved between us to take the pot and cups.

  ‘No need,’ Er Lang said, waving Jade back. ‘I do not expect better.’ He put down his teacup and sat back in the chair. ‘Why have you summoned me, my Lady?’

  Jade was leaning between us to take the tea. She shot an expressionless look at Er Lang, looked quickly at me, then moved back. She didn’t need to say anything, I knew what she was thinking.

  ‘You have challenged for Princess Simone’s hand,’ I said. ‘As part of this challenge, you must face me in the Arena. I feel that it is damaging to the harmony of the Celestial to have the First and Second Heavenly Generals locked in combat like this.’

  ‘That may be so, but it is one of the conditions that Princess Simone has set, therefore it must take place,’ Er Lang said.

  ‘Are you really after her hand in marriage?’ I said.

  ‘I would not challenge otherwise.’

  ‘But she hardly knows you. You’ll definitely win, and then you’ll have to fight her. Why don’t you just get to know her instead of battling your way through like this?’

  ‘She is the one who has set these conditions,’ Er Lang said. ‘I am merely following her directions. If she did not want to have her suitors follow this course, then she should not have set it.’

  ‘She only did this because suitors are continually harassing her and she wants to be left alone,’ I said.

  ‘Then she should have thought more before making the announcement. She has paved the way for all to challenge, and made herself available for marriage.’

  ‘But she’s just a child,’ I said, exasperated. ‘She’s only fourteen! Surely you have more integrity than this?’

  He shot to his feet. ‘What are you suggesting here, madam?’

  I rose as well. ‘Please, my Lord, do not take offence. In modern times it is considered unsuitable for women under the age of eighteen to be married.’

  He stared at me for a moment, then sat. ‘I would not pursue the matter until she was considered old enough. Of course I would not seek to marry a child under the age of eighteen. I am aware that in modern times such a thing is without honour.’

  I sat as well. ‘I know that it was acceptable in the past, my Lord, and I know that you are senior to me in years. But Simone is a child of the twenty-first century and does not expect to be forced into marriage.’

  ‘If she did not want this to be a possibility then she should not have set the conditions in Court before the Celestial Himself,’ Er Lang said.

  ‘Do you think you can embrace the yin?’ I said. ‘You are that powerful?’

  ‘It will not come to that. This matter will be resolved before there is any need for me to touch yin.’

  ‘How?’ I said.

  He took another sip from his teacup, grimaced slightly again and put the cup down. He moved to sit straighter in his chair and looked away from me. After a minute or so it became apparent that he wasn’t going to reply.

  ‘My Lord Er Lang, all I ask is that we resolve this matter privately, without going into battle with all of Heaven watching us. If you wish to pursue Simone’s hand, then you are most welcome in our house to speak to her, anytime.’ He didn’t move or look at me. ‘There’s no need for us to fight.’

  ‘I will follow Princess Simone’s directions regarding this matter, Lady Emma.’ He rose, turned and saluted me. ‘Is there anything else you wish to discuss?’

  I stood as well. I hesitated, then saluted him in return. ‘No, my Lord. Since you obviously wish to drag this battle out into the view of the entire Celestial, there isn’t much I can do about it. I will see you on Saturday in the Arena.’

  He bowed slightly, then he and his dog disappeared.

  I flopped to sit back in the chair. Jade and Gold came around to face me, looking concerned.

  ‘Has Simone ever spoken to him?’ Gold asked.

  I shook my head in reply.

  He glanced at Jade. ‘How many times has he even seen her?’

  ‘I think two or three,’ Jade said. ‘He definitely saw her when she was presented as a baby, and then again when she and Lady Emma visited the Celestial, but apart from that I don’t think he’s seen her at all, unless he’s stalked her in a different form.’

  ‘Stone, get Simone to ask her elementals, who’ve probably been following her all her life, if she’s ever had a stalker,’ I said.

  Simone’s voice appeared in my head. Um, no, why?

  ‘I’m asking her if she knows Er Lang,’ the stone said.

  Simone appeared in front of me. ‘I hardly know what the man looks like. He’s way too old anyway, and his dog is creepy.’

  ‘It’s possible that he was impressed by your Celestial Form, Princess, and he’s basing his actions on that,’ Jade said.

  ‘Kicking my ass is just a side benefit?’ I said. ‘’Cause it’s obvious he hates me.’

  Simone made a sideways chopping gesture with one hand. ‘Whatever. Let him face you. He can’t hurt you too badly because even though he’s acting like a freak right now, he at least has some integrity and will follow the rules. I don’t mind facing him. I’ve never stood against anybody higher on the list than Liu and Meredith, and it would be interesting to try my skills against a General. And if he wants to embrace my yin, then he has a nasty surprise in store.’

  ‘He said that it would never get to the yin stage, but wouldn’t say why,’ I said.

  ‘Maybe he just wants to challenge Simone and see how good she is,’ the stone said.

  Simone and I shared a look. ‘He gets to take me down a peg or two, and he gets to try out his skills against the daughter of the only Shen on the Celestial who’s regarded as more skilled than him in martial arts,’ I said. ‘Is that really enough of a motive to do this, particularly when it’s putting Celestial Harmony at risk?’

  ‘From his behaviour I’d have to say yes,’ Jade said. ‘But I’d like to believe better of him. I wish he really had some higher motive for this.’

  ‘Not much we can do about it, either way,’ I said. ‘We will see if he’s happy on Saturday after he’s kicked my ass, and whether or not he wants to take it a step further and fight missy here.’ I rose from my chair. ‘Can you take him down, Simone?’

  Simone thought for a moment. ‘I have no idea.’

  ‘Wonderful. There’s no chance he’d actually hurt you, is there?’

  ‘Nah, I don’t think so. Like I said, he has some integrity, and it would be completely without honour to hurt a little girl.’ She made a wide-eyed, coy face. ‘And I’m just a harmless little girl.’

  Gold made a strangling noise.

  Simone thumped him on the arm. ‘Jerk. I really am completely harmless.’

  Gold bowed in reply. ‘If you say so, ma’am.’

  ‘I’m going back to my office to try to find you a tutor, Simone,’ I said. ‘I’ll see you at home later.’

  ‘Is it okay if I go visit Aunty Zhu?’ she said.

  ‘As lon
g as you’re back at dinnertime.’

  ‘Okay,’ Simone said. ‘I’m bored as anything at home by myself—thought I might see if Eva wants to go shopping or something.’

  ‘Good idea, but she’s probably at school.’

  ‘Hurry up and get me a tutor or a school, Emma. If you could get me a new Earthly school that would be great.’

  ‘I’m trying, Simone.’

  She turned to disappear, then stopped. Her face went pensive for a moment, then she turned back again. ‘Um, Emma, I was just about to head south to Aunty Zhu’s place…’ She pointed behind us. ‘And south is that way.’

  I dropped my head into my hand. ‘Oh, shit.’

  ‘Emma! Language!’ Simone said with humour, and disappeared.

  Jade and Gold fell to their knees.

  ‘We are so sorry, ma’am, we’ve completely failed you,’ Gold said with remorse.

  ‘I cannot believe the stupidity of this small Shen,’ Jade said.

  I sighed. ‘Well, you can help me pick up the pieces when he kicks the shit out of me on Saturday. Lovely. I should have known as well; the roads here go east–west. What an insult, to have him facing north.’

  Meredith was waiting for me back at my office.

  ‘Everything okay in the Northern Heavens?’ I said.

  ‘Not much we can do, Emma, we’re trying our best,’ Meredith said. ‘One of the dragons fell sick from overdoing it, and I had to fill in for a while.’ She straightened. ‘Scott and Tymen asked you about using the serpent?’

  ‘This wasn’t your idea, was it?’

  ‘Not mine alone. We had something of a brainstorming session and the concept was raised.’ She lifted her hands. ‘Not by me.’

  ‘I’d love to be able to heal Tymen’s mother, but not if it costs me my humanity.’

  ‘Maybe practise summoning the serpent with some assistance first.’

  ‘What if I fall into Mother form?’ I winced. ‘I could go on a rampage.’

  ‘Ronnie Wong’s been in training room eight for the last twenty minutes setting seals,’ Meredith said. ‘Not much chance of that.’

  ‘I may be able to break anything he puts up.’

  ‘Blood seals, Emma.’