The Fire Walker (The Devil's Tattoo)

  "There'll be something."

  "Yeah, when I go break the legs of the lead in Wicked," she gave me a wink and disappeared out the back.

  With a smile, I turned back to clear off one of my tables that had just been vacated. Scanning the cafe as I collected the empties, I was relieved to be home after the a roller coaster that had been the last couple of days. This place had become like a second home. I'd been welcomed like a friend the moment I started my first shift four years ago and had never felt out of place. Everyone here had their quirk. Ana with her Broadway ambitions, Ed with his penchant for crisp linen, Des with his thing for making abstract images in the foam of lattes and me with my crazy workaholic lifestyle. We all kind of belonged together.

  "You need a hand, Jessie?" Ed asked as I balanced my way behind the counter.

  "No, I'm okay." Dumping the glasses in the skink, I dunked my hands in and began cleaning them.

  "He seems like a really nice guy."

  "Who, Dee?"

  "Yeah."

  I gave my boss a bright smile. "Thanks."

  "So, you quit Galaxy?"

  "You heard that?" I asked.

  "You can't not hear Ana, bella," Ed winked, leaning against the counter. "What are you going to do with all your free time?"

  "I'm not sure yet," I said truthfully. "My ambitions haven't changed. I'd still like to do something with music."

  "Well, you know you have a job here for as long as you want it."

  "Thanks, Ed. I really appreciate that."

  "If you want to pick up more shifts let me know and I'll see what I can do."

  "Really?" I beamed. "Thank you."

  "No problem." He looked around the cafe and then leaned in close. "What about your man?"

  "Dee?"

  "Where does he live?"

  Frowning, I paused, my hands still in the sink. "Australia… His band..."

  "You going with him?"

  The glass slipped from my fingers and clinked against the others at the bottom of the sink. I hadn't thought about it that way. Dee's life was in Australia. He couldn't leave the band. I would never ask him to do that, knowing how much it meant to him, but to go with him? Leave New York and move to Australia? The idea seemed scary and thrilling all at the same time.

  "I don't know," I replied. "It's still early days yet. He's still got two months or so on his work visa. I assume he's going to stay until then and we'd work it out."

  Ed watched me with a strange look in his eye, like he knew something I didn't.

  "What?" I asked, flicking him with soap bubbles.

  "You're so fucking in love," he said, holding his hands over his heart.

  "Duh," I rolled my eyes.

  Laughing, Ed stood to his full height as some customers came in the door. "It's almost four, bella. Go get some."

  Finishing off the last of the glasses in the sink, I went out back to get my jacket. When I pushed back out the door into the cafe, my eyes fixed on a familiar face. I stopped dead in my tracks, heart thumping and it took me a minute to realize it was a stranger. Being here distracted me, but deep down in that place I pushed things I didn't want to deal with was that familiar feeling. Fear.

  Seeing those messages earlier had shaken me. Nate had violated the restraining order, but it could be that it was already expired. If he kept sending them... my hands were tied. I knew I couldn't do anything about it. If I pursued police action then everything I'd ever worked for would be taken from me and I'd be on the street again. What was I meant to do?

  I'd be okay at Couch with the guys, I felt safe here. Dee would already be out front if he wasn't already in here somewhere. I wouldn't be alone and it'd be less likely that something would happen if I was always with someone.

  I'd never keep anything from Dee again and I’d tell him the whole story. Tonight at dinner I'd bare my soul like I'd bared everything else. I was in love with Dee Cosgrove and he had my soul if he wanted it. Forever.

  Opening the door, I stepped out onto the sidewalk and my head lifted when I heard a sharp whistle. Dee stood across the street, hands jammed into the pockets of his denim jacket. He was wearing those aviator sunglasses that made him look so delicious, a stupid grin on his face and it was a wonder I could function properly. It was such a cliché saying that I felt weak at the knees, but that was exactly what he did to me.

  Smiling, I stepped off the sidewalk and looked for oncoming traffic. I wanted to launch myself into his arms and kiss him until I couldn't breathe. He was mine and I was his.

  And the best part? We had our whole lives ahead of us.

  I'd walked further than I thought. When I got back to the cafe, it was right on four. Standing across the street, I let out a sharp whistle as Jessie stepped out of the front door. Her eyes meet mine and her answering smile was electric. Everything that we'd been through, the entire screwed up mess, maybe we had to do it to find each other like some kind of test. Like the universe was fucking with us for a reason. It was going to take time, but we finally had it. I'd stay as long as my visa and band schedule would let me and then we'd work out the rest.

  She stepped off the footpath, her hair blowing in the breeze, beautiful and glowing. I'd never laid eyes on anyone like her and she was mine and she wanted me. The deadbeat busker turned rock star. It hardly seemed real.

  The rest kind of happened in slow motion.

  The sound of tires squealing split the air and we both looked towards it at the same time. A dark colored car had pulled out of a space further down the street and was racing towards her. Like it was deliberate. Like they wanted to...

  Her eyes met mine and they were filled with horror. I went to run forward, but it was already too late.

  The car clipped her as she tried to scramble backwards, legs crumbling. Horrified screams erupted around me from the people on the footpath, but she was silent. She didn't scream as her head cracked against the windshield. She didn't scream as she fell back onto the road. She didn't anything.

  The car kept going and people scrambled, but mostly they were frozen to the spot. Not me. Running across the street, I could only see Jessie lying on the asphalt, not moving. She wasn't moving. Tires screeched again and I stopped, thumping the hood of a car that had almost collected me and kept going. Falling to my knees beside her all I could see was blood. I was too terrified to move her incase her spine was broken, but I cupped her face, looking into her eyes.

  "Jessie," I said, trying to hold back tears, the reality of what had just happened starting to sink in. "Jessie, can you hear me? Stay with me, okay?"

  For a moment, she seemed to look at me, then her eyes unfocused and her head fell limply to the side. My heart almost stopped as I trailed trembling fingers across her cheek.

  "Someone call a fucking ambulance," I roared at the throng of people who'd stopped to gawk. Why were they just standing there? Why wasn't anyone doing anything?

  "On it's way, Dee." I hardly recognized Ed as he knelt beside me, a phone in his hands. "They'll be here any minute."

  "She didn't… There was no time for her to get outta the way."

  He knelt beside me, a hand on my shoulder. "It was an accident." He pressed his index and middle finger against her neck, looking for a pulse. Looking at me, he nodded. "Faint, but there."

  I didn't know how a few minutes could last a lifetime, but when sirens sounded in the distance, it had felt like eons had passed. Every second that went by as Jessie lay on the road, the further she slipped away from me. It couldn't end like this. It couldn't. I loved her, she had to come back.

  "Sir, I'm gunna have to ask you to step back now."

  Looking up, I realized a paramedic stood over me, a bag in his hand. Ed helped me up and pulled me away as my eyes fell back onto Jessie.

  "Please…"

  "We're gunna do everything we can."

  I was numb as I watched the paramedics work on her, the flashing lights bathing the afternoon light with a strange glow. When Zoe had been in hospital, I didn't s
ee this part. I didn't understand how horrible it was. There was so much blood. Shock. This was what it was like, wasn't it? My blood felt icy cold as it ran through my veins and everything was so far away, it was like another reality.

  Please be a fucking dream. Wake up.

  "Dee?"

  Shaking my head, I reluctantly tore my eyes away from Jessie and found myself looking at a cop.

  "Sir?" he asked. "Are you okay?"

  "No."

  "Do you need the EMT's to look at you?"

  "No," I scowled at him. I just wanted her.

  "Maybe you should give him a minute," I heard Ed say as he led the cop off and started giving him his statement.

  The paramedics had lifted Jessie onto a gurney, her back and head braced to protect her spine. She was still unconscious and I didn't think that was a good thing.

  "Where are you taking her?" I asked, my eyes desperately trying to catch a glimpse of her as they loaded the gurney into the back of the ambulance.

  "NY Presbyterian," the ambo said. He glanced at his partner and he nodded. "Get in."

  I jumped up into the back before they could change their minds and sat as the door slammed.

  "Sit at the end," the guy said, positioning himself beside Jessie as I slid down the end towards the rear door.

  The other paramedic cranked the sirens and I was hardly aware that we were moving at full tilt towards the hospital. I just had eyes for her.

  "It doesn't look like she was hit hard," the paramedic said beside me. "But the gash on her forehead is pretty deep. That'll need to be stitched. Her stomach feels taught, which means that she has some internal bleeding."

  I didn't know what the guy was doing telling me all this stuff. Maybe he was trying to put my mind at ease, but it just made me feel sick. "What does that mean?"

  "She'll be taken into surgery as soon as we get to the hospital. We've done our part, we've just got to get her there." I vaguely heard him switch on the radio and call it in to the hospital. ETA four minutes. Man, these guys were fast. I was suddenly very fucking grateful.

  "When we get there, you've gotta step back, okay?" he said again and I nodded. "We're not meant to transport anyone but the patient, so…"

  "Okay."

  When the ambulance screeched to a halt, waiting doctors wrenched the back doors open and I jumped down onto the concrete, stepping back out of the way. As the gurney was unloaded, the doctors and paramedics talked to each other in clipped tones, rattling off some medical mumbo jumbo. I followed them inside as they wheeled her in, talking about emergency surgery, OR whatever, prepping for something or rather. I didn't have time to comprehend what was going on.

  "Sir," a male doctor stopped me with a hand on my chest. "I'm sorry, but you can't come any further."

  "But…" He'd stopped me at a pair of doors that looked a lot like the point of no return.

  "I'll come and give you an update as soon as I can, but we need to look after your friend now."

  "She's my girlfriend."

  The doctor's face softened slightly. He probably got this all the time. "I'll come let you know as soon as I can."

  Nodding, I gave him my name and watched as the doors swung closed, separating me from Jessie.

  I told her I'd never leave her, that I'd never let her go. I knew it was their job, the doctors taking her away. I knew they were trying to save her life, but in a way I'd broken my promise.

  I just stood there in the middle of the hall off of the room, staring at the doors. What was I meant to do? She couldn't die. She just couldn't.

  Collapsing into a chair, my stomach stung from the tattoo I'd gotten an hour or so before, the plastic it'd been wrapped up in crinkling. Numb. I just felt numb.

  Seriously, what are you meant to feel when you see your girlfriend roll across the bonnet of a car? What are you meant to feel when you hold her broken body in your hands? What are you meant to feel when you see her being rolled away on a gurney, not knowing if you're ever gunna see her again? I'd really like to know.

  My whole body shook and my skin began to prickle with sweat. Knowing I was gunna blow, I ran for the bathroom, just making it in time to heave my guts up in the toilet bowl. What if she fucking died?

  Trembling, I leaned over the basin, washed out my mouth and splashed water on my face to cool myself down. Looking at my hands, I didn't realize my skin was spotted with her blood and my guts squirmed again. Turning the tap back on, I scrubbed them clean, sucking in deep breaths.

  I was on my own again. Instantly, I thought about Zoe and I fumbled for my phone, almost dropping it I was shaking so badly. Zoe would help me. I pressed her name and waited to hear her voice.

  "Hey," she said brightly when she picked up.

  "Where are you?" I blurted.

  "We're in Jacksonville," she said. "Florida. Since we had an impromptu stop in New York, were doing our trip backwards."

  "Zoe, do you think… could you…" I was beginning to crack.

  "Dee?" came her concerned voice. "What's happened?"

  "There was an accident," I muttered, trying to hold back tears, my tough guy persona totally gone out the window.

  "Fucking hell. Are you okay? Jessie?"

  "She was hit by a car. I went to get her from work and she was hit by a car." It wasn't any use holding it in now and a sob escaped my throat.

  "Where are you?"

  "In the hospital. She's in surgery. I don't know what's going to happen."

  "We're on the next flight, Dee. Tell me where you're at."

  "New York Presbyterian. Lower Manhattan."

  "I'll call you when we land, okay?"

  "Okay."

  The call disconnected and I let my hand fall limply to my side. I'd never needed my best friend more than I did now. I could handle it with Zoe by my side to help. Closing my eyes, all I could see was Jessie's broken body on the asphalt. Blood, the way her eyes had unfocused… I thought she was dead. Gone. Tears began to slide down my face and I brushed them away.

  I would have done anything to keep her safe, to help her through this, but it was out of my hands now. I had to trust the doctors. I'd done all I could.

  I think I sat in the waiting room for hours before someone actually came to see me. You see this all the time in movies and television shows, but it's never the same. There's never a cut scene. I remembered when Zoe was in getting her arm fixed, sitting in the Royal Melbourne Hospital, waiting to see her when she got out. That was just shoving a pin in an arm, no less risky, but this time it was a little more life and death. The clock ticked ten times slower, every second grating against my heart, every fear and doubt running through my mind. I still had her blood on my jeans.

  "Mr. Cosgrove?"

  I looked up into the face of the doctor who I'd spoken to before. I was kinda surprised it was him and not a nurse or an intern like I'd been expecting.

  Stumbling to my feet, I blurted, "Is she okay?"

  "She's through the worst of it," he said with a kind smile. He probably knew how to deal with emotional wrecks like me. "The surgeons are finishing up, but it will still be some time before she's moved to a ward so you can see her."

  The tension started to bleed from my limbs and my knees felt like jelly. "Okay. I'll wait."

  "There's still some chance of complications. We'll monitor her closely, but at the moment things are looking optimistic."

  "Okay." I didn't know what else to say.

  "Someone will come see you when she's moved."

  "Thanks."

  As the doctor disappeared again, I sunk back down into the hard waiting room chair and wondered how long Zoe was going to be. I had no idea how far it took to fly from Jacksonville, but I hoped it was fast. Ed said he was coming, but he couldn't leave the cafe. I assumed he was talking to the police or something or they were scanning the place for evidence. I didn't know how long I could hold on by myself.

  I looked at my phone, knowing it was probably bad I had it turned on inside a hospital, but
the screen was clear. I typed in a text to Zoe and slid down in the seat, closing my eyes.

  "Dee?"

  My head snapped up at the sound of Zoe's voice. When our eyes met, she launched herself across the room and into my arms.

  "Fucking hell, are you okay? Jessie?" she asked as I buried my face into the crook of her neck. She was finally here.

  "She's gunna be okay," I murmured, breathing in her familiar scent of jasmine and leather from her jacket. "She's still asleep."

  "Thank god."

  A hand came down on my shoulder. "So fucking glad, mate." Will. Of course.

  "Thanks for coming," I said, pulling away.

  "You and I are a package deal," Zoe said, squeezing my hand. "Your shit is my shit."

  "That goes for me, too," Will grinned. "Do you want anything? Something to eat?"

  He seemed to know that I wanted some alone time with Zoe. I fucking loved that guy right now. He was a good egg. Nodding, I said, "Yeah, sounds good. I haven't eaten since yesterday."

  "Can't have you wasting away," he replied. "Be back soon. You good, Zo?"

  "I'm okay," she said, waving him off.

  Watching as he disappeared around the corner, I said, "He's too good for you, Zo."

  "Shut your face," she said, slapping me on the arm. "This is about you."

  Grimacing, I wrapped my arms around her waist and her head fell against my shoulder. I needed the familiarity right now. Sitting in the hospital, it brought back memories of when Zoe had been the one in surgery. This time, even though I wasn't the one who'd been hurt, our roles were reversed.

  Wincing as she shifted against me, she pulled back and gave me a look. "You hurt?"

  "No, nothing like that," I said and pulled my shirt up. "Tattoo."

  "Fire walker," she read, her fingers tracing the inflamed skin. Her eyebrow quirked as if she was asking me a question.

  "Do you really have to ask?" I sighed, my eyes beginning to fill with tears again.

  "No." Her hand found mine and squeezed. "But you do look like someone beat the crap outta you."

  My fingers brushed the cut above my eye. "The other guys were much worse."