Love Me Like This

  In lieu of a response, he reached for her hand and was lifting it to his lips when a sharp pain brought her awake with a gasp. She tugged her hand from his to press it to her side.

  "Taylor." He stroked a lock of hair away from her face. "Tell me what I can do to help."

  She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out around the agony of what felt like a knife spearing through her.

  "Taylor!"

  She could hear Justin yelling, knew he was trying to get her attention, but she couldn't focus on anything other than the horrible sensation of being ripped in two from the inside out...right before everything went dark.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  Justin had never been so scared. Never knew he could feel like his heart was being torn from his chest.

  He should call 911, but he couldn't move. Couldn't think. Could barely remember how to breathe.

  A knock came at the window. Olivia was peering in at them. "Taylor, you left your purse."

  The sound of his sister's voice knocked him out of his paralysis. "911." His hands felt numb, and he'd never be able to pull out his phone without fumbling it. "Call 911!" he yelled through the glass. "Taylor has passed out."

  Thank God Olivia was always clear-headed, especially when the stakes were high, and a split second later, she had her phone to her ear. He could hear her telling the emergency responder that Taylor had polycystic kidney disease and had just passed out in the parking lot of Sullivan Winery.

  Justin wanted to put his arms around Taylor and hold her, but he didn't dare move her. Carefully checking her pulse, he confirmed that her heartbeat was still strong, but she was dangerously pale and her breathing was shallow.

  Minutes later, an ambulance siren sounded, growing louder and louder until it approached his car. "Sir, I need to examine your friend."

  "Fiancee." He needed them to know that she was so much more than just a friend. She was his everything.

  It was nearly impossible for Justin to move from Taylor's side, or to let go of her hand--he wasn't sure he would have managed it without Olivia's firm hands on his shoulders guiding him from the car.

  "Could you tell us what happened, sir?"

  "We had just gotten into the car when Taylor gasped and put her hand to her side. She has advanced polycystic kidney disease. She hasn't slept enough this week." Because he hadn't been taking good enough care of her. "Plus, she was dancing a lot tonight." Because he'd wanted to have fun. "She's probably dehydrated, and a cyst in her kidney might have burst."

  Or worse.

  God, no, he couldn't let his brain spin out into worse...

  The lead paramedic spoke to Taylor, though she hadn't yet regained consciousness. "Taylor, we're going to move you onto a stretcher and then into an ambulance so that we can get an IV running. You're going to be feeling a whole heck of a lot better soon."

  The paramedics worked as a well-oiled unit, and soon, she was in the ambulance with Justin crouched beside her, holding one of her hands. His family had gathered around the back of the vehicle by now, concern etched deeply into their faces.

  Justin could barely think past the self-recriminations that were going around and around inside his head. But he needed to tell the emergency crew one important thing. "Her doctor is at Queen of the Valley in downtown Napa."

  "Great," the EMT administering the IV said. "That's also the closest emergency room."

  The back doors of the ambulance were just being closed when Olivia hopped up beside Justin. He'd never been so thankful in his whole life for the support of his family as he was when she put an arm around him and said, "She's going to be okay."

  The sirens wailed as they sped off toward the ER.

  *

  Taylor's eyes fluttered open just as they were pulling up to the hospital. "Justin?" Her throat sounded raw. "What happened?"

  He wanted to press kisses all over her face, but he couldn't risk jarring her. "You passed out after the wedding."

  "I didn't want that to happen." Her words were barely above a whisper. "Tell them I'm sorry."

  "No, sweetheart, you don't have anything to be sorry ab--"

  A grimace of pain sent her eyes rolling back in her head and stopped his words cold. "Help her!" he pleaded. The paramedics already had the doors open and were preparing to roll the stretcher down the ramp and into the hospital.

  A nurse came to take Taylor's full name, address, and doctor's name so that she could pull her file. The emergency room doctor grilled the lead paramedic, then grabbed the clipboard and began giving instructions to the rest of the medical team as they rolled her away through the restricted double doors. Everyone was completely focused, everyone knew exactly the part they had to play, and somewhere in the back of Justin's brain, he knew he should be thankful for it.

  But he couldn't remember how to be thankful for anything right now. Not when the woman he loved was in unspeakable pain...and he couldn't do a damn thing to help her.

  "I pushed her too hard." The words shook as they left his mouth, each of them loaded with self-hatred.

  "Justin--"

  "I should have been making sure she went to bed early. I should have made sure she didn't get dehydrated. I shouldn't have let her do so much this week, between running her business and spending time with me grape stomping and flying in balloons. But all I wanted was to be with her."

  "Justin, please--"

  Increasingly dark thoughts were swirling around and around inside his head. "This is all my fault."

  "Stop!"

  Justin abruptly realized his sister was standing in front of him with her hands on his shoulders, shaking him.

  "I know you're upset, but blaming yourself isn't going to help anyone." Olivia's words were softly spoken but firm. "I'm sure the doctors are already getting to the bottom of what happened. They won't let anything else happen to her, Justin. You've got to believe that."

  He wished he could, but this was one of those times when knowing too much about science wasn't necessarily a good thing. "There are just so many things that can go wrong. If a cyst burst, it could be bleeding out inside of her, or she could have abnormal heart valves, or dangerously high blood pressure, or kidney stones, or--

  "Stop it." Olivia's voice whiplashed through his panic. "You're not doing yourself any good by running through worst-case scenarios."

  Just days ago, he'd made a silent vow to hold on to faith, hope, love--no matter what. If only his vow hadn't been put to the test so damned quickly.

  Grant, Drew, Ashley, Sean, Serena, Maddie, and his father all burst through the hospital's doors. "Is she okay?" Maddie looked as panicked as Justin felt.

  "We don't know anything yet." Seeing his own family made him belatedly realize one more important thing. "I need to call her parents."

  He stepped outside into the wine country night that had seemed so magical an hour ago. Taylor's mother picked up after only one ring. As soon as he said who he was, her reply came: "It's Taylor, isn't it?"

  He'd thought he would need to be the calm one, but tonight everything was flipped inside out. More than once, his throat closed up around the words he was trying to say, while Caroline remained remarkably calm and clear-headed. After he filled her in on the scant amount he knew so far, she said she and her husband would be heading straight to the airport for the next flight to San Francisco. What's more, they were going to authorize the doctors and nurses to give Justin any and all information about Taylor's condition--and also allow him to make any crucial medical decisions on her behalf before they arrived, if necessary.

  It wasn't until they hung up that he realized that Taylor hadn't yet told her parents they were engaged. Though he'd slid the diamonds on her finger barely twenty-four hours ago, it felt like the distant past. One in which their worries had been little more than just that, with ambulance rides and emergency rooms only a faint possibility.

  Until tonight, Taylor's illness had been a somewhat amorphous thing. Yes, he'd read her files, so he knew from a sc
ientific standpoint just how ill she really was. But she'd always looked so fresh, so healthy, her skin glowing, her smile radiant, that he had been able to fool himself into thinking they had time.

  More time than this.

  He looked up at the moon and the stars--all of the best moments in his life had been shared with Taylor. Every sunrise sweeter because of her. Every full moon brighter. He couldn't imagine a world, or his life, without her in it.

  He'd promised Taylor in the vineyard that afternoon with Drew and Ashley that he was strong enough to take whatever came, strong enough to help her with anything she needed. Somehow, some way, he needed to dig down deep and be that pillar of strength.

  It wasn't until Justin's father put his hand on his shoulder that he realized he wasn't alone.

  "It's like going through it all over again," his father said. "Being back in the hospital and feeling helpless. Standing outside staring up at the night sky, trying to find hope that the stars will align so that the woman you love can turn the corner in the right direction. I never wanted you to have to go through this." His father's voice shook. "But I was wrong. You have to help Taylor. I was a fool to think I could hold on to you by losing her."

  Justin wanted to run with his father's abrupt change of heart, but if his dad didn't truly mean what he'd just said, it would only hurt them all more in the end. "I know how hard it is for you to be here. You must be overwhelmed--"

  "I am," his father admitted, "but that doesn't change what's right. Taylor needs you. She needs us. You said I would have done the exact same thing for your mom, and I would have. In a heartbeat, no matter the risks. If you're a match, tell the doctors you'll do it. Tell them you want to schedule the surgery as soon as humanly possible. Tell them your father demands that they make his future daughter-in-law healthy again."

  Justin didn't trust himself to speak, so he simply reached for his father's hand and held it tight.

  "Justin." Maddie poked her head out. "Taylor's doctor is asking for you."

  Justin sprinted inside, skidding to a stop in front of Dr. Ishak. "How is she?"

  "We've confirmed that a cyst inside her left kidney burst. As you know, she's in severe pain, so we're giving her some pain medicine, and she's sleeping now. We'll need to keep her under observation for the next twenty-four hours to make sure there is no internal bleeding."

  Justin could see from the expression on the doctor's face that there was more--Taylor wasn't simply going to be sent home with a prescription for pain pills and instructions to get more rest.

  "Where is her kidney function?" He steeled himself for the answer.

  "Barely above five percent." There was no way any doctor could put a good spin on that, not even for an anxious fiance whose happiness was hanging in the balance. "It's a much faster progression than I had hoped for, so as soon as I think she's up for it--tomorrow afternoon, if possible--we will need to put in a port so that we can begin cleaning her blood via peritoneal dialysis."

  Justin cursed, the word sharp-edged inside the sterile walls of the hospital.

  "I do have some good news, however. I was off on Thursday and Friday, but after seeing Taylor, I just read through the tests results from the UC Davis transplant team. I can confidently tell you that you are a compatible donor."

  In that moment, it felt as though every single wish Justin had ever asked for had just come true. He'd never been so happy in his entire life, not even when Taylor had said Yes! to his marriage proposal.

  He threw his arms around the doctor, who seemed no more surprised by his over-the-top joy now than she had by his cursing earlier.

  "If you're still fully on board," the doctor said when he finally let her go, "and Taylor will agree to the transplant once I give her the news, I propose fast-tracking the transplant at Davis."

  "I'd give Taylor my kidney in a heartbeat," he confirmed. "Now all I have to do is convince her to take it."

  "I'll help you sway her," Olivia said.

  "So will I." Maddie had never looked so determined.

  "We all will," Grant said.

  "That's for damn sure," his father agreed.

  Justin had always felt lucky to be part of a big family, but never more than in this moment, when his siblings, and his father, were pledging their unwavering support not only to him, but also to the woman he loved.

  Taylor was going to be okay, damn it.

  The Morrisons were going to make absolutely certain of it.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  The first thing Taylor saw when she woke was Justin's face.

  The first thing she heard was, "I love you."

  And the first thing she felt was his gentle kiss.

  She smiled despite the fact that she felt as though she'd been run over by a truck.

  "I love you." The words were barely a croak from her dry lips and even drier throat.

  He held out a cup of water. "Just take tiny sips for now." He helped her drink when her hands were too shaky.

  After Justin pushed a button to let the nurse know she was awake, a middle-aged man came in to take her vitals, then let Taylor know the doctor would be in to see her shortly.

  "Have you been here all this time?" Taylor asked Justin.

  "Of course." He stroked her cheek. "How do you feel?"

  It was tempting to downplay how rotten she felt, the way she had for the past several months. But that's what had gotten her into this mess, wasn't it? If only she'd told Justin that she was feeling a little off before the wedding, he would have made sure she didn't overdo it--since she obviously hadn't done a great job of that herself.

  "I'm sorry." He'd trusted her to know her limits--she'd promised him that she would be careful--but she'd blown it. Big-time. "So sorry that I didn't tell you I woke up in pain yesterday."

  "I should have known." He looked like a man intent on sending himself to the gallows. "I've been running you ragged this week. It was already enough that you were opening your B&B, but then I had to go and steal as much time as I could with you when I should have made sure you were resting."

  "I wanted to steal every second with you too," she told him. "So I won't accept your apology. Even if I'm going to insist that you accept mine." She took his hand in hers and relished his strength as she gripped it. "I know this is going to come as no surprise, but it's hard for me to admit when I need help."

  "Same goes for me. If my brothers and sisters hadn't sent me to you in St. Helena, I might never have found out that you had the hots for me."

  It was the perfect thing to say to make her laugh. And even though laughing hurt, it was worth it. "So many hots," she agreed. And then, "Will you forgive me?"

  "Maybe."

  She raised her eyebrows, stunned by his response. "Maybe?"

  "Has the doctor spoken to you yet about the test results from the transplant center?"

  Just that quickly, she knew what he was going to say. "Oh my God." Her heart didn't know whether to race or just stop beating altogether. "You're a match, aren't you?"

  "I am." He threaded his fingers through hers and held on tight. "As soon as you agree to the transplant, they're going to fast-track the surgery."

  Utterly overwhelmed, she said the first thing that came to mind. "Your father--"

  "Had a complete change of heart." Justin pulled out his phone. "He insisted on filming a video to prove it to you in case you have any lingering reservations about his feelings."

  "A video?" She couldn't stop repeating everything, she was that stunned.

  But Justin had already hit play.

  "Taylor," Michael Morrison said to the camera, "you know I love you like a daughter, and I'm absolutely thrilled that you will be my daughter-in-law one day soon. I'm sorry that it took me so long to come around to the idea of Justin donating his kidney to you. Lisa would have been so upset with me for the way I've behaved--as upset as I am with myself. I would do the same thing for her or any of my kids, and I would expect nothing less than for my children to help the peopl
e they love. Please let Justin be your donor, Taylor. Because if anything else happens to you--" Michael Morrison visibly choked up. "Please say yes."

  She could barely take it in. "I'm stunned." She didn't know what to think, what to say.

  "Wait, there's more." Justin hit play on a second video, and this time it was Grant standing in front of the camera.

  "The first time I met you, Taylor, I was struck by your intelligence. So I know you've got the numbers memorized on kidney transplant surgery successes and failures."

  "What he's trying to say"--Maddie pushed in to share the screen with Grant--"is that we all want you to live a long and healthy life."

  "And you will." This was from Drew. "But you've got to let Justin help you."

  The camera panned to Sean. "And if you end up having any trouble with Justin's kidney, you can try mine next."

  Olivia grabbed the phone. "Justin said we should give you time to make your decision, but you know I'm no good at sugarcoating things, so here it is as straight as I can make it: It's time to get this transplant done, Taylor, and as far as we're concerned, there's only one right choice. Let Justin help you."

  Justin turned off his phone when he realized she was crying. He put his arms around her and held her gently as he said, "I told them this was a bad idea."

  On the night they'd taken the trip on the Wine Train, before he'd proposed, Justin had told her that when he put his life on hold to try to find a breast cancer cure--in part because it almost felt harder to accept that his mother was really gone--he had missed out on being with the people he loved who were still there. And that it took some help from his family to finally wake up and realize he couldn't miss out on his chance at a once-in-a-lifetime love.

  Now the Morrisons were helping her wake up and see that it wasn't enough to love Justin on only "safe" terms. She needed to love him all the way, even if it meant letting him take a huge risk for her.

  She'd wanted so badly to prove that she was independent and strong. At last, she understood that sometimes the bravest thing she could do wasn't to insist on going it alone--but to let the people she loved be strong for her. Just as she would have stepped up without hesitation to be strong for them.

  Fear had made her hold on too tight, the way her parents had always held on too tightly to her. But if Taylor really wanted love to flourish, she needed to let go and trust.