Mordecai

  “Ari…,” I began, falling back on her old nickname, “I don’t know what to say. I should have been there for you.”

  “Stop it, Mort.” Her eyes were red. “This was supposed to be a happy reunion. Why are we talking about this?”

  Because I felt guilty, that’s why. “You’re right,” I said suddenly. “The past is already ruined, but tomorrow, that’s another thing. Come stay with my family. You can sleep there anytime you like.”

  “What?”

  “I’ll make a portal for you,” I explained. “You can be queen all day, and in the evening, if you want some noise, you can step through it and sleep in our guest bedroom. Penny would love it.” In point of fact, Penny would probably take some convincing. She wasn’t nearly as close to the Queen as I was—or had been. She might even be a little angry with me.

  For some reason, while none of my previous remarks had caused her to lose her composure, that suggestion was too much. Tears overflowed the banks and began trickling silently down her cheeks. “I couldn’t possibly—what about the guards?”

  “Don’t tell them,” I said. “Or just tell Harold.”

  “Carwyn will know,” she said, bringing up her dragon. “Will he fit through this portal?”

  Only if I made it significantly larger than I had intended. Portals required a much greater investment of aythar, and the amount went up exponentially as the size of the portal increased, which was why I had had to use the God-Stone to power the World Road. I shook my head negatively, “No. He’ll have to use the World Road or fly, which would also give away your subterfuge. Just explain it to him. It would only be in the evenings, and only when you wanted to get away. He’ll understand.”

  Ariadne was looking around the room, as though she might find some logical reason in her surroundings to say no. “I don’t know. I don’t think your wife would like it. How could she relax with me in her home?”

  Women. Why did they have to be so complicated, and perceptive? “She will be fine with it,” I assured her. “Trust me.”

  She shook her head, “No. It’s a bad idea.”

  “Too bad,” I told her. “I don’t give a damn.”

  Ariadne stood, straightening her back and looking down at me, “I am your queen. You have to do as I command.”

  She was more like an estranged younger sister to me, especially since I had counted Marcus as my brother, rather than a mere friend or cousin. “You’re family, and I don’t care what you command. I’ll do as I please. If you don’t like it, you can try to lock me up, but I wouldn’t give you good odds on succeeding.”

  Without warning, I found myself being hugged. Ariadne squeezed me with surprising strength, burying her face against the leather of my jerkin. Carefully, I wrapped my arms around her and let her have her moment without saying a word. Being queen, she probably hadn’t had the luxury of crying in front of another human being in almost a decade. I couldn’t imagine the strain such a thing would impose on a person. Penny had always been there for me, and she had seen my tears on a multitude of occasions. So had the rest of my family, for that matter.

  After a while she pushed me back and pretended her face wasn’t red and her nose snotty. A queen was above admitting such things. “Fine. Have your way. For now, you’d better get home. It’s already getting dark.”

  “Huh?” I had lost track of the time. A quick glance at the window informed me that dusk was well underway. I promised I’d be home early today.

  Dammit. “You’re right!”

  She tapped me on the shoulder before I could make my exit. “Say hi to Marcus and Dorian for me.”

  That surprised me, “What do you mean?”

  “When I see you, I think of them. It’s as though they’re still here. You three were so close, I like to think they’re still alive, inside of you,” she confessed. “It feels like, if I tell you something, maybe they can still hear it. Tell them I miss them.”

  I gave her a brave smile and nodded, but I was fighting back my own tears as I left.

  Chapter 5

  Using my handy stencil, I made another temporary circle and teleported back to the transfer house in Castle Cameron. I expected that I wouldn’t have to answer any questions from Penny until I got home, but that was not the case.

  As soon as I entered the main keep I knew something was wrong.

  Not wrong in the usual sense. There was no mortal danger looming, but the castle was bustling with activity. It was always bustling at that time of day, mind you since everyone had to be fed, but there was an air of added excitement. Was there a feast planned?

  Impossible, I thought. The next feast isn’t until… “Oh shit.” It had been niggling at me, just below conscious awareness since that morning when I had made note of my father’s recent birthday, six days ago. He had been born six days before my mother. This was her eightieth year, and Penny had planned to honor her with…

  “Mort!”

  My beautiful wife stood before me, dressed in all the ostentatious finery that she normally eschewed. “Yes, my love?” I improvised. How she had found me so quickly amidst all the hustle and bustle of people coming and going, I had no idea. She had a certain skill in that regard.

  Penny looked me up and down, obviously finding my attire wanting. “You said you’d be home early today. It’s almost time!”

  “Well, of course!” I agreed. “I didn’t mean to cut it so close.” I walked forward with purpose, as though to head straight to the great hall.

  “Not so fast,” she said, stopping me. “You need to change. You still have a few minutes. You don’t want to celebrate your mother’s special day looking like an executioner, do you?” My clothes were good enough for the Queen, I thought sullenly.

  “Good point.” I turned to head for the door to our apartments.

  A smirk stole across her face. “You forgot, didn’t you?”

  I could only be grateful she was in a good humor. “Well…”

  “Hurry up,” was her only response.

  I passed my children coming down the stairs. Moira gave me a disapproving glance, and Matthew merely made a sarcastic, “Tsk, tsk, tsk,” as I passed them. Irene shook her head.

  As they went out of sight I heard Conall exclaim, “Told you so,” to his siblings. The brat.

  Passing through the portal that led to our true home in the mountains, I found that someone (Penny) had thoughtfully laid my clothes out on the bed. It was a blue doublet with matching woolen leggings and a pair of artfully made short leather boots. Blue was my mother’s favorite color. She doesn’t miss a trick, not my Penny.

  Dressing in short order, I returned the way I came. The halls were now mostly empty, except for a few servers. Everyone had gone in, and they were probably waiting for me to enter so they could be seated. Lady Rose waited at the door, my mother’s hand on her arm.

  “At last,” said Rose, giving me a narrow stare.

  “I hope I didn’t make you wait,” I apologized, directing my words to my mother.

  She merely smiled, her blue eyes wrinkling with mirth. Rose was another matter, though.

  “What have you done?” she declared, before turning me sideways to examine the laces on my doublet.

  “Uh…”

  Meredith Eldridge chuckled, looking up at me, “He’ll never change.”

  With a sigh Rose began rapidly unlacing and re-lacing my doublet. I couldn’t see any practical difference in her work, other than that it looked neat and a bit tidier than my own. “This is why you shouldn’t try to dress yourself,” advised Rose.

  I couldn’t help but admire the speed and dexterity in her fingers. Lady Rose Thornbear was a noblewoman through and through, raised in the science of politics, the art of etiquette, and the most proper skills of making lace and all manner of other things I knew nothing about. “I couldn’t find my valet,” I said, fabricating an excuse.

  “Because you don’t have one, you dreadful liar,” remarked Rose without looking up from her work. “I keep te
lling you to get one.”

  “I meant Penny,” I sighed. No one ever got my jokes.

  “She’s inside, keeping everyone occupied until your mother’s grand entrance,” Rose informed me. After a moment she added, “And yes, I knew who you meant. It wasn’t funny.” Finishing up, she leaned in and kissed me chastely on the cheek, while whispering, “You nitwit.” Then she stepped back and turned me to face my mother, “Lady Eldridge, may I present to you, your son.”

  My mother had been enjoying the entire exchange quietly, but she just smiled, “Doesn’t he look nice!”

  I offered her my arm while Rose went in ahead of us. We had to wait a minute, so our entrance would be sufficiently separated, and as we waited, my mother turned to me, “Have I told you how proud I am of you?”

  Too many times to count, I thought. “Mom, this is your day. Let’s celebrate you for a change.”

  “You are my celebration,” she replied. “Every day, I hear people talking about you. Every day I see what you’ve done. I never accomplished much in my life—except for you, and you’ve never let me down.”

  I smiled patiently. One thing I had been forced to learn, was how to take a compliment, and she had certainly given me plenty of practice at it. Stepping forward I pressed against the doors and we went in. The hall was full, packed with the entire castle staff, and apparently a goodly portion of the population of Washbrook.

  Extending my arm, I stepped as far away as I dared while maintaining a grip on her hand. Her balance wasn’t the best these days and I worried constantly about falls. Then I addressed the crowd, “May I present our lady of honor, Lady Meredith Eldridge!”

  That was met with a loud cheer and a lot of raised cups. My mother attempted, and succeeded at, a short curtsey, with only a slight wobble. I led her, slowly and carefully, to her seat at the table, and once I was sure she was firmly in place, I took my own. Then everyone could relax and begin to enjoy their food.

  This was not her first time in the great hall, of course. My mother had eaten there many times, she was well known, but as the years had passed, she had appeared less frequently. Preferring to dine in the peace and quiet of her own home. While Penny and I made it a rule to be present at least twice a week, she only came once a month at best, these days.

  As it was her day, the musicians took their cues from her, and Meredith selected a number of rowdy tavern songs. She had lived most of her life as a commoner, and while she had grown to enjoy the more courtly music, she had retained her taste for bawdy ballads. Her choices seemed to please everyone there.

  At some point, Penny leaned over to talk into my ear, “You did well with the lacing on your doublet—was it Rose?”

  I gave her a haughty look, “I have gotten better.”

  “Definitely Rose then.”

  “Well, my valet wasn’t there to help,” I told her with a wink.

  She pinched me under the table, gently. Her fingers were strong enough to bend steel, so she generally erred on the side of caution. As a result, I hardly felt her rebuke. “Someone had to organize all this, you do realize that?”

  Leaning over, I kissed her cheek. “I am grateful for that, and for everything else you do. I couldn’t manage a fraction of this on my own.”

  “You might,” she returned, “if you weren’t so busy healing strangers and pretending to be a tinker.”

  Meredith coughed, choking on her wine, which drew my eyes immediately. The wine was watered, as she couldn’t take it full strength anymore, but she still had trouble swallowing these days. I studied her worriedly, as she cleared her throat and wiped her mouth with a hand towel. Whenever I looked at her she seemed more frail than the last time.

  My mother waved a hand at me, to let me know not to worry, but I was watching her with more than my eyes. With my magesight I watched her heart beating, and beyond that I could see how dim her aythar had become. It waned steadily with the passing of the seasons, like a fire gradually burning down to ash. There was nothing I could do about it, which made me feel guilty for some reason.

  It was yet another reason I spent so much time wandering in disguise. So many people had problems I could fix, it kept my mind off the ones that I was utterly helpless to solve.

  As I watched her, my focus slipped, and the world blurred slightly. The voices were still there, they were always there, but once again I felt the chill touch of the void. It was in the hall with us, hovering inside everyone, but it was strongest in my mother. Her death was closer than ever.

  Penny squeezed my hand, “Mort? Are you alright?”

  Blinking, I nodded. “Sorry, I need to find the privies.” Excusing myself I stood and left quickly. In truth, I did need to relieve myself. Harold’s ale was still making itself known to my bladder, but mainly I needed a moment to clear my head.

  A figure stood in the corridor, a man by the shape of it, but it lacked the aythar that defined a living being. I recognized it immediately. “What are you doing out here?” I asked.

  “I avoid the hall during meals,” said Gary, his head swiveling to meet my eyes. “Though I can blend in, I have no sense of taste. I feel…”

  “Feel?”

  He nodded. “Yes, I have feelings, or at least I think that’s what they are. There’s no way for us to compare our experience and be certain,” he replied. “In any case, watching everyone eat makes me feel lonely. It’s a vivid reminder of the difference that lies between me and everyone else.”

  The android’s presence helped calm my nerves. Perhaps it was because he wasn’t truly alive, and thus, he wasn’t dying. Without vital aythar in him, there was also a complete lack of the void. His remark sparked my imagination, though. “You’re all the more human for that,” I told him.

  “How so?”

  “Everyone feels alone to some degree, at different times. Being in a crowd often makes it worse,” I explained. “Do you miss Karen?” Karen was his daughter. Not his flesh and blood kin, of course, but the daughter of the man who had created him, the man whose memories he carried.

  “I do,” he admitted.

  “Yet another human trait. We all miss our children when they are away,” I observed.

  The android smiled, “True. Shouldn’t you be at the celebration?”

  I shrugged, “I had to relieve myself.”

  “Another difference between us,” said the machine.

  My mood was already much improved. “At least you don’t have to see this one.”

  ***

  Later, as Penny and I lay in bed, enjoying the pleasant quiet before sleep, she asked me a question. “What was wrong earlier, when you left the table?”

  I dissembled, “I had some ale with Harold when I visited the palace today. Actually, I had too much. I was getting a headache, and had to relieve myself.”

  She was quiet for a minute, waiting for me to continue. When I didn’t volunteer, she prodded me, “What else was wrong?”

  “What makes you think…”

  “Mort,” she interrupted with a tone of disapproval.

  I sighed. I knew better than to try and fool her. The damn woman knew me too well. “It was my mother. I can see her growing weaker by the day.”

  “See in the usual sense, or something more?”

  “Both. Ever since my time as a shiggreth, I’ve had this extra sense,” I explained.

  “But you weren’t the shiggreth,” said Penny. “That was a twin of you. You only received his memories later, when you destroyed Mal’goroth. That’s what you told me.”

  “That’s true,” I agreed, “but it isn’t the whole truth. While Brexus thought he was me, I was still present. I thought it was me making the decisions and it wasn’t until later that I figured out we were two separate beings. I still experienced it all, right there beside him.”

  Penny rolled over onto her side facing me, her head propped up on her arm. “So what is this sense like?”

  “I’ve told you how being an archmage lets me hear things, voices, such as the ear
th, or the wind.”

  “Mm hmm. But you said it wasn’t really like hearing.”

  “It isn’t. It’s just the closest thing I can come to describe it. Well, this is an extension of that. While I was inside the shiggreth, I developed an awareness of something else. I think of it as the ‘void’ or ‘death’ or perhaps ‘entropy’. It’s the force that lies alongside life, the opposite of creation. I guess it’s part of the balance of the world, but I experience it as a sort of shadow. It hangs over everything. It’s weakest in the young, but in the sick, or the aging, it becomes stronger,” I explained.

  “And you saw this around your mother?” she asked.

  I nodded. “I see it around everyone. Not all the time, just when I relax my mind or when I use my abilities as an archmage without focusing properly.”

  “It upset you to see your mother dying,” stated Penny.

  Once again, I nodded, keeping my lips pressed firmly together.

  “Do you see it around me?”

  As soon as the question left her lips the void returned to my senses, and in the dim light of the candles I saw it hiding beneath the skin of her face, the slow rot of time, eating away at her vitality. Firmly closing my eyes, I struggled to close my mind, to blot out all my perceptions.

  Her arms went around me. “You should have told me sooner. This has been bothering you for years now, hasn’t it?”

  “Nobody wants to hear that you are watching them die,” I said, letting my breath out in a long exhalation. “Most of the time I can block it out or distract myself from it. The kids help, and all the hustle and bustle around here. It’s just that every now and then, it gets the better of me.” That, and sometimes I dream about sucking the life out of people, I thought. I couldn’t say that part, though. That was too much. After the horrors Penny had endured at the hands of the shiggreth I didn’t think she could handle thinking that I might still have that seed of evil within me.