As Tears Go By

  Autism defined the type of parent she was required to be. It taught her flexibility and sacrifice. It taught her that every day presented new beginnings and simple gifts that should be valued beyond all else.

  She’d shown Hunter respect and kindness, and in turn, her son showed her a world she’d never expected, but this life had become all she now knew. He changed her more than any other human being or experience ever could. Did Braydon really understand that those changes would be expected of him as well if they all lived together? Could he commit to that?

  Assuming Braydon knew what he was asking, the next question was, where would Hunter develop most? What was better for her son?

  The city was fast-paced. When she thought of Center County, she thought of open spaces, room to run without the fear of traffic. She smiled as she recalled the echoes of the children’s voices bouncing off the trees and the unbounded hospitality.

  McCullough Mountain was a magical place with room to play. It was safe and thrumming with love, the love of one of the most incredible families she’d ever met. Deep down, she knew Hunter would love it there.

  The transition would be a challenge, of course, but once he adjusted there would be no limit to how he could flourish in an environment overflowing with love and family. Hunter may not be able to tolerate touching or closeness, but her son knew how to love. He simply communicated affection in his own unique way.

  But all of that came at a cost. Kevin’s parenting might be in an upswing at the moment, but how long would that last if they moved away? Hunter deserved his father’s presence in his life no matter how minimal Kevin’s nurturing tended to be. She feared putting more distance between Kevin and Hunter would demolish the remaining connection their family shared.

  She wanted to provide a life for Hunter that allowed him to reach his ultimate potential. Kevin should want to be a part of his son’s life no matter what the circumstances—should being the troubling word.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Friday morning Becca contacted the school to inform them that Hunter would not be in. She also informed Nikki she was taking a personal day with her son. They’d been on the road for over two hours and Hunter was listening to his iPod in the back while spinning with the wheels of a toy car. On most days Hunter was a good traveler, which boded well if she decided to do this. There could be a lot of commuting in his future.

  As she took the exit she kept her eyes peeled for familiar landmarks. The town looked different now that they were in the midst of December. All the colorful leaves had fallen and there was snow on the ground, which she hadn’t anticipated.

  Braydon was working at the office and unaware that she’d decided to make the trip. Realizing she’d passed the turn off for the mountain, she spun around and took the road a bit slower.

  When she pulled onto the private drive, her van labored to make it up the incline. The evergreens wore a dusting of white, and patches of brown grass showed through the snow covered ground. There were sled markings on the hill to her left. Hunter hadn’t gone sledding in some time, likely since he was five. He’d probably enjoy that.

  When she spotted the big house anxiety attacked her stomach. She should have called first. She merely wanted to walk around with her son, but now that she was here the idea of stopping by unannounced seemed a bit rude.

  “We’re here,” she said, parking the car a distance from the house.

  Everyone appeared to be gone for the day, but smoke rose from both chimneys and she wondered if Maureen was home. Climbing out, she helped Hunter from the van and tucked his iPod away. The moment his sneakers touched the ground he registered the snow. Sliding the door shut, she smiled as he marched around, admiring his footprints.

  “That’s snow. Remember snow?”

  His head tilted as he paced to a slushy spot and jumped. She followed him as he explored. When he approached the edge of the forest a winged bird took flight and he laughed.

  “I saw that,” she said, smiling at his pleasure.

  They approached the house and Hunter drifted over to the Jeep parked by the porch. His fingers ran through the dusting of snow collected on the glass and he shook it off.

  “Cold?”

  “Cold,” he confirmed. “Wet.”

  A door opened and she rotated, keeping Hunter in her sight as he played with the snow.

  “Becca, love, is that you?”

  She smiled as Maureen stepped off the porch in a pair of goulashes and a bright orange hunting jacket. “Hi, Maureen.”

  “I wasn’t expecting you.”

  “I’m sorry I didn’t call. I wanted to get out of the city for the day and I just…I should have called.”

  The older woman waved away her apology. “Nonsense. Is Braydon with you?”

  “No. He doesn’t know I’m here.”

  Her expression turned nervous. “Oh.” Replacing her surprise with a smile, she turned to Hunter. “And who is this lovely cherub?”

  Becca tapped Hunter’s shoulder. “This is my son, Hunter. Hunter, can you say hello to Mrs. McCullough?”

  He shook his head and went back to playing with the snow. Maureen preened. “What a handsome fellow you are, Hunter. Do you like hot chocolate? I have some inside.”

  “Hunter, would you like some hot chocolate?”

  “Chocolate.”

  Maureen’s smile widened. “I’ll take that as a yes. Come on then. Let’s get warm before your little fingers freeze.”

  Maureen led the way and Becca directed Hunter toward the house.

  “Cold,” he repeated as he shifted his arms.

  Becca continued at his side. “Yes, it’s cold here. It’ll be warm inside the house.”

  They made it into the kitchen and she guided Hunter to the table, but he chose to explore while Maureen heated up the chocolate on the stove. Hunter touched the walls and walked close to the deer head hanging in the hall only to laugh and walk away. This seemed to confuse him, but little by little he stepped closer to examine the oddity.

  “So how are things with you and Braydon?” Maureen asked.

  “Good. I heard he’s been spending some time here lately.”

  “Has he?”

  She laughed silently. “I know about the house, Maureen.”

  “Oh, well then, yes, he’s been here quite a bit. Does he know you’re visiting, love?”

  Hunter yelled in the hall, his voice carrying up to the high ceilings, causing him to laugh and repeat the action. “No. I wanted to bring Hunter here to see how he liked it.”

  “The mountain’s a wonderful place to raise children. I can say that because I know a thing or two about it. Raised five boys here and have no regrets. Boys need lots of room to run and play. They broke nearly every nice thing I’ve ever owned, but they’re good boys and I’ve forgiven them.”

  Carrying the mugs to the table, Maureen opened the freezer and cracked a few ice cubes from a tray. “Let’s give his a minute to cool, love. He seems to be enjoying himself anyway. Would you like some cake? I have some left over from dessert last night.”

  “Sure. Thank you.”

  When the cocoa cooled, Becca sipped hers carefully. It was creamy and unlike the powder kind she usually made. It filled her with a warm sense of comfort.

  “Hunter, come have your hot chocolate.” She stood, knowing he was involved in his exploration. Once she’d prompted him back to the table, he sat and Becca wrapped his hands around the mug. “Careful.”

  He took a big sip and smiled, his lip covered in a frothy, brown mustache.

  “Do you like the hot chocolate, Hunter?” Maureen asked.

  His lashes flickered as his head tipped to the side. “I like chocolate.”

  “I bet there are lots of things here for a boy your age. Do you like fishing?”

  “I don’t think he’s ever been fishing,” Becca admitted.

  “Oh, well, Braydon loves the water. He has a boat I’m sure he’d like to show you. What else do you like to do?”

&nbs
p; “Run.”

  “Oh, running. There’s lots of room to run here. Maybe after our cake, I can find some hats and gloves and we can take a walk. You can show me how fast you run.”

  They finished their snack and Maureen disappeared as Becca wiped Hunter’s face. When she returned she had a basket filled with mittens, gloves, scarves, and hats.

  She poured the basket onto the table and sorted through the items. “Look at this, Hunter. Which hat do you like? This one’s very soft.”

  Hunter came over and picked up a hat then dropped it. “Itchy.”

  “Oh, that one is itchy. Do you not like the itchy ones? Let’s put all the itchy ones back in the basket.” Becca was impressed how Maureen found a way to include her son. It was as if she’d known he might not accept just any hat.

  She stood back and watched as Maureen and her son sorted through the pile, hiding away the scratchy fabrics, then sorting the water resistant materials Hunter claimed were slippery. In the end, they had all of the gloves paired up and organized by color. Hunter chose a blue pair and a soft wool hat. Watching Braydon’s mother handle him with such patience made her love the woman even more.

  As Hunter ran through the yard, Becca and Maureen took a much slower pace. There was nothing but open space for Hunter to explore. It was likely the most fresh air he’d had in ages.

  They walked for over an hour, chatting and taking in the sights. Maureen asked lots of questions about her plans with Braydon, but Becca was honest when she told her she hadn’t decided anything as of yet, and a lot depended on what would be the most beneficial for Hunter.

  When she turned to head up the road, Maureen caught her arm. “Let’s not go that way, love.”

  Thinking Maureen knew the land better than her she agreed then stilled. Looking back, she asked, “That’s where the house is, isn’t it?”

  Maureen grinned. “You’ll have to ask my son about that. It isn’t my place to be leading you down certain paths. Those roads were built for you to take with him. If you choose to, that is.”

  Unsure if she was prepared to see what Braydon had created, she nodded and turned back in the opposite direction.

  “Braydon’s a good boy,” Maureen announced, pride embedded in her voice. “He’s always had an obsession with perfection. I warned him there was no such thing. I told him one day he’d fall in love with a woman that would turn his world upside down and have the ability to put him right on his arse. I like that you’re different, Becca love. You’re good for my boy.”

  “Well, I’m not perfect, that’s for sure.”

  “No, but only one person was and they nailed that poor man to a cross. I’d say you and your son are perfectly human and that’s all anyone’s really expected to be in this life.”

  “Thank you, Maureen.”

  “For what? I’m just telling it like it is. Now, I won’t go telling you about how much work my son’s put into building you the perfect home, or how much research he’s done to find you the perfect fixtures, or even how he attended the local PTA meeting with Colin last week in order to push that grant through. What I will tell you is that he loves you and he wants you and when a McCullough man sets his heart to something…well, there are wiser things a girl can do than turn him away.”

  She smirked. This was as subtle as Maureen McCullough could get. “I understand.”

  “Good. I knew you were a smart lass.”

  * * * *

  “What do you mean she was there?” Braydon’s head was going to explode. “Did she see the house?”

  “No, dear, I know better than to spoil your surprises. She came with Hunter and we had hot cocoa, went for a walk, ate lunch, and then she had to get him home because he was getting tired. Such a sweet little man, her son is.”

  “Ma, why didn’t you call me when she got there?”

  “Why would I do that? She came to see me, not you. She sees you all the time. Is it too much to ask that I have some company once in a while?”

  “Jesus. Did she seem angry?”

  “What the bloody hell would she be angry about, Braydon? I told you we had a nice afternoon.”

  He couldn’t get over the idea of Becca driving there on her own and not telling him. She didn’t do things spontaneously like that. “I don’t understand why she wouldn’t tell me she was going there. I would’ve taken her.”

  “Maybe she didn’t want you to know. You men seem to think you can go on making every important decision without us. Well, you better learn now, Braydon, that isn’t how a relationship works. You men give the green light when we women tell you you can. Just like your father, making big decisions without considering your love might want to form her own opinion. You’re asking the lass to uproot herself from her home.”

  “I just thought the mountain would be a better home,” he admitted with a ring of defeat.

  “And it will be. There’s no denying she loves it here. Hunter ran and played, and he’s a lovely boy. He’ll be happy here. But don’t you go trying to decide for her. She’ll agree to move when she realizes she’s already made up her mind, but she needs to realize that at her own pace.”

  He was pulling into Becca’s neighborhood and already sweating. It was hard to imagine his mother actually having a peaceful day with his angel and not doing anything to scare her off. “Nothing else happened?”

  “Nothing else happened, you little shit. You’ve got yourself a good woman there. Have a little faith. And for God’s sake, have a little faith in your family. We’re not always a bunch of raging lunatics. We know how to be respectable when it counts.”

  He rolled his eyes. “All right. I’ve got to go. I love you, Mum.”

  “I love you too. Be patient with her, dearie. She’ll come around.”

  He hung up the phone and parked the car. Taking a deep breath he tried to imagine what he’d be walking into. Gathering his courage, he went to knock on the door.

  Becca unlocked the door and smiled when she saw him. “Hi.”

  “Hi.”

  “I ordered pizza. I thought you were the delivery man.”

  “I could have picked it up on my way.”

  “That’s okay. We sort of had an odd day and Hunter’s napping.”

  He took off his coat and hung it up. The house was quiet. He waited for her to tell him about her trip to his home, but she didn’t. “I spoke to my mother.”

  She stilled. “Oh?”

  “Becca, why didn’t you tell me you were going there?”

  “I don’t know. I just sort of decided to go. I wanted to see the area again and it seemed like the perfect day to do something out of the usual. I needed to figure some things out.”

  “Did you?”

  “I don’t know.” She wore an apologetic smile. “Hunter really liked it there.”

  He glanced in the den and saw Hunter sprawled out on a beanbag chair. He smiled, not used to seeing him out of motion. “He must have really exerted himself.”

  “Yeah. He’s been out for almost an hour. I doubt he’ll wake up until morning.”

  “Do you want me to carry him up?”

  Her eyes widened. “He’s heavy.”

  “Are you saying I’m weak?” he teased.

  “Not at all. Have at it. I would’ve slept on the couch and just let him stay there.”

  He eyed the couch, deciding there was no way they’d both fit. Scooping Hunter into his arms he carried him to his bed. Becca followed and watched from the door, as Braydon removed his shoes and socks.

  After sliding his little body under the covers and tucking him in, he quietly stood. Becca had a peculiar expression on her face. “Did I do okay?”

  Her lips pressed tight and she placed a hand on her chest. “You did great.”

  Relieved, he nodded and silently stepped out of the room. She laid her hand on his wrist and whispered, “Braydon, I want—” The doorbell rang and she shut her eyes. “That’s the pizza.”

  In the kitchen he set the table as she handled the deliver
y. As soon as he had their plates full, he got back to what she was saying. “So, upstairs, you were saying…”

  “Oh, I was just thinking, if we live together in Center County, what would happen to my house?”

  That wasn’t what she’d started to say upstairs, but he decided to let her go at her own pace. “Well, you could rent it or sell it and take whatever equity you have.”

  “I don’t know how much I’d get for it. Everything’s pretty beat up around here.”

  He looked around and counted the bedrooms, running a quick list of amenities in his head. “Nikki would probably know better, but I bet you could sell it as is, for two hundred thousand. Deduct your closing costs and whatever you still owe the bank and the rest is yours. You could probably take some time off work when we—if you decided to—move.” He laughed at her wide eyed expression. “Are you shocked by that?”

  Her mouth hung open. “Well, yeah. How much would our mortgage be on the new house?”

  “No mortgage.”

  She coughed and swallowed a bite of pizza. “What?”

  “There’s no mortgage. I’ve owned the land since I was eighteen. The lumber came from the yard and everything else came from a loan or my savings, but that doesn’t concern you. I’m asking you to move in with me.”

  Her expression wilted. “Oh, so it would be your house and we’d be your roommates.”

  That was not at all what he meant. “No, Becca. You’d be my wife.”

  Her head lifted and her eyes widened again. “What?”

  “You heard me.”

  “Braydon, are you asking me to marry you?”

  “No. I already botched that once. I’m just warning you it’s coming, so be prepared.”

  She stood, her chair making a slow glide over the linoleum. As she rounded the table he watched her carefully, unsure what she had planned. She took his pizza out of his hand and tossed it on the plate, sliding it away. Then she straddled his lap.

  “Remember when we first met and you kept asking me what I wanted?”

  “Yes.”