The Sun in Her Eyes

  Seeing Ethan with his children at the reception, laughing good-naturedly as his younger daughter bounced up and down on his shoulders, cut me to my core. I tried not to look at him, but somehow he always seemed to be in my peripheral vision.

  And even though I smiled and laughed my way through our wedding and the ensuing honeymoon, inside I was crying, hurting, dying, and I know that sounds melodramatic, but Ethan saved me when he became my friend. I was a lost little lamb until he found me. I owe him so much.

  As though I were sensing his presence, my eyes gravitate towards the door, and there he is, scanning the bar for us. His forest-green eyes land on me and his face lights up with the biggest, most enchanting smile, the dimple that hooked me line and sinker firmly indented into his right cheek.

  Oh, I’m in trouble. I’m in trouble, big time.

  Chapter 6

  ‘A!’ he shouts with an enormous grin as he strides purposefully towards me, using the nickname he came up with in high school. I get down from my stool and then I’m in his arms and he’s squeezing me hard against his broad chest, so hard in fact that I’m struggling to inhale.

  He pulls away only far enough to take my face in his hands, smiling down at me, while my heart pounds against both of our ribcages. ‘Fucking A,’ he says with amusement, using my other nickname. A vision comes back to me of him shouting this at me across the school playing field at lunchtime, his latest girlfriend looking irritated by his side. ‘I can’t believe you’re here!’ he exclaims, entertaining our friends with our little reunion.

  ‘You’re squashing me,’ I say through gritted teeth.

  He laughs and hugs me again, rocking me back and forth as though I’m his favourite thing in the whole world.

  ‘Can’t. Actually. Breathe,’ I manage to say. I hate him for being so endearing.

  He laughs and lets me go, putting a couple of feet between us.

  I suck in a deep breath as he looks me up and down, a twinkle in his eye. ‘Look at you. Christ, you’re a babe.’

  ‘Ethan!’ I admonish, shoving him playfully.

  He catches my hand and holds it against his chest, making my knees turn to jelly. ‘It is so good to see you,’ he says earnestly.

  His smile falls as he shakes his head. ‘I’m sorry to hear about your dad.’

  ‘Yeah. It’s been pretty tough.’ The feeling of his heart pulsing against my palm is addling my brain, so I gently but firmly extract my hand.

  ‘How is he?’ he asks sympathetically, dragging over a stool beside me.

  ‘He’s… Well, it was bad, but thankfully Liz was there when it happened so they got him into a stroke unit really quickly.’

  It occurs to me that he hasn’t even said hello to the others yet. I lean backwards so I’m not blocking him.

  ‘Sorry, do you want to say hi?’ I prompt.

  ‘Nah, I see these bastards all the time,’ he jokes, pretending to dismiss them before reaching forward to shake hands with Josh. He musses Tina’s hair affectionately and pats Nell on her back, before returning his full attention to me.

  ‘How are things?’ he asks. ‘Aside from Len,’ he clarifies. ‘How’s Ned?’

  Ethan was always totally at ease talking about my boyfriends. My husband is no exception.

  ‘He’s good,’ I reply. ‘He’s just been promoted so he couldn’t come with me.’

  ‘That’s a shame,’ he commiserates. ‘But great about his promotion. He’s in advertising, right?’

  ‘Yes. Creative Director now.’ I smile.

  ‘That’s cool.’ He looks impressed. ‘I could have done with picking his brains. Bummer he’s not here.’

  ‘Mmm. How are you? I heard about Sadie,’ I add with concern.

  ‘Yeah, it’s been a tricky year.’ He sounds dejected. ‘I’ll fill you in sometime.’

  ‘Okay.’ I move on to what I hope will be a happier subject. ‘How are your parents?’

  ‘They’re good,’ he replies, his smile slotting back into place. He loves his parents to bits. ‘I’m working with Dad full time now,’ he tells me.

  ‘Are you? At the winery?’

  ‘Yeah. He’s a bit of a bugger sometimes. Doesn’t like change. But Mum’s been doing these fantastic organised dinner parties. It’s going really well. Hey, I need to get myself a drink,’ he says suddenly, remembering that he’s empty-handed. He pats his pocket for his wallet. ‘Anyone empty?’ He turns to address the others, but we’re all still half-full. ‘I might get a bottle of red. What are you drinking?’ he asks me as he gets to his feet, glancing at my wine glass.

  ‘I don’t know. Josh got it for me.’

  He takes the glass out of my hand and sniffs at the liquid, before pulling a face. ‘That smells Bretty.’

  I stare at him blankly.

  ‘Brettanomyces,’ he explains. ‘It’s a fungal infection. Can’t you taste it? Sort of dirty, earthy, damp?’

  ‘Oh, maybe a little. I thought it was meant to taste like that.’

  ‘No. The barrel was probably contaminated.’ He gets up to go to the bar, plonking my glass on the bar top and pushing it away, giving it a dirty look.

  The bargirl comes over and I turn to my friends. ‘Does he do that sort of thing often?’

  ‘Occasionally,’ Tina replies with a smirk.

  He returns with a bottle of red and a few glasses. I wait for him to sniff at his own wine before daring to try mine.

  ‘Ooh, that’s really nice,’ I say. ‘Is it one of yours?’ I reach behind me to pick up the bottle from the bar top.

  ‘Nah. They don’t stock Lockwood House here,’ he says as I study the label.

  ‘Why not?’ I put the bottle back.

  ‘We’re too expensive,’ he says. ‘But I want to expand and do a white at a lower price point. We’re actually buying some land up in Eden Valley.’

  ‘I had no idea you were so involved. You weren’t interested in the business at all when we were younger.’

  ‘No,’ he admits. ‘That all changed a few years ago, so I went to uni and did a course in oenology and viticulture.’

  ‘What’s that?’

  He’s amused by my vacant look. ‘Wine making and grape growing.’

  ‘Oh.’ Couldn’t he have said that? ‘What did that involve?’

  ‘Learning about plant genomics, crop improvement, sustainable agriculture, dry-land farming and a few other bits and pieces.’

  ‘You sound like you’re speaking in another language,’ I say wryly.

  He grins. ‘I could talk for hours about this subject, but I’d bore you to tears.’

  I like his passion, but I’m surprised. He was never particularly studious when we were at school. Has he changed that much? It doesn’t seem like he’s changed at all.

  ‘We should have kept in touch more,’ he says with a meaningful look.

  ‘Mmm.’ Butterflies swarm into my tummy, bloody things. I shift on my bar stool.

  ‘How long are you staying?’ he asks. ‘You should come and see Mum and Dad while you’re here.’

  ‘I would love to,’ I reply warmly. ‘I’ll be here for at least five more weeks.’

  ‘God, they’d love to see you,’ he says, eyeing me speculatively. ‘Maybe you could come to one of Mum’s dinner parties.’

  ‘Does that invitation extend to all of us?’ Josh interjects. ‘He’s been saying that for years,’ he points out sardonically.

  ‘Bullshit, years,’ Ethan replies, rolling his eyes. ‘Been a bit distracted lately, mate,’ he says convivially, but with an edge. He pats him on his shoulder. ‘But of course you can all come. I’ll talk to Mum about dates.’

  ‘Oh, here’s Julian!’ Nell cries, her face lighting up. I look over my shoulder to see a stocky bloke in a checked shirt and jeans approaching. He’s a bit red-faced and sweaty – he must’ve rushed to get here.

  ‘Hi,’ Nell says cheerfully, sliding off her stool to give him a kiss. She goes around the group, introducing us, and after that I make an effort to be
sociable.

  Soon, a few more of Tina and Josh’s friends turn up so I don’t find myself talking to Ethan again properly until we decide to move on to another bar. He throws his arm around my shoulders as we walk, in that casual, comfortable way that he used to have with me when we were teenagers.

  ‘Where are you staying while you’re here?’ he asks.

  ‘With Liz.’ My voice lacks enthusiasm, but my heart is palpitating.

  ‘How is the old goat?’ he asks jovially.

  ‘She’s alright,’ I say. ‘Still a bit annoying.’

  ‘At least she’s been there for your dad, though, eh?’

  ‘Yes. True.’

  The thought comes to mind that if Liz left Dad now we’d be buggered. How could I go home if he had no one else here for him? Maybe I should be more generous towards her. It can’t be easy for her.

  Ethan lets me go to open the door of the next bar and we all file inside.

  ‘What are you having?’ he asks me.

  ‘Hadn’t I better let you choose?’ I reply, deadpan.

  ‘She’s a fast learner,’ Josh jokes. ‘Can you get me and Teens a couple of beers?’

  We take a few more orders and then I go with Ethan to the bar and wait while he interrogates the girl serving, eventually making a decision.

  ‘So what do you do at the winery?’ I ask him as we go to join our friends at a table.

  ‘A bit of everything. Mostly I run the Cellar Door tasting and sales room and help Dad with the blending.’

  ‘What does that mean exactly?’ I hand out beers to those who asked for them and take a seat, while Ethan pours wine for the rest of us.

  ‘The Cellar Door is basically our shop where we sell to the public, so I handle wine tastings and events, bus tours, that sort of thing. I also sell in to the trade.’

  ‘What about blending?’ I ask as he gently chinks his glass against mine.

  ‘Blending the wines?’ He raises one eyebrow.

  I shrug.

  ‘You know, taking them out of barrels, mixing them together so they taste better and more consistent?’

  ‘I really know absolutely nothing at all about how a bunch of grapes ends up like this,’ I reply candidly, indicating my glass.

  ‘How about I give you a tour of the winery sometime?’ he suggests, a smile tipping the corners of his lips.

  ‘Okay.’ I grin at him.

  ‘What about you?’ he asks. ‘What are you up to these days? Still teaching?’

  My face falls. ‘No. I quit last summer. Went to work as a commodities broker at a start-up in the City. It is as dull as it sounds, I’m afraid. The money was good, but I’ve just been made redundant, unfortunately.’

  ‘Oh no.’ His eyebrows pull together with concern. ‘When?’

  ‘Last Wednesday. The same day I found out about Dad,’ I elaborate.

  ‘Christ,’ he says. ‘We need to drink more.’

  ‘I’ll second that,’ I say with a laugh, even though my head is already feeling decidedly fuzzy as I watch him top up our glasses. ‘Anyway, my lack of employment means I can stay here for as long as necessary.’

  ‘Well, that’s something, at least,’ he agrees with a nod. ‘Cheers.’

  ‘Cheers.’

  Chink.

  ‘Hey, what are you doing on Monday night?’ he asks suddenly.

  ‘Nothing, why?’

  ‘Want to come to an outdoor screening of Pulp Fiction at Botanic Park?’

  ‘I thought you were going with Michelle?’ Josh interrupts.

  Tina puts her fingers in her ears and sings, ‘La, la, la.’

  ‘No,’ Ethan says dismissively, before shooting Tina a dark look.

  ‘Who’s Michelle?’ I ask, not sure if I want to know the answer.

  ‘Just a girl I’ve been on a couple of dates with. It’s not happening,’ he adds to my misguided relief. ‘Come with me,’ he urges. ‘You seem like you could do with some laughs.’

  ‘That’s true,’ I concede. ‘Okay, why not?’

  The night wears on and we move to yet another venue. A few people have left, including Nell and Julian, and Josh and Tina are chatting to some friends they’ve bumped into.

  I’m having the best night I’ve had in ages and Ethan is showing no signs of calling it quits.

  ‘Don’t have to get back home for anyone these days,’ he grumbles.

  ‘Where are you living now?’ I ask.

  ‘Mum and Dad’s.’ He stares into his drink. ‘It is what it is.’ He glances at me and smiles a small smile. ‘You haven’t changed a bit, you know,’ he says warmly, shaking his head. ‘I like your hair long.’ He reaches across and tugs lightly at my locks. He really has no idea of the effect he has on me. He never has.

  ‘My hair has been long for years,’ I reply flippantly.

  ‘Was it long at your wedding?’ He looks confused as he tries to remember.

  ‘Yeah, I wore it up.’

  ‘So you did.’ He smiles sweetly, his dimple in place. ‘I remember you weren’t wearing glasses.’

  ‘No, I’d had my eyes done by then.’

  My head is feeling woozier by the minute.

  ‘I think I’d better stop drinking,’ I say.

  ‘I forgot you were a lightweight,’ he teases. ‘Want me to get you some water?’

  ‘I can go.’ I stand up and wobble slightly.

  His hand shoots out to steady me. ‘Are you sure?’ he asks worriedly, his grip searing my arm.

  ‘I’m fine. I’m going to nip to the loo, first.’

  Oh dear. I am really drunk. I swerve my way to the bathroom, stumbling into a couple of people as I go. Ned and I don’t really go out that much. When did we become so boring? We used to have fun with each other. Now it seems like we only have fun when we’re apart.

  Ethan is at the bar with Tina and Josh when I exit the bathroom.

  ‘I said I’d get it,’ I say as he hands me a large glass of water.

  ‘Drink up,’ he commands, so I do. ‘These guys have a taxi coming in a bit,’ he says. ‘We can go via yours?’

  ‘Yeah. Okay.’

  Somewhere along the way, I must have dozed off in the car, because the next thing I know Ethan is guiding me to the front door of Liz and Dad’s place.

  ‘Keys,’ he prompts.

  I fling my handbag at his stomach. ‘Oof,’ he says, before rummaging around fruitlessly for about five hours.

  ‘Ring bell,’ I snap, although I have no idea what time it is.

  ‘Got them,’ he replies suddenly, unlocking the door.

  I somehow make it into my room and onto my bed.

  ‘Shoes,’ he instructs. I can barely lift my feet, so he takes them off for me.

  ‘How you getting home?’ I slur.

  ‘Taxi.’ He looks a bit blurry, but I see him glance at his watch. ‘I’ll call for one in a bit. You go to sleep, though. I might be waiting a while.’

  ‘Crash on sofa,’ I say, missing out non-vital words from my sentences.

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Course.’

  ‘Okay, A .’ He bends down and kisses my forehead.

  Mmm. Did I say that out loud? I don’t know. Don’t care, either.

  ‘Call if you need anything,’ he says.

  A moment later, my bedroom light is off and I pass out.

  Chapter 7

  ‘AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!’

  What the flip was that? I bolt upright. Did someone scream?

  ‘You scared the life out of me!’ Liz yells.

  Oh shit.

  I practically fall out of bed before looking down at myself to check that I’m dressed. Yep, still in my little black dress. That’s when someone takes a sledgehammer to my head. Damn, that hurts!

  ‘Sorry!’ I hear Ethan’s panicked reply.

  I stumble out of the room and into the living room to see him lying on the sofa in his underwear with Liz standing over him. Both of them look as shocked as the other as Ethan scrambles around to find a pillow b
ig enough to cover his man bits.

  ‘What on earth is going on?’ Liz demands to know.

  ‘Chill out, Liz,’ I say wearily. ‘You know Ethan, my old school friend. He couldn’t get a taxi home last night.’

  I find his T-shirt and jeans and pass them to him. He takes them gratefully and slips the former over his, whoa, really quite muscular chest. The last time I saw him in this half-naked state was when he was a skinny teenager at the beach.

  Er, hello? Yes, you! You! The married woman! You remember your husband, right? Ned? Yeah, him.

  While he pulls on his jeans and buttons them up, I force myself to avert my gaze and come face-to-face with Liz. She looks evil.

  ‘I was about to see if you wanted to come with me to see Len, but I’ll take it as a no,’ she says coldly.

  ‘I’ll see him later,’ I reply. Who the hell does she think she is, trying to make me feel bad? It’s not like I’m allowed to stay at the hospital all day.

  ‘Fine,’ she snaps, glaring at me one last time before leaving the room.

  ‘Jeez, my head,’ I say on an exhalation of breath when she’s gone, collapsing on the sofa next to Ethan. ‘How much did I drink last night?’

  ‘Too much,’ he empathises. ‘I think that might have been my fault.’

  ‘I’m a big girl.’ I put my hand to my head. ‘I can’t actually believe I haven’t been sick.’

  He clears his throat.

  ‘What?’ I glance at him.

  ‘You were. Twice.’

  ‘What?’ I’m aghast.

  ‘It was like old times,’ he says with a grin.

  ‘Urgh, you have got to be kidding me.’

  Still smiling, he gets up and walks out of the room. I don’t know where he’s gone and my head hurts too much to follow him so I lie down on the sofa, feeling sorry for myself.

  ‘Coffee?’ he shouts through to me.

  Aha! He’s in the kitchen.