Vampire Breath
“Here. Over here,” Dad said. He led the way to the little bathroom in the corner that we never use.
A few seconds later, Count Nightwing stepped out, adjusting the fangs over his gums with both of his thumbs. “There. That’s better,” he said. “Now let’s fly out of here. I’m so thirsty! It’s been a hundred years!”
Mom and Dad turned to me. “We’ll be home soon,” Dad said. “Make yourself a sandwich upstairs, okay? Make one for Cara, too.”
I stared back at him, unable to get over my shock. “But if you and Mom are vampires, am I a vampire, too?” I asked in a trembling voice.
“Of course,” Mom replied. “But you’re way too young to get your fangs, Freddy. You have to wait at least another hundred years!”
I wanted to ask a million more questions. But the three of them began to flap their arms. Up and down. In seconds, they changed into bats and flew out the basement window.
I stared at the window for a long while, trying to calm down, trying to slow my racing heart. When I started to feel a little more normal, I turned to Cara.
“Wow,” she said, shaking her head. “Wow.”
“I don’t believe it, either,” I replied softly.
She grinned at me. “I knew you were weird, Freddy. But I didn’t know you were that weird!”
I wanted to laugh at that. But I was still too shocked to laugh, or cry, or scream — or do anything!
I turned away from Cara and counted to twenty, trying to get myself together.
It isn’t easy to find out that you’re a vampire.
I really think Mom and Dad could have broken the news to me in a little better way.
But I guess they didn’t think it was any big deal….
The door to the bathroom stood open. I stepped inside. “We never use this bathroom,” I muttered. “We use the one across the basement.”
Cara followed me in. The mirrored door to the medicine chest was partly open. She pulled it open the rest of the way.
The shelves were jammed with all kinds of jars and bottles. Strange medicines and tubes of ointments.
I saw a green glass bottle on the top shelf. “What’s that?” I wondered. I stretched my hand up to pull it down.
But Cara grabbed it first.
“Give it back!” I cried. I shoved her.
She shoved me back.
She turned the glass bottle in her hand and read the name on the label to me: “Werewolf Sweat.”
“Cara — put it back!” I ordered. “No. Really. Put it back. Leave it alone, Cara. Don’t open it. Don’t —”
She teased me. Grinning, she pretended to pull off the top.
“No!” I cried.
I swiped at it. Tried to pull it from her hand.
But I missed — and tugged off the top instead.
“Whooooa!” Cara cried out as a yellow liquid squirted over both of us.
I rolled my eyes. “Now what?” I cried. “Now what do you think is going to happen?”
“Grrrrrrrrowwwwwrrrrrrrrr!” Cara replied.
BEHIND THE SCREAMS
VAMPIRE
BREATH
CONTENTS
About the Author
Q & A with R.L. Stine
What’s for Dinner?
Are You a Vampire?
Slime-Ade Stand
The Truth About Vampires
A Terrifying Peek at
GOOSEBUMPS HALL OF HORRORS #4:
WHY I QUIT ZOMBIE SCHOOL
and
CLASSIC GOOSEBUMPS #22:
STAY OUT OF THE BASEMENT
Bonus material written and compiled
by Gabrielle S. Balkan
About the Author
R.L. Stine’s books are read all over the world. So far, his books have sold more than 300 million copies, making him one of the most popular children’s authors in history. Besides Goosebumps, R.L. Stine has written the teen series Fear Street, the funny series Rotten School, as well as the Mostly Ghostly series, The Nightmare Room series, and the two-book thriller Dangerous Girls. R.L. Stine lives in New York with his wife, Jane, and Minnie, his King Charles spaniel. You can learn more about him at www.RLStine.com.
Q & A with R.L. Stine
The ancient vampires in this book live in an old castle. What kind of home do you think modern vampires would live in today?
R.L. Stine (RLS): Castles are so yesterday. Today they live together in huge condos in skyscrapers. Haven’t you ever heard of the Vampire State Building?
Over the years, you have claimed to be a vampire. Were you born that way or did you get bitten?
RLS: Who started that crazy story about me being a vampire? That’s ridiculous. Okay, so once in a while I like to hunt down an animal and drink its blood. Does that make me a vampire?
Who is the scariest vampire of all time?
RLS: Definitely Bunnicula! A vampire bunny rabbit? Just thinking about it starts my nose twitching in fear.
What is the strangest job you’ve ever had?
RLS: I think the job I have now is the strangest. Think about it — my job is to terrify kids. Weird job, right?
Have you ever done something on a dare?
RLS: When I was a kid there was a huge mound of white stones in the woods behind my house. What was it doing there? My brother and I believed there were dead bodies buried under those stones. We dared each other to go out at night and climb the mound of stones. One night, we did it. We climbed part of the way up and we heard some strange sounds — CLONK CLONK CLONNNK. Something was moving under the stones! We ran home as fast as we could. We never dared each other again.
In Goosebumps Hall of Horrors #4: Why I Quit Zombie School, the main character accidentally enrolls in a school full of the “living dead.” What’s the worst part of being the only one alive in your entire school?
RLS: Actually, it’s not that bad — once you get used to the smell.
To find out what kind of experiments R.L. Stine does in his basement, pick up the special collector’s edition of STAY OUT OF THE BASEMENT.
What’s for Dinner?
Everyone knows that vampire bats drink blood, but they aren’t the only creatures with creepy eating habits. We don’t know about you, but we think we’ll stick to pizza.
COCKROACH
GROSS FACTOR:
Come visit! Cockroaches live all over the world — even at the North and South Poles — but if you want to meet the world’s largest roach — six inches long with a one-foot wingspan — you’ll have to visit South America.
WHAT’S FOR DINNER? Roaches will eat pretty much anything, such as clothes and shoes, human hair and fingernails, paint, leather, soap, wallpaper glue, and wood. They’ll munch on regular people food, too. Don’t worry about your grocery bill if you have a roach for a pet: They can go a month without eating (but only a week without water).
BARF ALERT: Some people eat cockroaches as a cure for indigestion — or a snack!
DUNG or Scarab BEETLE
GROSS FACTOR:
COME VISIT! Wherever there is dung, there is a dung beetle. You’ll find them in the deserts, farmland, forests, and grasslands of every continent except Antarctica.
WHAT’S FOR DINNER? You’d be surprised by the amount of variety in a dung beetle’s diet. In addition to their delicious namesake, created by cattle and other animals, the beetle gets to snack on the undigested bits of vegetable matter left in the stinky remains.
THANK YOU ALERT: We all owe the dung beetle a big thank-you! Their eating habits are great for soil, helping the world’s gardens stay nutrient rich. Plus, by eating up all that waste, flies and other pests have one less habitat in which to annoy people and animals.
ROBBER FLY, or The Bee Killer
GROSS FACTOR:
COME VISIT! Of the over 7,000 species of robber flies worldwide, nearly 1,000 live in North America.
WHAT’S FOR DINNER? These speedy critters find almost any flying insect very tasty, making a meal of beetles, butterflies, dragonflie
s, grasshoppers, moths, wasps, other flies (gasp!), and even other robber flies (double gasp!). Although the robber fly has a beak hard and strong enough to pierce human skin, it rarely does. It gets its name by preying on bees.
BARF ALERT: The hairy robber fly devours a bee by attacking it in flight, squeezing it tightly, piercing a hole in the bee’s body, and then slurping up the bee innards.
VAMPIRE BAT
GROSS FACTOR:
COME VISIT! You’ll find these special bats flying, walking, running, and even jumping in Mexico and in Central and South America.
WHAT’S FOR DINNER? Most bats eat insects, fruit, or nectar. While some eat other animals, only the vampire bats feed on blood. In fact, these nocturnal creatures are the only known mammals to survive on blood alone. Rest assured that you won’t be a dinner entree as vampire bats rarely bite humans. Instead, they are happy with the red stuff from cows, pigs, horses, and birds.
Are You a Vampire?
Are you afraid of wooden stakes? Are most of your coats capelike? Answer these questions to find out if you have a bit of vampire coursing through your veins.
How do you ask your uncle to prepare your burger at the family BBQ?
A) Veggie burgers are best when they have lots of chopped parsnip.
B) With a little melted marshmallow and a dash of cayenne.
C) So rare the meat is still mooing.
How do you pose for school pictures?
A) With a necklace of fresh daisies around my neck and a big, friendly, innocent grin.
B) With half of my hair permed and the rest pin straight, and with my right eye open and my left eye closed.
C) It’s strange — no matter how I pose, the picture never seems to turn out … it’s always blank.
Where is your bedroom?
A) In a cheery room with lots of windows facing east, so I can see the sunrise every morning.
B) I sleep in a different room — or closet — every night.
C) In the basement, behind the boiler, so I can hear the comforting squeaks of mice while I sleep.
What’s your favorite class?
A) English.
B) Opera.
C) Biology. The science teacher sometimes forgets to lock up the freezer where they store the frogs and pigs for dissection. Good for a quick snack.
What type of sunblock do you use?
A) I never burn.
B) A mixture of mud and honey.
C) SPF 500.
What do you wear when it rains?
A) A happy smile! I love all weather!
B) A coat made of sponges.
C) I vant to vear a vaterproof jacket.
Count ‘em up, kids. If you answered mostly:
A’s: You are exactly the kind of person a vampire would love to sink his teeth into. I’d stay away from dark alleys if I were you!
B’s: I’m not sure what’s going on here. You have very strange taste.
C’s: Better double-check your family tree. I wouldn’t be surprised if Count Dracula was a great-great-great-great-great-grandfather of yours.
Slime-Ade Stand
Anyone can set up a lemonade stand, but it takes a special sort of weirdo to set up a slime-ade stand.
SLIME-ADE
Makes eight glasses and two trays
of slime-ade–flavored ice cubes
YOU’LL NEED:
8 cups cold water
3 cups lime juice (from a jar or from about 20 limes)
3 cups sugar
8 lime slices (from one lime)
8 mint sprigs (optional)
Mix the water, lime juice, and sugar together. Add eyeball ice cubes (recipe follows), and a slice of lime and sprig of mint to each cup. Give your concoction a creepy name and serve!
NOTE: If you are using fresh limes, roll them on the counter before cutting to get the most juice out of each lime.
EYEBALL ICE CUBES
Makes two standard-size ice cube trays or about 32 ice cubes
YOU’LL NEED:
2 cups of slime-ade (from above)
½ cup blueberries Fill two trays with slime-ade juice and drop one blueberry into each cube. Freeze overnight.
NOTE: You can make ice cubes with water, but by making them with slime-ade your juice won’t taste watered-down.
VARIATIONS
Use raspberries instead of blueberries for bloodshot eyeball ice cubes.
Add a liter of plain or flavored seltzer water for an extra fizzy Twitchy Slime-ade.
Freeze the slime-ade overnight. Let it melt slightly in the refrigerator for an hour, then mix to a slushy consistency and serve.
Mix all ingredients in a blender, including ice, for a slushy consistency. (Get your parents’ help when using the blender.)
Instead of using regular granular sugar, which may be difficult to dissolve, make simple syrup by dissolving 1-1/2 cups sugar in ¾ cups water.
Instead of using fresh limes and sugar, use frozen limeade from concentrate.
SET THE STAGE
Make signs announcing your stand and be sure to decorate them with creepy things: bats with bloody fangs, bloodshot eyeballs, severed fingers, etc. Also decorate the paper cups you use to serve your strange juice. Post a list of your creepy ingredients: vampire blood (lime juice), ragweed or seaweed or witches’ hair (mint leaves), goblin eyes (blueberry), etc.
The Truth About Vampires
Though you are unlikely to run into the sort of vampire that stars in this book, you might meet someone with these different conditions that serve as inspiration for some vampire attributes. Some fact and fiction below.
FICTION
The hero of Bram Stroker’s Dracula decorates a room with garlic to keep the toothy villain at bay.
FACT
Garlic is a natural mosquito repellent, and since mosquitoes suck blood, well, you see where this idea came from? Garlic’s strong odor masks the smell of blood, so mosquitoes move along to the next unsuspecting person.
FICTION
Sunlight causes vampires to burst into flames.
FACT
People afflicted with the very real blood disease porphyria have an extreme allergic reaction to the sun: It causes their skin to blister in sunlight. These folks can only go out at night and must stay away from uncurtained windows during the day. The disease can also turn their urine and teeth red.
FICTION
Vampires turn into bats in order to bite and suck blood from humans.
FICTION
Though vampire bats do exist, they always take the form of bats, never as pale people in caped coats. And they prefer to dine on cattle and rarely go after humans. When they do, it’s usually a small nip on the toe, ear, or nose.
A VAMPIRE BY ANY OTHER NAME
If you want to be sure to avoid vampires while traveling, you better become familiar with some of the names they go by around the globe:
Vampyre
jaracacas – Brazil
kuang-shi – China
doppelsauger – Germany
rakshasa – India
kasha – Japan
langsuir – Malaysia
nosferatu – Romania
eretica – Russia
Want more chills?
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Hall of Horrors
#4: WHY I QUIT
ZOMBIE SCHOOL
Take a peek at the all-new,
all-terrifying thrill ride from R.L. Stine.
1
I knew there was something wrong with my new school the first time I saw it.
My name is Matt Krinsky. I’m twelve years old. And I wasn’t happy.
My parents say I have a bad attitude. They say I can take a bright shiny red balloon and turn it into something tragic.
Well, balloons pop — don’t they? That’s kind of tragic.
Look, I admit it. I can see the horror in any situation. Or, as my dad likes to say, I always see the shadows on a sunny day.
H
e’s always saying things like that. And let’s face it, he doesn’t mean it in a nice way.
My big sister Jamie teases me, too. She hates anything scary or dark. She can’t understand why I love horror movies and comics and books. And she gives me a hard time because I collect every scary thing I can find. You know. Masks and skulls and shrunken heads and movie posters. Cool stuff like that.
All four of us were in the car. We were on our way to my new school.
Bad enough we moved to a new town and I had to leave all my friends behind. Bad enough we moved into a tiny house half the size of our old house. Which means I have like no space to display my horror collection.
You know that scene in Alice in Wonderland when she grows really tall, so tall her head pushes up against the ceiling? That’s how I felt in my new bedroom. No lie.
Could things get worse? Of course they could.
I have to go to boarding school for the first time in my life. Mom and Dad thought it would be a good experience for me. Can you believe that?