Frog

  4

  I confess, fame and fortune meant a lot to me. Though I said I wanted to leave the army, when I heard that I could look forward to a promotion and that Chairwoman Yang regarded me highly, I wavered. Back home, when I talked it over with Father, he too thought that leaving was a bad idea. Years ago, your great-uncle healed an injury to Commander Yang’s leg and cured his wife’s illness, putting them in his debt. Now he’s a high-ranking officer, and your future will be assured by having a connection with him. I voiced my objection to what Father was saying, but deep down that’s what I was thinking. We were ordinary people, common citizens, and I could be forgiven for wanting to curry favour with people of power and influence, society’s dragons and phoenixes. So the next time Gugu came to see me, my attitude had changed. And when she suggested a marriage between me and Little Lion, though I brought up Wang Gan’s decade-long infatuation with Little Lion as an excuse, even that argument began to crumble.

  I’m childless, Gugu said, and Little Lion has become like a daughter to me. She’s a woman of fine character, has a heart of gold, and is fiercely loyal to me. How could I ever let her marry Wang Gan?

  Gugu, I said, I’m sure you know it’s now been twelve years since Wang Gan wrote that first letter to Little Lion. In that time he’s written more than five hundred letters. He told me so. And that’s not all. One of the ways he expressed his love for her was to report his own sister. Of course, he reported Yuan Sai and Renmei too. How else would you have known about Yuan Sai’s illegal removal of IUDs, and how else would you have known that Renmei and Wang Dan were pregnant in violation of family-planning policy?

  The truth is, Little Lion never read any of those disgusting letters, since I intercepted every one of them. I told Postal Director Ma to send me all his letters.

  But he helped you in your work, I said, ever since his father had his vasectomy. In this latest contribution, he handed you his own sister.

  One absolutely cannot marry a person like that, she said angrily. How dependable can someone who would sell out his friends, even his own sister, over a woman be?

  But he still helped you.

  Those are two different matters. Remember this, Xiaopao, she said earnestly, a person can be anything, anything but a traitor. There is no reason, however lofty, that excuses that. From ancient times to the present, betrayers have always come to grief. That includes Wang Xiaoti. He may have been given five thousand ounces of gold, but I’m willing to bet that he will die badly. If you were to defect to the KMT today for five thousand ounces of gold, would you then defect to another political party that offered you ten thousand? So the more Wang Gan reports on others, the lower he is in my eyes, and in my heart he is nothing but a pile of dog shit.

  But what if you hadn’t intercepted his letters, Gugu? Is it possible that Little Lion would have been moved by what he wrote? Maybe even be married to him by now?

  Impossible, absolutely impossible. She has lofty ambitions, and Wang Gan isn’t the only one who’s been smitten by her in recent years. There have been a dozen at least, including cadres and workers, but none has impressed her.

  I shook my head. But, I said sceptically, she’s not really very good—

  Hah! Gugu replied. How short-sighted can you be! Some women look good at first glance, but the more you look, the more flaws you see. What about Little Lion? At first glance you’d think she isn’t much to look at, but look long enough and you’ll see just how attractive she is. You’ve probably never taken the time to do that, have you? I’ve spent my whole life around women, and I know exactly what makes a woman a prized creature. Do you recall the time you were just promoted to cadre status, how I tried to get you and her together? But you’d fallen for Renmei, and even though I opposed the match, given the freedom to marry whom one pleases in the new society, as your aunt I had no choice but to go along. Now, of course, she’s left a void – don’t get me wrong, I’m not happy she died and wish she’d had a long life – as the heavens have willed it, and the heavens have also willed that you and Little Lion be together.

  Gugu, I said, no matter what you say, Wang Gan and I were childhood friends, and everyone – adults and children – knows how he feels. If I were to marry Little Lion, I’d drown under the spittle the masses would send my way.

  You’re wrong again, she said. His love for her is a one-sided affair, like a barber’s carrying pole – only the pail on one end is hot. Little Lion never once expressed any interest in him. If she married you, it would be a case of ‘the firebird knows which perch to choose’. Besides, this thing called love has nothing to do with loyalty among friends. Love is selfish. If Little Lion were a horse that Wang Gan had his eye on, then you could let him have her, no problem there. But Little Lion is a human being, and if you fall in love with her, you’ll have to take her for your own. You’ve been out in the world for several years and have seen many foreign movies, so how can you be so inflexible?

  Even if I said I’d do it, what would she—

  Gugu interrupted me: You don’t have to worry about that. She’s been with me so long I know what she’s thinking. I’ll tell you the unvarnished truth: It’s you she’s in love with, and if Renmei hadn’t left us, Little Lion would stay single all her life.

  Let me think this over for a few days, Gugu, I said. The dirt on Renmei’s grave is still damp.

  Think what over? A long night brings many dreams. If Renmei’s spirit is up there somewhere, she’ll be clapping her hands in approval. Why? Because Little Lion is a good woman, and it would be Renmei’s good fortune for her daughter to have such a stepmother. Not only that, government policy would allow you and Little Lion to have a child, and I’d be wishing for twins. Xiaopao; you will have benefited greatly from misfortune.

  5

  The date for my wedding was set.

  Gugu took care of the arrangements. I felt like a floating piece of rotting wood kept moving by gentle nudges.

  Little Lion and I were alone together for only the second time when we registered to be married at the commune office.

  Our first private meeting had been in the dormitory room shared by Gugu and Little Lion. It had been a Saturday morning. Gugu ushered us into the room and left, shutting the door behind her. A pile of dust-covered newspapers and a couple of books on obstetrics sat atop a three-drawer table between the two single beds. Bees swarmed around a dozen or so sturdy, pollen-laden sunflowers just outside the window. After pouring me a glass of water, she sat on her bed. I sat on Gugu’s bed. The air carried the fragrance of hand soap. Soapy water half filled a Red Lantern washbasin. Gugu’s unmade bed was an impossible mess.

  Gugu is totally devoted to her work.

  I know.

  I feel like I’m dreaming.

  Me too.

  You know all about Wang Gan, don’t you? He’s written to you five hundred times.

  Gugu told me.

  Any thoughts about that?

  Not really.

  I’ve been married before and I have a daughter. Does that bother you?

  No.

  Do you want to talk this over with your family?

  I have no family.

  Later, she rode on the back of my bicycle to the commune offices. I had trouble controlling the bicycle over the bumpy road, only recently paved with shards of brick and tile. She sat with her shoulder pressed against my back. I could feel her weight. Some people ride well on the back of a bicycle, some don’t. Renmei rode well, Little Lion did not. I was pedalling so hard the chain broke. My heart sank. That was a bad sign. Did it mean that now we would not grow old together? The broken chain lay on the road like a dead snake. I picked it up and looked around. We were surrounded by cornfields where women were spraying insecticide. The spraying machines hummed like air raid sirens. The women had draped plastic over their shoulders and were wearing hospital masks over their mouths and bandanas on their heads. It was brutally hard work, but the green mist rising above the cornstalks invested it with an almost poetic air
. I thought about Wang Renmei. She’d been fearless. Unafraid even of snakes, she’d pick them up by their tails, much the same way I’d picked up the bicycle chain. She’d also sprayed insecticide after being dismissed from the school in the wake of her breakup with Xiao Xiachun. Her hair had reeked of insecticide. I don’t have to wash it, she’d joked, since it’ll ward off fleas and mosquitoes. But she did wash it, and I stood behind her and poured water over her head; she laughed the whole time. I asked what she was laughing about, which made her laugh so hard she knocked over the washbasin. I couldn’t help but feel guilty as I thought about Renmei. I looked at Little Lion out of the corner of my eye. She was wearing a new, red-checked short-sleeve shirt with a turned-up collar and a glistening digital watch on her wrist. She was full-figured. She’d powdered her face with fragrant Pearl or another brand of face powder, which lessened the effects of acne.

  We’re still three li from the commune. I’ll have to walk the bicycle.

  We met Chen Bi outside the slaughterhouse gate. He was carrying Chen Er on his back.

  He blanched when he spotted us. The look in his eyes made me ashamed. He turned his back on us.

  Chen Bi! I decided to greet him.

  Oh, I thought it was some big shot, he replied with biting sarcasm. He glared hatefully at Little Lion.

  They let you out, did they?

  The girl’s sick, she has a fever, he said. To be honest, I didn’t want to leave. The food inside was so good I could spend my life there.

  Little Lion went up to feel Chen Er’s forehead.

  Chen Bi spun away.

  Take her to the hospital for an IV, Little Lion said. Her temperature must be at least thirty-nine degrees.

  Is that a hospital you’re running? Chen Bi fumed. Or an abattoir?

  I know you hate us, Little Lion said, but there’s nothing we can do.

  Nothing you can do? There’s plenty you can do.

  Chen Bi, I said, don’t use your child to vent your anger. Come on, I’ll go with you.

  Thanks, pal, he said with a sneer, but I don’t want to keep you from whatever it is you’re doing.

  Chen Bi . . . what can I say?

  You don’t have to say anything. I used to think you were a good guy, but now I know you’re not.

  Say what you like, I said as I stuffed some bills into his pocket. Now take her to the hospital.

  Chen reached in, took out the money, and flung it to the ground. This is blood money!

  He turned and walked off proudly with his daughter.

  I gazed blankly at his back as he strode off. I bent down, picked up the money, and put it back in my pocket.

  He’s prejudiced against you both, I said.

  He has only himself to blame, Little Lion said indignantly. Who can we pour our bitterness out to?

  I was supposed to have had a letter from my unit to register for marriage, but Lu Mazi, the civil administration clerk laughed and said, No need for that. Your aunt has already talked to us. Wan Xiaopao, my son is a soldier in your unit, he said. He enlisted last year. He’s a smart boy and is quick to learn. Keep an eye on him for me, okay?

  I paused when I was about to put my fingerprint in the marriage register, because I was reminded of having done the same thing with Wang Renmei in the same register in the same room with the same Lu Mazi. I’d left a bright red print in the book. Ah! Renmei said, showing her happy surprise. It’s a whorl!

  Lu Mazi looked at me, then at Little Lion and said with a phoney smile, Wan Zu, you’re a lucky man. You’ve managed to marry the commune’s number one beauty. He pointed to the registry. Put your finger here. What are you waiting for?

  Lu Mazi’s comments sounded a lot like ridicule – in essence, that’s what they were – Damn it, to hell with him. Okay, no more stalling! Life is short, I said to myself, and many things are determined by fate. Better to row with the flow than against it. Besides, things are too far along for me not to do it. What would that do to Little Lion? I’ve already ruined one woman’s life; I can’t ruin another’s.

  6

  At the time I was under the impression that Gugu was so caught up in arranging the wedding that she’d forgotten about Wang Dan. I’d thought she might have relented a bit and would use the wedding as an excuse to let enough time to pass for Wang Dan to have her baby. I’d soon realise, though, that Gugu’s sense of loyalty to her work had taken on maniacal proportions. She was obsessed with carrying out her tasks. I had no reason to doubt her good faith in bringing Little Lion and me together, for she was convinced that we were meant to be a couple. But her extravagant preparations for our wedding, her release of Chen Bi and his daughter from detention, and her announcement that the villagers no longer had to search for Wang Dan were all part of a smokescreen designed to lessen the vigilance of Wang Dan and whoever was hiding her. For Gugu it was a two-birds-with-one-stone strategy. What she hoped to achieve was to see a follower who was like her own daughter be married to her nephew and have a place to call home, and, at the same time, for Wang Dan to be taken into custody and the criminal foetus in her belly taken out and destroyed before it was too late. Using this sort of language to describe Gugu’s work may seem inappropriate, but I can’t come up with anything better.

  On the morning before the wedding ceremony, I went to Mother’s grave, as custom dictated, to burn some ‘happy money’; ostensibly, I guess, to notify her spirit and invite her to the ceremony. After I lit the paper, a tiny whirlwind rose up and carried the ash in circles around the head of the grave. Of course I knew this was easily explained by laws of physics, but it unnerved me nonetheless. Mother’s tottering image floated in my head and her wise, simple, meaningful words rang in my ears. Tears filled my eyes. I wondered what she would think about this marriage if she could talk.

  The whirlwind abruptly left Mother’s gravesite and moved over to the grassy area at the head of Renmei’s grave. At that moment an oriole in a peach tree released a long cheerless call that nearly tore my insides apart. Peaches had ripened on the vast grove of trees; the two gravesites were in our family grove. I picked two red-tipped peaches, laid one before Mother’s grave and threaded my way through the trees to Renmei’s grave with the other. As I was leaving the house, Father said, Don’t forget to burn some paper for her too.

  I haven’t had time yet, Renmei, I said silently, and I’m so sorry. But I won’t forget you, I’ll remember all the good things about you. Little Lion is a good person who will take good care of Yanyan. I won’t stay with her if she doesn’t.

  After burning some paper at the head of her grave, I went up, laid down a sheet of paper, weighted it down, and set the second peach on it. Renmei, I said silently, though I know you are unhappy, I ask you with all my heart to come to my wedding with Mother. I’ll put four steamed buns, some dishes of food, and that treat you thought at first had a medicinal taste, but then got addicted to – chocolate with liquor in the middle – on the altar table in the central room. The dead deserve our respect. Please enjoy the food!

  On my way home from the graveyard, the path was lined with knee-high weeds; rainwater filled the ditches. Pear groves stretched south all the way to the Black Water River and west to the Jiao River. Growers were picking the ripe fruit, as three-wheeled tractors moved quickly down the broad road.

  Wang Gan appeared in front of me, blocking my way, as if he’d popped out of the ground. He was standing there in a military uniform that was neither new nor old – the thought struck me that it was the uniform I’d given him the year before – and a fresh haircut. He was clean-shaven. Though slim as ever, he seemed especially energetic, having done away with his old slovenly look. His spirited appearance was comforting, though I couldn’t shake an uneasy feeling.

  Wang Gan . . . I tell you, in fact . . .

  Wang Gan held his hands out and smiled, exposing his yellowed teeth. Xiaopao, he said, you don’t have to explain, I understand, I really do, and I congratulate you both.

  Old friend . . . all sorts of t
houghts crammed my mind. I reached out to shake his hand.

  He took a step backward. I’ve awakened from a dream. What they call love is really a sickness, and I’ve been cured of mine.

  That’s great. Truth is, you and Little Lion weren’t a good match. All you have to do is pull yourself together and you can accomplish something big. And when that happens, you’ll be able to choose an even more outstanding girl.

  I’m a worthless man, and I owe you an apology. Did you see the ashes on Wang Renmei’s grave? I’m the one who burned spirit paper for her. If I hadn’t reported her, Yuan Sai wouldn’t be in prison and your wife and baby would still be alive. I’m a murderer.

  You’re not to blame for any of that, I said.

  I wanted to make myself feel better with some grand justification, like ‘reporting an illegal pregnancy is the responsibility of all citizens’ or ‘it’s all right to sacrifice family for the motherland’, but they didn’t make me feel better at all. I wasn’t enlightened; I did it for my own selfish desires, in order to win Little Lion’s heart. Because of that I developed terrible insomnia, and the minute I shut my eyes I could see Renmei coming with bloody hands to gouge out my heart . . . I don’t think I have many days to live . . .

  You’re thinking too much, Wang Gan, I said. You did nothing wrong. You’re not superstitious, so you know that when a person dies, that’s the end of it. But even if a person’s spirit lived on, Renmei would not hound you. She was a good woman of pure heart.

  She absolutely was a good woman, Wang Gan agreed. And that makes me feel even worse. Don’t waste your sympathy on me, Xiaopao, and I don’t deserve to be forgiven. I’ve been waiting for you today to ask a favour . . .

  What is it, my friend?