True Devotion

  Someday. Joe wasn’t ready to give up his role yet. While the teams worked on the details, he turned his attention to the device they would be transporting. There would have to be more than a few precautions taken. Raider had shown his preference for compartmentalizing information. The odds were good this device was going to get moved around by men who had no idea what they were moving. He had to plan to deal with a device in less than stable condition.

  Joe glanced at his watch and knew something was wrong. 0710.

  He closed his eyes.

  He had just blown off Kelly.

  Twenty-Two

  * * *

  Kelly waited until almost 7 a.m. before accepting Joe was not going to meet her or call. He had forgotten they were going to run this morning. The disappointment was sharp. It would have been better if he had joined her and growled at her for the pace she set during the run than to realize he had forgotten her.

  She was tempted to pull off her tennis shoes and go back inside and not run, but it would be an admission that she was running because of him. She had done that yesterday, had made a total fool of herself by trying to run his pace and not embarrass him.

  Kelly locked the door, pushed her keys into her pocket, and set out for the sand. She needed to run for herself. The workout would give her time to think.

  No one had ever said dating would be easy. She had forgotten how hard it was on the ego to wonder what someone else thought of you.

  Had she ever been this uncertain about Nick?

  She was surprised to realize she never really had been. Nick had chosen her, and she had known early on that she was his girl. When they had gotten engaged, then married, it was wonderful and exactly what she expected.

  She was out of step with Joe. She was the one who had said I love you. Trying to impress him was a good way to get her heart broken. She let her shoes kick up sand and forgot about the fact she was running while she thought about Joe.

  She loved him. More now than ever before. She had let herself begin to dream about a future with him, let herself believe it might come true. Maybe tonight after they did the wallpaper, she could talk him into driving up to Sunset Cliffs to watch the moon rise. That would be so romantic.

  Did Joe know Nick had proposed there? It probably wasn’t fair to duplicate locations she had gone to with Nick, but having lived all her life in Coronado, it was impossible to avoid them. At least she had that in her favor; Joe wasn’t jealous of Nick.

  He was jealous of Charles.

  If she knew she would be dating Joe, she would have returned the dress. But what was done was done. While she wished the situation with Charles had not evolved as it had, it was providing an interesting contrast. Charles was what she could’ve had if she wasn’t choosing Joe, and she found herself relieved that she wasn’t even interested in pursuing the civilian choice. She wanted Joe, even with the risk of being involved with a military man again.

  She was still thinking about the kiss from last night. She hadn’t had her toes curl like that since the last time Nick had come home from deployment. She hadn’t imagined it would be like this dating Joe. They had been friends for so long she had never thought that dating would so easily ignite a firestorm inside. He wasn’t just Joe anymore. He was her Joe, and being close to him was becoming the center of what she was thinking.

  She would fix him dinner tonight. It was easy not to think about the fact she was running as she planned the evening.

  * * *

  As the evening wore on, Kelly told herself to stop watching the phone, but it did no good.

  “I’m sorry, Kelly. I didn’t mean to blow you off without a phone call this morning.” Joe’s voice on the answering machine earlier that day had sounded frustrated. “I won’t be able to run with you tomorrow either. Listen, I’ll call you back later, after you get home from work. I hate talking to a machine.”

  He hated talking to a machine; she hated listening to a machine.

  The day was practically over and Joe still hadn’t called back. Kelly couldn’t get herself occupied, and trying to work on her finances simply added to her frustration. She got up and paced. Joe was like Nick, not one to forget to call. That meant Joe was occupied and couldn’t call.

  The roses were beginning to droop just a bit. She took twenty minutes to refill water in all the flower vases. Ryan and Lynnette had stopped by earlier to say hi on their way to a movie, Lynnette’s mom playing chauffeur for the early part of the evening. Kelly wondered how their evening was going, wondered what Charles had thought of Lynnette.

  She finally chose to retreat outside and curl up on a lounge chair.

  The phone rang inside and she jumped up, afraid she would miss the call. It had to be Joe.

  “Hello?”

  “Kelly, it’s Charles.”

  She felt disappointment and was ashamed at her reaction. “Hi, Charles.”

  “Are you busy?”

  She glanced at the kitchen table. “Working on my finances.” She wove the telephone cord around her finger. “Thanks for interrupting.”

  “I’m just up the street at North Island. I’ve got a few minutes to kill before I pick up Ryan and Lynnette from the movie. Can I invite myself over for coffee?”

  She was surprised and she hesitated. She owed it to Joe to remove any question of where her loyalties were. “Sure. Need directions?”

  “I’ll find you. Thanks, Kelly.”

  She started the coffee. Charles arrived, and she was surprised to see him in jeans and a casual shirt. His hair was wet.

  “Racquetball tonight. I got trounced,” he explained as he stepped inside.

  “Intentionally?”

  “No, tonight I was trying my best. The admiral will sign off on a hundred million dollar joint project with Her Majesty’s Navy regardless; I shouldn’t be disappointed with losing a simple game.”

  “But you are.”

  “I like to win.”

  “I wondered how you’d spend your evening with Ryan off on a date,” she said. “They stopped by here.”

  “Did they? I like Lynnette. And yes, I noticed you were playing matchmaker for my son. Thanks.”

  “I wasn’t sure you would react that way.”

  “Give me some credit. You’ve got good taste.” He followed her into the kitchen. “You’ve been painting.”

  “Joe and I started last night. Wallpaper on that wall is next.”

  “It looks really nice.”

  “Thanks. You should have seen Joe’s dog—she managed to sneak inside the house and get paint all over her coat. We ended up throwing her in the bath.”

  “I’m sure she loved that.”

  “Hated every moment.” Kelly got down the mugs. “How do you take it?”

  “Black is fine.”

  She nodded and brought him a mug.

  The phone rang. “Excuse me a minute.” She took it in the living room. “Hello?”

  “I’m sorry, Kelly. I didn’t mean to call this late.”

  “Joe.” She was relieved to hear his voice. In the back of her mind had been the small suspicion that he was hurt. “I knew you would call if you could. Are you home?”

  “Not for another hour or so. I just wanted to say again I’m sorry for not touching base this morning.”

  “It’s okay,” she said slowly, knowing what all those pieces meant. She felt cold. It was as close as Joe would ever come to telling her something was being planned. “Do you need me to get Misha?”

  “Not at the moment.”

  That was a temporary reprieve. He wasn’t getting on a plane tonight. Of course that could change with a beeper message, and often did. “If that changes, let me know.”

  “Thanks, Kelly. Can I call you back later? It would be late, and I don’t want to wake you up—”

  “Call,” Kelly cut in. “It doesn’t matter what time it is.”

  She heard the relief in his voice. “Thanks. I want to talk to you.” She heard muffled voices in the background. “I’ve
got to go.”

  “I’ll be expecting your call.” She hung up slowly, feeling the distance. She had always felt it with Nick when a mission was happening, that his attention was only partially on her even when they were having a conversation. With Joe—being involved with a platoon leader was going to have its own unique stresses.

  “Everything okay?” Charles had stepped into the living room.

  “Fine,” she replied, needing to dismiss the call. It wasn’t something she could talk about. She gestured to the roses. “You have brightened my whole house.”

  “That was the intention.”

  He had carried in her coffee mug. “Ryan mentioned a wilderness camping trip being planned for next week. He sounded interested.”

  She settled on the couch. “The church youth group is going. It’s a true wilderness camping trip: white-water rafting, rock climbing, sleeping in tents, even twenty-four hours with a compass and a map to get back to base. It can be a life-changing experience. They leave Tuesday morning and get back Saturday night. The sign-up sheet had nine teens and four adults going.”

  “I can see why Ryan was intrigued. It’s not too late to add him?”

  “As long as they know this week, they’ll be able to plan food accordingly.”

  “I’ll ask him when he gets home and give you a call.” Charles set aside his coffee, then paused when he saw a picture. “Is that your husband?”

  Kelly glanced over. “Yes, that’s Nick.”

  Charles studied the picture and frowned. “How long ago was he killed?”

  “Three years.”

  “How did he die?”

  “A training accident.”

  Charles glanced over at her, apparently recognizing the evasion. “I’m sorry, Kelly. SEALs and their secrets can be difficult.”

  She neither confirmed nor denied his assumption. “Your wife—what happened?”

  “Cancer. You would have liked her. She grew up in the church, was a bright light to everyone she met. I’ve never understood why God let her die when she was so young.”

  “I’ve asked the same question about Nick.”

  “Have you figured out anything?”

  Kelly shook her head. “What about you?”

  “God stole my wife from me—that was the answer for so long. Now—” he purposely lightened his tone—“the grief fades. I’ve stopped trying to answer the question. There isn’t an answer.”

  She heard the honesty in his words, his emotion. “God stole my wife from me . . .” She was surprised at how close it was to her own reaction of God doesn’t care about me anymore. How long had it taken Charles to come back from that anger, to once again put together a relationship with God? He was in the church, was bringing his son up in it; the hurt must have passed.

  It took three years for you to face the problem, yet you stayed in the church and covered up the anger that entire time. Would you really know if Charles had faced his anger?

  Kelly wanted to ask him, to find out if the decision point she had reached was also a common occurrence for those who lost someone close, but she didn’t feel like she should ask such a probing question, not when he was already being much more open than she would have expected for a new friend. Maybe when she had known him a while longer she would ask him about it.

  Charles stayed for twenty minutes, then went to pick up Ryan and Lynnette from the movie. Kelly watched at the door as he pulled out of the drive; then she turned off the front porch light.

  She carried their coffee cups into the kitchen. Charles was looking for a friend, might even be interested in something more under different circumstances. But he had accepted a friendship, and that was what she was willing to offer. He was the one who had casually mentioned Joe a couple times, accepting that he was Kelly’s choice.

  Who did she know who would be a good match for Charles? She could play matchmaker for the son. Why not the father too?

  She put away the bills. She would go ahead and curl up in bed, let herself catch a nap rather than wait up for Joe to call. It was the routine she wanted to establish. She didn’t want him worrying about what time he called her; anytime night or day was fine, whenever he had a moment free. And she didn’t want to get in the habit of waiting up for him and adding to his sense of pressure when he couldn’t call.

  Kelly shut off the lights behind her and went to get ready for bed. She brushed out her hair, set down her hairbrush on the dresser, stopped, and frowned. Nick’s medallion was not in its usual spot. She always left it beside her jewelry box on the few days she didn’t wear it. Closing her eyes, she tried to remember where she had put it.

  Of course. She had taken it off yesterday before she began to paint and had put it down on the counter next to the stove. Turning the lights back on, she went to get it.

  Nick’s eagle medallion was not where she remembered placing it. It was not on any of the kitchen counters, under papers, or under the mail. It wasn’t in any of the kitchen drawers it might have fallen into.

  Had she even seen it today?

  Ryan and Lynnette had been over—she had gotten out a plate for the cookies. Then Charles had come over—she’d fixed coffee. She had been around the kitchen tonight fixing dinner. She simply couldn’t remember having seen the medallion.

  Kelly started searching the kitchen again, moving deliberately around the room, looking everywhere. It wasn’t here. If she had moved it, if Joe had moved it, where would it be? She checked the basket where mail landed, checked the table in the hall, looked again around her jewelry box and across her dresser. Back again in the living room, she pulled up cushions, looked under furniture. It had to have dropped somewhere. Tears started to fall when she had looked everywhere she could think of.

  Lord, I’ve lost Nick’s eagle. I have to find it. It’s the most precious possession I have next to my wedding ring.

  At eleven, she finally did what she never did—she paged Joe.

  “Kelly, what’s wrong? I got your page.”

  She heard the sharp concern. She had bothered him at work, in the middle of something important. She regretted that and yet felt like she was losing Nick all over again and couldn’t help but ask. “Do you remember seeing Nick’s medallion last night when you picked up the kitchen?”

  He was slow to answer. “I think so—yes, it was on the counter by the stove. I remember setting my drink down on the newspaper, and the medallion beneath it almost made my glass tip over.”

  “I can’t find it. I’ve looked everywhere.”

  He was quiet for several moments. “I don’t remember moving it,” his voice had dropped, recognizing what she would be feeling.

  “Could it have fallen between the counter and the stove? We found things by the refrigerator.”

  “It’s possible. You’re sure you haven’t seen it today?”

  “No.”

  “The trash.”

  She whirled, feeling her stomach sink. It was empty, and she had taken the barrels out that morning for the weekly pickup. She closed her eyes. “It’s already gone.”

  “I’ll come help you look as soon as I can get away,” Joe promised. “It has to still be in the house somewhere.”

  “You’re sure? I know you’re busy.”

  “I’ll be there.”

  She put down the phone and started looking again, forcing aside the emotion. It was here somewhere. She went back to her bedroom knowing she would have put it away there. Her search gave the same result. Nothing. She went back to the kitchen again, frustrated. She pulled out kitchen drawers, nearly pulling them off their tracks, churning through the contents.

  Forty minutes had passed and she was thinking about trying to move the refrigerator out when the doorbell rang.

  “Joe.” It helped just seeing him.

  “We’ll find it, Kelly.” It was close to midnight. Joe should be home. Instead, he was here because she needed him. “Thank you.”

  His hand on her shoulder gave a reassuring squeeze. “Show me where you last
saw it.”

  Half an hour later, Kelly sank onto one the kitchen chairs. Joe had done everything from pulling out the stove and refrigerator to looking through all the painting supplies he had packed away while she gave Misha a bath. They had both looked everywhere they could think of. The medallion was simply gone.

  “I’m sorry, Kelly.”

  She looked at him, weary. “If it went out with the trash, it’s gone for good. If it’s been misplaced in this house, I’ll find it.” She forced herself not to dump her pain on him. “Thanks for coming by to help.” What went unsaid was what they both feared. Joe had accidentally thrown away Nick’s medallion.

  He squeezed her folded hands. “I wish I could hand it to you.”

  “I’ll keep looking. You need to go. You’ve had a long day. I know I interrupted you.” She wanted to ask what was happening but knew he couldn’t answer, and it would only add to her worry.

  “I do need to get into work early,” he said with great reluctance.

  If he had a mission coming, the last thing she needed was him tired and distracted. She forced herself to smile. “Go home, Joe. I’ll find it.” She hugged him at the door and held on tight. “Take care of yourself.”

  He rubbed her back. “I would give anything to change this.”

  “I know you would. It’s okay.”

  She watched him leave. Even though she was in the process of putting Nick into the past, she didn’t want a treasured memento wrenched away from her like this. It stung. It really stung.

  Twenty-Three

  * * *

  “Wolf, let’s do it again,” Joe ordered. The men throughout the mock-up of the ship, pier, and boathouse stepped out to regroup. Wolf’s group had the device; Cougar’s group had control of the ship deck; Boomer and the men with him had control of the pier. They were working on the most complex situation they might have to deal with—taking the device from the boat. Lincoln had approved their plans last night. Joe had been right: The need to capture Raider was considered worth the higher risk of taking the device on the island and not on the open sea.