Hard to Forget

  Jerk is testing me.

  “Don’t be difficult, Jaxson. You know I can wait outside.”

  “And someone could come through the window,” he says, pointing to the large window.

  “And I could run back in,” I point out.

  He’s teasing now. Damn him.

  “They could shoot me while you’re out there.”

  He takes his pants and starts unzipping them. His hand moving slowly, almost sexually. His eyes are on mine and he knows exactly what he’s doing. My cheeks burn and I squeak, “You’ll be fine, off you go.”

  “You’re not afraid of me, are you, kitten?”

  “Afraid?” I snort. “I’ve seen more penises than I can count, thank you very much.”

  Oh God. That did not sound good, not at all.

  “I mean,” I stammer. “I work with men so I’ve seen penis, I mean…”

  God, someone shut me up.

  “I mean there’s locker rooms, and I’ve been in them, and seen … penis,” I squeak.

  He grins and holy shit, it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen—it also makes my cheeks burn hotter. I snap my mouth shut and spin quickly, slipping on the tiled floor. Jax’s hand lashes out and catches me before I go down, and he jerks me upright, pulling my back flush against his chest. He leans down and whispers into my ear, “I thought you were the bodyguard, and yet here I am saving you. I think you might need more training.”

  Asshole.

  “Enjoy your bathroom break, Mr. Shields,” I say stiffly, shoving out of his arms and marching out of the room.

  When the door swings closed behind me, I sigh and press my back against the wall. I’m an epic failure. I just said the word penis so many times the man probably thinks I’m nuts. I scrub my hands over my face and take a few calming breaths. Get it together, Delaney. Act professional. Don’t let him taunt you. Don’t let him get to you.

  The door swings open a minute later and Jax walks out. He stares at me with amusement in his eyes, then he stretches his arm out. “Aren’t you going to take me back?”

  Jerk.

  I wave my arm. “After you, sir.”

  His eyes flash and he turns, walking towards the meeting room. When we arrive, I open the door and glance in. All the same men are still there, so I step aside for Jax. When he’s safely resumed his meeting, I shut the door quietly. Then I close my eyes a second and gather my thoughts.

  I can do this.

  I can.

  I will.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  We break for the day a few hours later, and I take Jax downstairs for refreshments before he’s due to leave. When we step into the elevator, I do a quick scan before finding a spot close to him, but not so close that I’m in his space. He’s talking to his business associates still, and I’m keeping my eyes moving, looking for any suspicious activity. There seems to be none, so I relax.

  I wonder where Kyle is?

  I can’t check my phone, so I just keep on doing my job, hoping he’ll come back soon. I glance around, watching everyone interacting and finding it rather fascinating. All these people seem so professional, yet their conversations are so, well, bratty. They’re complaining about another person, something someone did, and generally whining about life.

  Bitter fools.

  Something catches my eye to the left-hand side of the room, and I turn my head, glancing at one woman and one man standing just outside the sectioned area. They’re whispering, their faces serious¸ and then the girl, a tall brunette, fixes her eyes on Jax. My heart speeds up and I step a few paces closer to her, until I can hear what she’s saying.

  “It is him, I’m sure of it. It’s too hard to tell from back here.”

  “Yeah, it’s him. You need to go in there,” the man says. “Element of surprise always works best.”

  Surprise?

  My heart starts pounding.

  “Fine, but if this ends badly for me, you and I are going to talk,” she says.

  Then she steps over the rope that shows other guests they can’t come into this area, and starts running full throttle towards Jax. Her hand goes into her jacket and I react before thinking it through, like I’ve been trained. I lunge at her, catching her around the waist and knocking her face-first onto the floor. She lands with a thump and a piercing scream as her nose cracks. I take her arms and jerk them behind her back, hissing, “Who are you?”

  She’s squealing too loudly to say anything, and everyone has stopped to stare. “Let her go!” shouts the man who sent her in as he jumps the rope.

  I pull out a gun, and point it at him. “Stay back.”

  He halts and his eyes flick over to where Jax is striding towards me. “Red?” Jax says, and I look up to see him staring at the man. “Is that you?”

  “Yeah,” Red says, his eyes angry. “Can you get that bitch off her?”

  Oh shit.

  Jax turns to me, his eyes so full of fury I flinch. “What the fuck are you doing?” he hisses. “Fucking let her go.”

  “She was charging towards you,” I say, easing back and letting the girl’s hands go.

  “I was going to surprise him, you fucking psycho!” she screams, pressing a hand over her nose, where it quickly fills with blood. “He’s my best friend.”

  “Jesus, Tori, is that you?” Jax says, kneeling down and removing her bloodied hands from her face.

  “Yes,” she squeaks. “Surprise.”

  She has so much blood that I know, I just know, her nose is broken. I used too much force. Shame floods my body as Jax lifts her to her feet, his face gentle as he strokes the blood from her cheeks and lips. Then he turns angry eyes to me. “What the hell is wrong with you?” he barks.

  “She was running towards you, she had her hand in her jacket,” I whisper.

  “I was going to throw this on him,” Tori growls, pulling out some streamers. “I haven’t seen him in person for two years and it was meant to be a surprise.”

  Oh God. I’m terrible at this.

  “Jax is in danger and I was just doing my job,” I say, my voice shaky.

  “Your job?” Jax roars. “Your job is to protect me, not hurt my friends.”

  “I could have you charged,” Red snarls.

  My knees wobble and I know they’re right. I should have stepped in front of the girl, and pulled her aside without using much force. Instead I threw myself at her, slammed her face onto the floor and hurt her. She probably could charge me for it.

  “Wait,” Tori says, turning to Jax. “You’re in danger?”

  “Not now,” he says to her, but his eyes are pinned to me. “You need to get me a meeting with your boss, I want you off my fucking case. You’re unprofessional and dangerous.”

  I swallow and tears sting my eyes.

  “What’s going on here?”

  The sound of Kyle’s voice filling my ears only makes things worse. I turn slowly to see him striding in, his face tight. He looks to Tori, who is tucked in Jax’s arms, and then his eyes dart to me. “What the hell happened?”

  “What happened?” Jax barks. “What happened is she broke my best friend’s nose when she crash tackled her to the ground and slammed her face against it. I want to speak to Nahko, right fucking now. I want her off my case, I don’t care what it costs me. She’s dangerous and reckless and isn’t ready.”

  “She was running towards him,” I try to protest.

  “And you didn’t try to stop her without force?” Kyle demands, crossing his arms. “You know that’s the first rule.”

  “I didn’t think, she was running so fast, her hand in her jacket, I just reacted.”

  “By smashing my face into the floor?” Tori screams, then whimpers and covers her nose.

  “I didn’t … I’m sorry … I…”

  “You know better,” Kyle yells in my face. “You have been taught better. You know to always try to redirect a threat without force.”

  “She could have had anything in her jacket.” I try to defend myself but
I know I screwed up bad.

  “Yeah, she could have, but you still don’t react with such force. You should have stepped in front of her, putting your hand up. If she pulled out a gun, or shoved past you, then you could take her down. You know this, Delaney. You’ve been taught.”

  “I know, Kyle, I just…”

  “I want her gone,” Jax barks. “Call your boss, get him in here, now!”

  My knees wobble some more, and I look over to Tori. “I’m sorry, I truly am.”

  Then I walk out of the room, out of the hotel, and wait beside Jax’s car. I flop down onto the bench on the footpath and pain rips through my chest. I screwed up, badly enough that I could lose my job right here and now, and I never even got past the first big case. What’s wrong with me? I know better than to use such force, even if I took her down, I could have done it without injuring her, I’ve been taught.

  I didn’t listen.

  I just reacted, and I made a terrible mistake. I drop my head into my hands and stay like that for what seems like hours. I flinch when a hand touches my shoulder and I look up to see Nak staring down at me. Here goes, he’s about to fire me. He sits on the seat beside me and studies my face, before smiling.

  Why is he smiling?

  “You broke her nose, impressive for someone who doesn’t know what she’s doing, right?”

  He’s teasing lightly, pointing out the fact that only a month or so ago the guys didn’t even believe I could take someone down. It doesn’t make me feel better.

  “Nak,” I whisper.

  “Jesus, Delaney, I wondered if you had it in you and today you proved that you most certainly do.”

  “I don’t understand,” I say, confused. Why isn’t he firing me? “Why aren’t you tearing me a new one while firing me? I screwed up, Nak.”

  “Let me tell you a story about my first day on the job. I was hotheaded and thought I knew better than anyone. I was watching over a famous soccer player, and he was forever surrounded by ladies. One afternoon when he had just finished his game, I escorted him to a locker room to get changed. Some girls came in and were hanging all over him, and I figured what the heck, he’s safe and they were hot.”

  I blink, but he keeps going.

  “I was cocky, thought I had it all under control, so when one of the girls walked over and started kissing me, I didn’t stop her. I knew he was still in the room, and he was busy with two of them, so I figured I could spare some time to enjoy the girl. Because of that I didn’t do my job properly and didn’t check the actual lockers. The guy I was protecting him from was hiding in the locker next to his. The fucking locker.”

  I gasp.

  “He leapt out and shot him, luckily for me he only hit his shoulder before I managed to contain him. You can imagine how my boss took that?”

  “He let you keep your job?”

  He smiles. “I learned from the best of the best, Delaney. And one thing he taught me is that none of us are perfect. You made a mistake, it wasn’t a good one, but if you learn from it, then it means you’re doing your job right. What happened in there shouldn’t have happened, just like I shouldn’t have been kissing a woman while on duty, but I learned and after that day, everything I did, I did right.”

  “I broke her nose, Nak.”

  He nods. “You did, and I’ve paid her accordingly for that. She won’t be pressing charges.”

  “Jax wants me off his case,” I whisper.

  “Jax doesn’t get a choice. If he wants you off, I take Kyle off too. Those were the terms and he agreed to them. He signed papers. If he wishes to continue to use my services, he takes what I’m offering.”

  “I hurt her, and in doing that, he could have been hurt too.”

  “You reacted,” Nak says. “That’s what you’ve been taught to do. You reacted with far too much force, but you acted because you felt he was in danger.”

  “And I was wrong,” I say, my voice shaking. “How am I to know the difference between someone who is running at him with happiness, and someone who has ill intentions?”

  “You go with instinct.”

  I shake my head. “My instinct was wrong today, Nak.”

  “It was your first day, don’t become disheartened. We’ve all made mistakes, Laney. This was yours. Learn from it, and become a better bodyguard.”

  “Jax will never trust me, not now.”

  “Jax will cool down, in the meantime let Kyle lead and you watch for a week or so. I shouldn’t have taken him away from you so soon, that’s my fault, Delaney, and I’m sorry.”

  “I’m not sure I’m made for this,” I say, staring at my hands.

  “You’re not going to give up this easily, are you? Because if you are, Delaney, you’re not the strong-willed, feisty girl I hired.” He reaches over and touches my hand. “Don’t let me down.”

  Then he stands and disappears.

  I watch him go and sigh.

  I’m not sure I’ll have a choice.

  * * *

  Kyle and Jax exit the building about twenty minutes after Nak leaves. Kyle glares at me, and Jax doesn’t even look my way. He’s furious, and he has every right to be. I hurt his friend. That’s not okay. Tori and Red exit the building a moment later, too, both glaring at me. I look away and slide into the car beside Jax, who shifts away like my thigh touching his is poison.

  “I’m sorry, Mr. Shields,” I say, my voice unsteady.

  “If there was any other way,” he grinds out. “You wouldn’t be here.”

  I look out the window as the car pulls out onto the street, and I can’t fight the tears anymore. They trickle down my cheek and I let them drop onto my shirt. I keep my face turned towards the window until we arrive at Jax’s apartment. My tears are dried by then and I climb out of the car, numbly checking everything as I make my way up to his front door.

  He and Kyle follow behind me when I give the all clear. Jax unlocks the front door, and once more I step in before them. I enter the massive space and gasp. Jax’s apartment is huge. It’s one big open space, mostly. The floors are black polished marble and the entirety of the kitchen, living area and sitting rooms are all in the open space. The furniture is beyond expensive.

  A staircase curls up to a floor that’s open, and up there I can see a bedroom. Jax’s bedroom is the entirety of that floor? It must be, because through the bars of the balcony I can definitely see a bed. It’s open, no privacy at all, which tells me he’s never lived with anyone. It’s all his space, so therefore he doesn’t need a bedroom that’s closed in.

  There is a scatter of doors off to the right that I walk over to, opening them. I see a laundry, a huge library, and a massive bathroom with a huge spa, and a toilet. I check all the spaces and then walk across the floor, to the stairs. I climb them and enter Jax’s room. Yes, I was right. This is all just bedroom. I take in the massive king bed, and the luxury furniture scattered about.

  The place screams bachelor pad.

  I check in his closet, admiring his expensive clothes, then I move on to the bathroom up here. It is very similar to the one downstairs. When I’m sure this floor is clear, I walk over to the balcony and peer down at the massive living area beneath. This is quite odd, but very cool at the same time. I push back and walk down the stairs, doing another quick sweep before letting them know it’s clear.

  When they’re in, and the door is shut and locked, Kyle does another sweep. This is normal, but the expression on his face makes me feel like he’s doing it because he thinks I’m not competent. Jax strides straight to the stairs, barking orders as he goes. “There’s a library, second door to the right. There’s a pullout in there. That’s where you sleep. Don’t bother me.”

  He doesn’t let us answer, he just disappears up the stairs. I watch him go and then turn to Kyle who has just finished his check of the apartment. He stops in front of me and scowls. He’s not happy with me either, and I get that, but I’m also trying to move on and do my best to make it better. “Nak goes too easy on you. If you
were my employee, I’d have fired you.”

  “Oh, because you’re so fucking perfect, Kyle,” I snap, before thinking.

  He flinches. “Be careful how you speak to me, Delaney.”

  “Why?” I hiss. “You speak to me however the hell you want.”

  “Because I’m better than you,” he growls. “You will never be as good as I am, or any of the guys on this team. You proved that today. None of us screwed up like you did.”

  That hurts.

  And after everything that’s happened today, it just adds to the giant hole in my heart. I flinch and take a step back.

  “I’m just as good as any of you, even if you refuse to—”

  “No,” he snaps. “You’re not. You are going to keep making mistakes because this isn’t your world, Delaney. Get it through your fucking head and do it before someone ends up seriously injured or dead because you’re incompetent.”

  Those words hit me right in the gut and I take a few steps back, so hurt I can barely see straight.

  “I’ve heard enough,” I manage. “Tell me where I’m going for the night, so I can get the hell away from you.”

  “Nak might give you whatever you want, because he sees only the beauty, but I won’t, Delaney. Your tits and ass will never, fucking ever, sway me. You don’t belong here. You never will.”

  Those words hurt, they hurt so much tears burst from my eyes before I can stop them. I ball my fists and swipe them away, before demanding, “Just tell me what my job is for the night.”

  “You’re off duty. Go and sleep. I am taking the night shift.”

  Fuck him then.

  If he wants to be tired, so be it.

  I turn and walk towards the library, but stop when I reach the door. I glance over my shoulder and look up to see Jax standing at the balcony, watching me. His face isn’t angry, but instead impassive. He watched the entire exchange. I turn away and swallow, before pushing the door open and stepping inside. Screw Kyle and screw Jax Shields.

  Let them think what they will.

  Tomorrow, I vow it to myself and everyone who doubts me that I will be the best bodyguard they’ve ever seen.