I Heart New York

  ‘Sounds like fun,’ I said, shaking my head. ‘I think I had something like that planned, and then I found my boyfriend with his pants around his ankles. I don’t recommend it.’

  ‘If I were to find my boyfriend with his shorts around his ankles, something would have gone wildly wrong with my plan.’ His eyes crinkled lightly as he shook his head and laughed. Oh, he looks nice when he laughs, I thought, musing over his good points. Sweet, funny, great prospects, makes me feel like royalty, and quite frankly, not bad to look at, and there were rock hard abs under that suit.

  ‘If you were going to go wildly off plan,’ I had to find a chink in the perfection somewhere, ‘what would you do?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ he said, leaning back in his chair. ‘If I were being totally selfish? Do anything I want?’

  ‘Anything you want,’ I confirmed.

  ‘I’d take a year off and follow the Yankees. Every game,’ he said, smiling to himself. ‘Can you imagine?’

  ‘Not really,’ I frowned. Not the romantic answer I’d been hoping for.

  ‘Or, I would rent an island, like the one the Virgin guy has,’ he suggested.

  ‘Necker Island?’ More like it.

  ‘Yeah,’ he nodded. ‘I’d rent Necker island and just hide away for a few months. Just the sun and the sand and some great wines and whiskeys. And a satellite TV for Yankees’ games. And a WiFi connection so you could keep writing, of course.’

  ‘I’m there?’ I asked, playing with my napkin.

  ‘It’s my fantasy, right?’ he said, reaching out for my hand across the table. ‘So I get to take whoever I want.’

  Silently blushing from head to toe, I tried to meet his gaze, but I had instantly become a Complete Girl and couldn’t even look at him.

  ‘The food here is really great, but the coffee is awful,’ he whispered just loud enough for the waiter to hear as he walked by. He sniffed loudly and carried on walking. ‘And I have a suspicion we’re not that welcome any more,’ he laughed. ‘I, however, have great coffee. You want to come back for a while?’

  I looked over at the waiter who was already running up our bill. It really did look as if he might spit in our coffees. At best.

  ‘I’m only ten minutes from here,’ Tyler said, pulling out his wallet and placing the fabled black Amex on the bill the second it arrived without even looking. I really had wanted to pay tonight, but in a way, I really did love the fact that he wouldn’t let me. ‘And it’s really good coffee. I have a Gaggia.’

  Whatever a Gaggia might have been, it swung the deal. It was just coffee after all, there was no way Tyler was going to be less of a gentleman than Alex. We ducked out into a cab and drove slowly around the park. Somewhere I still hadn’t visited, it looked so beautiful lit up at night.

  ‘You want to walk the last couple of blocks?’ Tyler asked, reading my mind. I nodded eagerly and jumped out onto the pavement, leaning against the wall and looking out across the lake. It was like a scene from a movie. My movie.

  ‘Sometimes you forget how lucky you are to live with all this on your doorstep,’ he sighed, taking off his jacket and resting it on my shoulders. It was lightly scented with his aftershave and still warm. ‘It’s amazing to see it through someone else’s eyes.’

  I turned to say something, but was cut off by his kiss. His arms encircled my waist and without breaking away, he lifted me up and placed me on the wall, as if I were made of air, as if I weighed nothing. Pressing against him, I let the kiss grow deeper and deeper until my hands were lost in his thick hair and my legs were carelessly knotted around his. I had completely forgotten I was in the middle of a busy street, I was so entirely given over to this kiss, this moment. Suddenly, I felt all of my frustrations bubble up to the surface, every night I’d laid in bed alone waiting for Mark to come home, every hopeful smile I’d had rejected, every touch that had gone unacknowledged, even Alex’s refusal to come upstairs with me the night before, however honorable his reasons, it all burst out in that one kiss.

  ‘My apartment is just around the corner,’ Tyler pushed me away gently. His eyes burned and I knew I just had to. I wanted him so badly. The absolute certainty that I was in for a thoroughly good seeing to burned in my chest as we moved in silence, somewhere between a quick walk and a slow run. It was only a couple of minutes to his Park Avenue apartment, but it felt like a million miles. Falling through the door, I tore at Tyler’s beautiful suit and kicked away my flip-flops as we rolled down the hallway. I knew that I should step back, work out what I was doing. But I didn’t care. I didn’t care if it was revenge sex, a sexorcism, or just something I needed with someone I wanted. All I knew was that the doorknob pushing into my lower back needed to be turned if it led to the bedroom. And it did. Tyler pulled me in, flicking on the low bedside light as we crashed on to his huge bed. This wasn’t the time to work out my motives, I told myself, feeling so small and delicate as Tyler lay on top of me, his hands frisking my curves firmly, his lips still pressing against mine. This was time to let my body make some decisions for me. And if all my body’s decisions felt this good, I would be consulting it far more regularly from now on.

  Morning declared itself with a chirping alarm clock. I had absolutely no idea what time it was, but it felt early. Really early. Stretching my arms out, I marvelled at how wide the bed felt, how soft my sheets were. How bright the sun was through the giant picture window…hang on a minute.

  ‘Morning,’ Tyler appeared in the doorway, fully dressed in a suit and tie as I clutched the covers tightly around my chin. Quick visual check, yes, I was naked. He sat down on the edge of the bed and placed two steaming cups of coffee on the side table. ‘Since we never got to it last night,’ he said, bending down and offering a long, slow kiss.

  I still wasn’t quite sure what to say.

  ‘Sorry, it’s so early,’ he carried on regardless, picking up his coffee and sipping thoughtfully. ‘Monday’s are a bitch, I have to be in before all the meetings start, otherwise I don’t stand a chance. I’m usually tied to my BlackBerry all Sunday night and, as you know, I had better things to do last night.’

  I smiled weakly and fumbled for my coffee. ‘Mm-hm,’ I nodded and sipped slowly. The longer this took, the less likely it would be that I might have to make conversation. Damn, I thought, sipping again, he really does make fantastic coffee.

  ‘Anyway, I’m gonna get gone.’ He smoothed my hair and came in for another kiss. ‘Just let yourself out whenever, OK? The door locks itself, so don’t worry about alarms or anything. Call me later?’

  I nodded and accepted one more kiss before he stood up to leave. I set my coffee down and buried my face in the pillow, not seeing Tyler pause in the doorway.

  ‘I just wanted to say,’ he called across the room, ‘good luck for your meeting.’

  Thank God he hadn’t said anything about how amazing it had been. I just couldn’t cope. ‘Thanks,’ I managed without sitting up.

  ‘And I actually just wanted to say, last night was really,’ I’d spoken to soon, ‘really amazing.’

  Ooh, so close.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  ‘So, before you tell me anything else, without even thinking,’ she commanded, unloading the Starbucks bags and newspapers I’d bought to camouflage my Walk of Shame. ‘How was the sex?’

  ‘It was amazing,’ I said. ‘Honestly, I know my sex life has been pretty shitty for a while, but he was incredible. He’s strong and big and he goes to the gym and we did it three times and I, God, I don’t know.’

  ‘OK, you’ve answered my next three questions,’ she said, sinking her teeth into a doughnut. ‘So you’re seeing him again when?’

  ‘Oh shut up!’ I grabbed a doughnut of my own and shook my head. ‘He had to leave early.’

  ‘That’s OK, as long as he calls like, today or tomorrow,’ Jenny said, staring me down. ‘But I don’t think that’s bothering you. You know he’s going to call, right? So what’s up? Why aren’t you bouncing off the ceiling?’
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  ‘OK, don’t get mad but because I was sort of thinking on the way back…I’ve only ever been with Mark,’ I said, plopping onto a stool and pulling my hair back into a messy ponytail. ‘I know you’re going to punch me, but even though it was amazing at the time, this morning I felt, well, like I had cheated on him. I know, I know,’ I held out my hand to cut her off, ‘I know it doesn’t make sense, he didn’t even wait to break-up with me before he started sleeping with someone else, but I can’t help the way it feels.’

  ‘True, you can’t,’ Jenny nodded. ‘But you’re not going to let this stop you seeing him? If anything honey, you ought to be throwing another couple of guys into the mix.’

  ‘I don’t know. What if I don’t stop feeling weird? And what about Alex? Twenty-four hours ago or so, I’d invited him up here, and now I’ve slept with Tyler? I’ve only just got my head around going on dates with two men let alone sleeping with them both.’

  ‘This one’s easy,’ Jenny said, slapping my hands away from my hair when I tried to retie my ponytail again. ‘Do you want to see Alex again?’

  I nodded.

  ‘And do you want to see and potentially sleep with Tyler again?’

  I nodded.

  ‘Then fine. You don’t have to choose until you’re ready.’ She picked up her coffee and two more of the doughnuts. ‘And by the way, three times in one night, Park Avenue apartment and a black Amex? You sure as hell are seeing him again or you’re giving me his number.’ She leaned over the bar and kissed me on the cheek. ‘Go get ready for your meeting with Mary, I’m going to bed.’

  Knowing I had a meeting meant that I didn’t have enough time to go over and over what had happened in my head, but I did manage a quick self-analysis while applying mascara (Razor would have been so proud). Looking myself in the eyes, I tried to smile at the new girl looking back. It wasn’t the clothes or the hair or even the faint tan I’d acquired in the past week, although all of that was new, I just couldn’t remember the last time I’d looked in a mirror before I came to New York. Not caught sight of myself as I walked by, not sorted out my dodgy parting, but really looked myself in the eye. At best I managed a quick sideways glance on my way out of the shower to see how my Weight Watchers torment was coming along, never a happy moment. And now, there was this strange girl staring back at me. A girl who dates two guys at once, writes for the website of a fashion glossy, who lives in New York. Meep.

  On the way out of the door, I picked up my mobile and looked at the phone book–Jenny, Erin, The Look, Tyler, and first in the list? Alex. I’d promised I’d call and I really really wanted to, but it felt so weird, ringing a man I wanted to sleep with when I’d just slept with someone else. No matter how many times Jenny told me it wasn’t a big deal, that New York dating came with different rules (The Rules again!) it just felt wrong to me. And to be honest, no matter how far I was putting feminism back, I wanted any man that wanted to sleep with me, to want to sleep only with me. There, it was out there. I was practically a Puritan.

  The safest time to get Alex’s answering machine would be early, I reasoned, that sexy deathly pallor didn’t come from early morning jogs along the river. Convincing myself he wouldn’t answer, I sucked it up and dialled. And he answered on the first ring.

  ‘Y’ello?’ He sounded sleepy and cute.

  ‘Hi, Alex?’ I panicked, not having anything prepared except a random babbled statement about calling him back later.

  ‘Yeah?’ So far so he-didn’t-recognize-my-voice.

  ‘It’s Angela,’ I said, cursing myself for calling. ‘Angela Clark?’

  ‘Oh, hi.’ He yawned loudly. This plan had not gone well. ‘I wondered when you were going to call.’

  ‘I said I would,’ I defended myself. It had only been a day. Should I have called by now? Erin had said three days. Bloody Erin. ‘So, you know, Saturday was really fun, thanks.’

  ‘Uh-huh,’ he replied. ‘Sorry, I just woke up, I’m not really a morning person.’

  ‘Oh, me neither,’ I said, rushing towards Times Square. ‘But I have a meeting, so I thought I’d call and…sorry. I should have called later.’

  ‘No, it’s fine,’ he said with another deep yawn. I wondered how he looked first thing. I imagined his hair all stuck over on one side, pillow creases in his cheek. ‘Listen, you want to do something Wednesday? You want to go to MoMA?’

  ‘Sounds great,’ I said, relieved that I would have two days to sort my head out and wondering what a MoMA was.

  ‘Cool, meet you outside the main entrance at three?’

  ‘Perfect, see you then.’ Instead of looking for the Spencer Media building, I found myself guessing what he slept in. Maybe he was wandering around his apartment naked. Not the right chain of thought. Bad Angela.

  ‘Good, Angela,’ Mary said, pacing around her office clutching my diaries. ‘It’s actually good. It’s pacy, it’s funny–funny-ish–and I’m thinking I’m a reader and I’m kind of interested in these men you’re dating. You’re still seeing both of them?’

  ‘Yes,’ I said, watching her anxiously and looking out for the coffee I was offered on my way in. ‘I am, but I feeling a bit weird about it. I don’t know, maybe I should just be seeing one of them. Or just slowing it down a little, but with one of them. Or both of them. Or something.’

  ‘I don’t think so,’ Mary said, finally settling behind her desk. ‘If you want this blog, you keep dating. We need to give them nicknames so that they don’t sue–I’m calling them Wall Street and Brooklyn–they are your story, until something or someone else, comes along.’

  ‘I suppose,’ I said slowly. I really should have re-read the pieces post-caffeine-high, but I wanted this so badly. ‘I’m seeing Alex on Wednesday but I haven’t made plans with Tyler yet.’

  ‘Make them.’ Mary buzzed in her secretary and handed me a business card. ‘You’ll email me your column every day by four, keep it detailed on locations, light on the gory details. We want the readers interested in where you’re going on your dates, which guy you’re going to pick, not getting off on your sex life.’

  ‘OK,’ I nodded eagerly, ‘I can do that.’

  ‘So you’ll email your piece to me every day by four. I have a meeting with the editorial and marketing team on Thursday, and if your pieces keep coming in at this standard, I’ll be putting them to the team then.’

  ‘Thanks,’ I replied, completely shell-shocked. ‘I won’t let you down, Mary.’

  ‘No, you’d better not,’ she said, turning back to her computer. ‘Be here at four on Friday for a catch-up and we’ll talk about posting The Adventures of Angela.’

  ‘The Adventures of Angela?’ I backed out of the office, smiling with an awkward half wave. ‘See you Friday. Thanks Mary.’

  I emerged, blinking, into the sunlight, not really knowing what had just happened, but pretty sure the meeting had gone well. Pausing outside the terrifyingly neon behemoth that was Toys us, it took me a whole minute to work out what the vibrating against my hip was, before I realized that I’d stuck my mobile in my pocket after calling Alex. It had been over a week since I’d received a text message and I’d almost forgotten they existed. Who knew that could happen?

  Hi lunch meeting cancelled, have res at Tao. Shame to waste it. Abuse my corporate account with me at 1.00?

  It was Tyler.

  I had sworn that I would eventually make it to the Empire State Building today, but I had something else to think about other than my tourist agenda now.

  My column.

  Mary had told me to make plans with Tyler hadn’t she? She was practically forcing me to accept his offer. And I had even heard of Tao, it was supposed to be amazing. With my career and stomach in mind I accepted, by text, whilst trying to keep last night’s marathon firmly out of mind. It wasn’t easy though. As I drifted around midtown, killing time, my mind kept wantonly wandering over the details. His soft hands, his hard body, the warmth of his kisses and how, for those blissful few hours, I didn’t have
to be anyone at all, I was just part of the act. No disastrous life back in England, no double-dating concerns in New York, nothing but me and Tyler. Such a welcome relief and very welcome release. A little tiny part of me was also pretty pleased that I’d remembered at least some of what I was doing. It really was just like riding a bike, I smiled to myself. Ooh, I should put that in the column. Or maybe not–no porno details.

  By one, I’d managed to spend $500 accidentally on underwear in Saks on Fifth Avenue, egged on by the newly awakened sex goddess in me. Nothing overly saucy, just really beautiful matching bras and ‘briefs’. Couldn’t say knickers in New York, and I couldn’t bring myself to say panties without giggling like a child. I arrived at Tao ten minutes early (get me!) and was directed over to Tyler’s table, where he was tapping away at his BlackBerry. Would I ever beat a man to a date? Maybe lateness was one of my new things, I mused, feeling a post-coital nervousness well up in my chest as we kissed hello. Nothing salacious, a warm, firm kiss square on the lips.

  ‘Hi,’ he said, pulling my chair out for me. ‘Been shopping?’ he nodded towards my giant bags, and it suddenly occurred to me how it must look. I practically devour him in the street, then turn up for lunch the next day with bags and bags of underwear.

  Wow, what a slut.

  ‘They’re gifts,’ I said.

  Wow, what a liar.

  ‘Oh, OK. Gifts.’ He smiled. ‘How did your meeting go? Are you editor-in-chief yet?’

  Grateful that he had changed the subject to something I could talk about without having to imagine him hot, sweaty and naked, I stopped hiding behind my menu and shook my head.

  ‘It went well,’ I said, ‘she liked the pieces that I’d written and she’s asked me to send her 500 words a day, then go in for another meeting on Friday. It’s not a done deal by a long stretch though. Not a big deal. Really.’

  It was a big deal.

  ‘Are you kidding?’ he said, putting his menu down. ‘That’s fantastic! We’re officially celebrating.’