Turkeys We Have Loved and Eaten

Mr. Scary stood there very frozen.

  He did not make any more guesses.

  And so, finally, Sheldon blurted it out.

  “HAPPY TURKEY DAY!” he said. “The three squeezes stand for HAPPY TURKEY DAY! And so that’s how come we always name the turkeys! ’Cause they make our Thanksgiving Day happy and delicious! And we don’t ever want to forget them!”

  I thought that over in my head.

  Room One thought it over, too.

  Then, all at once, we started to clap.

  ’Cause that is the nicest way to remember a turkey that we ever heard of!

  Sheldon looked at his Thanksgiving pictures again. “Good old Larry from last year,” he said kind of quiet.

  Mr. Scary smiled.

  Then he walked to the board.

  And he picked up his chalk.

  And he wrote it on the board.

  11. GOOD OLD LARRY FROM LAST YEAR

  Room One clapped some more.

  Good old Sheldon Potts.

  9

  Socks and

  Other Surprises

  I slumped in my seat real glum.

  Then BAM!

  The morning got even worse!

  On account of May came running into the room. And she was dressed like a Native American Indian girl!

  And that is what I wanted to be!

  I slumped lower in my chair.

  May hurried down our row. And she poked me in the arm.

  “Hello, Junie Jones. Hello,” she said. “Look at the Thanksgiving costume my mother made for me! I am a Native American Indian girl!”

  She poked me again. “Look how great this costume is! Look at the fringe on the bottom of my dress! Look at the beads around the collar! Look at my cute moccasins! Look at the long braid in my hair!”

  I turned my face away from her.

  “Look at the back of my head,” I said.

  May ran around in front of me.

  “Guess what my name is, Junie Jones? My name is Chief May—Chief of Everybody. And I will be bossing around the Native Americans at the feast today. Plus I will be bossing around the Pilgrims, too.”

  After that, she looked me over.

  “Hmm, let’s see … it looks like you are a little Pilgrim girl,” she said. “A little Pilgrim girl is not the chief of anyone, is she? A little Pilgrim girl is just a … girl.”

  She did a smirk.

  “What is your name, little Pilgrim girl?” she asked. “Do you have a name?”

  I made squinty eyes at her.

  “My name is Get Out of My Face, Chief Nutball,” I said back.

  I do not know where I came up with that great name. These things just come to me.

  May frowned her eyebrows. “I think your name is Pilgrim Grouchy!” she said.

  After that, she swung her long braid in my face. And she sat down in her seat.

  Just then, Mr. Scary came hurrying into the room. He had been talking to someone in the hall.

  His face beamed at our costumes.

  “Boys and girls, you look so great in your Thanksgiving outfits!” he said. “We are going to have the best time with our families today.”

  He held up one finger.

  “And don’t forget! Today the office is going to announce who won the Thankful Contest.”

  I did a loud groan.

  “Great,” I grouched. “I’m already hottish and sweatish. Now all I need to do is win a pie and vomit.”

  Suddenly, a loud noise interrupted my grouching.

  TAP! TAP! TAP!

  TAP! TAP! TAP!

  It was coming from the hall outside Room One.

  All of the children ran to see.

  And WHOA!

  It was Principal!

  And he was hammering a nail in our door with his shoe!

  All of our mouths came open at that sight.

  “I cannot believe my eyeballs,” I said real shocked. “If I nailed a hole in our door, I would get sent to Principal’s office.”

  I looked at Mr. Scary. “You know that’s true, by the way,” I said. “I have been sent for way less than that.”

  Sheldon raised his hand.

  “How come you’re doing that, Principal?” he asked. “How come you’re nailing a hole in our door with your shoe?”

  Just then, his eyes glanced down at Principal’s sock foot.

  “Whoa! What kind of socks do you have on there?” he asked real curious.

  Sheldon quick got on his hands and knees and looked closer.

  He raised his eyebrows. “Are those kneesocks?” he said. “My grandpa Ned Potts wears kneesocks.”

  I got on my hands and knees, too.

  “My grampa Frank Miller wears those kind of socks, too,” I said. “We call them old-man socks.”

  Principal’s face looked embarrassed at us.

  He said to please get away from his sock foot. Then he quick put his shoe back on.

  After that, he did a deep breath to settle down.

  Then, surprise! Surprise! He reached into his pocket.

  And he pulled out a giant blue ribbon.

  And he hung it right on the door nail!

  “CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU, ROOM ONE!” he said real happy. “YOU WON FIRST PLACE IN THIS YEAR’S THANKFUL CONTEST!”

  All of Room One stood very still for a minute.

  That is called we were in a daze, I believe.

  Then BOOM!

  We jumped! And clapped! And danced!

  And yelled!

  “WE WON! WE WON! WE WON!” we yelled.

  Mr. Scary’s face looked thrilled at us.

  “I knew you could do it!” he said. “I told you that you were a special group!”

  Me and Herbert linked our arms together. And we skipped in a happy circle.

  “WE WON, JUNIE B.!” hollered Herb. “WE WON A GIANT FIRST PLACE BLUE RIBBON! AND A BIG PUMPKIN PIE!”

  Then SCREEEEECH!

  All of our skipping came to a stop.

  ’Cause we remembered the vomit part, that’s why.

  Herb and I looked sickish at each other.

  Then all of the other children looked sickish, too.

  “Oh no,” we said. “Pumpkin pie. We have to eat pumpkin pie.”

  But then HA!

  Good old Lennie came to the rescue!

  ’Cause he already had the whole thing figured out!

  “Don’t worry, everyone! I’ve got a plan!” he said very excited.

  He pointed to the back of the room.

  “We’ve got a giant cleanup sink back there, remember?” he said.

  All of us looked at the cleanup sink.

  “So?” we said.

  Lennie grinned. “So if anyone makes us eat pie, we’ll just put it in our mouths … then run to the cleanup sink … and quick spit it out!” he said.

  All of Room One thought for a second.

  Then WHEW!

  A big breath of relief whooshed right out of us.

  ’Cause spitting pie in the cleanup sink is a genius, of course!

  We started smiling again.

  Hurray for Lennie!

  That guy thinks of everything.

  10

  Naming Stuff

  All of us skipped back to our seats.

  Principal walked to the front of the room.

  And he saw our Thankful List on the board.

  We had added more stuff on Tuesday afternoon. So now it was twenty whole items long!

  Principal read the list out loud.

  1. CRANBERRY JELLY IN A CAN

  2. EXPLODING BISCUITS

  3. NIPSY DOODLES

  4. RAINBOW SPRINKLES

  5. TOILET PAPER

  6. MONEY

  7. PHILIP JOHNNY BOB

  8. POLICE SERGEANT CHUCK

  9. SNAUSAGES

  10. STINKY

  11. GOOD OLD LARRY FROM LAST YEAR

  12. COOKIES—BUT NOT THE COCONUT KIND

  13. JOSÉ’S REMOTE CONTROL

  14. LIGHTNING BUGS


  15. THE BIG BOX OF 64 CRAYONS

  16. PENGUINS

  17. LENNIE’S WASHCLOTH PUPPET

  18. WHIPPED CREAM THAT ROGER ACCIDENTALLY SQUIRTED IN HIS MOUTH BEFORE SCHOOL

  19. NASAL SPRAY

  20. THE CARTOON NETWORK

  After he finished reading, Principal smiled real big.

  “Boys and girls, this is the most honest list we have ever had in the school contest,” he said. “Thank you for telling us what children are really thankful for.”

  Lennie turned around and looked at May.

  Then he did a big smirk.

  “Nipsy Doodles rule,” he said.

  May turned his head back around.

  Just then, we heard feet in the hallway.

  And yay! Yay! Hurray!

  Our favorite janitor came through the door!

  “GUS VALLONY! IT’S GUS VALLONY!” I shouted real thrilled.

  Gus Vallony is the nicest janitor in the whole entire world.

  He was pushing a cart with a table and folding chairs on it.

  I jumped up so he could see me.

  “Gus Vallony! It’s me! It’s Junie B. Jones!” I yelled. “Did you hear we won the Thankful Contest? Did you see the blue ribbon on our door?”

  I hurried to the front of the room. “What do you have there, Gus Vallony? Is that folding chairs for our feast today? ’Cause maybe I could help you with them!”

  Gus Vallony did a chuckle at me.

  “Well, Junie B. Jones! Don’t you look nice today!” he said. “You’re all dressed up like a Pilgrim girl.”

  I nodded. “Yes, I know,” I said. “At first, I did not want to be a Pilgrim girl. And so me and Mother had a tussle behind the trash can. Only now I am hardly even sweaty. Plus also, I can spit pie in the cleanup sink. And so my whole entire mood got better.”

  Gus Vallony looked confused at me.

  Principal looked confused, too.

  Mr. Scary walked me back to my seat. And he said for me to please stay put.

  After that, Principal helped Gus Vallony and Mr. Scary set up the table and chairs.

  And wait till you hear this!

  All of our guests had signed up to bring the feast food. So Room One didn’t have to make a thing!

  I tapped on my friend Herbert.

  “What kind of food is your mother bringing?” I asked. “My mother and my grandma Miller are bringing cranberry jelly.”

  Herbert turned around. “My mother has to work today. But my grandmother is bringing carrot sticks.”

  “Oh boy!” I said. “I love carrot sticks.”

  Lennie grinned. “Me too,” he said. “My grandmother is coming to the feast. But she’s a terrible cook. So I signed her up for napkins.”

  Sheldon heard us talking.

  “My uncle Vern is coming with my grampa Ned Potts. And they’re bringing Tater Tots!” he said.

  I did a gasp at that delicious news.

  “Yummy yum yum!” I said. “Tater Tots!”

  May threw her head back.

  “Pilgrims and Indians did not eat Tater Tots,” she said real annoyed. “My mother is bringing the real kind of food that they ate at the first Thanksgiving.”

  She stood up at her desk. And she swung her long braid again.

  “My mother is bringing squash … and beans … and stewed onions,” she said real proud.

  After that, Room One got very quiet.

  We were thinking about stewed onions, I believe.

  Then, one by one, we all turned around. And we looked at the cleanup sink again.

  I glanced at Lennie. “That sink is going to get a real workout today,” I said.

  Just then, we heard more footsteps in the hall.

  And YIPPEE! YIPPEE!

  Our first Thanksgiving guest was here!

  It was Lucille’s richie nanna! And she brought her real, actual chef guy with her!

  The chef guy was wearing a tall white hat. And a long apron. It was all the way to his knees, almost.

  Also, he was carrying a giant silver tray with a shiny lid on the top.

  He put the tray on the feast table. And he pulled off the lid.

  And wowie wow wow!

  It was the giantest turkey I ever saw!

  We ran to the table.

  “Whoa!” said Roger. “How much does that big boy weigh?”

  “How much did it cost?” said Lennie.

  “Can I have the drumstick?” asked Herb.

  “What’s his name?” said Sheldon.

  The richie nanna started to sputter.

  “Uh, oh dear. Well, let’s see. I didn’t really shop for it myself, so I don’t know what it weighs. Or what it costs. And, hmm … I don’t think it has a name,” she said.

  She raised her eyebrows at the chef guy. “Does it?” she asked.

  I thought for a second. Then I clapped my hands.

  “I’ve got an idea! Let’s name him Mr. Turkey Pants!” I said.

  Then I laughed and laughed. And all of Room One laughed, too.

  Names are always funnier if you add the word pants on the end of them.

  My grampa Frank Miller taught me that lesson.

  Just then, another guest came through the door.

  It was Herbert’s grandmother. And she had a big white bowl full of carrot sticks.

  “Whoa! That is a lot of carrot sticks, madam!” I said.

  Sheldon looked at me and grinned. “What’s their name, Junie B.?” he asked.

  I thought again.

  “Their name is Mr. Crunchy Pants!” I said.

  After that, all of us laughed even more.

  Mr. Scary said go back to our seats.

  “Boys and girls, I know it’s fun to have our families at our Thanksgiving feast today. But we need to be on our best behavior for them, remember?”

  His eyes zoomed in on me. “And, Junie B.? I’m pretty sure we’re finished naming the food. Okay?”

  I did a salute.

  “Aye, aye, Captain,” I said.

  I am a hoot.

  Just then, I turned my head, and I saw my mother come in with Grandma Helen Miller. And yippee! My grampa Frank Miller came, too!

  They put a big bowl of jiggly cranberry jelly on the table.

  “Hey! Look! It’s Mr. Jiggle Pants!” I shouted.

  Mr. Scary did a frown at me.

  Mother and Grandma Miller frowned, too.

  Grampa laughed real loud. Then Grandma poked him with her elbow.

  I slid way down in my chair.

  “Oops,” I said. “Sorry.”

  Then I covered my mouth with my hand.

  And I didn’t name food for the rest of the day.

  11

  The Feast

  May’s mother was the last guest to come to our room.

  She was carrying three bags of food.

  I did a sniff.

  Something did not smell delicious.

  It was the stewed onions, I believe.

  Also, it was the beans and squash.

  My stomach did a flip-flop at those stinky smells.

  I took some deep breaths to try to calm it down.

  Here is a helpful hint. Deep breathing does not work that good when you are smelling stink.

  Finally, I said the word bluck. And I held my nose.

  Mr. Scary snapped his fingers at me.

  That meant please let go of your nose, I think.

  After all the guests were sitting down, Mr. Scary said a welcome speech to them.

  “Welcome, everyone! Welcome to our feast!” he said. “Room One would like to thank you for bringing this delicious food to help us celebrate Thanksgiving.”

  After that, he gave the children a nod.

  And all of us shouted, “THANK YOU!”

  A lot of rehearsing had gone into that.

  “This is going to be a wonderful day,” said Mr. Scary. “So please grab a plate. And let’s get started.”

  We let our guests go first.

  That is som
e kind of guest rule, apparently.

  Room One lined up behind them.

  Only too bad for me. ’Cause someone took the lid off the stewie pewie onions. And the smell almost knocked me down.

  My stomach felt sickish and rumbly.

  I hurried to the end of the food line.

  Mr. Scary saw me go. But this time, he did not get mad.

  Instead, he made a ’nouncement to all of the children.

  “Boys and girls, today is a celebration of all the things we’re thankful for. And—since each of us is thankful for different kinds of foods—just take the food you love the most. And enjoy every single bite.”

  All of us did a breath of relief.

  Then things got even better!

  Because Mr. Scary walked over to the supply closet. And he pulled out one more bag of food for our Thanksgiving feast.

  And its name was …

  “NIPSY DOODLES!” shouted Lennie. “MR. SCARY BROUGHT NIPSY DOODLES!”

  He ran to Mr. Scary and did a high five.

  After that, we could not wait to get our plates of food!

  It was the tastiest Thanksgiving dinner I ever even ate!

  I had turkey! And carrot sticks! And Nipsy Doodles! And cranberry jelly!

  Herb had turkey! And carrot sticks! And two giant plops of applesauce!

  Lennie just had Nipsy Doodles and that’s all. Plus also, he took four napkins.

  “It will make my grandmother feel good,” he said.

  After we finished eating, all of the children walked around the room. And we thanked our families for the food they brought.

  “Thank you for your crunchy carrot sticks,” I said to Herb’s grandmother.

  “Thank you for your hugie, big turkey,” I said to Lucille’s richie nanna.

  “Your napkins were delicious,” I said to Lennie’s grandmother.

  After that, I thanked Mother and Grandma Miller for the cranberry jelly.

  Then Grampa Frank Miller picked me up. And he spun me all around real happy.

  Frank would be fun in my real, actual class, I believe.

  After we got done with our thank-yous, Mr. Scary said he had one more happy surprise for us.

  Then he looked in the hallway.

  And he did a nod.

  And guess who came in next?

  “MRS. GUTZMAN!” I shouted. “IT’S MRS. GLADYS GUTZMAN!”

  Mrs. Gutzman is the bestest lunch lady in the whole entire world!

  I sprang out of my seat.