Rock Me

  She blinked at him, a sort of wounded bravado filling her expression. What the hell did he do now? He’d never felt so completely and pathetically helpless before, not even when he’d pulled up to see his place of business trashed to hell. As Evan had told him then, the only thing to do was wait. Wait on her to figure things out. There were scant few virtues God had seen fit to bless him with, and patience was probably the least of them.

  What alternative was there to waiting? Turning his back? Not likely. Not on her. Anyone else and he might’ve shown her the door and breathed a sigh of relief once she’d used it.

  But the thought that he might bide his time only to have her decide in the end she couldn’t be with him…that thought made his heart seize up in a tight, burning knot.

  “I could have you, Candace. I could come barging back into your life and you wouldn’t try to stop me. Even if you did, I could break down your defenses. I could’ve taken you right here on the floor, and you wouldn’t have said no. I could push and seduce and boss my way in. What kills me is that if I did that, you’d be mine. Every natural impulse I possess is screaming at me to do all those things, just to have you. So I’ve got my instincts in a chokehold right now, trying to keep from acting on them because it would only put us back in the same situation we were in before, and you don’t want that.”

  She looked at him, her cheek resting on her drawn-up knee. It was another image that would haunt him until he had to exorcise it through his art or explode. He went on. “I don’t know what better way to tell you I love you and I’m serious, other than explaining how out of character you’ve got me acting. You can ask my brother about that. I’m sure he’d be glad to give you an earful. All I can talk about is you, even to him. To all of them out there. They don’t know what to do with me. No one wants me around anymore. The portrait I drew of you is still over my bed, I can’t stand to look at it, but I can’t make myself take it down. I’m a mess over you.”

  “You always sound like you’re coping pretty well on the phone.”

  “Don’t be fooled. I have to maintain at least some shred of dignity. It’s all a front for you.”

  A pained expression flickered over her features, and she crossed her arms over her knees, turning her face into the safe haven they made. “I’m a mess too. I need and want you to barge back in just as much as it’s in your nature to do that. And you’re right, I wouldn’t stop you, if only because I don’t have that much strength now, but we would only end up right back here. So the fact that you’re holding back means more to me than you could possibly realize. Thank you, Brian.”

  He’d poured his fucking heart out and she’d thanked him. Sweet baby Jesus, this only kept getting worse.

  He rested his head back against the desk behind them, staring straight up into the overhead lighting until he went half blind. “I should get back out there,” he said quietly. “I’ll leave with you in a heartbeat if you ask me to, but otherwise—”

  Candace scrambled up as if she’d been waiting for a chance, any chance, to flee. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to keep you from work.”

  “It’s fine. I’m glad you came by.”

  “Will you let me know what you decide about my brother?”

  He got to his feet beside her, unable to resist reaching out and framing her face with his hands. Her gaze had followed him all the way up, and they were standing so close together her head tilted back as she looked at him. Her eyes were tinged red, her dark lashes spiky, her lips still swollen from the pressure of his kiss. The silk of her hair and the warm satin of her skin mingled underneath his hands.

  This wasn’t right. She was his, dammit. She’d filled in all the missing pieces in his life. If she jerked them out now, he would collapse, parts of him scattered so far and wide he might never gather them back together again.

  “I will,” he said, struggling to push the words past the lump in his throat. Past the need to throw her over his shoulder and run out the back door, hold her captive at his place until she finally cracked and swore to be his for the rest of their lives.

  Her hands slid over his own and pulled them away, holding briefly before letting go. The loss of her warmth sucked the air from his lungs. “No matter what happens,” she said, “I love you. Just know that if I can’t be with you, it was because I loved you so much I couldn’t burden you with my issues.”

  “Baby, they’re not that big of a deal,” he insisted. “When it comes to how I feel about you, they’re nothing. They don’t even play in.”

  “Like they didn’t play in three weeks ago?”

  “We’ve got him nailed. He won’t strike at me again. None of them will.”

  She emitted a humorless laugh. “You don’t know them very well.”

  No, he didn’t, he thought with a sigh. As he walked her out to the front so she could get her friend and leave, his mind raced desperately, trying to zero in on a plan. He had to do something, for God’s sake. He’d gotten through most of his life sitting on his ass, letting wounds fester, not giving a damn. But he couldn’t do that now. Not this time.

  It was the sight of her walking out the door, and the agony that ensued after she was gone, that hatched the thought. It was the pity in everyone’s eyes that caused it to take hold and burn.

  Most likely, he was insane. Hell, he was probably shit-all stupid to even consider it.

  She’d said he didn’t know her family very well. Maybe the only answer was for him to get better acquainted.

  Kelsey and Evan sat in their robes with him at the end of their dining table, both of them wearing matching expressions of concern. Kelsey had just put a cup of coffee in front of him, but he didn’t want them to see how much his hand was shaking if he lifted it. He’d woken them up but there wasn’t any other place he knew to go. They’d been talking his situation to death for a half hour now.

  “Brian, when I said I couldn’t wait for the right girl to get her hands on you, this isn’t what I had in mind,” Kelsey said.

  He grunted something that resembled a laugh. “The next time you say something like that, I’m not leaving my house for a year.”

  Evan propped his head on his fist, looking as if one slip might leave him snoring on the tabletop. “This is all up to you, and I’m beside you no matter what. If you can settle this to your satisfaction without having to put Candace and Macy and everyone through the wringer, then I say go for it. But if you can’t, then take the bastard to the mattresses. You were the victim here. Talk to him and see what he’s open to. There’s no harm in it. Just don’t kick his ass again, whatever you do.”

  “Oh, man, that’ll be tough. Remembering what he said about her, and knowing that it’s all their fault her head is all screwed up and—”

  Evan perked up, frowning at him. “Whoa, there. I think there’s another influence at work messing with her head. I’m playing devil’s advocate here for a second, but they probably think the exact same thing about you. That their sweet, innocent Candace would still be sweet and innocent if that unscrupulous Ross boy hadn’t corrupted her. From what you’ve told us, she’s changed right in front of them, practically overnight. They’re panicking.”

  “She needed to change, though. She needed to—”

  “I’m inclined to agree, but who are you to say what she needs? You’ve got to stop that,” Kelsey said gently, putting a hand on his arm. “I can tell you from past experience, women don’t like it, and it’s not going to do her any good to go from being on their leash to being on yours. And even if she did need to make some changes, that doesn’t mean you should expect them to let her go so easily. You have to be understanding of their side of it, or you’re never going to get anywhere with them.”

  “True,” Evan said. “You have to predict and examine and understand every argument the other side is going to throw at you. It’s not about being the one who’s right. It’s about showing them why they’re wrong, and in your case, it’s not even that black and white. But that’s how you win.”
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  Brian gave in and nursed his coffee, craving some revitalization. Evan was watching him carefully. Kelsey glanced at her husband, looking troubled, before turning back to Brian.

  “What you need is sleep, honey, not caffeine. Why don’t you stay here tonight? I don’t want you out driving in the shape you’re in.”

  “Not like I’m drunk,” he muttered.

  “Maybe not on alcohol.”

  “I think you should stay too,” Evan said. “In the morning when we’re all rested, we’ll figure this out.”

  Baby Alex took that moment to cry out from his crib in their bedroom. Kelsey laughed as she got up from the table. “When you’re rested, anyway,” she said to Brian. “No rest for us.”

  “I couldn’t sleep if I wanted to. I can stay up with him, if you guys are tired.” Both of them stared in astonishment. “What? Just give him his bottle and sit watching metal videos with him until he goes back to sleep, right? How hard can it be?”

  “Oh, dear God,” Evan groaned. “You really have no idea.”

  Chapter Twenty-two

  “Candy, I really think it would do you good to get out for a while. You haven’t been over in days. Won’t you at least consider it? No one’s asking you to marry him.”

  Candace listened to her mom go on and on about some guy they wanted her to meet at dinner tonight and resisted the urge to facepalm. And to cry while doing it. She’d shed enough tears after seeing Brian the other night that she should still be dehydrated. Macy had held her for damn near an hour in her car after that episode while she made herself sick on sobs. Then Sam had joined them at her apartment and they’d all ended up tearful messes for one reason or another. Crazy. Their cycles must be synced or something.

  But thank God for her friends. She would be totally lost without them.

  “I’m not ready, Mom.” And if there was still a chance with Brian—someday—how could she jeopardize it by even meeting this person her mom was going on about?

  It didn’t really matter, her mind returned. It wasn’t as if she could ever feel that way about anyone else again. She was ruined.

  “All I’m asking you to do is come to dinner,” Sylvia said. “No harm in that, is there? He’s just a guest. It’s not a set-up.”

  “I might come to dinner, but it’s not to meet him. And you’d better not give him that impression, or I swear I’ll leave.” It was getting easier and easier to stand up to her mother on these matters.

  “Fine,” Sylvia said. “I’m glad you’re coming.”

  She was so not up to this. The prospect of finding someone new to date did not even register on her map, but she didn’t even feel like socializing, especially with a stranger. Going through the same old conversation, answering the same old mundane questions: “What’s your major? How much longer do you have? What do you want to be when you grow up?”

  The thought was nearly unbearable. She’d had a promising job interview with the town newspaper today—maybe she’d change her major again to journalism, really freak the parents out—and while exciting, it had drained her. She wanted to lounge in front of the TV in her PJs the rest of the evening, but she’d been doing way too much of that lately.

  Pulling up a couple of hours later to her parents’ house in an impressive area of town known as the Heights—where Brian’s mom and dad also lived—she was tempted to drive on around the circular driveway and go back home. There was no unfamiliar vehicle parked anywhere in sight, so maybe the guy wasn’t coming. Whoever he was. She hadn’t even thought to ask, to see if she might know him, but then that was how little she cared.

  She hadn’t put much effort in her physical appearance, wearing her hair down over a simple peach blouse and black slacks, but her mom didn’t even lift an eyebrow as she bustled her in cheerfully.

  The woman certainly seemed sure of herself over this one. It only made Candace more determined to fight all the harder. Whoever she ended up with, it could not be someone her parents chose. Even if she liked that person tremendously, she thought, there was no way she could give them the satisfaction over that. Maybe she was being irrational, but she didn’t care. One thing she could never forgive them for was their interference with her and Brian. Her love life was off limits, the one area she couldn’t let them control.

  “I don’t think he’s coming,” she commented rather smugly as they were seated at the dining table. Ha! Trying to set her up with a no-show. He’d probably stand her up if they ever made a date. Which they wouldn’t.

  “Oh, he isn’t going to be here until seven,” her mother said.

  Candace checked her watch. It was ten till. Her dad sipped from his wine glass and smiled at her. Phillip Andrews cracking a smile just because was the equivalent of hearing a chorus of angels singing from heaven, or something. It just didn’t happen.

  Candace returned it and then frowned as she brought her own glass to her lips. The doorbell chimed. Despite herself, she jumped. Everyone was acting too frigging weird.

  “I’ll get it,” Sylvia declared, jumping up from her seat and gliding smoothly from the room.

  “What’s with her?” Candace asked her dad, leaning toward him and keeping her voice low.

  Phillip made every effort to look as if he didn’t know what she was talking about. It was pretty pathetic. “How do you mean?”

  “I mean, I don’t think I’ve seen her this chipper in—”

  Her voice simply failed, along with much of her vital functions—heart stopping, breath seizing up, brainwaves crashing—as a low male laugh sounded from the foyer. But its incredible sexiness wasn’t the only reason she nearly expired right there in her chair, still staring wide-eyed at her dad who was now grinning like a fool.

  It was because she recognized that laugh. Because she’d heard it so many times. In her dreams. In his arms.

  With a sound akin to a sob, she rose out of her seat, pulled toward that voice by a force as natural and irresistible as the gravity that kept her feet on the ground. Never mind the fact that she felt as if clouds were beneath her every step.

  She flew around the end of the dining table as he came in—him, Brian, he was here, in her parents’ house!—and went straight into his arms without checking her speed. He caught her as surely as she’d known he would, arms tight and protective around her, promising with the strength of their hold to never let her go again. One hand sank into her hair, fisting it, holding her head against his chest.

  And she wanted to laugh, because he was dressed much as she’d seen him that first night in his parlor when she’d lamented that he probably had a date later. Covered nearly from neck to feet, missing his visible piercings. Although she’d lay bets her favorite one was still in place, and the naughty thought sent a burning flush up her cheeks.

  She didn’t open her eyes until she was quite sure she’d gotten a handle on all the emotions that threatened to fly out of her. Her parents had settled back at the table.

  “You’re welcome to go and talk, if you want, and join us later,” Sylvia said.

  “Thank you,” Candace said to them, without letting go of him. “Thank you so much.”

  Her mom made a shooing gesture as if all the mushiness was getting to her, so Candace grabbed Brian’s hand and led him through the house to the back door.

  There was a little pond with a fishing pier and gazebo out on the property, and it was such a clear, gorgeous evening, warm and musical with the sounds of early summer. The moon had just begun its ascent into the heavens, casting its wavering reflection across the gently rippling water. He laughed again as she all but dragged him out toward it, her fingers linked through his.

  “Slow down, sweetheart, you’re about to launch into space.”

  “I am! How in the world did this happen?”

  Their steps rang off the wooden planks, and he waited until they reached the gazebo out over the water before answering. She sat on one of the benches and pulled him down beside her, so they were only surrounded by the sounds of lapping
water and the lull of the crickets. “I came over to see them a couple of nights ago. Them and your brother.”

  “I’m…I’m amazed…and so incredibly happy, but are you insane?”

  The vivid colors of twilight were reflected in his eyes. “Over you? Absolutely.” He took both her hands in his. “Is this okay? I didn’t want to do anything to push you.”

  “This is more than okay, Brian. This is…miraculous.”

  The relief in his features tugged at her heartstrings. He must’ve been so worried this move might put her off. “Good. The way you were looking at me at first, I didn’t know if it was happiness to see me, or ‘Hello, psycho alert!’”

  “So that part when I flew straight into your arms didn’t clue you in a bit?”

  “It was all in slow motion. It took you a year to get to me, don’t you know?”

  “How on earth did you win them over?”

  He cocked one eyebrow at her. “What, are you saying I can’t be charming when I have to be?”

  “No one who’s ever been on their bad side has managed to do it yet.”

  “It’s doubtful anyone on their bad side had the power to send their son to jail, but didn’t out of the goodness of his heart.”

  She wanted to hug him again. “So you and Jameson worked it out?”

  “Make no mistake, he still pretty much hates my guts. But we talked, and he fessed up. It’s all worked out, and everyone is happy.” He smirked. “And free of criminal records.”

  “And my parents were just so glad you didn’t prosecute…?”

  He stroked her hair. “They were tough to take, but I convinced them how much I love you. It wasn’t hard. I can’t seem to talk about you without my voice cracking.” His hand sank deeper in her hair, and he brought his other up so he was gently holding her face. “I told them I was sorry the incident with Jameson had to happen, but not sorry I did it, because I will always defend you.”