Thirteen Weddings

  ‘You’re suffocating me,’ Alex tells him with some effort. Brian helps extract Nigel and I have an image in my mind of one of those small, brown koala tourist toys that cling onto inanimate objects.

  ‘This is Alex.’ Brian, who appears marginally more sober than Nigel, introduces him. I notice Kelly and Michelle flash each other appreciative looks.

  ‘Poppy’s getting married next week,’ Nigel butts in, indicating our blushing bride-to-be.

  ‘POLLY!’ Michelle and Kelly laughingly correct him.

  ‘Oh right, cool,’ Alex says to the group, feigning interest. He slyly checks his watch while his friends fawn over Polly and the others.

  ‘I saw that.’ I gently elbow him in his ribs. He looks abashed. ‘The shot didn’t help?’

  ‘No,’ he replies with what I think is a genuine – although small – smile. ‘I think I might need about ten more of those.’

  ‘Your wish is her command,’ I say wryly as I see Bridget getting the barman to line up shot glasses. Alex doesn’t look convinced. ‘So why are you so behind?’ I ask curiously. ‘Your mates are wasted.’

  ‘I came along late.’ Pause. ‘Had to work,’ he adds.

  ‘On a Saturday? What do you do?’

  ‘I, um, had to go to a photoshoot.’ I can see he’s reluctant to reveal this, but naturally I’m compelled to ask what it was for. ‘Er, it was for a magazine,’ he reveals, shifting from side to side.

  ‘Really? I work on a magazine. I’m a deputy picture editor.’

  ‘Are you?’ He instantly relaxes, and I understand. Some people get all manic and overeager when you tell them you work in the media.

  At that point, the others interrupt because it’s ‘shot time’. I don’t need another one, but I chink my glass with Alex anyway and stealthily swap my full glass with his empty one as soon as he’s done.

  ‘You don’t want it?’ he asks.

  ‘I’ve had more than enough,’ I reply.

  He shrugs and knocks it back and then ‘Girls Just Want to Have Fun’ starts to blare out of the speakers.

  ‘LET’S DANCE!’ Michelle screams, dragging Polly and Brian away. The others are all seemingly happy to follow, but Alex and I hang back.

  ‘Still not drunk enough?’ I ask him.

  ‘No, but don’t let me stop you,’ he says.

  ‘I need to sit down. My feet are killing me.’

  He nods to the bench seat stretched across one side of the dance floor. My mood improves considerably as I follow him, staring at the back of his head. His dark hair curls around the nape of his neck. He’s very different to his friends. They seem so... ordinary. I wonder how he knows them. He reaches the black-velvet-cushioned bench and flops down, leaning his head back against the wall. I take a seat beside him and cross my legs.

  ‘Batman’s at it again,’ I comment as the superhero wannabe gets up close and personal with a girl in a leopard-print miniskirt a few feet away. She looks very drunk, which probably suits him just fine.

  ‘Christ,’ Alex murmurs, as the girl plucks an ice cube out of her glass and licks it seductively.

  I watch, goggle-eyed, as Batman sticks his tongue out and the girl rubs the ice cube along it. I snigger. ‘If a guy wanted to score, this would be the place to come. The ratio must be ten to ninety.’

  ‘Mmm,’ he agrees.

  ‘So what’s your link to Brian?’ I ask, making conversation.

  ‘He’s marrying my little sister.’

  ‘Ohh,’ I say, knowingly. ‘I see.’

  He glances at me. ‘Why do you say it like that?’

  ‘I wouldn’t have placed you with them,’ I tell him, belatedly realising that this could sound incredibly rude, even as I go on to say: ‘They don’t look like the kind of blokes you’d hang out with.’ Eek. ‘Whoops, sorry, that’s the alcohol talking.’

  He smirks. ‘I’m still not drunk enough.’

  ‘Go and get another shot, then.’

  ‘I don’t know how much longer I’m going to stay,’ he admits, shoving a wayward sleeve back up past his elbow.

  ‘Great, thanks very much,’ I snap jokily. ‘Leave me to fend for myself, why don’t you. I’ll probably have a werewolf humping my leg in a minute, but you go right ahead. Let him at me.’

  He flashes me a sideways grin as he makes to get up. ‘I’ll go to the bar.’

  ‘That’s the spirit.’ Yay!

  ‘You want one?’

  ‘I’d love another Seabreeze. I reckon if I stick to vodka-based drinks, I’ll have less chance of passing out later.’

  He looks amused and I feel a little jittery as I watch him pass through the crowd, then my attention is distracted by Batman trailing the ice cube up the inside of the girl’s miniskirt. I look on with horror. Urgh, that’s disgusting. He puts the ice cube back up to her mouth and she sucks it between her lips.

  I barely even notice Alex return a few minutes later. There have been some developments.

  ‘What’s up?’ he asks, giving me a quizzical look as he takes a seat next to me.

  ‘Them,’ I hiss. ‘Look!’

  Batman is pressed up against the girl’s front and Robin is pressed up against her from behind in a superhero sandwich. She’s smiling over her shoulder at Robin in what I’m sure she hopes is a seductive manner. She reaches around, pulls the toy gun out of his hands, puts it into her mouth, and pretends to give it a blowjob. Then I notice Batman’s hard-on.

  I shoot my head around to give Alex an incredulous look. His jaw has practically hit the floor and he looks so comical, I start to laugh. He meets my eyes.

  ‘Fuck me,’ he says with astonishment.

  ‘I’m sure she would if you asked her to,’ I quip. I look back at the superheroes. The girl has detached herself and is zigzagging off the dance floor in the direction of the toilets. Batman and Robin high-five each other and suddenly I feel sickened, not entertained.

  ‘I hope she’s going home,’ I say, as Batman adjusts his crotch. ‘Ew, that is so wrong...’

  Repelled, Alex turns his face away towards me. I do the same, putting my hand up on the side of my face to shield us from view. He regards me with a playful smile and as I stare up into his eyes, my heart quickens. I let my hand drop and look back at the action on the dance floor. It’s then that I spot Polly, standing stock-still and glaring at me. I tense up as she storms over. I remember that she can be a really nasty drunk. How could I ever forget that?

  ‘What are you doing?’ she demands to know.

  I inwardly sigh. ‘My feet are killing me.’ I kick up one electric-blue high heel, but she’s already dragging me to my feet. ‘What about Jason?’ she barks in my ear, scowling down at Alex.

  ‘We split up,’ I tell her calmly, and while she looks stricken at first, her expression swiftly transforms into one of accusation. ‘Why? For God’s sake, Bronte, I thought he was The One? Why didn’t you tell me?’ Luckily I’m not looking for sympathy.

  ‘I was going to fill you in after tonight,’ I reply. ‘Anyway, it’s not a big deal,’ I try to chill her out. ‘But I do need a breather. These heels were a bad idea.’

  She looks down at my feet and back up at my face, and I’m not at all convinced that she’s going to let me off the hook, but then Starship’s ‘Never Gonna Stop Us Now’ starts up and Michelle – my unwitting saviour – appears and pulls Polly back onto the dance floor. Deflated, I sit back down next to Alex.

  ‘What was that about?’ he asks.

  I slurp my drink miserably. ‘I hadn’t told her I’d split up with my boyfriend.’

  Pause. ‘Oh.’

  ‘I hate it when she’s drunk. I can’t tell you how many nights ended up with her flying off the handle in a drunken rage when we were back home in Australia,’ I rant. ‘I thought she might have grown out of it.’

  ‘When was the last time you saw her?’ he asks.

  ‘Two and a half years ago, before she moved here.’

  ‘Oh.’

  ‘It’s not like we’r
e best mates,’ I continue full steam. ‘But I’ve known her for donkey’s years. She didn’t even ask me to be a flippin’ bridesmaid.’

  ‘Oh, right.’

  ‘Not that I wanted to be a bridesmaid.’

  ‘No?’

  ‘No. I think marriage is pointless and I bloody hate weddings and she knows it.’

  ‘I see.’

  ‘Sorry, I’m going on.’

  He smiles. ‘It’s okay.’

  ‘I’ll shut up now.’

  We fall silent for a bit.

  ‘When did you split up with your boyfriend?’

  Hmm, so he’s asking that question...

  ‘A few weeks ago.’ I turn the interrogation around. ‘What about you? Are you seeing anyone?’

  He looks away. ‘Nope,’ he says shortly. I figure that’s the end of the conversation, but then he elaborates. ‘I split up with my girlfriend a few weeks ago, too.’

  ‘Oh. I’m sorry.’

  He shrugs, but doesn’t meet my eyes. ‘It’s okay. Uh-oh.’

  ‘What?’

  He nods towards the dance floor. ‘The girl’s back.’

  I look over to see her making her way through the crowds towards Batman and Robin. They’re now dancing with a couple of nice-looking, reasonably sober girls. If these girls knew what the seemingly harmless superheroes had been up to with an ice cube, they’d run a mile. I sit there and cringe as I watch the wasted girl sidle up to the boys. They pretend not to see her.

  ‘Doesn’t she have any friends to take her home?’ I ask worriedly.

  We watch as the other two girls flash each other wary looks and move elsewhere on the dance floor. Obviously realising they’ve lost their chances, Batman and Robin revert to their original plan, locking the wasted girl in another sandwich. It’s like watching the scene of a car crash – I can’t tear my eyes away.

  Suddenly, Alex’s drink is in my hand and he’s on his feet. He stalks over to Batman and takes him by his arm, firmly pulling him away. Batman stumbles slightly in surprise. I can’t see Alex’s face, but I see shame cloud Batman’s expression and then he nods and reaches past the girl to tap Robin’s arm. The girl wobbles drunkenly as the horny superheroes leave her be. Alex says something to her and she frowns, trying to process his words. Eventually she looks around and points up to the higher level where we came in. Alex takes her by the elbow and guides her off the dance floor.

  Wow. I am so impressed right now.

  There’s a thump beside me and I turn with a start to see Bridget sitting in the space recently vacated by Alex.

  ‘Polly’s pretty pissed off at you,’ she says flippantly.

  ‘Is she?’ My heart sinks.

  ‘Wonder if it’s time we should get her home.’

  ‘Good luck with that,’ I say wryly.

  ‘You sound like you’ve been here before.’ She cocks her head to one side and slurps her cocktail through a straw.

  ‘Many, many times.’ I sigh and get to my feet. ‘We’ll need to sober her up, first.’

  I set off towards the bar. I’ll get her a lemonade and lime. With vodka, it’s her favourite drink, but I doubt she’ll notice the alcohol is missing.

  ‘Oi.’ I feel a hand on my arm and I spin around to see that it belongs to Alex.

  ‘Are you deserting me?’ he asks reproachfully. ‘I leave you alone for one minute.’

  ‘I’m just getting Polly a lemonade,’ I tell him with a smile as he lets his hand drop. ‘Where’s the girl?’

  ‘I took her upstairs to her friends. They were just about to leave.’

  ‘Good timing. That was really nice of you,’ I say sincerely. He looks embarrassed by the praise. ‘I’ll be back in a minute,’ I promise.

  By the time I return to the bench seat, Polly is there, flanked by Alex and Bridget on either side.

  ‘I got you another drink,’ I say breezily.

  ‘What is it?’ Polly glares suspiciously at the drink in her hands.

  ‘Vodka, lemonade and lime,’ I lie.

  She looks appeased. ‘Good.’

  Bridget and Alex smirk at me.

  ‘Why did you split up with Jason?’ Polly cries out of nowhere.

  My eyes inadvertently flick towards Alex.

  ‘When are you ever going to settle down? I thought things were going really well,’ she adds bluntly.

  ‘Yeah, well, things change.’ I can’t keep the touchiness from my tone.

  ‘I doubt Bronte wants to talk about it now,’ Bridget chips in reasonably.

  Polly turns on her. ‘How the hell would you know? You’ve only just met her!’

  ‘Okay, time to go home,’ Bridget snaps, leaping to her feet and dragging Polly with her.

  ‘What? Why? I’m not ready!’ Polly stutters.

  ‘Yes, you are. It’s nearly one o’clock, Grant’s waiting up for you at home and he’ll be properly jacked off if you barf all over your new carpet.’

  I am amazed when Polly doesn’t argue. Does that mean this night is over? I reluctantly get to my feet, feeling strangely disappointed.

  ‘Stay,’ Bridget insists. ‘Finish your drink. I’ll take her home.’

  ‘What? No,’ I reply, startled. ‘I’ll come.’

  ‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ she waves me away. ‘Your hotel is nearby. I need to catch a cab home via theirs anyway.’ She looks past me to Alex, then back at me with meaning. ‘Stay,’ she urges again. Out of the corner of my eye I see Alex hunch forward and rest his elbows on his knees.

  The other hens have swarmed around us now. Maria and Kelly are talking about staying, too, but Michelle wants to catch a cab home with Bridget and Polly. She’s Polly’s only bridesmaid, after all: a friend from work.

  ‘Do you want me to take you home?’ I ask Polly, feeling guilty.

  ‘No!’ she exclaims. ‘Go back to the hotel.’ She grins, wobbling slightly. ‘I asked the maids to leave some extra chocolates on your pillow. And anyway,’ she pushes me away slightly then reaches back and locks her fingers around my wrist, ‘Grant wants sex tonight.’ She lets me go, turning to Michelle.

  Too much information.

  ‘Are you sure about this?’ I ask Bridget.

  ‘Absolutely.’ She seems remarkably with it considering all the shots she’s consumed.

  We say our goodbyes and then Maria and Kelly head back onto the dance floor while I tail off towards Alex. Thankfully, he’s still there. He looks up as I sit back down next to him.

  ‘Staying?’ he asks.

  ‘Didn’t want to leave you at the mercy of Batman and co.’

  ‘I could take them on, no problem,’ he says with exaggerated confidence. He stares at the throng on the dance floor. ‘I haven’t seen the lads for a while.’

  Oh. Is he looking for an excuse to leave? ‘Don’t worry about me if you want to go and find them.’

  ‘No, not at all,’ he says quickly. ‘Although I do feel a bit bad.’ He glances at me. ‘Not that bad, though.’

  I narrow my eyes and peer through the crowd. ‘Is that them over there?’ I point and he leans his head close to mine to follow the line of my extended digit. We’re so close I can smell his aftershave. Mmm, musk.

  ‘Oh yeah, that’s them,’ he says.

  ‘So... Brian, is it?’

  ‘Yep. He’s marrying my little sister Jo.’

  ‘And do you approve?’

  He shrugs. ‘He’s alright.’

  ‘That’s a glowing reference if ever I heard one.’

  He laughs. ‘No, he’s alright. He’s fine. I don’t know him that well.’

  ‘Tonight is supposed to be your chance to get to know him better.’ I don’t know why I’m pointing this out and encouraging him to leave.

  He hesitates. ‘Well, he’s pretty off his face. I’m not sure I’m seeing him in his best light.’ He knocks back his drink. ‘I’ll go buy them a round, make up for it.’ He stands up.

  ‘Get them more pissed?’

  ‘Vodka, lemonade and lime, like Polly
?’ he teases.

  I sit there for a bit on my own, crowd-watching and jigging my leg along to ‘I’m Holding Out For A Hero’. It’s an apt song, considering my company. I mean Alex, obviously, not Batman and Robin. The next thing I know, Michael Jackson and Michael J Fox are sitting next to me.

  ‘Are you here alone?’ MJ asks with a lewd expression.

  ‘Nope,’ I reply. ‘My boyfriend’s just gone to get me a drink.’ Not strictly true, unfortunately.

  ‘Are you Australian?’ Fox asks.

  ‘Yep.’

  ‘Why didn’t you come as Kylie?’ MJ demands to know.

  ‘Didn’t really feel like it.’ They’re not getting the hint. I’m not interested.

  ‘Why not? You’d look so much hotter with blonde hair.’ Fox reaches across and strokes my hair with his hairy werewolf glove.

  ‘Get off,’ I swat his hand away and he laughs, unfazed.

  Idiot. I get up and bash straight into Alex.

  ‘Whoa!’ he gasps, holding two drinks aloft and trying to minimise spillage.

  ‘Sorry!’ My body is flush with his and I feel light-headed.

  ‘You okay?’ He steps back marginally and frowns past me at the guys on the bench.

  ‘Yeah, I’m fine.’ I jerk my head to my left and he follows me to a corner beside the dance floor. He hands over a familiar-looking cocktail. ‘Seabreeze,’ he shouts into my ear. ‘And yes, it comes with vodka.’

  I nudge him jovially. ‘Thanks.’

  ‘Were those guys harassing you?’ We’re closer to the speakers here and it’s louder, so he has to lean into my ear to talk to me.

  ‘No, just annoying. Told me I should have come as Kylie and that I’d look better with blonde hair.’

  He looks horrified and shakes his head. ‘You wouldn’t.’

  I laugh. ‘No?’

  ‘Definitely not.’ He lifts the end of my fishtail plait and lets it drop back against my collarbone. He rests his elbow on a shelf jutting out from the wall. His shirt is slightly open at the top and from this angle I can see the smooth skin of his chest. He glances down at me and I quickly avert my eyes. I notice my feet have stopped hurting.

  ‘When did you arrive?’ he asks.

  ‘Yesterday. I’m staying at a hotel up the road from here.’