Thoughtful

  She gaped at me, then she got angry. “You said we weren’t friends. Just roommates, remember?”

  I knew I couldn’t explain everything that I was feeling to her, not when she was still clouded with guilt, so I playfully told her, “You changed my mind. You can be very…persuasive.” Not able to resist, I lowered my voice and asked her, “Would you like to persuade me again sometime?” Maybe right now? I would love to run my hands over your body again, hear you pant my name, feel you clench around my body. I’d love to make love to you. I’d love to take care of you. Just give me a chance.

  She stood up so fast she scraped the chair against the floor. I let go of her hand, but I wasn’t about to let go of her. She’d have to forcefully send me away this time, and I knew she wouldn’t. Not anymore.

  Her abrupt movement got Denny’s attention. “You okay?”

  Looking flustered and embarrassed, Kiera called back, “Yes. Just going upstairs to take a shower. I have to get ready for work…for Emily’s shift.”

  I immediately pictured her soaking wet—her dark hair slicked back, soapy bubbles sliding between her breasts. My jeans started getting uncomfortable as I let my fantasy run away with me. While she glanced back at Denny, who had already turned back to the TV, I quietly asked her, “Would you like me to join you? We could continue our…conversation.”

  She glared at me, so I took her response to my playful suggestion as a no.

  While she went upstairs and took a shower, I sipped on my coffee. My every thought swirled around her as I absentmindedly watched the TV show Denny was watching. I pictured her undressing, I pictured her turning on the water, I imagined her stepping inside, goose bumps on her skin until the searing water soothed them. I pictured her hands running over every curve. With that lewd movie playing in my head, sitting still at the kitchen table was difficult; all I wanted to do was go upstairs and join her. I could tease her with soft caresses, gentle kisses. Rile her up until she begged me to take her again. I’d love to do that…but not while Denny was here. That felt too far over the line, and I’d already stepped farther than I’d ever intended. It was too late to go back now though, so all I could do was be as good as I could be when he was around, and a charming but devilish bastard whenever he wasn’t.

  Chapter 14

  Addicted

  Once things calmed down around the house, I relaxed, but I had the hardest time stopping myself from relentlessly flirting with Kiera at every opportunity. I couldn’t help it. Even if Denny was around I did it, which always made me feel a little guilty afterward.

  I touched her in intimate places, kissed the back of her neck and shoulders, and mentally undressed her with my eyes. I just wanted her to touch me back…kiss me…make love to me again. It was all I thought about. I had Kiera on the brain twenty-four/seven.

  And I knew Kiera felt the same, even though she resisted, even though she pushed me away. Her body reacted to every place I touched her. Just running my fingers across her shoulder blades nearly gave her an orgasm. It was fun to watch, and it made the anticipation that much stronger. I knew, with the passion between us, that the next time we were together, it would be explosive. I was addicted to Kiera, plain and simple, and I couldn’t get enough.

  She called me out on my change of behavior. Shivering under my caress one morning, she pushed me away, and with an irritated tone of voice, said, “You are so…moody. I can’t keep up with you.”

  She had a cute glare on her face. It quickly slipped off though, like she was afraid she’d angered me. I supposed I did seem moody to her. I had been icy cold after our first time, and now I was fiery hot. But I’d loved her the entire time, and she’d been very misleading with her feelings, so if I was moody, it was only because she made me that way. Smiling, I playfully told her, “I’m an artist…not moody.”

  Her lips pursed into a perfect pout. I wanted to suck on them. “Well, then you’re a moody artist.” Under her breath, she added, “You’re practically a girl.”

  Amused by her comment, I backed her into the counter and pressed my body against hers. It felt so good to be so close to her. It reminded me of our first time. My half mast hardened in an instant, and grabbing her leg, I hitched it around my hip so she could feel me. Running my hand up her back, I pulled her flush against me. In her ear, I breathed, “I assure you…I am not.”

  My lips trailed down her neck, tasting her, teasing her. She pushed against me, but it was a weak attempt, with no real effort behind it. She wanted this. “Please…stop…” she whimpered.

  Even as she said it, she minutely exposed her neck to me, begging for one last kiss. I fulfilled her unconscious request, sucking hard on the skin I loved to touch. Then I pulled away with a sigh. Her eyes were slightly unfocused as she gazed at me. “All right,” I told her. “But only because you begged. I love it when you do that.”

  It sprinkled a few days later, and I knew Kiera wasn’t big on rain, no matter how light it was, so I decided to do the gentlemanly thing, and I showed up at her school to offer her a ride home. But honestly, being a gentleman wasn’t the real reason why I drove out there with a huge smile on my face. I’d missed giving her rides. It was a part of our old routine that I wanted to start up again.

  When she spotted me, her breath caught. I didn’t know if that was because she was happy to see me, since I hadn’t been here for a while, or if she was upset. I hoped it wasn’t the latter. I wanted to tease her, to break down the wall of resistance between us, but I didn’t want to hurt her.

  She rolled her eyes after I smiled, so I figured she wasn’t as happy to see me as I was her. I hoped she would accept my invitation instead of being obstinate. It wasn’t like I was going to shove her in my car, lay her down on the seat, and have my way with her. Unless she wanted me to, of course.

  Kiera walked over to my car like she was trudging through a swampy mire. I took it as a good sign that at least she was headed my way. Pearls of dew lined the hair around her face and small beads had collected on her eyelashes and lips. She was gorgeous.

  When her inquisitive eyes looked up at me, I said in a smooth voice, “I thought you might want a ride.”

  “Sure, thanks. I’m going to Pete’s.” Her tone was light and breezy, but nothing else about her was. She was breathing faster and she kept staring at my lips and hands, like she was debating which one she wanted on her first.

  I had to smile at her body’s betraying actions, and at her choice of destination. Her shift wasn’t for a few hours. It was pretty clear that she was only going there to make sure she wasn’t alone in the house with me.

  After opening her door with dramatic flair, I walked around to my side. Kiera was staring at me as I sat down. She tensed up when we pulled away from school, and I couldn’t help but wonder what she thought we would do along the way. I’d do anything she asked.

  She suddenly glanced at the backseat and her cheeks filled with color. Was she picturing us back there? There was plenty of room, and I could make her very comfortable, if she wanted me to. Curious what she would say, I laughingly asked her, “You okay?”

  She faced the front and squeaked out, “Yep.” Sure. Liar.

  “Good,” I said, letting her lie go.

  We stopped at a red light and I looked over to give her a friendly smile. She started breathing so hard she was almost panting. I was certain she wanted me to touch her, she was nearly bursting at the seams for it. It turned me on, but I resisted. I didn’t want her to know when it was coming. I wanted to catch her unaware so I could drive her over the edge, so she’d stop this charade and let me in.

  When the light turned green, Kiera turned to stare out the window. She seemed like she was deep in thought. I wondered if she was thinking about me. Since now seemed like a good time for it, I put my hand on her knee and slid it midway up her inner thigh. She closed her eyes, and I felt fire coursing through me as my desire for her kicked into overdrive.

  Her breaths became long, slow, like she was forcing herself
to calm down. She kept her eyes closed the entire trip; they were still closed when I parked the car. There was so much I wanted to do to her. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to lay her down. I wanted to make her cry out with need. I wanted to whisper how much she meant to me, how much I loved her. I wanted everything.

  I unbuckled my seat belt and slid across the seat to her. The sides of our bodies pressed together, and her slow breaths increased. She was so ready for me. I was ready for her too. I shifted my hand so that it was all the way up her thigh, my pinkie resting against the inner seam of her jeans—so close to where I wanted to be. A lascivious sigh escaped her as her mouth dropped open. God, she wanted me, but she was still resisting this. She had to accept us before we could make love again. I’d have to settle for just teasing her right now.

  I ran my cheek along her jaw. I could feel her struggling to not cave in to me, to not turn her head and find my lips. I kissed the very corner of her jaw, then lightly ran my tongue up to her ear. She was trembling, I was throbbing. I nibbled on her ear, wishing it were her nipple. “Ready?” I breathed.

  Her eyes flashed open and locked on mine. Her breath was heavy with desire, but she was clearly panicked by my question. Her gaze lowered to my mouth as she turned her face to mine. Mere inches separated our lips now. It took a tremendous amount of willpower, but I made myself not kiss her. I needed her to cave before I kissed her, but God, not doing it was difficult.

  Shifting my focus, I unbuckled her seat belt. Knowing this was nowhere near what she expected, a playful laugh escaped me as I pulled away. Sure enough, my tease frustrated her. Irritated, she shoved open her door, then slammed it closed. I couldn’t help but grin at the annoyed, embarrassed look on her face before she stormed off toward the bar.

  Sorry, Kiera, but if you want more, you have to ask for it. And this time, you have to mean it.

  Kiera practically attacked me the next morning, but not in the way I wanted her to. She cut off my cheerful greeting by ramming her finger in my chest. Having her initiate contact between us made me smile as I returned the coffeepot to its base.

  “You need to back off!” she demanded, her face a mixture of desire and irritation.

  Grabbing her hand, I pulled her into my arms, where she belonged. “I haven’t done anything to you…recently.” But I’d love to, if you’d just let me.

  She made a show of trying to get away from me, but it wasn’t enough to break my grasp. She’d have to try a lot harder to push me away. I wasn’t going anywhere anymore. Her lips pursed in an expression of annoyance, she glanced at her arms trapped under mine. “Uhhh…this?”

  A small laugh left me as I kissed her jaw and nuzzled against her. She felt so good in my arms. Amazing. “We do this all the time. Sometimes we do more…” We could do more now. I could take you upstairs, undress you, ravish you. I could make you happy.

  Kiera wasn’t on the same page as me. Flustered, she sputtered, “The car?”

  I laughed harder at that response. “That was all you. You were getting all…excited on me, just sitting there.” Squatting down, I met her gorgeous hazel eyes. “Was I supposed to just ignore that?” How could I possibly ignore you?

  Her face filled with color, and she turned away from me with a sigh. She knew I was right. She knew she wanted me. She kept avoiding the truth, but that didn’t make it go away.

  I knew I should be honest with her, tell her everything in my heart, but I couldn’t go there. Just the thought of opening up, letting her in, made my insides twist into painful knots. I’d rather stick myself in the eye with a dozen needles. No, teasing her was all I was comfortable with, so that was what I did.

  “Hmmm…do you want me to stop?” I traced a line from her hair to her cheek, down her neck, right between her breasts, and down to her hips. Like a flower turning toward the sun, her body opened under my touch. It was so subtle, she probably wasn’t even aware she was arching toward me, but I knew women. I could read their body language better than my own. And Kiera’s was screaming Take me.

  Her eyes closed as her breath quickened. “Yes,” she breathed. Exactly, Kiera. Say yes to me.

  In a low voice, I told her, “You don’t seem so sure…do I make you uncomfortable?”

  I ran my finger along the inside of her waistband and watched her face while she struggled to not let me see how much she enjoyed it. I was sure she was ready for me. I’d just have to move my hand a bit and I’d feel it. God, I wanted to. I wanted her so much.

  “Yes,” she whispered. Her voice was almost pleading more than rejecting.

  Leaning in, I whispered in her ear, “Do you want me inside you again?”

  Her answer was instant. And surprising. “Yes…”

  Her eyes snapped open as she came out of the mini-trance I’d coaxed her into. Her eyes were wide, like she was terrified I’d take her up on her suggestion without giving her a second to reconsider. “No! I meant no!”

  I couldn’t help but smile at the expression on her face. She was flushed, from either embarrassment or desire. I tried not to laugh at her, but when anger flooded her face and she repeated, “I meant no, Kellan,” one brief laugh escaped me.

  “Yes, I know—I know exactly what you meant.” You want to say yes, but you’re not ready.

  When I saw Kiera again that afternoon, when she got back from school, she seemed spent. She was sitting on the couch, staring at the TV, but she obviously wasn’t watching it. She didn’t seem to notice me standing at the edge of the room, staring at her. Definitely tired then. She usually knew the instant I was looking at her. As I approached the couch, I wondered if I was to blame for her exhaustion. I hoped not.

  Without looking, she started to stand when she felt the cushion compress beside her, like she knew it was me and she didn’t want to be anywhere near me. Her reluctance combined with her stubbornness was amusing. Grabbing her arm, I pulled her back down. Things wouldn’t move forward between us if she ignored me.

  She looked my way with narrowed eyes, obviously unhappy that I was forcing us to spend time together. She crossed her arms over her chest, further letting me know just how put out she was. Did she realize how cute she was right now? She looked away from my adoring smile. Shaking my head, I wrapped an arm around her shoulders. She immediately stiffened but didn’t pull away. Until I started pulling her toward my lap—then she jerked away like I’d poured ice water down her back.

  I startled at her sudden movement and icy glare. I just wanted her to rest on me, like she used to. I wasn’t sure why she was having such a violent reaction until I understood what she thought I’d been implying. I started laughing, even more amused.

  Pointing to my lap, I assured her that I meant nothing sordid by the gesture. “Lie down…you look tired.” Not able to help myself, I playfully added, “But if you wanted to, I wouldn’t stop you.”

  Frowning, she elbowed me in the ribs. At least she realized I was joking. I grunted at the minor pain, then pulled her back to my lap. “So stubborn,” I muttered as she finally let me lay her down.

  She twisted to her back, and I gazed at her and stroked her dark hair. She was so beautiful, and so unaware of it. She was unaware of a lot of things. Like how much she meant to me, how different she was from every other girl I’d ever met, how I’d do absolutely anything for her. Even leave, if she changed her mind and asked me to. I hoped she never asked me to.

  “See…that wasn’t so bad, was it?” I asked her. We could have this every day again, if you’d just let me back in…

  Kiera studied me while I stared at her with open longing. Did she see how much I wanted this? Was it apparent on my face? Would she understand if she saw it? She was so naïve, so inexperienced. It made me believe that Denny was the only person she’d been with, the only person she’d opened up to. Maybe she really had no idea what she was doing, how much she affected me. Even though I knew I had no right to ask, curiosity compelled me to.

  “Can I ask you something, without you getting angry?”
>
  I was sure she’d say no, but surprisingly, she nodded. I couldn’t meet her eye as I asked my horrible, invasive question. I studied my fingers running through her hair instead. “Was Denny the only man you’d been with?”

  By her voice, I could tell she was annoyed that I’d asked her that. I didn’t blame her. It was none of my business. “Kellan, I don’t see how that’s—”

  I interrupted her with another jackass request. “Just answer the question.” Please. I know I have no right to ask, but I need to know…are Denny and I the only two people you’ve been with? Is that why you can’t let him go?

  She seemed confused as she looked me over. I felt a little pathetic, so I was sure I looked it too. “Yes…until you, yes. He was my first…”

  I nodded. I knew that. He was her first love, her first time, her first…everything. That’s why she was so deeply bound to him, why sharing her affections with me was so difficult for her, why just the thought of him leaving her sent her into near-hysterics. He was a part of her, down to her core. How could I possibly compete with that kind of history? I couldn’t. And I didn’t need to. I didn’t need to have all of her…just a tiny bit would do. A fraction of her warmth, a fraction of her love. I could be happy with that…

  Kiera’s soft voice broke my train of thought. “Why would you want to know that?”

  My hand in her hair paused as I stared at her. Keeping my smile plastered in place, I considered telling her the real reason why. I love you, but I know Denny has your heart. Most of it, anyway. I was just curious if there was a chance for you to love me more than him. But there isn’t. And that’s okay. So long as I have this much, it’s okay if he has the rest.

  I couldn’t say that, so I said nothing and continued stroking her hair. Like she sometimes did, Kiera seemed to know that I couldn’t answer her, so she didn’t press me. She relaxed against me, and my mind started spinning as we stared at each other. I wanted so much to be the one and only in her eyes, but that wasn’t going to happen. Even if she and Denny did separate, that wouldn’t happen. He was too much a part of her. But she cared about me…we had something, and I would cling to that for as long as I possibly could.