Please Don't Take My Baby

  By one o’clock I was expecting news at any moment, so when the phone rang at 1.30 I sprang to answer it. As I thought it might be, it was Rachel, and from the quick way in which she spoke I could tell she was very busy and stressed.

  ‘Sorry I haven’t phoned sooner,’ she began. ‘I’ve been on the phone all morning trying to arrange Jade’s transfer. I’ve left a message with Homefinders and Jill will phone you later. We’ve got a problem. There’s still only one mother-and-baby placement free at present and that is out of the county. The carer is a lovely lady and an experienced carer but Jade is refusing to go. I’ve just spoken to Jackie again and she says Jade is adamant she won’t move out of the area, even for a few weeks.’

  ‘So there’s no chance of Jade going home, then?’ I asked. ‘Now she is reunited with her mother?’

  ‘No. There isn’t the space. Also Jackie’s at work for a large part of each day and has her other kids to look after. She can’t give Jade the support and supervision she’ll need; she struggled before. Now Jade has the baby she’ll need someone with her to help and advise her.’ Which I understood. ‘I’ve spoken to the ward sister,’ Rachel continued. ‘And they’re waiting to discharge Jade, but she’s refusing to go if she has to live outside the county. She’s really dug her heels in, little madam.’ Rachel paused to take a breath and I thought she was going to ask me if I could go to the hospital and try to persuade Jade to go, but Rachel said: ‘So I was wondering if Jade could come back to you? Just for the time being, until I can sort something out.’

  ‘So the baby’s staying in hospital?’ I asked, misunderstanding what Rachel was saying.

  ‘No. Courtney is healthy and nearly full term. There is no reason to keep her in hospital. They will both need to come to you.’

  ‘Oh,’ I said. ‘Well, no. That’s not possible. I don’t have any baby equipment. And Jade’s room isn’t big enough for two. It’s a single room.’

  ‘Yes, I know, I’ve seen the room and it’s big enough short term. There’s enough space for a cot, and Jade is used to sharing. I could speak to Jill about helping you get the baby things you need.’

  I felt my pulse start to race. ‘When? Which day is she being discharged?’

  ‘She’s free to go now.’

  ‘But Rachel, it’s after one thirty! I’ll be going to school in just over an hour to collect Paula. I’ve nothing here ready for a baby. Nothing. Sorry, I can’t do it.’

  It went quiet at the other end of the phone and I hoped Rachel appreciated that her request was totally impractical, although I understood why she’d asked me. There are never enough foster carers, especially specialists who can take a mother and baby, and while I always tried to help the social services whenever I could this just wasn’t possible.

  ‘What if I asked the hospital to keep Jade and Courtney for another night?’ Rachel now said, coming back on the line. ‘Would that give you enough time to prepare?’

  I was about to say no – it takes weeks to prepare for the arrival of a baby – but I stopped and thought. Then I made some funny umm and errr noises. I had a cot and pram packed away in the loft. They’d been Adrian’s and Paula’s, and I’d used them three years previously when I’d looked after Harrison (whose story I told in A Baby’s Cry). At that time I’d bought a new mattress for the cot, and Rachel had just said she would speak to Jill about helping me with the other baby equipment I needed. I ummed and ahhed some more and then said: ‘What time tomorrow? It can’t be in the morning. I need time to prepare.’

  ‘If I arranged their discharge for one o’clock, would that give you enough time?’

  My thoughts raced. ‘I’ll need to know what Jade has and what I need to buy,’ I said, thinking aloud. ‘Then I could go shopping to get what I need first thing in the morning after I’ve taken Paula to school.’

  ‘So is one o’clock all right with you, then?’ Rachel asked, pressing me for a definite response.

  ‘I guess so,’ I said. ‘Yes. All right.’

  ‘Thank you. You’re a star!’ Rachel declared, sounding very relieved. ‘I’ll phone the hospital now and speak to the ward sister. Then I’ll talk to Jade, Jackie, Jill, and get back to you.’

  I didn’t feel like a star; I felt panic-stricken. Whatever had I agreed to? I walked away from the phone trying to reassure myself that I liked a challenge and that I could rise to this one as I had risen to others. But fostering a teenage girl and her newborn baby was very different from the challenges I usually faced: children who were angry or withdrawn as a result of abuse or severe neglect. Was I up to it? Had I made the right decision? I sincerely hoped so.

  Twenty minutes later I was releasing the loft ladders, ready to go into the loft to see what baby equipment was stored there, when the phone rang. Leaving the ladders in place, I went round the landing and answered the call in my bedroom. I was pleased to hear Jill – in her best organizing mood.

  ‘I’m making a list,’ she began. ‘Rachel’s phoned and I’ve asked her to find out what Jade has at home so that we know what we need to get you. I’ve printed out the list of essential items from the maternity page of the hospital’s website.’

  ‘Thank you, Jill,’ I said. ‘That’s a big help.’ One of the great advantages of working for an independent fostering agency as opposed to a local authority is that their level of support is fantastic and practical when necessary. ‘I’m just about to go into the loft and check what’s up there,’ I said. ‘I’m sure there’s a cot and a pram. Can I get back to you when I’ve had a look – in about ten minutes?’

  ‘Sure,’ she said. ‘Has Jade got any baby things with her at your place?’

  ‘No. Nothing.’

  ‘I had a feeling that might be so. OK. I’ll let you get on and speak to you shortly.’

  Returning round the landing I climbed the loft ladders, switched on the light and peered into the loft. Straight in front of me, wrapped in polythene to protect them from dust, were the dismantled cot and the three-in-one pram, which converted into a pushchair and a carry-car seat. I also spotted a bouncing cradle I’d forgotten I had, and the equipment I’d bought when I’d fostered Harrison: a new cot mattress, a baby bath, a changing mat and a sterilizing unit. All of which I’d packed away, intending to car-boot sale them at some point, never imagining I might need them again.

  I carried them carefully down the loft ladders, one piece at a time, and stacked them on the landing. The cot would need assembling and I’d ask Adrian and Paula to help me later. It would be nice for them if they felt involved. Once I had all the baby equipment down I retracted the loft ladders and closed the hatch. Then I went round to my bedroom and phoned Jill. I went through the list of things I had, finishing with ‘a cot but no bedding, and a sterilizer but no bottles’. For health and safety reasons – to minimize the risk of spreading infection – foster carers are advised to discard bottles and bedding once an infant has left them and not use them again for another baby, even though they will have been washed and sterilized.

  ‘I’ve made a note,’ Jill said. ‘Rachel has spoken to Jackie and she says that apart from some baby toys and one packet of disposable nappies Jade hasn’t bought anything. However, Jackie has. A few weeks ago she bought some first-size babygros, vests, socks and a shawl.’

  ‘Sensible lady,’ I said.

  ‘Yes. Courtney will also need a warm zip-up suit to come home in from the hospital. It’s cold. I’ve put that on the list. Also Jade says she doesn’t want to breastfeed, so we’ll need to get some bottles and formula milk.’

  I gave a little sigh. ‘There’s so much to do and so little time.’

  Then Jill said: ‘We’re reasonably quiet in the office at present. Shall I pop out and get you what you need now?’

  ‘Oh, yes please, Jill, would you? I said, grateful. ‘Thank you. That would be a big help.’

  ‘Can you think of anything else?’

  ‘Baby wipes and lotion?’ I suggested.

  ‘I’ve got those written d
own already.’

  ‘I think that’s all, then.’

  I thanked Jill again and we said goodbye. I then went round the landing to Jade’s bedroom, where I began preparing the room for Jade’s return by first unpacking her case, which she’d never got around to doing. I stowed it out of the way on top of the wardrobe, made her bed, and folded away the clothes she’d left strewn across the furniture. I then pushed the bed to one side to make more space in the room for the cot. Rachel was right: now the room was tidy there was space for the cot.

  On my way downstairs I took the sterilizing unit and bouncing cradle, and then returned for the pram, which I left in the hall. Seeing these items again sent my thoughts back to little Harrison and I remembered the apprehension I’d felt when I had first been asked to foster him – a tiny newborn baby. I had worried then that I wouldn’t remember what to do, as my last experience of looking after a baby had been with my daughter Paula – five years previously. But of course I’d remembered what to do, just as I would remember when Courtney arrived, although this would be a little different, for it wouldn’t be me who was looking after the baby but Jade. I would be on hand to advise Jade and keep an eye on the welfare of them both. And as I began to picture how I could help Jade look after Courtney my anxiety lessened and I found I was actually looking forward to their arrival. I just hoped Adrian and Paula agreed.

  ‘Yippee!’ Paula said when I told her that afternoon as I met her from school. ‘I’m going to tell Sara and Maxine!’ And she skipped across the playground to share her good news with her two closest friends.

  Adrian’s reaction when he returned home from school was predictably less enthusiastic: ‘Not a smelly baby. Gross!’ he said, rummaging in the kitchen cupboard for a snack. Then: ‘Will Ty be visiting?’

  ‘Yes, I would think so, although not necessarily this evening.’ Which helped.

  ‘Cool,’ he said. ‘Ty can play on the PlayStation while Jade plays with the baby.’ And he disappeared up to his room, munching an apple while opening a bag of crisps.

  Shortly before 5.30 p.m. the doorbell rang and it was Jill, loaded with bags and packages, having come straight from the shopping mall.

  ‘Welcome, welcome,’ I enthused, ushering her in. ‘You’re an angel!’

  ‘You bet,’ she joked. ‘I think I’ve got everything. Shall I leave the bags here in the hall for now?’

  ‘Yes please. I’ll sort them out later. Coffee?’

  ‘Just a quick one. After I leave you I’m going to drop the coat I’ve bought for Courtney in to Rachel, so that she can get it to Jade this evening. She’s visiting Jade at the hospital after work. Has Rachel been in touch about the arrangements for tomorrow?’ Jill asked, following me into the kitchen.

  ‘All I know is that Jade is being discharged at one o’clock,’ I said, filling the kettle.

  ‘OK. I’ll tell you what’s happening,’ Jill said. ‘You won’t have to go to the hospital to collect Jade and the baby, as Jackie’s going. Jackie wants to be involved and will go to the hospital straight from work. She’ll take with her the baby things they have at home – first-size clothes and nappies. She should be there soon after one o’clock and then Jackie, Jade and the baby will come here in a cab. Jackie would like to see Jade settled in and I told Rachel I thought that would be fine with you.’

  ‘Yes. So I guess they’ll be here about 1.45?’ I said.

  ‘I would think so.’

  ‘I’ll have to leave just before three to collect Paula from school. I assume it’s OK to leave them here alone?’ I passed Jill her mug of coffee.

  ‘Thanks. Yes. If you’re comfortable with that?’ I nodded. ‘Although Jackie will be here with Jade tomorrow, there will be times – like when you do the school run – when Jade and Courtney will be left alone. That’s fine. Jade needs supervision and support but you’re not expected to be here with her the whole time.’

  ‘I understand,’ I said.

  Jill took a sip of her coffee and her gaze fell on the sterilizing unit I’d put ready on the work surface. ‘It’s strange seeing that in here again, and the pram in the hall,’ Jill said. ‘How do you feel about it all now?’

  ‘OK, I think.’

  ‘You’ll be fine,’ Jill reassured me. ‘And remember, if you have any concerns or problems don’t hesitate to contact the agency.’

  ‘I will. I’m sure I’ll be fine once Jade and Courtney are here. As with any new child, it’s the waiting that makes you nervous.’

  Jill finished her coffee standing in the kitchen as she was in a rush and called goodbye to Adrian and Paula on her way out.

  After we’d had dinner Adrian and Paula came with me upstairs to Jade’s now tidy bedroom and helped me assemble the cot and then make it up with the new bedding Jill had brought. Paula then disappeared into her bedroom and returned with one of her small soft toys, which she placed in the cot.

  ‘That’s a present for Courtney,’ she said. ‘I hope she’s happy here.’

  ‘I’m sure she will be, love,’ I said. ‘That’s very sweet of you.’

  While Adrian remarked dryly: ‘Jade’s room is next to mine. I hope I don’t hear her baby bawling all night.’

  ‘I’m sure you won’t,’ I said, for Adrian had slept through thunderstorms that had woken Paula and me.

  While Adrian played on his Nintendo, Paula, eager to see what Jill had brought, helped me to unpack the bags and put away their contents: the baby bath oil in the bathroom with the baby flannel and sponge; the lotion, nappies and wipes in Jade’s bedroom; the bottles in the sterilizer; and the formula in the kitchen cupboard.

  Later when the children were in bed I read the instructions on the packet of formula to remind myself how to make up a bottle of formula. I also placed the changing mat on the table in Jade’s bedroom with the nappies, wipes and cream within reach. The table usually doubled as a desk for older children to study at but would now be a baby-changing station. By the time I’d finished I felt I was as prepared as I could be, and before I settled on the sofa to watch some television before bed I phoned my parents and brought them up to date with the news: that Jade had had her baby and I would be looking after both of them for a few weeks.

  ‘How wonderful, a little baby!’ Mum cried, delighted. ‘And will we be able to see them both when we visit you on Sunday?’

  ‘Yes, of course. They’ll be here.’

  ‘Fantastic. I’ll tell your father.’ And I knew that when my father saw the baby he would be just as enthusiastic as my mother was.

  Chapter Twelve

  Worth It

  The following afternoon I had been looking expectantly from the front-room window on and off for about twenty minutes when I finally saw the mini-cab arrive. I was out the front door before the driver had switched off the cab’s engine. Arriving on the pavement, through the window of the cab I could see Jade with Courtney on her lap; ideally she should have been in a car seat, but no one had thought to take one. Jackie was sitting on the seat beside her.

  ‘Oh, isn’t she beautiful!’ I gasped, gazing at Courtney as Jade opened the cab door. ‘Well done, love.’ I kissed her cheek. ‘Congratulations. You have a lovely baby. She’s beautiful.’

  ‘Hi, Cathy,’ Jackie said.

  ‘Congratulations, Jackie. You’ve got a lovely grand-daughter.’

  ‘Thank you.’

  I helped Jade out of the cab as Jackie paid the driver. Courtney was indeed a lovely baby, really cute, and without the redness that newborn babies often have. Her tiny features were relaxed in sleep and seemed even cuter under the little white hat she was wearing. She was dressed warmly in the zip-up suit Jill had bought, and a shawl Jackie had presumably brought from home.

  ‘You go on in with Courtney,’ Jackie said to Jade. ‘I’ll bring the bags.’

  Jade took a couple of steps towards the garden gate and grimaced, so I guessed she was sore from the birth. ‘Can you carry her in?’ Jade asked, holding Courtney out to me.

  ‘Yes, of
course, love,’ I said.

  I carefully took the precious bundle in my arms and holding her close followed Jade slowly up the garden path. I could smell that lovely newborn-baby smell and I couldn’t help but kiss Courtney’s little cheek. Jade took off her coat and threw it over the hall stand, and then continued into the sitting room. I left the front door open for Jackie, and carried Courtney into the sitting room.

  Once Jade was comfortably settled on the sofa I placed Courtney in her arms. Jade looked at her and then up and around the room; she seemed overwhelmed, which was hardly surprising with everything that had happened since she’d last been in this room.

  ‘It’s bound to seem strange at first,’ I said. ‘Your body has been through a lot and will need time to recover. I’m here to help you all I can. You know you’re staying with me for now?’ I asked, and she nodded. ‘Would you like to take off Courtney’s coat?’ I suggested. ‘It’s warm indoors.’

  Jade looked at me and then at Courtney but didn’t move. ‘Undo the zip and take out her arms first, and then her legs,’ I said. ‘It’s easier to do it that way round.’

  Jade began sliding down the zipper of the all-in-one coat and then awkwardly took Courtney’s arms out of the sleeves, and then her legs. Courtney screwed up her face but didn’t wake or cry. ‘Well done,’ I said to Jade, and helped her slide the suit from under Courtney. As with many procedures in caring for a baby, Jade would find it became easier with practice, so that before long she would have Courtney in and out of the suit in no time, and without disturbing her if she was asleep.

  ‘Shall I take these baby things up to Jade’s bedroom?’ Jackie called from the hall.

  ‘Yes, if you like,’ I said, going to meet her. I thought Jackie would probably like to see Jade and Courtney’s bedroom. ‘I’ll show you where it is.’

  I led the way upstairs and to Jade’s room. ‘It’s not very big,’ I said apologetically as we entered. ‘But Rachel said it would be fine short term.’