Rosebush

  I wrapped my arms around her, conscious both of her strength and of my weakness. She’d been honest, naked with me, telling me everything. I hadn’t been able to do the same. I’d left out one part of my story. The hardest part. I opened my mouth to tell it, but it caught in my throat.

  When her breathing returned to normal, she pulled away and faced me. “I’m sorry.”

  “For what? I’m—I feel really honored you told me.”

  She nodded and cupped her hands around the mangled cup of hot chocolate, studying it as if it held the answers to all life’s mysteries. “I miss her,” she said. “I don’t like to show it around Popo and Maman, but I miss her every day. I wonder what my life would have been like if that didn’t happen. If I’d come home sooner. If I’d been able to save her.”

  “Langley, you were a hero that day. You were so brave. Your mother would have been proud of you. And she’d be proud of what you’ve become.”

  She shook her head, still staring into her hot chocolate. “Do you really think so?”

  “Who wouldn’t be proud of you? You’re the light of your grandparents’ life. You’re smart, beautiful, fun, adored, and popular.”

  “I am pretty great, aren’t I?” she said with a tenuous smile, She looked brave and vulnerable all at once. I marveled at her.

  “Yes.”

  She winked. “Takes one to know one.”

  Tell her, a voice in my head said. Tell her the rest. Before I could, Langley was finishing her story.

  “Anyway,” Langley had concluded that day in Killington, “my mother never finished teaching me how to swim. So I still don’t know. And the scars always remind me. You won’t tell anyone, though, will you? About what happened or about my scars? My grandparents don’t like people to know.”

  As I’d been listening, I’d been thinking that Langley reminded me of someone and I realized who it was. She reminded me of my intrepid turtle, Amerigo. They were both brave; they’d both been through a lot and used it to make them stronger. They were both survivors. I couldn’t even imagine having half their courage and strength.

  Including the strength to show vulnerability. “Your secret is safe with me,” I assured her.

  She smiled. “I know. I know I can count on you.”

  With her hair pulled carelessly back and under the industrial light of my hospital room, the scar across Langley’s cheek was more visible. “You should be with Popo,” I said. “Not here with me.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. You need me. Besides, I can tell that something is bothering you.”

  “It’s nothing.”

  “Good, then it won’t take you long to tell me what it is.” She went to the windowsill and picked up the bear in the T-shirt. “Tell the get-well bear your problems, jelly bean. He’s a beary good listener.”

  “Stop,” I cried, laughing. “I give in.”

  She came back and settled herself into a chair next to my bed. “Is it about David? I ran into him and Ollie in the parking lot. Or, I should say, Ollie almost ran me over. He’s a menace in that huge Land Rover. No wonder he has a driver most of the time. David’s been so worried about you; he’s been calling me for updates. I’m so glad you got back together.”

  “Got back together?”

  She blinked. “I mean got together. Your mother was very cagey yesterday about not letting him come by.”

  Of course. I should have known my mother was interfering.

  “So, what’s wrong?”

  “I know this is going to sound weird, but did we have a fight? At the party?”

  “You and David?” she asked. All of a sudden her tone was wary.

  “No, you and I?”

  She looked surprised.

  “It’s just, some people told the police officer that we did and I have this memory of you standing in front of a door and me not wanting to go past you. Or something. It’s weird.”

  Her face cleared, but she started twisting the friendship ring on her right hand. “Oh. Well, yeah, kind of. I was trying to keep you from leaving the bathroom. You—I don’t know what happened, but you were really upset at David and you were sobbing and you kept saying, ‘I can’t take it anymore. It’s over. I’m done, it’s done. I just want to end it.’ And I just thought—I thought it would be better if you didn’t do it like that. That night.”

  “That must be what people heard. Why they thought you and Kate and I had a fight. Do you know what happened?”

  “No, I found you crying like that.”

  “And I said I wanted to break up with David?”

  “You said you wanted to end it…that you wanted it to be over.” She shrugged. “Maybe you meant something else.” Her voice was soft, softer than normal, and I had to strain to hear.

  “Like what?”

  I felt like I was seeing it in a film that kept slipping. Some frames were in focus, but others I couldn’t pull up. Langley in front of a door, looking upset, and me saying those words I could sort of imagine. But why? What could I have seen that would have made me want to end things with David? And if something had happened, wouldn’t he have mentioned it? Wouldn’t I have been able to tell when he came by?

  You’re just being paranoid, I told myself firmly. Like the writing on the mirror, this was probably just something my brain was making up with the help of heavy medication.

  “Thank you for keeping me from making a fool of myself,” I said. “David may have his flaws, but I still love him.”

  “Of course you do. That party was just strange. Did you hear that Elsa totaled her Porsche? She drove into a post.”

  “What?”

  “Yeah, and not just that. Apparently she was hallucinating or something and became so belligerent with the paramedics that they had to restrain her.”

  “Was she drunk?”

  “It’s Elsa,” Langley said. “The girl so clean she even brings her own bottled water to parties.”

  That was true. Elsa didn’t drink or do drugs. She was strange enough without that. “Was it a neurotic episode?”

  “Who knows. But it’s weird, right?”

  It felt great to talk about something other than myself, to get into the rhythm of gossiping with Langley again, even if I was worried about Elsa. She went on, “Ollie said he heard that she had a nervous breakdown and got sent to the Bahamas to live with her real mother, but I heard they put her in a mental hospital for observation.”

  “Was she okay? I mean, physically?”

  “Yeah, I guess she was fine, just a few bruises. So who else has come to visit you today? Has Kate been here?”

  The rapid change of topic unsettled me for a moment. “No. Um, not yet.”

  “I’m sure she’ll be here soon. She’s so upset. She really loves you.” There was something about the way she looked at me then that made me uncomfortable. Did she know?

  No, no one knew. Not even Langley. Especially not Langley.

  “I should probably get going.” She smiled down at me. “You poor baby. Are you in a lot of pain?”

  “A little.” I looked toward the IV rack she was standing next to. It had three bags on it and four digital monitors. “I think they’re keeping me pretty doped up. The hardest thing right now is not remembering. Oh, and not being able to move.” I’d wanted my voice to sound joking, but it came out more like a weak croak.

  “You’re going to get all better. I promise.” She leaned down to give me a kiss on the nose and her arm must have rested on the cord to my IV because all of a sudden a wave of pain crashed over me.

  The heart-rate monitor started to squeal and Loretta rushed in and Langley retreated to a corner and I was hyperventilating.

  My God, the pain.

  Black and white spots flashed in front of my eyes and there was a roaring in my ears and my body was convulsed in a spasm of agony as though my skeleton was trying to crawl out. I heard screams, my screams, and I felt a prick on my arm.

  Then I was swimming, swimming through the brown water, and someone w
as yelling, Get out of the way, you jealous bitch, and I swam to the top and broke through the surface and—

  Suddenly everything was fine. My body relaxed. My eyes cleared. My ears stopped ringing.

  Everything went back to normal. Even better than normal.

  Loretta leaned over me. “We had to knock you out there for a moment. How are you feeling?”

  “Great,” I said, and meant it.

  But that wasn’t true of Langley. The color had drained from her face and she was trembling, slumped in a chair in the corner as though trying to make herself as small as possible. “My God, I’m so sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t mean to hurt her.”

  Loretta gave her a nice smile. “Don’t worry. Just an accident with the IV line. No permanent damage done.”

  Langley’s head was buried in her hands. “I feel awful.”

  I beamed at her. I didn’t know what Loretta had given me, but I felt great. “I’m fine. Nothing wrong. And now I know how much I need that IV.”

  Langley looked at me from between her fingers. “Yeah, I guess you do.”

  Never one to miss a party, my mother rushed in just then, in a cloud of Coco Chanel and questions. “What was that? What happened?” Joe followed her.

  “Just a little mishap, nothing to worry about,” Loretta assured them.

  “Are you certain?” my mother demanded. “Jane looks pale as a ghost.”

  “Not a ghost yet, Mother,” I told her.

  “That’s not funny,” she snapped.

  I looked behind her. “Where’s Annie?”

  “She’s at the Monteros’ for the day playing with Dora.” Dora was Ollie’s younger sister. Turning, my mother saw Langley for the first time. “Langley, darling, so good to see you here. How are your grandparents?”

  Since Langley’s grandparents were two of the most socially prominent people in the area, it was important to ask this, even with a daughter paralyzed in the hospital. One couldn’t let a little thing like near death interfere with one’s manners.

  “They’re doing as well as can be expected, and they both send Jane their best wishes.”

  “Please thank them for us. It really means the world to us.”

  “Have there been any new developments?” Langley asked.

  “The police have credible evidence that it was the robbers who held up the convenience store. They hit Jane when they were speeding away.”

  “What does ‘credible evidence’ mean?” I asked.

  “A vehicle matching the description of the robbers’ was sighted in the vicinity of the ten fifty-seven. That’s a hit-and-run in the ten code the police use,” my mother explained like she’d just graduated from the police academy. “And the striations on the skid marks are a possible match to the getaway vehicle.”

  “Ten four, Officer Rosalind,” I said.

  Her lips got thin, but she ignored my snarky tone and addressed Langley instead. “We’re holding a news conference about it in a few minutes to try to get information about the robbers’ whereabouts, if you’d like to stay.”

  “So that means they’ll catch whoever did this,” Langley said. “That’s great news.”

  My mother nodded. “What it means is that Jane is a casualty of the rising crime rate in this area. A symbol of what is at stake for us all.”

  If I could have clapped, I would have. “That line’s a winner,” I told my mother. “I hope you’re planning to use it on TV.”

  “This constant negativity and sarcasm is so—” She stopped talking, and if I hadn’t known her better, I might have thought she was about to cry.

  But I did know her better. “You can’t imagine how hard it is for me to maintain,” I said. Which was true. I wasn’t like this with anyone but my mother. For the first time, as I stared at the wrinkle across her forehead, I wondered why.

  She sighed and reached tentatively for my hand. “Don’t you see, darling, it means this can all be over soon.”

  Oh yes, that was why. I didn’t know what she meant by “all” or “be over,” but I did know that one of us was still completely paralyzed. And would be no matter how many convenience store robbers she caught. It was more evidence of how she refused to see me as I really was. Refused to see the person in front of her, now or ever.

  Langley stood up from the chair she’d been sitting on, sparing me from having to think up an appropriate retort. “I wish I could stay for the press conference, but I have to be getting home. My grandfather.”

  “Of course, dear. Thank you for coming and cheering up our poor girl.”

  “My pleasure.”

  “You see, Mother. Everyone thinks I’m a pleasure to be with but you.”

  Langley kissed me on the forehead, giving me a whiff of grapefruit. “Goodbye, jelly bean. I’ll try to come by again later.”

  “Take care of Popo. That’s more important.” I meant it. She was so sweet to spend time with me when her own life was so rocky. That was what Langley was like—always ready to be strong for you, no matter how much she needed her strength herself.

  My mother followed her out the door, but Joe lingered behind, hovering near the foot of my bed. He coughed once, cleared his throat. “Jane, I don’t understand why you’re so angry at your mother, but I want to be sure you know that she is really upset about this.”

  “She doesn’t seem to be. She seems to be having the time of her life.” My voice sounded petty and small, but I didn’t care.

  “That’s your mom. She’s a trooper.”

  “How would you know? You’ve only been in her life a year. How can you tell what she’s like?”

  Joe huddled with his hands in his pockets, seeming sort of sheepish. “I love her and I admire her, so I’ve made a special study of her. I just—I just want you to know that everything she’s doing, she’s doing because she cares.”

  “All my mother cares about is how things look for her press conferences.”

  He sucked in breath through his mouth as though I’d slapped him. “That’s not fair. And I’m pretty sure you know it.”

  “Fine. Thank you for delivering that message.”

  He looked like he was going to say something else, then shrugged to himself and left. I kept my eyes on my flowers and balloons and the get-well bear on the windowsill. Those were from people who actually cared. People who liked me for who I was, not some imaginary perfect daughter I should have been.

  The phone next to my bed started to ring. Maybe it was David again. Just the thought gave me tingles all over, and without thinking about it, I reached out and picked it up.

  “Hello?”

  “How are you today, Jane?” a voice that wasn’t David asked. I didn’t recognize it, but I didn’t care because as it spoke, I realized I’d just regained use of my left arm. I tried the right one. Yes, that one too. I could move. I could move!

  “I’m great, how are you?” I answered.

  “I’m well. Looking forward to our eventual meeting.”

  That was starting to sound weird. “Wait, who is this?”

  “Don’t you know?”

  “No.”

  “I’m the person who tried to kill you. Or, I should say, who is going to kill you.”

  My entire body went cold. “This isn’t funny.”

  “I assure you, I’m dead serious.”

  I swallowed. “What are you talking about?” Now my arms were working, but my brain felt more numb than ever.

  “We both know what happened to you was no accident.”

  I started to shake.

  “Don’t we?” the voice needled.

  “Who is this?!” My hands clasped around the receiver were freezing. “Tell me who you are.”

  “That’s for me to know and you to find out. See you soon.”

  The line went dead. A guy I’d never seen before came into my room holding a cell phone in his hand and a large box cradled under his arm. He looked from it to me and said, “Hello, Jane.”

  Chapter
17

  “Get out! Get out! Help!” I shouted. “Loretta!”

  The guy dropped the cell phone.

  Loretta rushed in. “Yes, sweetheart, what is it?”

  I pointed at the guy. My arm was trembling. “He—he’s going to kill me.”

  “Who, Pete?” She looked at the guy, who was now stooping to retrieve his cell phone. “I doubt it.”

  “Someone—someone just called to say they’re going to kill me. And then he walked in.”

  Loretta came closer to me and pulled out a flashlight. She shined it in my eyes. “Look up for me, sweetheart. Good. Now left.” She clicked the light off.

  “I’m not hallucinating. I didn’t make it up. Someone called me.”

  With her finger on my wrist she said, “Tell me what happened, sweetheart.”

  “The phone rang and I picked it up.”

  “You picked it up? You moved your hand?” She was gazing at me with surprise.

  “Yes. I can move both my arms now.”

  “The Lord works in strange ways. The phone rang and you picked it up and what happened?”

  “The voice on the phone said what happened to me was no accident. That they would finish what they started. And that they’d see me soon.”

  “I see. And then what?”

  “Then he”—pointing to the guy, who was now slouching along the wall, looking amused—“came in. This isn’t funny, by the way.”

  “I’m not laughing at you. I’m laughing at that bear.” He pointed at the windowsill. “It’s—kind of hideous.”

  Loretta had gone out for a moment, but she came back in now. “That’s Pete,” she said. “He’s volunteering here. Like a candy striper.”

  “I’m not sure volunteering is the right word.” He pushed off the wall and came toward the bed holding out the box. “I was supposed to deliver this.”

  It was wrapped in paper that said WACK ATTACK all over it, clearly from the Just 4 Teens! section of the Hallmark store.

  “I don’t want a stupid box. Are you two listening? Someone called and threatened to kill me.” I enunciated each word. “We need to tell the police. I didn’t hallucinate it this time, Loretta. Someone called me.”