Beautifully Broken

  “What is the occasion?” I found myself asking as Lee had suddenly suggested dinner as well.

  “I missed you, that’s all,” he murmured into my neck as he pulled me into him. His breath on my neck was sending chills all throughout my body.

  “You were gone for less than eight hours, are you sure you’re feeling well?” I joked, pressing the back of my hand to his forehead.

  Lee heaved me up and over his shoulder as I wailed from the surprise and he carried me back to our bedroom, slamming me down on the soft bed.

  I was giggling from his crazy antics. “You are so weird!”

  “I’ll show you weird!” He threatened then began snorting into my neck. The feeling was leaving me breathless from laughing.

  Then Lee stopped suddenly and just looked down at me, my body sprawled out underneath his. We were just staring into each other’s eyes without a word. He ran his fingers through my hair, pulling gently at it every so often making me moan out lightly with pleasure.

  He kissed me quickly then, stroking my ear while doing so.

  I would never tire of his kisses. Passionate, not sloppy, and extremely sexy.

  He took my bottom lip between his teeth gingerly, sucking on it.

  Lee always knew exactly what moves would drive me crazy. And he always executed them expertly.

  Even though his body was making all the right moves it almost felt like his head was somewhere else; a feeling I wasn’t all accustomed to.

  I took his tongue between my teeth and sucked on it as if it were his dick in my mouth. I was shifting the power.

  Lee was melting into me. I wasted no time ripping his shirt off and throwing it to the ground. I ran my hands over his sculpted chest, savoring the moment. His body was a temple.

  I climbed on top of his lap, straddling him, kissing him passionately. My hands were running through his short hair, back and forth.

  He was reaching for the straps of my tank top, I didn’t stop him. I was left in my bra and shorts, still straddling him and madly making out.

  My phones vibration had me groaning out loud.

  “Do you need to get that now?” Lee asked, irritated.

  I glanced at the screen, noting that it was the prison calling. “It’s my mother.”

  Lee stopped instantly, releasing me. “Answer it.”

  I reached for my phone, standing up in the process. “Hello?”

  “Ms. Blunt?” An unfamiliar male voice spoke then.

  “Yes…” I began, unsteady.

  “This is Dr. Townsend from Montana Department of Corrections, your mother’s condition has worsened and we are unsure of how much longer she has. I would recommend that you make a trip out to say your goodbyes.”

  My stomach sank. No. It was too soon. She said a year…it had only been a few months!

  Lee was holding me up before I realized my legs had crumpled underneath me. “It’s my mother…”

  He wasted no time comforting me by taking me into his arms and stroking my hair. After I finished the phone call I stared at Lee through tear-stricken eyes. “It’s too early…it’s not fair.”

  “I know,” he responded calmly.

  “I have to say goodbye,” I said more to myself than Lee.

  “It would be for the best.”

  “Will you come with me?” I asked, searching his eyes for the hero who always saved me.

  Lee sighed heavily. “I need to tell you something.” He took my hand in his, attempting to comfort me as he dished the news.

  My stomach sank for the second time that night. Something in my gut was telling me I wasn’t going to like what Lee was about to reveal.

  “I met with Ainsley today…” Lee began slowly, gauging my reaction.

  A pang of jealousy, hurt, and betrayal shot through my body at the mention of her name. He had snuck out to see her and lied to me about it. No wonder he had been so overly affectionate earlier—he was feeling guilty. He had tried to overcompensate. “And?” I found myself asking anxiously.

  “She shared some pretty shocking news.”

  He was stalling…why, I wasn’t quite sure.

  “I’m listening,” I said frustrated.

  “Jac, she told me that I may be a father.”

  I blinked repeatedly, hoping that I had heard wrong.

  “Did you hear what I said?” Lee pressed.

  “Please don’t repeat it.” I barely choked out.

  “I am going to get a paternity test babe, I am going to be positive before I make any decisions.” Like that was going to make anything better—my mind was racing with the countless negative outcomes.

  “I need to start packing,” I said, attempting to change the subject to anything less devastating.

  “Jac, please stop—I’m not sure what I should do,” Lee stated honestly.

  “You obviously need to stay here and sort this out; I will deal with my mother’s grim fate on my own.” It was difficult to even look at him knowing that he may not be mine much longer. Hadn’t I had enough devastation for one day?

  ***

  I had lied. I never anticipated facing my mother alone—so when I arrived to the Montana airport, I called the one person I had never pictured ever speaking to again, Travis.

  It wasn’t a surprise that he answered my call or that he quickly agreed to come pick me up even though we hadn’t spoken a word in months.

  He looked good, sun kissed and taller than ever.

  “Travis,” I whispered as he neared.

  “Jac,” he returned my whisper, embracing me slowly.

  “I stopped by your place about a month ago,” Travis admitted.

  “You did?”

  He nodded, smirking. “No one was home. I was looking for a Walking Dead marathon partner.”

  I smiled. “I should have told you I moved.”

  “I shouldn’t have turned my back on you—we all make mistakes.”

  His confession took me by surprise.

  “So, where are you living nowadays?” Travis asked as we weaved our way through the airport.

  “Hawaii…” I answered softly, wondering if he would be able to put two and two together.

  “Isn’t that where Lee was from?” Ding-ding-ding.

  “Is from—we live together.” I looked up through lowered lashes, afraid of his reaction.

  “Oh, wow.” I had literally shocked him to silence.

  “There’s a lot we need to catch up on.”

  After leaving the airport I shared with Travis about my mother’s condition and asked if he would accompany me to say goodbye. Travis agreed, not surprising me in the least.

  “So what changed?” Travis asked as we parked the car.

  “I found someone who wouldn’t give up on me.” Even though it was the truth, it didn’t make it any easier to say to someone like Travis.

  ***

  She looked worse for wear—her skin sunken in, her bones protruding and she was weak. Unable to sit up. The sight was more than depressing.

  “Mom, I’m here,” I took her fragile hand in mine, rubbing it gently.

  Slowly her gaze raised to meet mine. “You made it.”

  “Of course I made it.”

  “I’m sorry for everything I ever put you through,” she said weakly.

  “Shhh, let’s focus on the positives—I’m here now.”

  “Where is he?” She looked right past Travis, searching for Lee.

  “He is back in Hawaii…he had some obligations he had to take care of.” It was a complete understatement, but I didn’t really care. “He sends his regards.”

  “Promise me you won’t make the same mistakes I did.” My mother weakly glanced up at me.

  Tears began trailing down my face thinking of my dysfunctional childhood. “I promise.”

  “You always were the prettiest Lily in the valley.” My mother stated, then breathed in deeply.

  Life was so unfair. Hadn’t I been punished enough?

  “We should let her get her rest,
” Travis whispered.

  “I’m not going anywhere.” And I meant it. I didn’t move a muscle the next few days. I was still holding her hand when she finally passed in her sleep. Quick and painless.

  The minute she passed, a portion of my heart felt empty. She was still my mother…no one should ever have to experience the pain associated with such a travesty.

  After the tears had long since dried I finally left the hospital; Travis by my side.

  “You never knew how much I loved you Jac, not once. And even though now is not the time, I can’t let you leave this time without simply acknowledging it.”

  He wasted no more time before lowering his lips to mine firmly. He smelled of cologne; he smelled manly. Something was different about our kiss, I could feel the urgency radiating off his lips. He was leaving me breathless.

  “You can’t deny how well we go together,” he stated after breaking off the kiss, leaving my mind hazy.

  He was right…and for once it was hard to see that as a problem.

  Thirty – Help, I’m Falling and I Can’t Get Up

  Lee

  Jacqueline’s absence was not easy on me. I missed her more than I ever knew possible. And with the way we left things, it left me feeling uneasy. I wanted to be there for her; to hold her hand through her mother’s passing—but if I was a father, I wanted to be there for my son. I felt conflicted and torn.

  The possibility of not knowing I had a son for half a decade left my stomach in knots. The paternity test results were supposed to be available on Monday. It was Saturday and to get my mind off Jacqueline, I focused it on the only other thought in my head—Tanner. I called up Ainsley and requested a meeting with the little guy—I had to know.

  Ainsley suggested a play date at a nearby park and in no time I was pulling up to the park in my silver bmw. I could see her long brown hair whipping around her as she pushed Tanner on the swing. I squinted my eyes to attempt to get a better look at him from the safety of my car; my heart racing.

  Even though I had requested the meeting, it didn’t mean that I wasn’t deathly afraid of it. Kids scared the shit out of me. Yeah, I could play like a kid—but raising them and knowing what they really needed? I was the epitome of clueless.

  What would he think of me? Would he blame me for her choice? What if Tanner hated me? The thoughts inside my head were running wild.

  Taking a deep breath, I reached for my door handle and exited my car. It was a gorgeous July afternoon in Kauai. The heat might have been unbearable, but the island had a great breeze snaking its way through. I waved as soon as Ainsley noticed me. She smiled back warmly.

  “Tanner, there is somebody I’d like you to meet, Mr. Lee.” I was crouching in front of the swing with my big hand withheld.

  “Hi,” Tanner replied quickly before diving underneath my arm and to the seesaw.

  “Oh, okay…” I chuckled uncomfortably.

  “Well?” Ainsley nudged me with her elbow.

  I glanced at her, my eyebrows raised.

  “He obviously can’t work that by himself. You want to take this one, or should I?” She motioned with her eyes and head towards Tanner who was impatiently waiting for one of us to join him.

  “Oh, I definitely have this.” I said before hopping on the seesaw for ten minutes and having a blast watching Tanner laugh from joy.

  Having children before I was fully ready had always been one of my biggest fears. But for one moment, a brief short-lived moment, I forgot why I had been so afraid in the first place. For one time in my life, I entertained the idea of being a father…and it didn’t make me shit my pants.

  I spent the next two hours playing with Tanner and Ainsley until the sun went down and I literally had to carry Tanner to the car because he had passed out from all the fun. I placed him in his car seat and let Ainsley buckle him in, closing the door lightly after she finished.

  “Thank you for this, seriously,” I said softly.

  “No problem, really,” She replied, staring at me a little too deeply in my eyes.

  “Can I ask you a question?” I just had to know.

  “Sure.”

  “Why did you do it?” It had been eating me alive since she told me the shocking news.

  “Do what?”

  “If you even had an idea that he was mine five years ago…why didn’t you tell me? Why did you allow me to live my life with no knowledge of that possibility? Don’t you think that’s unfair Ainsley?” My voice had raised as I continued…I hadn’t realized just how much her reckless decision had affected me.

  “You weren’t ready for a kid,” she said simply.

  “Maybe not, but that didn’t give you the right to make that decision for me.”

  “You’re right. I thought I knew what was best for him. And at the time I couldn’t get you to commit to me—so I followed my instincts. But over the years I began to realize how unfair it was for me to punish Tanner for your hasty actions back in the day.” She stepped closer to me, her voice lowering. “I made a mistake—forgive me?”

  “What are you and Tanner up to tomorrow night?” I asked.

  “What did you have in mind?”

  “Miniature golf and pizza sound good?” It felt nice to be a kid again, even if it was short-lived.

  “I’m sure Tanner will adore you even more after tomorrow.”

  “That is the plan…” I opened her car door for her, not wanting to lead her on. Luckily she caught on real quick.

  “What time tomorrow?”

  “Pick ya up at six?” I grinned at her through the open window.

  “We’ll be ready.” And then the purr of the engine became audible and before I knew it she was gone.

  ***

  The night of golfing and pizza had been exactly what I needed. As much fun as I had, it didn’t compare to my feelings for Jacqueline. And even though I still intended to be there for the little guy in whatever way possible, I wanted Jacqueline by my side for every step of the way.

  “What are you thinking about?” Ainsley asked softly as she closed the car door after our night of fun.

  “Oh, nothing much,” I lied.

  “Want to know what I’m thinking about?” Ainsley stepped closer as she said it. “How unnaturally natural it is that we are here now. How right it all feels.”

  Uh-oh. It was time and I wasn’t sure how Ainsley would react to the truth.

  She took yet another step towards me and reached out her hand for mine. “Oh come on, you can’t deny what has been happening here.”

  It was now or never. “Look Ainsley, I have a girlfriend, someone I care very deeply about, her name is Jacqueline, ring a bell? I would never jeopardize our relationship for the possibility of another chance with you. I’m sorry, but I would just never do that.” I took a defensive step backwards.

  “Why would you want her when you could have this—family?” Ainsley asked, exasperated.

  “She’s my best friend…and don’t get me wrong—I’ll still be there for Tanner if he is my son, but as for you and me Ainsley, we were over a long time ago. We had our chance, it didn’t work out.”

  She looked like I had broken her heart for the second time—it wasn’t any easier the second time around either.

  “I guess I will see you Monday then?” Her voice was icy now.

  “I’ll call you when the results come in.” I mirrored her tone unintentionally.

  She quickly climbed into her car and sped off angrily.

  I pulled my phone out of my pocket and eyed the time, it was a little after nine. Knowing that Montana was four hours ahead, I was sure my girlfriend would be asleep at this early hour. I dialed her familiar number anyways.

  She answered on the fourth ring—right before I lost hope, her voice deep and tired. “Hello?”

  “I’m sorry--did I wake you?” I asked.

  “Mmm.” Tell-tale sign she was not fully awake yet.

  “Listen, just call me later when you wake up.” As I went to hang up the pho
ne her voice became easier to hear.

  “No, you called me…what did you want?” Suddenly she sounded more alert.