Her Guardians Lost (Her Guardians Trilogy #2)

  Chapter 13

  I barely had time to breathe before the doorbell rang again. I was supposed to be on my way to Uncle Billy’s house, but all this had just knocked me for a loop.

  Getting up from the sofa, I wiped away my tears. I hoped it was Michael coming back, but I knew that wasn’t likely. To my surprise, it was Paul.

  “Oh, my god, Cassie. What’s happened? Is it because Michael’s leaving?”

  I snapped my head up to meet his eyes. This must have been what Michael had to take care of this morning. He must have handed in his notice with immediate effect.

  Knowing I had to say something, I just nodded. “Yes. Do you want to come in?”

  Paul smiled and I motioned for him to come into the flat. I wasn’t sure what he wanted. Hopefully it wasn’t bad news as I don’t think I could take much more today.

  “Would you like a cup of tea?”

  Paul shook his head. “It’s okay. This is just a brief visit. I have some news for you.”

  Sitting down next to him on the sofa, I said, “Oh?”

  “I wanted to tell you in person because I thought you were owed that much. It’s Daniel. He pleaded not guilty in court. You’re going to have to give evidence about what he did to you.”

  No, this wasn’t the news I wanted to hear. I didn’t relish the thought of having to get up in a court of law and tell the sordid details. I didn’t much like the idea that someone may tear my life apart and make me out to be something I’m not.

  “Will his wife have to give evidence, too?”

  Paul nodded. “I’m afraid so.”

  “Then I’m not alone in this.” I sighed, sinking back in my chair, fresh pain flooding me. I couldn’t even begin to think about the situation with Daniel right now. That seemed like miles away compared to the grief I had over losing my guardian.

  “You look so lost, Cassie. I wish I could make it better for you.”

  I smiled, even though I was dying inside. It was going to take a lot for me to get through this. I had a goal to set for myself, and I was determined to see it through.

  I had to remember. I had no other choice.

  “I feel like I’ve lost my best friend, Paul.”

  Paul raised his eyebrow. “Best friend?”

  Nodding, I put my head in my hand, trying hard to keep it together. I felt Paul’s hand on my shoulder.

  “I must admit, it did shock us when Michael came in and said he was leaving. Mind you, if my mother in another country needed me, I think I’d go running, too.”

  So this was the excuse he gave. His mother needed him. Maybe he was right in his own unique way. I should imagine she would be needing him now. She must have missed him dearly all this time he’s been down here on earth.

  “I’m sure he’ll miss you, but I’m sure you’ll see him again.”

  I gripped my hair in my hand, trying to fight back the tears. I wasn’t going to see him again. He was gone forever, never to return.

  I felt Paul squeeze my shoulder, so I nodded. I looked up into Paul’s eyes and smiled. I wanted him to see I was okay, even though it was obvious I wasn’t.

  Edging closer to me, Paul pulled me into his arms. I welcomed the hug, even though it was nothing like an angel’s hug. I didn’t feel the calm, the warmth, or the love flowing through.

  “I’m sorry,” Paul said as he pulled back, pushing a strand of hair behind my ear.

  A flashback immediately came to me of when we were sitting in the canteen at work and Stephen did the same thing. I was so enraptured by the flashback, I didn’t even realize Paul still had his hand on my face.

  I looked into his eyes and I could see him edging closer. It all seemed to spin past me. Alarm bells were going off in my head, but I couldn’t seem to move, couldn’t seem to function. It was only when his lips pressed against mine that I shot out of my seat.

  “I’m sorry, Cassie. I don’t know what came over me. You just looked so sad and I wanted to take that away.”

  Oh no! That vision. That vision I had of him leaning in to kiss me that time in the television room at work. It was when I had just heard everyone was gossiping about Stephen, Michael and I, and the thought of it all gave me a headache. I rushed there to get away, but then Paul came in and comforted me. He placed his hand on mine and I saw myself through his eyes. I saw how upset I was and I felt his desire to kiss me.

  Shaking my head, I ran to the door to open it. “Don’t worry about it. It’s fine, but I think you should go. I was supposed to visit my uncle. He would have expected me ages ago.”

  Sighing, Paul rose to his feet with a smile. “Of course. I didn’t mean to pry. I just wanted to tell you the news.”

  Calming down a bit, I realized how rude this must look. I didn’t ask for him to kiss me, but I didn’t exactly stop him in time, either.

  “Thank you,” I finally managed with a smile. “I’m sorry if I was a bit abrupt. It’s just been a long day for me.”

  Laughing, Paul strolled out the door. “Don’t worry about it. Maybe now wasn’t the right time to visit. Take it easy, Cassie. I hope your shoulder’s doing okay.”

  “Getting better every day, thanks. I’ll need to speak to Simon about coming back to work soon, I think.”

  Paul frowned. “Don’t push yourself too hard. It’s not every day someone around here gets shot by some crazed lunatic.” He saw me wince and took a step back. “Sorry. I’m not doing very well today. I better go before I say or do something else I’ll regret.”

  I offered Paul a gentle laugh. “Paul, don’t worry about it. I’ll see you soon.”

  With a wave of his hand, he was gone. I started to frantically clean myself up. Poor uncle Billy must be wondering where the hell I was.

  *****

  The walk to Billy’s house was soothing. There was nothing like a brisk walk to relax your muscles and give you time to think things through. Seeing my uncle gave me a sense of happiness I knew I had lost this morning. I could tell Billy things because he already knew about Michael and Stephen. I really needed to tell someone what was going on. It killed me to not have anyone around who I could talk to. It was hard being alone, especially now that I had only one angel left in my life.

  Sighing, I finally reached Billy’s door, timidly knocking. The door opened and Billy was smiling his welcoming smile.

  “Cassie, come in. I have something I’ve been meaning to show you. A little present, really.”

  Intrigued, I stepped through the door and frowned. “What is it?”

  “Have a seat and I’ll get it for you.”

  I settled myself on the sofa. The room was warm, as it always was, containing the soothing aroma my uncle seemed to emit.

  “Here,” Billy said, making me jump. He held a wrapped, rectangular object. It looked like a book, but it was a very big one if it was.

  Laying it on my lap, he expectantly looked at me. “Well, don’t keep me in suspense.”

  Smiling, I took my time unwrapping it. It was a little difficult considering I only really had one hand. “You didn’t need to get me anything.”

  Once open, I knew what it was. I felt the outer edge of the smooth photo album. It was brown, cushioned, and had the most intricate patterns around the edges. “It’s beautiful,” I whispered.

  “And you haven’t even opened it yet.”

  Seeing that as my cue, I opened it to the first page. A gasp escaped as the pain edged into my throat. I felt the burning sensation coming and I knew I had to fight it.

  No more tears. No more tears!

  Staring at the picture, I traced the outline of Michael’s beautiful face. It was the two of us standing on the platform in Billy’s studio. I had forgotten all about the photos.

  It felt like my heart was ripped in two as I gazed upon the faces of two people who were so wrapped up in each other back then, they couldn’t see beyond that. How things had changed.

  In the photo, I was tilting my head, looking up to Michael as he lovingly gazed down into my ey
es. I remembered the feeling of wanting him to kiss me so badly, I thought I would burst.

  “You don’t like them,” my uncle finally said, breaking the spell I was under. He knew my choice for Stephen, because he was the one who made me see it, but he didn’t know what had happened since.

  “He’s gone.” Briefly closing my eyes again, I opened them only to stare back at Michael’s sweet face.

  “Gone. Gone where? Who’s gone?”

  He sounded confused. Anyone would be. I wasn’t even sure I knew what the hell was going on myself anymore.

  “Michael’s left. He’s with Stephen now.”

  Laying his hand on my arm, Billy made me look up at him. “What do you mean, Cassie? Stephen and Michael were at the hospital.”

  Shaking my head, I felt the tears. “That wasn’t Stephen. It was his twin brother. Stephen saved me, Billy. He took a bullet for me. If it wasn’t for him, I’d be dead.”

  Gasping, Billy clutched his hand to his heart. “But, Cassie, you chose him. He’s your one. Your soulmate.”

  Your soulmate, a voice whispered in my head. That voice. It seemed to whisper it over and over again like it was trying to ingrain it into my head.

  “Stop!” I shouted.

  “Stop what, Cassie?”

  Shaking my head, I smiled at Billy. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you. I’ve just not been sleeping very well.”

  Watching Billy sigh, I knew he was gearing up for a good lecture. “Cassie, you’ve been suffering, yet you take it on alone when you have people here who love you. We’re your family, Chris and I. You know whatever pain you’re in, we suffer with you.”

  “But that’s not fair.”

  Straightening his posture, Billy shook my arm. “What’s not fair is hiding in the shadows and suffering in the darkness. What’s not fair is keeping Chris and me out so you can hide in the dark on your own. You have us, Cassie, and whatever is going on in your life, we need to know. You are the only family I’ve got, and it’s selfish of you to keep things away from me.”

  I hated that feeling. The feeling of guilt. I knew Billy was only saying that because he wanted me to see sense. He wanted me to know he was there for me. In fact, he was telling me he was there for me. I didn’t have a choice in the matter.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner. A lot has happened over the past few days.”

  Rising out of his chair, I looked up at him. “I’m going to put the kettle on and, when I get back, I expect to hear everything, Cassie. Your problems are my problems.”

  Smiling, I nodded as I watched Billy retreat to the kitchen. Just being here with him and knowing I could tell him everything made me feel better. Billy was not only my uncle, he was my father and my best friend. He never judged me. Growing up, he never once treated me like a child. His motto was to treat me as an individual and let me make my own mistakes. The only thing he asked in return was that I came to him whenever I felt sad or lonely, to tell him if I had any problems. I was never to suffer alone.

  And I broke that promise. I had been keeping things from him. But no more. Considering he had done so much for me, it was the least I could give in return. It was only what he had always asked of me. It wasn’t too much.

  Once Billy returned with the tea, we settled down so I could begin my story. I told him everything from start to finish, ending with Michael leaving with Luana this morning.

  “You’re an angel?” Billy asked in disbelief.

  I chuckled. “Yeah. Go figure, huh?”

  “It sounds unbelievable.”

  “I know, but you do believe me, don’t you?”

  Billy looked incredulous. It was almost as if he couldn’t believe I asked him that question. “Of course, that goes without question. I know you would never lie to me. It’s just hard to comprehend. It’s hard to wrap my head around the fact that angels exist. I must admit, though, it does fill me with a sense of calm and hope.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “Because now I truly know there is life after death. It always scared me that when we were gone, there was nothing. That we just ceased to exist.”

  The thought made me shudder. It would be a very frightening to think that once you left this life, that was it. You just became nothing.

  “That is a horrible thought, Billy. I’m not sure if I could even consider that even if I didn’t know it was wrong. It would frighten me to death.” I chuckled. “Excuse the pun.”

  Billy laughed along with me, but then looked serious again. “How are you coping without him?”

  I sighed, letting the pain grip me. “If I’m being completely honest, I’m not doing well. I think I have to remember who I was in order for Stephen to return but, apparently, that’s impossible.”

  Looking up at the ceiling, Billy sat in silence. “You have to remember you as an angel?” I nodded. “Has anything come to you? Have you felt anything? Remembered anything, even if you didn’t think it’s yours to remember?”

  I looked off into the distance, trying to think. There were things happening I couldn’t explain, but it just made me think I was going mad. Can I admit that to Billy?

  “I hear voices.” The words just naturally slipped out.

  “Voices? What voices?”

  Shaking my head, I tried to think. There was always something there teasing me, guiding me to the point of no return—to the direction of my life as an angel.

  “It’s my voice, but it’s not. I thought I was going mad, Billy, but I think it’s my subconscious trying to tell me something.”

  “What is the voice telling you?”

  “To remember.”

  “Well, that’s a lot of help,” he snorted.

  I couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped me. Despite the severity of the situation, I could always rely on Billy to be my rock.

  “I’m having dreams of being outside a door and hearing children laughing. I keep trying to open the door, but I can never get in.”

  “Can I ask what you do to try and unlock the door?”

  “I kick and punch with all my might, but it never budges. Somehow, I know if I open it, I will see what I need to and be able to remember.”

  Silence filled the room as Billy and I contemplated this dilemma. How can I remember something I was supposed to forget? I obviously wanted it this way, but why? Maybe I was forced, like Stephen. Maybe I didn’t have a choice. But Stephen was allowed to keep his memories. He was just stuck down here to roam the earth on his own, clinging to the fact that maybe he would be able to find others like him one day. Surely Michael must have been his beacon on his search for others. That was why he was here. That was why he entered my life.

  No, it wasn’t, the voice echoed in my head.

  If it wasn’t, then what? My head grew silent, filling me with nothingness. It was almost as if the voice had given up on me. I suppose I would, too, if I was trying to get someone to remember something important.

  “I shall have to think on this,” Billy piped up, making me jump a little. “Rest assured, you’re not on your own anymore, Cassie. You have us to help you now. I’m sure we can figure something out.”

  Smiling, I knew I had to have hope. I had to cling onto the thought that, one day, I would know everything.

  “I don’t mean to digress from your heartache, Cassie, but I feel I need to tell you something, if only to see you smile for one moment.”

  Taking a deep breath, I gripped his arm. “Tell me. I want to know.”

  Billy took a deep breath. “Chris and I are getting married.” His smile widened, making me gasp.

  “You’re getting married?” I shrieked.

  “We thought it was about time. I’ve only been waiting over twenty years for this.”

  “Oh, my god! Billy, that’s amazing. I’m really happy for you.”

  Hugging me, he pulled away briefly, looking at my face. “See, I thought I could see it. Even if it is just for a moment.”

  I was elated. The two most important people
in my life were tying the knot. How could I not be happy?

  “I’m absolutely filled with joy at the news, Uncle Billy. Have you set a date?”

  Seeing the cheeky grin on his face, I knew he had. “Christmas day.”

  “Christmas day? That’s only a few weeks from now!”

  “I know. But that was the day we met twenty-five years ago.”

  How could I forget? I was told the story so often that, even though I was only a baby, I felt like I was there. Billy was on his way to visiting us for Christmas. He was only a street away from our house when he passed an old phone box. It was ringing and, like most people, he answered. Little did he know his future was on the other line. Chris had obviously called the wrong number, but they started talking. He told Billy he had been trying to ring his friend to find out where a particular pub was. My uncle immediately recognized it because he frequented the place himself. Billy dutifully gave him directions and Chris was so thankful, he requested he join him and his friends later if he didn’t have plans. Billy said he did, but it was only for dinner. Once he had something to eat and visited a while, Billy left to join Chris at the pub. They hadn’t looked back since.

  “You know, I often wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t walked past the phone box at that particular point in time. It’s amazing how a simple ring of the phone can change your life completely.”

  Billy’s posture was relaxed as the memories swam in his mind. I could see the images popping into his head as he smiled. Then his smile faded. “Like that phone call I got the day your parents died. I’ve felt guilty ever since.”

  Frowning, I tugged at his arm. “Why?”

  He took a deep breath. “Because, Cassie, in the midst of being told my only sister had died, the only thing I felt was relief.”

  The words struck me a bit. He dearly loved my mother. Those words just didn’t seem to fit. “I don’t understand.”

  “It’s hard to explain, Cassie. My sister was dead, my bother-in-law was dead, and all I could think was thank God you weren’t in the car with them.”