Be My Temptation

  I shook my head and silently begged the gods above to stop the tears that threatened to spill. I refused to cry in front of him. He didn’t deserve my tears. He didn’t deserve a thing of me.

  I sucked in a breath and fought to calm my growing anxiety. “Never again, Lachlan. You will never see, touch, or speak to me again. As far I’m concerned, you no longer exist.”

  How could I have been so damn stupid? I should have listened to my gut when he turned up in New York out of the blue. He broke my heart once, and here I was reliving that pain all over again. Why hadn’t I listened to the warnings? Ky tried to talk me out of this. He warned me that this was going to blow up in my face, but I didn’t listen. I was stubborn. Even Josh was unhappy, and Josh was the last person in the world who would speak about relationships and commitment.

  I stood like a statue made of stone, and I couldn’t move for fear of crumbling. Lachlan chose to dismiss everything I had said, and decided that he didn’t want to stay away. With two long strides, he was standing before me, his eyes locked firmly on mine, while his hands cupped my face.

  “Ash, please listen to me,” he begged, his voice rough and thick.

  “Just tell me. How long?” I whispered.

  His hands felt like they were burning my skin. He dropped his eyes from mine and his gaze flashed over my shoulder toward the woman he just fucked. “I didn’t think we were exclusive. I thought it was just a bit of fun while I was back in the states.”

  A bit of fun! He thought I was a bit of fun! At his blatant disregard, my blood began to boil. I felt my fist clench, and the urge to knee him in the balls overcame me. So I did. He groaned and grabbed his balls the moment I stepped back. I put all of my strength into bringing him down and, by the pained expression, I knew I’d done a good job.

  “You called me every fucking day and sent me texts saying how much you missed me. Do you remember telling me that you were still in love with me, or was that just your dick talking?”

  He went to speak, but I’d had enough. I needed to leave. I pushed firmly on his chest until he stumbled back and fell to his knees, still clutching his balls. The brunette rushed to his side and dropped beside him.

  I scoffed at the scene before me and spat my one last spray of spite. “I hope this memory sticks with you for a lifetime, because it’s the last time you’ll see me.”

  The moment the truth about Lachlan came out, I fled his Bondi Beach apartment and caught a cab straight back to the airport. Within ten minutes of arriving, I had purchased a one-way ticket to New York, and then headed straight for the bar to await my flight.

  The flight was obscenely long. I read three books, but I couldn’t tell you anything about the storylines. I also spent an hour talking to a lovely Italian woman, but I couldn’t recall a word she said. I was in a vortex of embarrassment, frustration, and disappointment.

  When I finally stepped foot in my apartment, I allowed myself to fall apart. I didn’t want to cry for that asshole. I wanted desperately to avoid that. He deserved nothing. I locked the door behind me and turned off my phone. I wasn’t ready for the I-told-you-so looks, or the over protectiveness of Ky Crawford. I was still trying to stop the feeling of stupidity that was floating through my veins.

  As I lost myself in the memories of Sydney, I wasn’t concentrating on anything else. I didn’t hear the lock of my apartment turning, and I didn’t hear the door opening until it was too late. When the jingle of keys sounded, I froze, and was pulled frantically back to reality. I was about to be found out. Busted. My solitude destroyed.

  I sucked in a breath and waited to see who would appear. Eden Rivers, my best friend, as well as my best friend’s girlfriend—confusing I know—came into view. Eden and I went to college together, but we were more like acquaintances back then. She had disappeared for four years, but then she stormed back into my best friend’s life and completely shook his world. I knew at that moment we would be close, and we have never looked back.

  Eden’s steps faltered, and her eyes widened when she found me. Her inquisitive gaze didn’t leave mine as she placed my spare set of keys on the coffee table and moved toward the kitchen. Her face looked like she was trying to decipher whether I was real, or simply a figure of her imagination.

  “Ashlyn? What the hell?” Eden gasped and rushed the last few steps toward me with her arms open.

  I fell into them, and accepted her hug wholeheartedly. The comfort was overwhelming. A comfort Eden had no idea she was providing. I closed my eyes and relished the moment, while trying to stop any wayward tears from falling.

  She finally let me go and took a step back. Her eyes scanned my face and body, and I knew she was trying to read me. Being under her watchful gaze was nerve wracking, but it was deserved.

  “Coffee?” I asked softly, desperate to make this seem like any regular Saturday morning where two best friends would catch up.

  “Sure.”

  I turned back to the coffee machine and grabbed another mug. Her eyes burned into my back, and I knew she was bursting with questions. Fuck, I’d be bursting with questions if I turned up at an apartment that was meant to be empty, yet the owner was going about her day as if she had never left. The bubbling of coffee collided brilliantly with the bubbling of awkwardness I was feeling. I took a deep breath and faced her.

  Finally, after what felt like a millennium, a smile appeared on Eden’s face, and I allowed myself to begin to relax. After handing her a mug, I lifted mine to my lips and took a sip, continuing to look at her over the rim.

  “What are you doing here? You’re not supposed to be back for another two days,” Eden asked with an uncertain tone.

  Shit! Think, Ashlyn.

  “Lachlan had to travel for work, so I decided it would be best to come back and have a couple of days to settle back in. I arrived late last night.”

  I was going to hell. I was blatantly lying to my best friend. What the fuck was wrong with me? My gaze darted from hers. Yep, I was officially going to hell.

  “Why didn’t you call? Ky, Josh, or I would have picked you up from the airport.”

  “It was late, so I decided to catch a cab. As soon as I got home, I went to bed.”

  Jesus, I was digging myself in deeper. Hand me a shovel and let’s see how deep I could go. I’d be very chummy with the devil before this conversation was over.

  Eden hesitated briefly, before a smile that told me she was happy to see me took hold of her face. “So, tell me everything. How was Australia? How was Lachlan?”

  I knew this was coming, so why did it feel like my heart was trying to rip itself out of my chest? I had supposedly just spent a week in Australia, where it would be assumed I was having hot sex with a hot Australian, and living the life by the beach.

  “Australia is beautiful. It was kind of a whirlwind, to be honest,” I said softly. And with every word I spoke, it felt like I was twisting the knife deeper into my heart. I didn’t want to talk about the disastrous trip, but more than that, I didn’t want to admit the mistake I had made. The more I spoke, the more lies I spat.

  “Are you okay, Ash?” sweet, beautiful Eden asked, and proved once again that she was always so in tune with others around her.

  “I’m just tired.” Finally, there was some truth in my words. “Jet lag seems to be hitting me. You know how I get when I’m tired.” And there was another lie.

  “Go back to bed and I’ll call you later. I know Ky will want to see you, and Josh will be ecstatic to have you back.”

  “Maybe I’ll head back to bed for a couple more hours. Can you keep it quiet that you saw me? I want to surprise them,” I asked hopefully, pleading with my eyes.

  “Oh, they are going to be surprised all right. I’ll let you go back to bed. I’m off to have breakfast with Ky. He is at Josh’s at the moment.”

  Eden hugged me before standing from the couch and leaving my apartment. My solitude was officially gone. I headed to the sink and washed out our empty mugs, and the thought of gett
ing some more sleep hit me with force. I needed all the strength I could get; keeping my secret from my friends was going to take a lot of energy. My eyes slammed shut under the enormity of this. Why couldn’t I just admit I’d made a mistake, that I should have listened to the warnings?

  Because I’m stubborn, that’s why.

  I grabbed my phone and opened my text messages. Josh’s words still appeared on the screen, and I found myself scrolling through all of his messages over the past week. He was something else. They all started in jest, full of teasing and inappropriate comments, but they slowly changed, and serious Josh appeared, a Josh that intrigued me.

  The two of us share a precious memory that I only wanted to have with him. The moment he took my virginity, it connected us, and gave us our own special link that no one else could have. It was a Josh and Ashlyn thing. Josh had the ability to turn me into a mass of girliness at the best of times. His cheekiness would make me fall into a craze of giggles, but he also had the ability to piss me off like no one’s business.

  The thought of him, of what we shared, had gotten me through of some of the toughest times. It was during our few hours together that he gave me something I’d wanted my whole life. He gave me every bit of his attention, and made me feel like I was worth something, like I was everything. I knew people had paid attention to me before, but it was superficial because of my family.

  There was something different about Josh Crawford’s attention. It made me feel like the world was spinning out of control around us, but all he focused on was me. It was the gleam in his eyes when he stared at me as I spoke that made me feel as if there was nothing else on his mind but me. He remembered everything, he digested everything I said, and could read me like an open book. No one could do that but him

  That was Josh Crawford.

  And that was why, after all these years, I still craved him. I still imagined him as the guy I met in college, but I knew that guy was gone. Now he was living the life of a forever bachelor—a commitment-phobe who was notorious for his one-night stands.

  I was just the girl he had a one-night stand with, whose cherry he popped, and now I had a bruised heart and broken dreams of a happily-ever-after.

  Fuck my life.

  THE LONGER I REMAINED conscious, the worse I started to feel. My body ached, I felt dirty, and the usual feeling of satisfaction was nowhere to be found. I headed down the hall in a daze, and fatigue followed me as I stepped into my bathroom. The smell of cheap sex lingered on my skin and had ingrained itself in the fibers of my shirt and pants, and I was desperate to erase it all. I peeled my clothes from my body, stepped under a scolding-hot shower, and begged for my Friday-night escapade to disappear down the drain. This was my routine: random fucking, getting home as the sun rose, washing the womanly scent from my body, and crawling into bed. I never claimed to be a saint; I was a sinner, and everybody knew it.

  Once I was satisfied that I was free of the night before, I stepped out of the shower, dried my body, and pulled on some sweats. My bed looked like heaven, and the second I collapsed onto the expensive mattress I felt an unbinding relief hit me. I placed my arm over my eyes, and soon sleep put a stop to my scrambled mind.

  I sensed myself being drawn away from the depths of my slumber, but in my sleepy haze I felt the comforter lift from my warm body and a blast of chilled air hit my naked chest. My body was still being swallowed by fatigue, so I knew I hadn’t been sleeping long. The familiar scent of sweet spring flowers with a hint of vanilla hit me like a freight train, and I knew I had to be dreaming. It was a unique scent; one that had driven me crazy for years. Was this what karma felt like? Taunting me with my favorite smell in the world while the owner of the scent was nowhere near me?

  The familiar scent belonged to Ashlyn, the one woman that could bring me to my knees with her wicked tongue and no-bullshit attitude. The same Ashlyn that wasn’t due back in the states for another two days, and was as far away from me as humanly possible.

  I pried open my tired eyes as the scent grew stronger and swirled around my bedroom. This had to be some kind of fucked-up dream, because there was no way blond hair was splayed across my chest. My body stiffened and my heart thundered to life as soft warmth curled up beside me. I shifted my head slightly, and looked down as an arm hesitated briefly before it rested on my stomach.

  “Ashy?” I questioned through a thick, sleepy voice.

  Her grasp tightened at the sound of the nickname I‘d been calling her since the first night we met; a nickname that she allowed only me to get away with. I didn’t think it could be possible, but she squeezed her body closer to mine, and soon our legs were a tangled mess.

  “Ashy, what are you doing here?”

  Her silence was deafening. As she nuzzled her face closer to my chest, I felt her ragged breathing caress the skin just over my heart. Reactions don’t lie; I knew she heard me. The longer the silence churned around us, the more the tension grew, to the point of suffocation. I was confused as to why she was here, yet I was determined to find out what the fuck was going on.

  “No questions, Josh,” she whispered after what seemed a lifetime. “Please just let me sleep in here.”

  “Look at me, Ashy,” I demanded in a tone that showed I was now fully alert.

  Ashlyn shook her head in defiance, and it became apparent that she was hiding something. I shifted my body until I was on my side and facing her. Finally, I could see her face, and what I saw angered me. Her spark, the famous Ashlyn Hart spark, had been snuffed out. She looked tired, drawn, and like she was battling something that was destroying her from the inside out and causing her to retreat into herself. I had seen this look before. I witnessed what heartbreak looked like on Ashlyn, and now, as she lay in my bed, it was rolling off of her in waves.

  “At least tell me if you’re okay,” I whispered and reached out to grab her hands.

  Her eyes finally found mine and, if it was possible to experience someone else’s pain, I was feeling it right now.

  “I’m perfect,” she said, and offered me the weakest of smiles. Without another word, she rolled over so her back was to my chest. She lifted my arm and tucked it under hers, and pulled my body toward her until we molded together. Within minutes, her grip on my arm loosened, her breathing leveled out and she had succumbed to sleep.

  This wasn’t the first time Ashlyn crawled into my bed. The last time was when Lachlan broke her heart and I had been staying with Ky. It shocked me then, and it shocked me now. The memory of her crying in my arms all those years ago caused me to grip her tighter. If he had hurt her again, I swear to god, he had it coming. No one would get away with hurting Ashlyn, I didn’t care who the fuck it was.

  All I knew was that she was far from feeling “perfect.”

  Five hours later, I woke to the faintest evidence that Ashlyn had been in my bed. Her perfume still teased the air, and the space beside me had the warmth of a body that very recently occupied it. My bedroom was silent and emptiness taunted every corner, but my head was raging with a tumultuous battle.

  What was she doing back and, more importantly, why hadn’t she told anyone?

  I threw back my comforter and hissed as the cold air hit my warm skin. I was desperate for answers, and I knew the one person who would be able to answer any questions I had regarding Ashlyn Hart.

  Ky.

  The early afternoon sun was in fierce competition with the ominous clouds rolling in as I stepped into my living room and searched for my phone. I swear I’d lose my head if it wasn’t attached. My brain screamed with scenarios as to why Ashlyn was back, and why she had crawled into my bed. The common denominator of every thought was Lachlan Johnson.

  Where the fuck was my phone? I searched the coffee table, then the table by the entry, and I finally found it wedged between the cushions of the couch. I paced my living room as I pressed Ky’s name and listened to the ring tone.

  “Did you know Ash was back?” I shot into the phone as soon as he answered after three
rings.

  I knew the answer as soon as I heard his voice. “What?”

  “Yep, I woke up to her crawling into my bed this morning. She was grabbing onto me for dear life, but wouldn’t talk.”

  Keys clinking together and a door closing sounded, and Ky’s breathing grew harsh as he asked, “Is she still there?”

  “Nope, I just woke up and she’s gone.” I rubbed my hand over my face and headed back to my room. If she wasn’t here, I hoped I’d find her in her apartment. I struggled with pulling on a T-shirt while still holding my phone. I heard Ky beep the alarm on his car, then the familiar sound of the door opening and closing.

  “Fuck. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

  I hung up and found myself at a complete loss. Ashlyn shouldn’t be here. She shouldn’t even be in the damn country, and I certainly wasn’t prepared to have her famous curves cuddle up against me like she had. I looked down at my phone and dialed Ashlyn’s number as I stepped out into the hall and headed toward her apartment. I cursed under my breath as her chirpy voicemail message sounded. When I reached her door, I knocked loudly and called her name, but again, there was no answer. I tried her phone once more, but still no answer.

  An hour later, I was sitting on my couch flicking through channels, completely oblivious to what I was watching, when my apartment door swung open to reveal Ky and Eden, with Ashlyn in tow. I shot up from the couch, my eyes narrowed on Ashlyn, and I cleared the space between us in three strides. I couldn’t give a shit if Ky and Eden were standing there; my focus and attention was squarely on Ashlyn. A hint of red danced over her cheeks as a smile hit her lips, but it didn’t reach her eyes. That alone caused my confusion and worry to soar. Ashlyn’s smile always met her eyes.

  “What the fuck was this morning?” I hissed when I reached her.

  Her body jumped and she took a step back, and I instantly regretted the harshness of my words.