Becoming Calder

"Hector, please," I said. "Let me go. Let us go. If you ever loved me please, just, let me go."

  The pleasant look on Hector's face didn't change. "Let you go? Let you go?" He put his finger to his lips and stood there looking up at the sky for a full minute. Then his eyes filled with frigid anger. "SO THAT SATAN'S SPAWN HERE CAN POSSESS YOU?" He jerked his head over to Calder. "SO THAT THE REST OF US CAN ROT IN HELL FOR ETERNITY?"

  I startled back as he screamed the words at me, and Calder made a move to come toward me, but the three worker men suddenly leaped forward and grabbed his arms. He looked back at them, shocked, and said, "What the hell are you guys doing? You know me. You know me!"

  "We thought we did," the tallest man said. Oh gods in Elysium, I was in a nightmare. Please make this stop, I wanted to sob out.

  "Take him to the cellar," Hector said, smoothing his hair back and standing up straighter.

  Calder reared back and punched one of the men in his face, and the man reeled as the other two scuffled with Calder to get a good hold on his arms. I started crying, bringing my hands up to my mouth.

  Suddenly Hector moved behind me and I was pulled roughly against his chest, confused, trying to understand what was happening.

  "I'll slit her open," Hector said.

  Everything stopped. I froze. Calder froze. The men holding him gripped him tightly and stopped moving, too. Hailey let out a sharp cry.

  Hector held a knife to my throat, the blade already piercing my skin.

  "There's power in her blood," Hector said. I cringed and cried out as he brought his face forward and licked the drop rolling down my throat. "If she refuses the foretelling, there are other ways to bring her with us to Elysium . . . even just a small, living part of her." Again, he licked a droplet of blood on my skin and I clenched my eyes shut.

  "You're out of your damn mind," Calder said, his voice cracking.

  Hector raised his head to stare at Calder. I felt his hot breath at my ear and smelled the stale stench of it. He pressed the knife to my skin again and I cried out.

  "Okay, okay," Calder said, bringing his arms up to show his surrender. "I'll do whatever you want me to do. Just please, please don't hurt her." Calder's eyes were deep pools of fear as he watched Hector. I sucked back a sob.

  The knife came away from my skin and I heard Hector suck in a deep breath of what seemed like satisfaction. "Take him to the cellar. Lock him up," he said.

  Calder's eyes bored into mine as he nodded his head once. I nodded my head once back, too. It would be okay, he was telling me.

  He went willingly with the three men, one of them now bleeding profusely from his face.

  Hector let out a breath and smiled pleasantly. "Shall we go inside? Will you play for me, Eden?"

  I opened my eyes wide when I caught Hailey's eye, but she looked away, walking behind Hector and me.

  Later, after I'd played the piano for hours and was bent over the keys in exhaustion, Hector finally excused me, and I went quickly up to my room. As I started to climb the stairs, Hector grabbed my arm. I gasped and turned to him.

  "The foretelling will come to pass, my love. Don't have delusions that it won't. And if you do anything to try and stop it, I'll kill him. Do you understand?"

  I felt my eyes widen and fear swirled in my belly, and then he let go of me and I ran up the stairs.

  I closed my door behind me and heard it lock on the other side. I looked across the room at the window. Heavy, metal bars had been installed. I was a prisoner in every sense of the word. I lay down on my bed and sobbed. Where there had been light and hope only hours before, now there was only darkness and despair.

  **********

  Over the next two weeks, I was rarely allowed to leave my room. Mother Miriam brought food to me, although there wasn't much. The fields weren't being tended, food was ripening and falling to the ground, uncollected. The animals were sick and hungry now, too. I could hear the goats bleating miserably outside whenever there was a pause in Hector's broadcast. I thought I would go insane. I had to shut my emotions down as best as I could, and live with the one thought that kept going through my head. We would get out of here . . . Somehow, some way. We would, at the very first opportunity.

  I didn't know how Calder was and it filled me with stark terror. Were they feeding him? Was he okay? I vowed to be his strong morning glory. I vowed not to crumble.

  On the afternoon of my eighteenth birthday, Hailey entered my room softly and laid a white dress at the end of my bed. Her eyes were filled with sorrow as she looked at me, sitting at my desk, staring out the window.

  I ran to her and threw myself at her feet, hugging her legs and sobbing. Her hands stroked my hair. When I looked up at her, there were tears in her eyes.

  "Please help us," I begged.

  She shook her head. "There's nothing I can do. My boys. I have four boys . . . he . . . he'll . . ." She cried softly for a minute.

  I took a deep breath. "Calder. Do you know how he is?" I asked.

  "He's alive," she said. "He's being fed and given water. I have no way of knowing more than that."

  Tears coursed down my cheeks. "If I marry Hector today, we'll just leave tomorrow," I whispered.

  Hailey shook her head. "He won't let you. He'll never let you leave before the foretelling comes to pass."

  "The foretelling isn't coming to pass!" I yelled. Hailey startled and I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Hailey, but . . . you know that, right?"

  She didn't answer me either way, just kept looking down at her hands.

  "Hailey, if I marry Hector today . . . and the time comes when I can get Calder out, will you at the very least distract Hector?"

  She stared at me for long moments, but then nodded her head. I breathed out a breath of relief. I'd come up with a plan. I'd get Calder out and we'd run, and this time, we wouldn't get caught.

  Hailey stood up. "Get dressed. I'll be back to do your hair. Hector means to marry you in an hour."

  Dread shot down my spine. "In an hour?" I asked. I began trembling all over. I felt as if I was going to be sick. An hour? How was I going to get through that?

  "Yes, everyone is waiting at the Temple. Councilman Daniels has the legal authority to perform the ceremony." I looked away. I distrusted councilman Daniels almost as much as Clive Richter. I wondered if he was a policeman, too. Maybe they all were. I didn't understand any of it.

  I let out a deep breath and straightened my spine. "I'll be ready."

  Hailey nodded and turned to leave my room.

  "Hailey?" She stopped and looked back at me. "Will you gather a few of the blue flowers that grow on a small bush on the west side of the field? I've always wanted to wear them in my hair on my wedding day."

  Hailey looked confused, but nodded okay and closed the door behind her.

  I fell down on my knees next to my bed. Oh dear God of Mercy, please help me, I prayed.

  An hour later, I rode to the Temple in the carriage alongside Hector. He wore a suit of white, and I wore the long, flowing wedding gown someone had sewn for me. Morning glories adorned my hair. Pain gripped my heart.

  We said our vows in the Temple in front of the Acadian people, Hector's eyes shining at me with some kind of fever. He looked like a madman. I tried not to make eye contact as I said the words I didn't mean. The gods know my heart, I thought. What did so-called vows mean if they weren't true?

  I looked out to the audience and spotted Calder's parents. Their heads were bowed and they were praying reverently. They still believed.

  When it was over, Hector turned to the people and raised his arms, his voice ringing out strong and sure, "My beloveds. This is a glorious day. Eden is now my lawful wife, in the eyes of the state and as witnessed by the gods. And we are all one step closer to fulfilling our true destiny." He beamed out at them, his eyes feverish, his smile wide. They all stared back at him, some looking happy, others looking stunned, troubled, and hungry. Several children were crying.

  "A feast has been set up f
or you in the main dining hall. Please, eat. Rejoice. This is a day made for joy and celebration!"

  Hector peered out at the crowd. "My beloveds, the flood draws near. The fruits of our sacrifice draw near. Cling to me, cling to your mother, Eden, cling to Acadia. Know we are holy now. Satan tempts you in all kinds of ways as our hardship grows, as the end draws near. But don't be tempted. Don't be forsaken. We are so close to paradise, my beloveds. Go now and celebrate."

  He took my hand and led me up the aisle and back outside to the carriage where he grabbed the reins and started back to the main lodge.

  "Won't we be celebrating?" I asked in a voice that sounded dead, even to me.

  "Yes, we'll be celebrating in my bedroom," he answered.

  I stared straight ahead, trying to control my racing, aching heart. I was miserable. I looked to the right where the door to the cellar was behind the main lodge. Oh Calder, my love. I'm doing this for us. I have no choice. I only hope it works.

  Hector took my hand and led me through the main lodge, up the stairs to his bedroom. I'd been in here before, when I'd stolen some money and a couple pieces of jewelry. My heart clenched in pain when I thought of that moment at the spring when I'd shown Calder and Xander. There had been so much hope then. I had to push that aside so I didn't start screaming.

  Hector came up behind me. I felt his warm breath on my neck as he brought my zipper down slowly. I pulled away from him and a warning look came into his eyes when I turned toward him. "Please, let me undress for you," I said, looking up at him through my lashes.

  His expression was one of excited surprise as he backed up. His gaze moved down my body and his hand moved to the growing bulge in his pants, petting himself. Bile rose up my throat, but I swallowed it back down and smiled pleasantly.

  Be strong, Morning Glory.

  I slid off my shoes and brought my dress down my shoulders, letting it fall in a puddle at my feet. I wore nothing underneath. I stood before Hector, naked, the very small swell of my pregnant belly completely on show.

  I ran my hand down it with shaking hands. It had only become obvious in the past couple of weeks, and more so because I'd lost weight due to the lack of food at Acadia. In my room alone, while Calder sat in the cellar not more than three hundred feet from me, I'd discovered a tiny, beautiful secret. I was carrying his child. I'd conceived at our spring, the first time he'd made love to me, almost three months earlier. I knew I wouldn't be able to hide it from Hector when I stood before him naked. I had no choice but to beg for our lives.

  "Let us go," I whispered. "It's not only my blood that runs through my veins now. It's his, too. Both of us run through my veins now. And the baby is strong, just like its father."

  Hector stood frozen, and when his eyes rose to my own, they were filled with deep confusion.

  "He's tainted you." He said it almost matter-of-factly. Hope surged inside me. Was he going to give me up now?

  I nodded my head, imploring him with my eyes. "Yes, Hector. I wanted to be tainted. Let us go. You don't want me. Please. Just let us go. Let us make a life together. I'm pregnant with his child. We're in love. That's all. It's that simple. Please." I fell down on my knees in front of him. "Please just let us go," I begged. "Have mercy."

  "Get out." He said the words so calmly it startled me.

  "Get out of my presence while you carry Satan's spawn. I should have known how strong Satan was, how hard he'd try to stop the foretelling." He looked up and squinted as if hearing voices in the air around him. "Yes. Again, I've underestimated his strength, his deviousness," he croaked, looking almost lost.

  I stood quickly, gathered my dress, and pulled it on, not bothering with my shoes. Hector took me harshly by the arm and led me out of his room and down the hall to mine where he practically threw me inside and slammed the door behind me, locking it. I sat down on my bed and ran my hand over my belly. "It's okay," I said, soothing myself more than anything. "It's okay. We're going to be okay."

  I took the gold band off my finger and laid it on my bedside table, and put my own arms around myself, trying to get control of the shaking. I allowed myself to feel the relief that I hadn't had to endure lovemaking with Hector, but I was even more fearful for Calder.

  **********

  The next morning, I woke up and blinked at the bright sunlight streaming through my window. I'd forgotten to close the shade last night before I fell asleep. I lay there for a few minutes, my hand going immediately to the small swell of my belly and for just a second, I felt like everything was going to be okay. I had no reason why I felt this. Everything was awful—a terrible, terrible mess. A nightmare. Yet for those brief few moments between dreams and complete wakefulness, a calm peace settled in my heart. Everything was going to be okay . . . somehow. But then reality came flooding in, filling the void, and the hairs stood up on the back of my neck. Nothing was going to be okay.

  I heard a key in my lock and sat up quickly, pulling the blanket up over my now fuller breasts.

  Hailey walked in with my breakfast tray. She was looking down and I immediately saw that she had a large red mark on her cheek. "Hailey—" I started, throwing the covers back and getting out of bed.

  "Don't, Eden, please," she said, her voice sounding hoarse. "There's not much food, sorry. Our steadiness is tested now." She set the tray down on my bedside table and left, closing the door quietly behind her. My heart squeezed in my chest.

  I picked up my tea and sipped at it as I considered what could be done. Hector had rejected me as his wife. That had to be good. I couldn't play the role in his foretelling now. It was over. Still, a chill went down my spine despite the warmth of the liquid making its way into my body. Hector wasn't going to give me up. I knew he wasn't. I had only bought us some time. And if my instincts were right, not much time. I finished my tea and swung my legs out of bed. I knocked on my own door and a few minutes later, Mother Miriam came and answered it and I used the bathroom as she waited outside.

  I checked all the drawers in the bathroom and everything that could be used as a potential weapon had been removed. I leaned against the counter, feeling defeated. The problem was not so much escaping, myself. I could probably manage to do that. But how would I get Calder out, too? And if I didn't, what would Hector do to him? I felt hopeless.

  As I opened the door to the bathroom, a sharp pain lanced through my abdomen and I doubled over, crying out at the sudden intensity of the cramp.

  "What is it?" Mother Miriam asked, coming to my side.

  "I don't know," I said breathlessly, still clutching my stomach. Another stabbing pain assaulted me and I grabbed the wall, doubling over once more. "I'm pregnant," I cried. "Something's wrong!"

  Mother Miriam drew back, shock registering on her face. "No," she said simply.

  "Ahhhh!" I cried out as agony ripped through my stomach and I bent over and vomited on the hardwood floor of the hallway.

  "Take her to the sick tent," I heard behind me in Hector's deep, cold voice.

  Mother Miriam wrapped her arm around me and held me upright as we walked . . . limped down the hallway to the stairs. Sweat had broken out on my face and everything swayed around me. "What did you do?" I asked weakly as we passed Hector. "What did you put in my tea? What did you do to me?" I cried out more loudly.

  "It had to be eliminated," he said behind me. "What has been foretold cannot be unwritten or undone, not even by Satan."

  "Ahhhh!" I screamed in horror and agony, the pain ripping through my body and through my very soul. Mother Miriam gripped me more tightly and practically carried me out the door of the main lodge.

  I vomited again right outside the door. "He's killing my baby," I sobbed. "Oh, God of Mercy, help me, help me, help me." I fell to my knees in my own sickness, shaking and sweating, and half-crazed with terror.

  "Shh, child," Mother Miriam said behind me, picking me up again and dragging me down the stairs. "I'm here."

  "You hate me," I sobbed. "You did this. You did this, too!" I beat we
akly on her arm, wrapped around my waist, but I had no energy left to do anything but bear the pain and sickness.

  "I would never do this," she said. "I've lost, too."

  "Ahhhh!" I screamed again, doubling over in the courtyard and vomiting again. The world blinked on and off, everything swimming around me as I tried to pull myself upright. Something warm and wet was running down my leg.

  I heard my name somewhere from far away and even in my delirious state, I knew it was Calder. "Calder," I screamed. "Calder!" My voice broke on his name as I called out a second time and then doubled over in a blood-curdling scream again, more sticky wetness sliding down my leg. I tried to lurch toward where he was calling to me, but Mother Miriam pulled me back. "I have to get you to the sick tent," she said. "If you want to live, I have to get you there."

  I went limp in her arms, as another pain tore through me, too weak even to scream this time.

  The world dimmed and faded around me and then came into focus again as I saw men running past me toward where I had been trying to go to Calder.

  The next thing I knew, I was in the sick tent, lying on a cot, the pain still ripping through my body as I sweated and cried and screamed out the agony.

  I lost time as everything went in and out of focus around me, the morning sunlight slanting in through the window one second, and then the early evening twilight sky greeting me the next. All that day, I cried and writhed and endured the pain as Mother Miriam came and went, attending to my body in ways I couldn't even focus on.

  "The worst of it is over now," Mother Miriam said quietly from the end of the cot where she was cleaning my thighs and between my legs.

  "Is it . . . is it . . . did I?" I sobbed.

  She was quiet for a minute. "Yes, Eden, I'm sorry. Your baby is gone."

  Gone? Where? Where was my baby now? The small being I had only just begun to love so fiercely. What did I do with that love now?

  I fell back on the cot and wailed, tears of grief and loss and horror. "I did this," I choked out. "I told him about the baby. This is my fault. This is all my fault."