Sinful Desires: Vol. V

  I heard footsteps from inside, then locks being undone. The door opened and Julien was standing there. It was nearly noon, but he was wearing only a robe, telling me he hadn't been up long. His hair was wet, though not dripping, and hung in his face. I'd told him at the beginning of November that he needed a trim, but it didn't look like he'd done it. His eyes brightened when he saw me and a rush of emotion went through me.

  If I'd had any sort of doubt that I'd made the right choice, it vanished when I looked at him. There was a deep, physical reaction to seeing him standing there, his robe belted loosely around his waist, a strip of smooth skin visible. The memory of what his chest felt like under my hands made my palms itch to touch him and see if it was like I remembered. And then there was the way my heart constricted when our eyes met. In that brief moment, I could see into his soul and it was just as beautiful as he was. There was the man who'd defended my honor every time Brock had done something. The man who'd been there to hold me when I'd been hurting and had never asked for anything in return. He'd supported me, helped me without thought of reciprocation. He'd been my friend and then my lover. He was the one I wanted.

  I smiled and opened my mouth to tell him all that, to confess everything and then step into his arms. Hope surged through me.

  Movement behind him caught my attention and my world came crashing down.

  Tall, slender, with perfect skin and wet blond hair, a towel-clad woman walked out of the bathroom and headed for the kitchen.

  Instinct kicked in and I chose flight rather than fight. I ran back to the elevator and slammed my hand against the button. I heard Julien call my name and prayed that the door would open before he got to me. I couldn't do this. I was barely holding on as it was. My insides felt like they were being torn apart and I needed to be away from here so I could deal with the pain.

  The doors dinged and I darted inside, hitting the lobby button before I'd even stopped moving. I caught a glimpse of Julien's confused expression before the doors closed and down I went. I ran as soon as the doors opened in the lobby. I didn't want to take a chance that he'd gone down the stairs and could be only a minute or two behind me. I couldn't talk to him, couldn't even look at him right now.

  I stumbled, twisting my bad ankle enough to send a flare of pain shooting through it, but I didn't stop. I needed to get away. Somewhere. Anywhere I could hide and think without risking Julien finding me.

  As I ran, it began to snow. Fat flakes that stuck to my eyelashes and got in my mouth while I was trying to breathe. They forced me to slow down and when I did, I looked around to see where I was. I wasn't too far from home, but Anastascia was there. I couldn't face her. Not yet. But, there was a place I could go.

  The church service was just letting out, so it was easy enough to slip inside without anyone noticing me. I took a seat in a back corner pew, obviously meant for latecomers or maybe some people from the church who watched for troublemakers. Either way, it was warm and dry, and if I bowed my head and closed my eyes, people should leave me alone.

  I could hear people around me, but I tuned them out as I gave myself over to the agony trying to claw its way out of my chest. With my scarf pressed to my face, I was able to cry unnoticed, and my hands covered my mouth, muffling the sounds.

  Everything in me hurt. My heart felt like it was being ripped out of my chest and stomped on. It was worse than what I'd felt with Reed, or with Brock, because what I felt for Julien was so much stronger. He hadn't been a rebound or some guy I'd had a crush on for years. I'd thought I'd known him. We'd spent time together, talking. We'd shared things about our lives.

  And I'd been just another conquest to him. A notch in his bedpost.

  A bitter thought came to me. Maybe he and Brock had planned the whole thing, using what Brock had done as a way to get me to trust Julien. Was all of this just some sick joke?

  My stomach lurched and it took everything in me not to throw up. I'd trusted him almost as much as I trusted Anastascia, and I could see how that had been a mistake. She'd proven herself to me over the years and we'd become friends when we'd been younger and a bit more innocent. I should've known better than to let my guard down with anyone, especially someone from one of those kinds of families. People like me were just playthings to them.

  As my tears subsided and the pain turned into a steady ache, my head began to clear. I'd come back to Philadelphia despite what had happened with Reed and Brock because Julien had convinced me that I should follow my heart and my heart was in dance. I loved working with Madam Emilana and I loved my job. I just needed to decide if staying here was worth the new painful memories. I wasn't even sure I could sleep in my room since it reminded me of Julien and our one night together. For the first time since I'd returned, I was back to feeling like I didn't really have a home.

  I had so many memories of Julien in my place, not just that night. He'd helped me do so much renovating that we'd joked the place should've been half his. Now, everywhere I looked, I'd see all of the different things he'd done. Leaving, though, felt like I was giving up.

  I didn't want to leave Philadelphia again, I decided. Anastascia was the closest thing to family I had. I'd tried running from the memories before and that hadn't worked. I'd ended up alone. At least if I was dealing with things here, I'd have her. I had a shot at making my dreams come true, and I couldn't let some asshole ruin it. No matter how much pain I was in, I could still dance.

  I winced as I shifted, a new pain telling me that if I wasn't careful, I could lose that too. I needed to go home and get my ankle taken care of. Now, more than ever, I was determined to succeed. I stood and took a calming breath. Maybe it would be better this way, I thought as I slowly limped toward the door. Without Julien to distract me, I could focus on dance alone. That would be my only love from here on out.

  Chapter 7

  It took me longer to walk the short distance home than it had to get from Julien's place to the church, but I wasn't going to push it. Now that I'd come to grips with the fact that the only thing I could trust not to betray me was dance, I needed to take care of my ankle. It also didn't help that it was still snowing, leaving the sidewalks more treacherous than usual.

  Despite my layers, I was cold by the time I made my way up the front steps. I pushed opened the door and blinked the snow from my eyelashes. Anastascia was standing directly in front of me, a wide smile on her face. I nearly groaned. I didn't want to do this right now. I could tell by her expression that she thought things had gone well and hashing this all out was going to make me even more miserable than I already was.

  “Ana, I don't–”

  “You have a visitor,” she cut me off.

  I paused in the middle of taking off my scarf. She couldn't be serious. The only person I could think of who'd come to see me would be Reed since I hadn't called him yet, and I'd told him to wait until I contacted him. I sighed and finished taking off my scarf. Maybe it was better to get all of this over and done with in one day. I could spend the rest of the day curled up in bed then and not have to deal with anything.

  “It's Julien.”

  I didn't say a word or even waste the energy glaring at her for letting him in. I turned and walked back out the door. I didn't know where I was going and I didn't care that it was cold and I'd left my scarf inside. All I knew was I didn't want anything to do with Julien Atwood. Not anymore.

  “Piper!” Anastascia yelled my name, but I kept going.

  I was at the sidewalk when I felt a familiar hand on my shoulder. Tears burned in my eyes. Fine. If he wanted to talk, we'd talk, and he'd learn he sure as hell didn't want to hear what I had to say. I let him turn me around and then shook his hand from my shoulder.

  “Come back inside so we can talk.” His voice was soft.

  I didn't look at him, unable to stomach the thought of what I'd see on his face. No matter what it was, it'd be a lie. “If I go inside, it'll be alone.” I crossed my arms. “You're not welcome in my house anymore.” I saw the flinch
and wondered just how good of an actor he was.

  “Piper.” Anastascia appeared at my side. Her expression was stern. “I'm going to pick up some groceries. Go back inside with Julien and talk.”

  I opened my mouth to argue.

  “It's freezing out here.” She cut me off before I could say anything. “And you need to get whatever this is,” she gestured between Julien and me, “worked out.”

  I glared at her, but I knew she was right. “Fine,” I snapped. I pushed past Julien and stormed into the house, ignoring the pain shooting up my leg.

  I heard Julien following me, but I didn't turn to look at him. I pulled off my snow-covered boots, sucking in a breath at the new flare of pain in my ankle. That wasn't good. Still, my anger was stronger than the pain. I hung up my coat and then crossed into the living room, determined to keep at least several feet between Julien and myself. I crossed my arms, holding them tightly across me, as if I could physically pull myself together.

  “What's your problem?”

  I spun around, surprised by the accusatory question. Now, I could see anger flashing in Julien's eyes and my own temper flared to match.

  “Excuse me?”

  “You kept calling me, leave dozens of messages, show up at my house and now you're acting like I did something wrong.” He took two steps toward me. “You don't talk to me, don't bother saying whatever it was you kept calling to say. You just stand there for a minute and you fucking smile at me before running away. What the hell is your problem?”

  I stared at him, unable to believe he was actually trying to make this out to be my fault. “I am so sick of you lying, cheating bastards.”

  His eyes widened and a stab of vindictiveness went through me. I'd shocked him. Good. It was about time someone called him on his shit, and I was tired of letting guys like this walk all over me.

  I pointed an accusing finger at him. “All you had to do was say you had a girlfriend and I never would've let things go that far. Or when you said it was a mistake, you could've been a bit clearer. You wouldn't have heard from me again.”

  “Girlfriend?” Julien looked puzzled.

  “Oh, that's better.” I rolled my eyes. “Not a girlfriend then. Just another conquest like me. What, once you fucked me, the challenge was gone? You men are all alike.” I saw something like understanding flicker across Julien's face.

  “Calm down, Piper. It's not what you think.”

  I laughed. “I saw her, Julien. I'm not an idiot, no matter how dumb I feel for trusting you. You were in a robe. She was in a towel. You'd both just taken a shower. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out.”

  He took another step toward me but I held my ground. His eyes were bright, but I couldn't read them.

  “Yes, I'd taken a shower. Before Megan and Gary shared theirs.”

  Confusion took the edge off of my anger.

  “Gary's my cousin. He lives in Chicago with his girlfriend, Megan,” Julien explained. “They're going to DC for Christmas with her family and decided to make a trip out of it. They got in late last night and are staying here for a few days.”

  “Your cousin,” I said the words as my brain struggled to understand. “And that was his girlfriend.”

  “Yes.” He dug his phone from his pocket and tapped a few icons, then held it out to me.

  The picture on the screen was of Julien and two other people. I recognized the blond, though she was wearing actual clothes rather than a towel. And she was sitting on the lap of a handsome man who, while resembling Julien, was definitely not Julien. Judging by the possessive way the guy's arms were around her and how she was kissing his forehead, Julien was telling the truth.

  He put his phone away. “I'm sorry I didn't answer your calls,” he said. His expression was blank. “I've had to take my father's place on some different boards and get caught up on all the business things. Then there's looking for people to take my spots and getting them up to speed.” He angled himself away from me. “It's going to keep me busy, so I don't know how much I'll be around.”

  I frowned. What the hell? I may have been wrong about who Megan was, but I wasn't imagining this. He was trying to blow me off.

  “It's good that you have Reed,” he continued. “He can be there for you now.”

  Things clicked. He wasn't blowing me off. I closed the distance between us and put my hand on his arm.

  “What happened between Reed and me is over.”

  “But I heard him say he was getting a divorce; that he wanted to be with you.” Julien looked down at me, confusion in his eyes.

  “He is and he did say that,” I agreed. “But I realized that I don't want to be with him anymore.” I took a deep breath and then put my heart out there. “I don't love Reed. He was a high school crush that I thought was what I wanted. He's not. You are. I'm…” I took a deep breath and then let it flutter out of my mouth. “I’m in love with you, Julien.”

  I watched emotions play across Julien's face and curbed my impatience. I couldn't tell what he was thinking, but I knew if I rushed it, any chance the two of us had would be gone.

  “Piper.”

  I met his gaze and felt a pang of sadness at the guarded expression in them. Had I done something to hurt him? Sure, there'd been a misunderstanding with his cousin's girlfriend, but that had been an honest mistake. What had I done that would make him think he needed to keep his shields up with me?

  “I can't be the rebound guy.” He looked away.

  I blinked, completely caught off guard. Was that what he thought? I reached up and put my hand on his cheek, turning his face back toward me. “You're not,” I said firmly. “You're the guy.”

  “But you went on a date with Reed...” His voice trailed off.

  Now I understood. “You think I'm saying I'm not in love with Reed because he ran off to Britni again. That I'm vulnerable and willing to fall for the first guy who's nice to me. Like I did with Brock.”

  “That's not what I meant,” he said.

  “It's okay,” I interrupted before he could start feeling bad. That hadn't been what I'd intended. “That is what happened with Brock. I was in a bad place, feeling sorry for myself for what had happened with Reed. Feeling used by him. I hated my job and my self-worth had taken a serious hit.” I brushed back some of his hair. “You were my friend through a lot of that, and you never asked for anything else. I didn't fall for you right away, not like that. It snuck up on me.” I smiled. “I was falling in love with you before Reed showed up here.”

  Hope flared in Julien's eyes and I watched him reign it in.

  “I didn't sleep with you that night because I was trying to get over Reed or Brock, and I didn't do it out of pity either.”

  A muscle in Julien's jaw twitched and I knew I'd struck a nerve. That was what he'd thought. It made sense. If he'd been convinced I was still on the rebound, it was no wonder he considered our night together a mistake.

  “I wanted to comfort you,” I admitted. “But more than that, I wanted you.” I put my hands on his chest and he sucked in air. I was laying it all out on the line now, risking everything on the hope that he felt for me the same way I felt for him. “I wanted to know what it was like to kiss you, touch you.” My body was just a couple inches away and longed for more contact. “To feel you inside me.”

  “Fuck, Piper,” he breathed the words before his mouth came down on mine.

  I slid my arms up around his neck as he pulled me against him, his grip almost painful. His lips parted mine as he kissed me and I could feel his need, his want. Months of angst and desire poured into me and my entire body throbbed in response.

  He broke the kiss, but didn't let me go. His forehead rested against mine as we caught our breath. When he could speak, he said, “I am so sorry for avoiding you.” He put his hands on my cheeks, his skin burning against mine. “I thought I could handle it, being just your friend, and then we slept together and I was lost. I couldn't be around you if you were with someone else. It hurt too
much.”

  I brushed my lips across his, needing to do something to ease the pain I heard in his voice.

  “These past couple weeks have been torture,” he confessed. “I couldn't get you out of my mind. I'd stare at the same page for an hour but not know what it said. I haven't been able to sleep much, and when I do, you're there too.”

  I remembered my dream the night after I’d gone out with Reed, the one that had made me finally admit how I felt about Julien. “I dream about you too,” I said.

  The smile that broke across his face made things tighten low inside me. I waited for him to kiss me again, to slowly strip off my clothes. His lips and tongue to taste my skin. My nipples hardened at the thought of his mouth on them, sucking and nibbling. The ache between my legs grew as I remembered what it had been like to have his head down there, devouring me. The stretch of him filling me...

  He took a step back and I nearly stumbled. He put out a hand to steady me, but didn't take me in his arms again. Rejection washed over me. I didn't understand.

  “I want to do this right,” he said, his expression saying he'd correctly read my feelings. “As much as I want to take you upstairs and ravish you.” His eyes sparkled at the word. “I want to take it slow.”

  Was he kidding? I knew my mouth was hanging open and snapped it shut when he chuckled.

  “Trust me, Piper. I want you.” He took my hand and threaded our fingers together. “I've wanted you from the first moment I saw you.”

  My eyebrows shot up.

  He nodded. “It's true. You walked out onto that stage at The Diamond Club and I wanted you. Brock didn't tell me who you were until the end of the dance and I felt horrible that I'd been ogling my friend's girl, but I couldn't quit thinking about your body. Then I met you and you were even more beautiful in person. I couldn't figure out how an ass like Brock had managed to snag someone like you.” He brought our hands up to his mouth and brushed his lips across my knuckles. “I tried to fight it, even after I saw the way he treated you, but once I heard what he'd done, I knew I couldn't deny it anymore.”