Tell Me What You Want

  “You’re a good woman who deserves someone better,” he says finally.

  “Someone better?”

  “Yes.”

  I know what he’s getting at, but I want him to say it clearly.

  “When you refer to someone . . .”

  “I mean someone who can take care of you and treat you like you deserve. Maybe Fernando?”

  “Don’t mix him up in this, OK?”

  Eric nods. “You deserve someone who can offer you words of love. You deserve that.”

  “Eric, you already do that.”

  “No, Jude, don’t lie. I don’t do that.”

  I try to ease the situation a little, because it’s getting pretty heavy.

  “True . . . you never say loving things per se, but you treat me well and worry about me. Why are you saying these things to me now?”

  “Jude . . . be realistic,” he says, his voice hardening.

  “Look, I know sex is what brought us together. When two people get to know each other and are attracted to each other, the first thing between them is chemistry. And you and I have chemistry.”

  “And with that Fernando guy, is there chemistry there too?”

  Again with Fernando?

  “I’m waiting for your answer, Jude,” he says, insisting when he notices my lack of response.

  “Listen, can you just forget about Fernando once and for all? I don’t know where you’re going with all this, but I don’t think I’ve ever asked you for anything—”

  “I won’t give you anything other than sex.”

  I’m startled by his abrupt response. I don’t understand his mood swings. One minute, he’s looking at me with such devotion; and the next, he’s telling me there is and never will be anything between us but sex.

  “Fine, Eric. I’m old enough to choose who I sleep with.”

  “Of course. And I hope you do. But I haven’t given you an option.”

  “Oh no?”

  “No, Jude. Simply put, I liked you and I went for it. Which is what I do whenever I’m attracted to someone.”

  That response really hits a raw nerve.

  “Right now, you’re acting like a dickhead.”

  He doesn’t move. He doesn’t say anything.

  He just sits there and absorbs my insults.

  “Jude . . . insult me if you like, but you know it’s the truth. Just a bit ago, you said you didn’t want to get involved in my games, remember?”

  “I like everything I do with you,” I say, losing all the sensibility he claims I have. “I’m intrigued by your games and . . .”

  “I know, sweetness, I know,” he says, his hand on my leg. “Which doesn’t change that I’m not the man you deserve and that another will probably make you happier.” It’s clear whom he’s talking about even though, this time, he’s not using his name. “Look, Jude, I like sex, I like experimenting, and I love to see a woman enjoying herself. Right now, that woman is you, but there’s something in me that tells me to stop, that I shouldn’t bring you any further into my game, or . . .”

  “I’m not the saint you think I am. I’ve had several relationships and—”

  “Jude,” he says, interrupting me, “whatever you’ve done with your previous relationships has nothing to do with what I want you to do with me.”

  My stomach tightens. Thinking about what he wants me to do with him makes my mouth dry.

  “What do you want me to do with you?”

  “Everything, Jude, I want you to do everything with me.”

  “And we’re still strictly talking about sex?”

  The question throws him off.

  His eyes don’t deceive me. I know there’s something he’s keeping to himself, and I need to know what it is.

  “No. And that’s the problem. I can’t let you grow fond of me.”

  “But why not?”

  He doesn’t respond.

  He brings his forehead to mine and closes his eyes. He doesn’t want to look at me. He doesn’t want to answer. He feels something more for me, but he doesn’t want to accept it.

  We stay that way for a few minutes, until I bring my mouth close to his.

  “I want you.”

  Eric keeps his eyes closed. He suddenly seems very tired.

  “Not today, sweetness. One bad move and I could hurt your arm.”

  “It doesn’t hurt right now . . . ,” I say.

  “Jude . . .”

  “I want you, and I want to make love with you. Is that so much to ask? You’re leaving soon, and from what you’ve said, I don’t know if we’ll be together again when you come back.”

  My words move him.

  I can see it in his face. Finally, he brings his mouth to mine and gives me a sweet kiss, a kiss full of emotion.

  “Can I stay with you tonight?”

  I nod. I want him to stay forever.

  But his words, and especially his gaze, feel like a farewell, and inexplicably, my eyes moisten. Eric dries them without a word. Then he stands up and offers me his hand. I take it, and together we make our way to my room.

  There, he undresses while I watch.

  Eric is big, strong, and sensual. As soon as he’s nude, he takes my Tasmanian Devil pj’s out from under my pillow. He sits on the bed, and I join him. I let him undress me. He does it slowly and tenderly, without once taking his eyes off mine. When I’m finally naked, he stands up and embraces me.

  We’re skin to skin. Heartbeat to heartbeat.

  He leans his head down, hungry for my mouth. I offer it to him. I’m his without his even asking.

  His lips hover over mine, and he does something that surprises me. He takes my head in his hands and kisses me. Once his long, sweet kiss has left me short winded, he steps back and sits down on the bed again. He never stops looking at me, and attracted as if by a magnet, I straddle him.

  “Sweetness . . . ,” he says hoarsely. “Be careful with your arm.”

  I nod, but I’m hypnotized as his fingertips trace my spine and draw circles on my skin. I close my eyes and enjoy our close contact and the tenderness of his hands. When I finally lift my lids, his mouth searches for mine, and he lovingly kisses me as he presses me against him. Calm and easy, we let a good ten minutes go by as we continue our caresses, until my impatience pushes me to lift up and introduce his hard and exacting penis inside me.

  My flesh opens to receive him, and I gasp when he penetrates me. Eric closes his eyes tightly, and I feel his muscles clench so he can keep control. I move my hips slowly, back and forth, working toward our mutual bliss. I’m waiting for a little slap, a hard pinch, but nothing. Eric just looks at me and lets himself ride my movements like a gentle wave.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask, anxious. “What’s going on?”

  “I’m tired, love.”

  His amorous voice when he calls me “love,” his words, and the softness of his fingers as they run all over my body reawaken me.

  He’s trying to give me what I’ve asked for. He’s making love to me. No slaps. No hard thrusts. No demands. But in that moment, that’s not what I want.

  Moved by the control I see him attempting, I give in to my own urgency; I decide to take advantage of what he’s doing to convince him to change his mind and take me how I want him to take me. I bring his mouth to my breasts. Eric accepts and gently licks and kisses them. But the heat is rising in me, even though he’s left the moment all up to me. I move in circles in a quest for my own gratification, and I find it. I gasp. I squeeze against him. I scream and gasp again. His body trembles while mine vibrates madly, waiting for the part of him that’s rough and wild to take control.

  I want my demands to be his demands, but Eric refuses. He doesn’t want to play my game. Finally, when the heat floods me, I place my arms on his thighs for support, and then I’m the one who moves brusquely. When my orgasm comes, I scream and arch my body over him, and then, and only then, Eric grabs me by the waist. I feel the tension in his hands, how he presses me to him once and then
silently lets himself go.

  I keep my arms around him for a few minutes.

  I don’t want this to end.

  But finally, Eric gets off the bed and drags me with him. He plucks a tissue from my nightstand and cleans me. Then he wipes himself off. Without a word, he picks up the Tasmanian Devil pj’s. He helps me put on the shorts, then the top. He pulls on his briefs. He turns off the lights and makes me lie down with him. He turns me around and spoons me. He’s afraid of hurting my arm. We don’t say a word. We simply try to rest while we both listen to the sounds of farewell in our breathing.

  23

  I wake up startled.

  I look at the clock: 4:38 a.m.

  I’m alone in bed. Where’s Eric?

  I don’t want him to be gone. I quickly get up. When I come into the living room, I see him putting some drops in his eyes and swallowing something he chases with a glass of water. Then he sits down, puts in my earbuds to listen to my iPod, and closes his eyes. I watch him for a bit and smile. He’s just listening to music.

  When he hears me, he opens his eyes and gets up.

  “Are you OK?”

  “Yes, it’s just that when I didn’t see you, I thought you’d left.”

  “I don’t sleep much, like I told you.”

  “I saw you taking something . . . What was it?”

  “Aspirin. I have a headache,” he says, flashing an enchanting smile.

  I accept his answer and move to the kitchen. I need a drink of water.

  When I open the fridge, I see the truffles and decide to have one. I drink my water, put a couple of truffles on a tray, and return to the living room. Sitting on the couch, Eric grins when he sees me.

  “Hmm . . .”

  Feeling good, I smile back at him, but I realize he looks tired. That’s normal, though, if a person doesn’t sleep. I sit beside him.

  “I love this song.”

  I take one of the earbuds from him, put it up to my ear, and hear Malú’s voice.

  “Me too. The lyrics remind me of us.”

  He nods. I pick up one of the truffles and nibble at it.

  “Can I try that truffle?”

  “Of course.”

  When I see he’s going to take a bite of the truffle out of my hand, I bring it to my mouth and rub it up against my lips.

  “You can try it now,” I whisper.

  He obeys without complaint. His lips meet mine, calmly and with such restraint that he instantly turns me on. He sucks them, licks, and then finishes with a sweet kiss.

  “Exquisite, the truffle too.”

  No sooner has he said that than I put the rest of the truffle down. I take off my pj’s and, standing in just my underwear, straddle him.

  Up until now, I’ve had three addictions: Coke, strawberries, and chocolate. But now I can add an even stronger and more powerful compulsion: Eric. I want him . . . No matter the hour, the moment, or the place . . . I want him.

  “What are you doing, Jude?”

  “What do you think?”

  “I have a headache, babe . . .”

  I kiss him in response. A hot kiss, full of lust and longing.

  “Jude, not now . . .”

  “Yes, Eric, now. I want you. I want you to fuck me. I want you to enjoy yourself with me. I want everything you want, and I want it now.”

  He carefully surrounds my waist with his arms. I can see that he wasn’t expecting my demands and they turn him on. My hips take on a life of their own as they move on top of him. His response is immediate.

  One of his hands leaves my waist to climb up my back until it reaches my hair. He grabs it and tugs. Yes . . . this is Eric! My neck is completely exposed to his mouth, and he nips at it. Anxious, determined, he licks me and makes me sigh. His other hand climbs to my breasts. His mouth comes for them. He sucks on my nipples until they’re hard.

  He lets go of my hair, and I see him face-to-face again. His hands are on either side of my breasts, and possessively, he squeezes them together to suck both my nipples at once.

  “You drive me crazy . . .”

  “You drive me even crazier, although you’re a dickhead sometimes.”

  He loves that. I press against him.

  “Jude . . . your arm. Be careful. You’re going to hurt it.”

  That he worries about me makes me feel incredible. Just when he’s about to take the reins, I grab his hands.

  “No . . . Eric . . . your punishment for not having cooperated with me a few hours ago will be that I’m in charge.”

  “My punishment?”

  “Yes, I think I’m going to have to start punishing you like you do me.”

  “Don’t even think about it, sweetness.”

  For a few seconds, he resists; but in the end, his hands return to my legs.

  “All right . . . just for today,” I murmur as he caresses my legs.

  I’ve decided to play his game. I take his hands off my thighs.

  “Touching is prohibited.”

  He shifts under me. When I see he has calmed down, I grab my breasts and bring them to his mouth. I offer them to him. I make him suck first one and then the other, and when my nipples are hard again, I take them away and smile.

  Eric groans.

  “Give me your hand,” I say.

  He extends it to me, and I rub it along my leg until it reaches my inner thigh. I let him touch me, and soon he slides a finger into my underwear. I let him become more desirous of me, and when he’s really animated, I make him withdraw his finger and take it up to his own mouth.

  “Slippery and wet, just as you like.”

  He tries to grab me by the waist again, but I slap his hand away.

  “Touching is prohibited, Mr. Zimmerman.”

  “Ms. Flores . . . tone down your commands.”

  I smile, but he doesn’t. I like that.

  I very carefully grab his hair. I don’t want his head to hurt more than it already does. His neck is completely exposed to me, and I can feel the beating of his heart between my legs.

  “Mr. Zimmerman, don’t forget I’m in charge now.”

  I lick his neck, delighted with his taste. Finally, I reach his mouth. I adore his mouth. I devour his lips and hear when he makes a guttural sound.

  “I love your eyes,” I whisper. “They’re beautiful.”

  “I hate them.”

  I’m amused by his comment. Eric has marvelous blue eyes.

  I feel more turned on with every passing second. I bring my breasts again to his mouth; when he goes for them, I pull them back. Without taking my eyes from him, I scoot up between his legs, and careful not to hurt my arm, I push my hand into his briefs, grip his hot penis and his hard testicles, and bring them out alfresco.

  Oh God! The powerful beating of that thick, swollen shaft makes my sex tighten with impatience. And when I lean down and take the rose-colored head into my mouth, I feel a shiver go through him. My tongue goes up and down his penis, suffused with so much desire. I continue to play gently until he pants, and when I look up, I see his head is tossed back and his eyes are closed. His jaw is tense and trembles in delight. Oh yes . . . yes! Suddenly, his hands are on my head.

  “Imagine we’re at the swingers’ club and someone is watching us, dying for you to let him touch me, and all the while, you’re making love to me with your mouth in front of him. Do you like that?”

  “Yessss . . . ,” he manages to say as his fingers tangle up in my hair.

  His hips are moving, and his penis is getting harder in my mouth. Delicately, I nibble around the head and stop at the most fragile point. My tongue works its magic as Eric moves and grunts, and when I grab that delicate part of him with my lips and tug, his tension is even greater. I suck it; I savor it. I remember the truffle on the table, and I smile. I spoon some with my finger and, mischievously rubbing it on his penis, tell him that someday he will be the one who rubs a truffle on my clit so others can suck me. Eric is breathing so hard, his chest is heaving.

  With m
y free hand, I touch his testicles, and he spasms. I’m thrilled when I hear him grunt.

  Eager for his penis, I return to it. I gently slip it back in my mouth, but it is now so big and swollen that I can’t take it in. I decide instead to lick it up and down with my tongue, the truffle taste making it more and more entertaining. His hips are moving with me, his fingers in my hair are stiff, and he is driving like a piston in my mouth. The feeling intoxicates me. I’m making him mine with my mouth, and I like having him in my hands and at my mercy. I put one of my hands on his sinewy abs and claw him with my nails. That makes him pant even more. And his hips are going nonstop. I take his hard shaft in my hands and jack him with forceful thrusts while I fantasize about what another man might be doing to me now.

  Eric’s body convulses over and over, but he refuses to come.

  “Get on top of me, Jude . . . please.”

  His imploring and my desire make it easy for me to obey.

  I straddle him again. I’m wet and slick. He fits himself into me, and we both cry out.

  “God, baby, you’re driving me crazy!”

  I’m tender and ready for anything. “This is what I want . . . to play with you however you want, because your pleasure is my pleasure, and I want to try everything with you.”

  “Jude . . .” He’s still panting.

  “Everything . . . Eric . . . everything.”

  Out of my mind, I hold on to his shoulders as he grabs my ass and moves me up and down, hammering into me over and over again as he looks at me and practically consumes me with lust.

  His hard, hot penis desperately goes in and out of me as my sex tightens around him. I move my hips frenetically and tremble as Eric continues to take me toward my climax.

  My breasts are bouncing in front of him, and when he grabs a nipple with his mouth and bites it just as he penetrates me, an annihilating orgasm takes over my body. At the same time, he fills me to the brim, until I can’t take it anymore and I hear him hissing my name between gasps. When we’re finished and I’m drenched and enraptured on top of him, I realize something: I am totally and completely in love with him.

  24