Tell Me What You Want

  “But I want to talk because I don’t want to leave things halfway, which is what always happens when you get angry.”

  “Jude . . . ,” he snarls.

  “Eric, we have to talk! It doesn’t work if we leave things like this. Don’t you see that?”

  He grabs his head. This makes me realize he’s not well. He opens his toiletry bag and takes another couple of pills. This upsets me. I don’t like to see him suffer. He exits the bedroom and leaves me alone. I sit on the bed, put on my shoes, and without a word, I get ready to leave. I see him out on the terrace, looking out at the horizon. I go to him.

  “Does your head hurt?”

  “Yes.”

  “Do you really want me to go?”

  “Yes.”

  “Eric, love, I don’t know what you’ve heard, but this is foolish, believe me.”

  “I’ll tell Tomás to take you home.”

  “No.”

  “Yes. He’ll take you home. Goodbye, Jude. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  He doesn’t look at me. He doesn’t move, and in the end, I surrender. I turn, and with a broken heart, I leave.

  62

  There is a noise. I’m startled. It’s the phone.

  I leap from the bed. I look at the time. It’s 5:28 in the morning.

  Frightened, I run to answer. Any call at this hour can’t be good.

  “Yes?”

  “Honey . . . it’s me.”

  My sister?

  I’m gonna kill her! But then I hear her crying, and I’m terrified.

  “What’s happened? What’s wrong?”

  “I’m not doing well . . . not well at all. I’ve had a fight with Jesús. He left the house at nine o’clock last night and look what time it is and he hasn’t come home . . .”

  She cries, and I try to calm her down.

  “Where is Luz?”

  “She has a sleepover at a friend’s house. Please, I need you to come over.”

  “Of course . . . I’ll be right there.”

  I hang up and sigh. My sister and her hysterics . . . Thank God it’s Saturday and I don’t have to go in to work. I think about Eric. Should I call him? It’s possible he’s awake, but in the end, I decide not to bother him. Knowing him, he’s probably still angry because of what happened yesterday. I quickly brush my teeth, wash my face, and put on a pair of jeans, a T-shirt, and a jacket. It’s chilly.

  I go down to the street and get my car. My sister doesn’t live far, but at that hour, it’s best not to walk. I turn on the radio and sing along as I drive. I see a parking space right in front of her building, so I stop and put the car in reverse; but when I look in the rearview mirror, another car speeds down the road and crashes into me.

  Murmurs . . . I hear only murmurs.

  My eyes are so heavy, I can’t open them. I don’t know where I am or what has happened. Then I remember the car coming toward me, and I’m aware I’ve been in an accident. The sound of sirens makes me open my eyes, and I discover I’m in an ambulance with two men looking at me, bloody gloves on their hands.

  “Are you OK, miss?”

  “Yes . . . no . . . I don’t know.”

  “What is your name?”

  “Judith.”

  “Very well, Judith, don’t be afraid. Some guys who’d been drinking crashed into your car. We’re taking you to the hospital.”

  “Is that my blood?”

  One of the young paramedics nods.

  “Don’t be afraid, but yes.”

  “But it’s blood? From where?”

  “From your lip and your nose. The airbag in your car didn’t work, and you hit yourself against the steering wheel. But don’t worry.”

  Suddenly, I hear screams, and I can identify them immediately. My sister! I try to sit up so she can see me and know I’m OK, but I can’t. My neck hurts like hell.

  “Please, that screaming woman is my sister. Could you let her through so she’ll calm down?”

  “Of course. If you want, she can ride with you in the ambulance.”

  Two seconds later, I see my sister in her blue terry-cloth robe. She’s pale. She sees me, and her screams now become howls of terror.

  “Oh my God . . . ! Oh my God! Honey . . . what happened to you? Are you all right? This is all my fault! Oh my God . . . ! When I heard the sirens and saw the car . . . Oh God! If something happens to you, I’ll die!”

  On seeing her condition, one of the paramedics says, “Your sister’s fine. A car hit her from behind, but she’s all right.”

  “Raquel,” I whisper, in pain, “calm down, OK?”

  She grabs my hand, and the ambulance takes off.

  “Here’s my bag, and don’t call Papá,” I say when we get to the emergency room. “Don’t scare him, OK?”

  Still crying, she agrees, and the paramedics carry me in on a stretcher. They do several neck and shoulder X-rays because I tell them that’s where I’m hurting. They also do a hundred other things. I’m tired, in pain, and I want to go home. But everything is slow . . . very slow.

  When I’m finally released, I’m wearing a brace around my neck, I have a bruise on my forehead, and my lips are swollen. I’m surprised to see my sister, my brother-in-law, and Eric waiting for me.

  The first one to rush to me is Eric. I can tell from the look on his face that he’s terrified. He hugs me gently and doesn’t say a word.

  “Eric, I’m fine, love, really,” I finally say. My sister watches us; when Eric eventually lets me go, she starts crying again.

  “Come on, come here and stop crying.”

  Raquel hugs me and cries inconsolably.

  “Are you OK?” asks my brother-in-law.

  I smile as best I can.

  “Yes, and please . . . do me a favor and stop arguing. One of these days, you’re going to kill me.”

  “I’m sorry. It’s all my fault,” says Jesús.

  I let go of my sister and take my brother-in-law by the arm.

  “Don’t be foolish. These things happen and that’s that. Now you haven’t called my dad, right?”

  My sister shakes her head. I’m grateful.

  When we leave the hospital, my sister and brother-in-law insist on taking me to their house. Eric insists I go back with him to the hotel. I finally make my stand.

  “I want to go home; don’t you get it?”

  Eric looks over at my sister.

  “I’ll take her home and stay with her.”

  Raquel nods. “Rest. After dinner, I’ll come by your house, and then we’ll call Papá.”

  When my sister and her husband leave, Eric’s car drives up. Seeing the state I’m in, Tomás quickly leaps out to open the door.

  “Are you all right, miss?”

  “Yes, don’t worry, Tomás. It’s not as bad as it looks.”

  Once inside, I close my eyes and lean back in the seat. I’m in pain and very tired. Eric gives me a kiss on the forehead. I open my eyes.

  “Is your headache better?”

  “Yes, love. Don’t worry about that, or about anything. The only thing that matters now is you. Just you.”

  His words and the tenderness in his voice tell me yesterday’s argument is forgotten. I smile and touch his face.

  “Did my sister call you?”

  He takes my hand and kisses it.

  “I sent you a message, and she called me back.” He brings his forehead close to mine. “I don’t think I’ve ever had a bigger scare, love. When your sister called me, crying . . . all I could understand was ‘Judith . . . ambulance . . . accident . . .’ I thought I was going to die.”

  “You’re exaggerating.”

  “No, I’m not exaggerating. I love you, and I don’t want anything to happen to you. The time waiting to see you has been horrible. Disconcerting. If I hadn’t sent you away, none of this would have happened.”

  “Eric, this is not your fault at all.”

  “I feel absolutely terrible.” When he sees me sigh, he gives me a delicate little kiss on my
lips. “Are you OK?”

  “Yes . . .” I try to smile.

  His lips begin to curve, but he’s much too tense.

  “From now on, I’ll take care of you.”

  That afternoon, after I’ve rested all morning, my sister and brother-in-law come over with my niece and a whole mess of food. My sister puts it away in the fridge and gives Eric instructions. He just stands there and says yes, although I know he’s not following any of it.

  After we call my father and explain what happened, I finally relax. In spite of his initial fright, after talking with me, with my sister, and with Eric, he’s much calmer. My sister and Jesús are chatting in the kitchen. Eric is watching a basketball game on TV, which surprises me, because I didn’t realize he likes basketball. My niece, Luz, is seated between us.

  “Are you my auntie’s boyfriend?”

  Eric looks at her.

  “Yes.”

  “And are you going to marry her?”

  “Well, we haven’t talked about it,” he responds, clearly surprised.

  “And why haven’t you talked about it?”

  “Because we haven’t.”

  “Why not?”

  “Maybe someday.”

  “Don’t you want to marry her?”

  Eric stares at her.

  “All right, Luz . . . I’ll talk it over with her.”

  “When?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe when she gets well. What do you think?”

  “Great! You want to be my uncle?”

  “Sure.”

  “Why?”

  Eric is starting to get exasperated. My niece can be quite exasperating. I decide to rescue him.

  “Luz, do you want to go to my room to watch cartoons?”

  Luz’s face changes. She smiles and dashes off to my room.

  “Thank you, love,” says Eric, grinning.

  “You’re welcome.”

  That night, when Eric and I are finally alone in my apartment, he takes complete care of me. He has a notebook in which he jots down what medications I have to take and when. I’m surprised at how exacting he can be when it comes to patient care. He makes no reference to our argument, for which I’m grateful. When we go to bed, he gives me a kiss on the lips.

  “Rest, love. I’ll take care of absolutely everything.”

  On Monday, when Eric goes to work, my sister comes over to relieve him. At eleven o’clock, I get a text on my cell. It’s Miguel: I just found out you’re Eric Zimmerman’s girlfriend. You fox, you sure pulled the wool over my eyes! You have to tell me all about it. Kiss, get well.

  When I put the cell down, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

  63

  I’m on medical leave for three weeks, and I’m using the time to give my apartment a last cleaning and to pack up all the things I want to take to Germany. Eric wants to buy me a safer car, but I refuse. I love my Seat León. My insurance has it fixed in record time, and I imagine it’s because Eric has been all over them. The car comes back like new.

  Eric takes care of me with great tenderness and helps me with my packing. I’m not taking a lot of things, just clothes, photos, books, and my music. I want the rest to stay here; as time goes by, I’ll take it with me little by little.

  The day I return to work, everybody in the office just stares at me. I’m an object of great curiosity. They know I’m the big boss’s girlfriend, and they do what I hate so much: gossip!

  “Now that you’re the boss’s girlfriend, will you still have breakfast with me?” Miguel asks, but in jest.

  “You dweeb . . . Of course.”

  On the way to the cafeteria, he asks me about my health. I tell him about my accident, and he listens, horrified. When I go to pay at the cafeteria, the employees won’t let me. They have orders from Mr. Zimmerman not to charge me for anything I consume. Once I’m back at my desk, my supervisor is solicitous. Her tone of voice is now soft, and she makes a real effort to be pleasant with me. A real gem, that one. Now that she knows I’m Eric’s girlfriend, she treats me with kid gloves.

  Ten minutes later, a young woman comes into the office and sits at what used to be Miguel’s desk.

  “Are you Judith?” she asks me.

  I nod.

  “I’m Claudia, Mr. Zimmerman’s new admin in Spain.”

  I’m quite surprised. Eric didn’t said a word to me about her while I was on leave, but I can’t say I find it that strange. During my convalescence, Eric didn’t want to talk about anything to do with work. In fact, he wanted the doctor to extend my medical leave, but I wouldn’t let him request it.

  Eric sees me as soon as he walks through the door.

  “Good morning, Mr. Zimmerman.”

  He drops his briefcase on my desk, leans over, and gives me a kiss on the lips that stuns both my supervisor and the new admin.

  “Good morning, Jude,” he says after that much-desired kiss. “Are you feeling OK?”

  A little taken aback by his welcome, I don’t know where to look, but I can tell Eric is trying not to laugh. Finally, I smile.

  “Good morning, Eric; I’m good and ready to work.”

  Delighted that she’s now in the know, my supervisor says, “You two make a beautiful couple.”

  Liar! I can see in her eyes that she doesn’t think so at all.

  “Thank you,” responds Eric.

  My supervisor looks me over from head to toe. It’s clear she can hardly believe what she sees.

  “Oh, and what a beautiful ring! Is that what I think it is?”

  Eric takes my hand and kisses my knuckles. “A diamond for my precious gem,” he says.

  His words make me blush, especially given how those two are looking at me. Finally, after an awkward silence, my supervisor turns to me.

  “Judith, this is Eric’s new admin. Her name is Claudia Sánchez, and she’s my little sister. She’ll take your place when you transfer to Germany.”

  I’m flabbergasted . . . Why didn’t she tell me when she introduced herself? And moreover, why are they making plans without talking to me?

  “She’s very efficient, that’s for sure,” adds Eric.

  That compliment bothers me, but I feign otherwise.

  “Thank you, Mr. Zimmerman,” the young woman responds, obviously delighted with the attention. “I’m glad to hear you’re satisfied with my work.”

  I know that sly little smile. It’s just like her sister’s, and I know it won’t come to any good. I watch as she licks her lips when she looks at Eric, and that irritates me.

  “Claudia’s very clever,” says my supervisor. “Claudia, tell Judith how many languages you speak.”

  The young woman blinks and touches her hair.

  “German, French, English, Russian, and a little Chinese.”

  “Impressive,” says Eric.

  Wow, the girl’s a wonder . . . but if she keeps licking her lips, she’s going to end up choking on them.

  They talk right over me for a good bit while I observe how she smiles up at Eric. It’s clear she’s into him, and in a way, I understand. Who wouldn’t like Eric? He finally finishes the chat and disappears into his office. But when her office phone rings and she ends up closing his office door behind her, I’m more upset than ever.

  I can barely look at my computer. I’m much too aware of Eric’s office. Two minutes later, Claudia emerges.

  “I’m going for a cup of coffee for my boss,” she announces.

  When she leaves, I get up and sneak into my boyfriend’s office.

  “What are you doing offering my job to someone else without talking to me about it?” Eric doesn’t answer. “When were you going to tell me you have a new admin?”

  Eric drops the pen he was holding.

  “There’s a problem, Jude?”

  “No, I don’t have a problem, but from what I can tell, you seem to have a problem telling me things.”

  Eric furrows his brow, but he’s not serious.

  “Are you jealous of Claudia?”
>
  “No.”

  “Then?”

  Ill humored, I move a strand of hair from my face.

  “Stop smiling at me like that, or I swear I’m gonna crack your head open with that planter.”

  Eric guffaws, and his laughter echoes in the office. He stands up and comes around his desk, but he doesn’t touch me.

  “Mmm . . . You know that very Spanish character of yours drives me crazy.”

  Seeing him so close to me, I lift my chin.

  “Why didn’t you say anything? It’s supposed to be my job, and you’ve already given it away to someone else.”

  “Love, she will take care of my business for the time I have left in Spain. At the same time, she’ll start to learn what you do. That way, when you’re not here, everything will function as it always has. I have to think about what’s good for the company.”

  “But have you seen how she looks at you?” I say, angry, and not really paying attention to what he has just said. “I’ve only been here five minutes, and I can already tell she’s attracted to you and . . .”

  “The person I’m attracted to is you,” he says, interrupting me. “And other women, Claudia included, don’t matter at all to me. Only you. Get that through your pretty little head, OK? And if I haven’t said anything, it’s because I’m trying to save you these headaches. And you know why? Because once you are in Germany, I want you to rest and to live like a queen. I want you to be happy doing what you like. I want you to indulge each and every one of your whims. And if you want to work, don’t worry. I promise there will be a job for you there.”

  I suddenly realize how ridiculous I must seem.

  “How embarrassing! What am I doing?”

  Eric smiles, but as he’s about to respond, the door opens and there’s Claudia with his coffee. The phone rings and she answers. After she tells him the call is from Germany, I leave, and we each go back to our desks.

  At one o’clock, Eric leaves the office. He has a luncheon, and I decide to go eat at Vips. On the way back, I pass a florist and get an idea. I order a beautiful bouquet of roses for Eric that costs me a pretty penny.

  On the card, I write, I don’t speak French or Russian or Chinese. Will you still renew my contract? ILY, Your Honey

  Two hours later, as I’m typing away at my computer, I hear Claudia’s phone ring. Seconds later, she gets up, and I see a delivery person come in with a pretty bouquet of roses. A surprised Claudia takes them in to Eric. Discreetly, I watch as she hands them to him and leaves his office. Surprised, he stares at them. Roses for him? When he opens the card, I see him smile and look my way. I can’t help smiling back. An instant later, my cell buzzes. A message from Eric: Your contract is renewed for life in my heart. I love you.