We Were On a Break

  ‘Amazing,’ he said, leaning across the floor to pick up another ball of paper for another shot. Swing and a miss for Mr Wheeler. ‘Everything’s amazing.’

  ‘Bully for you,’ I muttered. ‘When’s the wedding?’

  ‘Hopefully next summer.’ He reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring box that housed a stunning diamond ring. ‘Do you think she’ll say yes?’

  ‘Fuck me, mate, I would say yes,’ I shot up in my seat and instinctively reached out for the ring, pausing for his approval. He nodded and I took it between my thumb and forefinger, holding it up to the window, trying not to blind myself. ‘This is amazing. I thought global warming was melting all the icebergs? If you squint, you can actually see the polar bear tracks.’

  ‘Ha ha.’ He took the ring and placed it back in the box. ‘It’s not that big. Is it? Do you think it’s ostentatious?’

  ‘Don’t start second guessing yourself,’ I warned. ‘Ask her sooner rather than later, before you talk yourself out of it.’

  ‘Won’t happen,’ he assured me. ‘I’m going to ask her on Friday, it’s her birthday. We’re going for dinner and I’ve booked a hotel, whole nine yards. I wasn’t going to say anything, what with everything you’ve got going on, but quite frankly man, you need a kick up the arse.’

  I looked over at the vase on the mantelpiece where my grandmother’s ring was still hiding. I hadn’t even been able to look at it since Liv left.

  ‘How did you know?’ he asked, considering his ring before snapping the box shut and putting it safely away. ‘How did you know she was the one?’

  ‘How does anyone know?’ I countered, scooping up as many balls of paper as I could reach without getting off the settee. ‘What made you decide to do it?’

  ‘It was my dad’s birthday last week.’ Tom picked up one small ball and took aim. ‘He would have been sixty-five this year, you know. I always call my mum on my dad’s birthday, even though I sort of dread it. I hate knowing how upset she’s going to be. But for whatever reason, this time she wasn’t. She was so happy.’

  ‘High?’ I suggested. ‘You’re never too old for it.’

  ‘Maybe,’ he admitted. ‘But what she told me was she’d spent all day looking at photo albums, remembering all the happy times they had together rather than upsetting herself with what they’d missed.’

  ‘Oh.’ I watched him throw the paper, just barely missing its target. Sometimes I forgot Tom had lost his dad. I felt stupid and selfish and tossed him one of my balls to take an extra shot. ‘Well, that’s nice.’

  ‘I’ve always felt guilty about the idea of putting Mum through a wedding,’ he said. ‘I didn’t want her to have to do it all without my dad, I didn’t want everyone telling me how proud he would have been. But talking to her put it all into perspective. I could keep putting it off and leave things how they were or I could go and buy a bloody ring and tell Maddie she’s the person I want to be with.’

  I pulled back my arm and tossed another ball of paper, overthrowing this time and missing the coffee table entirely.

  ‘I bought a ring the next day. I just knew.’

  ‘Fair play mate.’ Tom took his turn and missed again. ‘But seriously, what difference does getting married make? As far as I can see, these days all that happens when you get married is you turn into Chris and Cass and everyone hates each other.’

  Tom rolled up his sleeves and drew his eyebrows together in concentration. ‘If that’s how you feel, why were you going to propose to Liv in the first place?’

  I shook my head slowly, stood up and walked over to the fireplace. Holding my breath and half expecting not to find it, I pulled my grandmother’s sapphire engagement ring out of the vase.

  ‘It was a couple of months ago,’ I said, dropping it into his open palm. ‘We were supposed to be going out for Cassie’s birthday dinner and I said I’d pick her up after she finished work. You know Liv, she’s always early for everything, so I pulled into the car park at the surgery, expecting her to be waiting already and she wasn’t there. I waited a minute and then I called her and she didn’t answer. That’s when I started to panic because that girl is never more than two feet away from her phone.’

  ‘Maddie’s the same,’ Tom nodded as he placed the ring carefully back in my hand. I slipped it back into the box and laid it on the mantelpiece, open, where I could see it. ‘At one point, I even thought about texting my proposal, she’s on it so bloody often.’

  ‘Romantic,’ I said. He shrugged modestly. ‘So, I let myself into the flat and there she is, totally zonked out on the settee, all dressed up, make-up on, present wrapped, card written. The cat’s got a fresh bowl of Whiskas in front of him and she hasn’t even got as far as making herself a cup of tea. I mean, the teabag was in the mug and the kettle had boiled but she’d been so busy doing everything else she hadn’t even made a cup of tea before she fell asleep.’

  ‘That’s ridiculously adorable,’ he said, carefully choosing his next ball of paper and hurling it at the cup and just missing as I sucked in my breath.

  ‘Well done,’ I said with an approving clap as Tom grasped at the air in anguish. ‘I put the kettle on and made her a cup of tea and I was getting the milk out of the fridge and I thought, you do so much for other people, I am always going to make sure you’ve got a cup of tea.’

  ‘Adam,’ he glowed at me across the room. ‘You soppy old bastard.’

  ‘I’d been thinking about it for months, you know,’ I said, lying back on the settee and folding my dressing gown over my bare chest. ‘But that was when I knew.’

  Tom picked out a large, scrunched-up wad of paper and tossed it to me.

  ‘You do know what I’m going to say, don’t you?’

  ‘It’s too late,’ I told him, closing one eye and sizing up my throw. The moment it left my hand, I knew it was going to miss. ‘I fucked up and she’s gone. Please don’t ask me to be your best man.’

  ‘Will you be my best man?’ he asked.

  ‘Of course, you tool. Maddie’s brilliant, I’m chuffed to monkeys for you both.’

  ‘To be honest, Adam,’ Tom said, hovering above me, ‘I’m a bit disappointed in you.’

  He put his drink down on the floor and walked over to the window to look out at my garden. The lawn sorely needed mowing. I looked down at my whiskey and felt sick at the sight of it. How did people manage to drink so much in movies? Everyone was forever knocking back entire bottles of booze, I could only drink two shots and I was wankered.

  ‘You’ve never been afraid to go after what you want,’ he said. ‘But now, when it’s really important, you’re going to run away?’

  ‘I think you’ll find she did the running,’ I told him, examining my fingernails. It was days since I’d done anything that could be considered manual labour. They were clean and sparkling and, quite frankly, needed a trim. ‘Have I been in Japan for a month? No, I’ve been here.’

  I looked at the ring on the fireplace and imagined the moment. Me on one knee, Liv smiling down at me, probably calling me a dickhead and then saying, hopefully, yes. How could I have messed all of this up so badly? And what could I do to make it better? Other than decapitate my brother and post his head on a pike outside her window?

  A mad banging on the door interrupted my beheading fantasy.

  ‘Hello?’ I heard Cassie in the hallway. ‘Adam, are you home?’

  I didn’t get it. Was she psychically attuned to any threat of violence against her husband?

  ‘In here,’ Tom called. I flashed him a look and sat up quickly, making sure all relevant body parts were covered.

  I hadn’t seen much of Chris or Cassie since the christening. I hadn’t seen much of anyone other than the woman who worked the late-night checkout at the supermarket and my mum. It was a sorry state of affairs.

  ‘Oh, hello.’ Cassie walked into the living room, neat and tidy and not wearing a dressing gown. ‘What are you two up to?’

  ‘I was just visiting,’ Tom said
, standing up. He was such a bloody gentleman it made me want to punch him. ‘Can I get you a cup of tea?’ He looked over at me on the settee. ‘Assuming there is tea?’

  ‘There’s tea but there’s no milk,’ I replied. ‘Sorry.’

  ‘No worries, I’m fine,’ she said, fishing around for something in her oversized fancy handbag. ‘I can’t stay too long, my mum’s got Gus. Only, I had to come over and show you something.’

  I stared at her expectantly while Tom moved awkwardly from foot to foot before sitting back in his chair.

  ‘I’m sorry I told Liv you were going to propose,’ Cassie said, her forehead creased with apologies I’d heard before. ‘We were talking about your holiday and it just came out – I honestly wasn’t trying to ruin anything. I know she hates surprises and I wanted it to be perfect for you both.’

  ‘None of this is your fault,’ I assured her. Even though it bloody was. ‘Obviously we had bigger problems than I realized.’

  ‘They might not be as bad as you think,’ she said, looking at my TV. ‘Is that a Blu-ray player?’

  I nodded. ‘Can you imagine my brother allowing me to have anything less?’

  ‘Last night we got all the raw footage back from the film-maker we hired for the christening,’ she explained. ‘Chris fired them after they submitted the first edit. He thinks he can do better – he’s got really into vlogging.’

  ‘Makes sense,’ I said as she slid the disk into the player. ‘Finally he’s been given his very own global platform. I’m surprised he didn’t start sooner.’

  ‘Yeah, I was a bit worried when I checked the internet browser history,’ she replied. ‘I mean, what’s a thirty-eight-year-old man doing watching Zoella?’

  ‘Could have been a lot worse,’ Tom offered.

  ‘Oh, I know,’ she said with a sigh. ‘He says he’s going to be the first big daddy vlogger.’

  ‘You know what he’s like once he puts his mind to something,’ I said. ‘What are we watching?’

  ‘This would be my husband and your girlfriend having a chat at the christening,’ she replied. ‘I didn’t realize you weren’t here for it all until I saw them playing back the footage.’

  I grabbed Faux Daniel Craig from the end of the settee and sat him in my lap.

  ‘They are really going at it,’ Tom whistled as Liv laid into my brother.

  ‘If it’s at all possible, try to ignore everything your brother says,’ she replied, not looking especially proud of the man she had married. ‘He doesn’t mean any of it, you know that, don’t you? He was just very riled up.’

  ‘He means some of it,’ I corrected as I watched, my heart stinging and swelling at the same time. ‘But it’s a big brother/little brother thing. He’s not saying anything to Liv that he hasn’t said to my face.’

  ‘Really?’ Tom looked surprised while my brother and my ex went at it on the big screen. ‘It’s a bit harsh, mate.’

  ‘It’s very harsh,’ Cassie agreed. ‘He’s always bragging about you to his friends, you know. Telling everyone you’re a master craftsman.’

  ‘He told me I should put “master-bator” on my business card because wanking was the only thing I’d ever mastered,’ I said, not sure why but I was smiling. ‘It’s a brother thing, seriously.’

  ‘For someone who doesn’t love you, Liv was pretty quick to defend you,’ Tom pointed out gently.

  ‘She said I was amazing,’ I breathed. ‘She said she was proud of me.’

  Cass was nodding. ‘It was the right thing, wasn’t it? Bringing it over?’

  ‘Yeah but I’m not sure how it helps,’ I said, watching as I appeared on the screen. My hair looked good, I really needed a trim. Eyebrows were insane, though. Not as mad as now but still, why hadn’t I trimmed them before a christening? ‘She’s gone.’

  ‘No,’ Cass replied with a nervous smile. ‘She was gone. She’s coming back.’

  The clouds parted and choirs of angels sang in my dirty living room, shining down on me and my scabby dressing gown.

  ‘She texted Abi this morning,’ she said, not dwelling on the fact that Liv hadn’t sent her a message. ‘I don’t know when, exactly, but she’s coming back.’

  ‘Honest Cass, nothing happened with Jane,’ I said, jumping to my feet. There was no need to go into exact details for the moment. ‘I don’t know what Chris told you or what you told Liv, but it was nothing, ever. I swear on Chris’s life.’

  ‘Chris’s life?’ She looked dubious.

  ‘Gus’s life?’ I offered.

  ‘Good enough for me.’ Cassie clicked the mouse and froze the video right as Liv was questioning the size of Chris’s manhood. ‘I still feel horrible about it all. I feel responsible.’

  ‘You’re not,’ I assured her, eyes still glued to the screen. Liv looked even more amazing than I remembered, eyes blazing, fire in her cheeks, her hair flying out behind her as she gave Chris what for. ‘I’ve got to fix this.’

  I stood up and walked over to the fireplace, grabbing my grandmother’s ring, determined. Slightly manic, desperately panicked but totally determined.

  ‘But I might need help.’

  ‘I thought you’d never ask,’ Tom said, raising his glass in his hand and taking a wild-eyed swig. ‘Maddie has staged some amazing proposals. What do you need? White stallion? An hour behind closed doors in Tiffany? Private dinner at the top of the Eiffel Tower?’

  ‘Five hundred boxes of penne and a pot of Yorkshire Gold,’ I replied as he lowered the whiskey in disappointment. ‘ASAP.’

  ‘I think the first thing you need is a shower,’ Cassie suggested. ‘Are you sure you’re OK? I don’t think Liv will have missed Italian food that much, Adam.’

  ‘Trust me,’ I assured her, casting off my dressing gown as she averted her eyes from my greying boxer shorts. ‘I’ll get in the shower. Tom, you get the pasta and Cassie, you don’t actually need to do anything but thanks for coming over and that.’

  I looked at my assembled crew. Who needed Brad and George and Julia?

  ‘Seriously,’ I promised as Tom and Cassie exchanged an uncertain shrug. ‘This is going to be epic.’

  25

  I’d slept almost all the way home on the train from London but the taxi from the train station had been a different matter. I kept reminding myself that nothing would really have changed, that I’d only been away for a little over a month. When the driver dropped me off, I’d debated where to go first but really, there was only one place I wanted to go.

  It felt strange to walk back into the surgery as though nothing had happened, backpack over my shoulder, suitcase in one hand, bag full of wacky-flavoured KitKats in the other. I had thought it might seem smaller or older or at least less familiar, but, in reality, it was exactly the same. Same posters on the pinboards, same magazines on the coffee table. The doorbell chimed as the front door closed behind me, alerting whoever might be inside that they had a visitor, and I took a deep breath in, ready for whatever was coming.

  ‘Just a minute, I’m coming.’

  Oh god. I wasn’t ready. I looked back at the door and considered making a run for it but it was too late.

  ‘Livvy!’

  My dad stood in the hallway between the examination rooms and the waiting room, rubber gloves up to his elbows, arms held aloft.

  ‘Hello, Dad,’ I said with a weak, all-teeth smile. ‘Everything all right?’

  ‘I was just about to set a Doberman’s broken leg,’ he said with a sniff.

  ‘Are you crying?’ I asked, as he tried to wipe his face with the inside of his elbow. ‘Dad?’

  ‘No,’ he said, rushing across the waiting room and pinching me in an all-elbow hug. ‘Of course not. Oh, it is good to see your face.’

  I wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged him back. It had to be our first hug since secondary school but it was worth the wait.

  ‘I’m so sorry,’ I told his scrub-covered chest. We were so British I had to get the apologies out the way first thing or they
would have to wait for someone’s deathbed. ‘I should never have run off the way I did.’

  ‘No, you shouldn’t,’ he agreed, before taking stock for a moment. ‘But I understand you had a lot going on and I should have discussed things with you rather than simply have expected you to do as you were told. You’re not a child.’

  I broke away from the hug to see a tight, cat’s arse look on his face.

  ‘Did Mum tell you to say that?’

  ‘Yes,’ he admitted. ‘But I think she’s right. Have you been to see her yet? She’s been so worried.’

  ‘I sent emails,’ I said, curling my shoulders in on themselves. ‘I texted.’

  ‘She’ll want to see you,’ he said firmly. ‘I’m going to be in surgery for an hour at least, so why don’t you go over now?’

  ‘Do you need help setting the leg?’ I asked, dropping my backpack on a waiting-room chair. ‘I could run upstairs and get changed.’

  Dad shook his head. ‘I’ve got help. Dr Khan’s son, remember? He’s assisting me. I know, I know,’ he said, seeing the look on my face, ‘but I had to get someone in, Livvy, it’s been very busy for the past few weeks and we didn’t know when you were coming back.’

  ‘Oh …’ I sucked in my bottom lip and nodded. It wasn’t as though I’d expected to walk back through the door and have everyone magically give me everything I wanted. Whether I thought I was in the right or not, I’d walked out on the surgery; I really should have been grateful my dad was still speaking to me, let alone happy to see me.

  Of course, I wasn’t.

  ‘He’s working here now?’

  ‘He is,’ Dad replied. ‘And a fine job he’s doing as well.’

  Hmm. A fine job.

  ‘But I have explained his position is currently temporary,’ he added. ‘And that things may change when you take over.’

  I chewed on a smile, trying not to look too happy.

  ‘I’m still far from impressed with the way you behaved,’ Dad warned. ‘But we don’t need to talk about this right now. You need to go and see your mother.’

  ‘Where’s David?’ I asked, hedging. I did want to see Mum, if only to deliver her KitKats before I ate them all, but I wasn’t quite ready for the lecture I knew was coming and was fairly certain I deserved. ‘Is he not here today?’