Breathe Me In

  At least if she decided to see Ghost again, she would know from the start what it was all about. She wouldn’t be stupid enough to fall in love.

  And she was trying to be a friend. She was trying to treat Candace like an adult—unlike Sam, who’d taken to rocking her now while she cried. This was life. Life was pain. It was heartache. She could attest to that. The ex she’d loved the most, her own first love, Jared…she’d pushed him away in her own anger and fear, and he was married with twin girls now. Did Candace think it hadn’t hurt her to do that? But it had been necessary. She hadn’t wanted to do it; she hadn’t wanted to watch him walk out of her hospital room without a backward glance any more than Candace had wanted to let Brian go, but it had been the best thing for everyone involved at the time.

  But she didn’t know shit about it, right.

  How dare she?

  Deep breath. In, out. In. Out. It was the only way she could keep from slamming the coffee mugs she’d retrieved from the cabinet down on the counter hard enough to shatter them. Let Candace believe she was the only person in the world who’d ever been in love, who’d ever had to make the shitty decision, who’d ever been in pain. That was fine; she’d find out differently one day. Maybe.

  She took the two cups into the living room; she’d made the coffee, but didn’t want any for herself. “Don’t think I’ve never been hurt before, Candace,” she said softly, settling back into her original position on the couch and folding her legs under her.

  “I know,” Candace said, sitting back and wiping her eyes with the back of her knuckle. “I’m sorry I said all that.”

  “It’s okay.”

  It wasn’t yet, really, but it would be.

  “So tell us exactly what happened,” Sam prompted. “If you’re up to it. I don’t think I got the whole story when you called yesterday.”

  Candace leaned forward and picked up her mug, staring into it for a long time before speaking. “You didn’t spike this, did you?” she asked Macy with a little smile.

  Macy gave her a solemn wink. “I thought about it.”

  “I wouldn’t blame you. God. The last thing I need is you pissed at me.”

  “Don’t worry about it.”

  “Anyway.” Candace tucked a few stray hairs behind her ear. “We went to Dallas to that concert. And we spent the night together—”

  “Okay, I have to stop you there,” Sam said. “How was it?”

  “It was amazing. It was sweet and hot and scary and overwhelming and everything I’d hoped it would be.”

  “Good. Continue.”

  “We got back the next day, got into a fight with my mom and Jameson—Michelle was there, too, but she was cool about everything. Brian hit James. Then I guess James trashed Dermamania and filed charges on Brian for hitting him. I told Brian this would go on and on and maybe it would be best if we didn’t see each other anymore. That’s it.”

  Macy recalled the black SUV she’d seen cruise slowly by Dermamania and wondered if she could actually place the guy at the scene. She hadn’t seen James around in a while; did he even drive the same car? Ugh. Drama, drama, drama. But it was probably no coincidence that Brian’s parlor had gotten trashed the same night that he hit James.

  It occurred to Macy that she’d even seen a dark SUV parked in a lot down the street when she’d left. Shit. Was this really happening?

  Her friends’ conversation went on, oblivious to Macy’s feverish speculations.

  “Brian wasn’t receptive to that idea, I take it?” Sam asked.

  “To say the least.”

  “Oh, Candace, you can’t do this to him now!”

  “What am I supposed to do, Sam?”

  “Stand by your man, and all that.”

  “It’s my standing by him that would get him into trouble. The best way I can stand by him is to let him go.”

  The three of them sat in silence for a moment. Sam finally spoke. “Well then, I think you’re being very brave. I don’t know that I could have the strength to do it.”

  Candace picked a thread from her pink T-shirt with her free hand. “He doesn’t understand. He doesn’t realize…” As if sensing another impending deluge of tears, she took a deep breath and shook her head, leaving the thought unfinished as she sipped her coffee.

  He didn’t realize what she put up with from her parents. Macy knew, and Macy hated it for her. It really wasn’t fair. But until Candace was on her feet and done with college, she was kind of stuck under their thumb, and nothing could be done about it. She could only try to make life as easy as possible on herself until things were different. Sylvia Andrews was like a bloodhound; even a clandestine affair wouldn’t remain hidden from her for long.

  Candace’s cell phone buzzed to life in her purse, which sat on the counter. She cast a forlorn glance back at it without getting up. “That’s him,” she said.

  “You don’t want to at least talk to him?” Sam asked. “This is killing me too.”

  “It’ll only make things worse.” She set her cup down and went back to worrying the thread with nervous fingers. Macy watched her while the ringtone ended and promptly started up again.

  “Talk to him,” she said.

  Candace lifted puffy, red-rimmed eyes to hers and chuckled without humor. “You mean you’d allow it?”

  “Hell, no, I’d make you stand outside. Yes, dummy, I’ll allow it. Go in my bedroom. Take as long as you need.”

  “I don’t know—”

  “Go,” both girls insisted, and Candace was up and dashing for her phone almost before their voices died away. After she’d answered and then closed Macy’s bedroom door for privacy, Sam sighed and rubbed her temples.

  “Right?” Macy said, suddenly wishing she’d poured herself a cup of coffee. And added some liquor.

  “You could be a little more supportive, you know,” Sam said.

  “As opposed to you, urging her to remain in her fantasy world?”

  “I just want her to be happy.”

  “So do I, Samantha. Look at her. Does she look very happy right now? There’s only more of this in her future with him.”

  “With all due respect, I mean, I know you’ve known her longer than me, and you’re more familiar with her family than I am, but as close as you feel you are to the situation, it’s still really not any of your business.”

  Macy seethed at hearing those words again—Ghost had said more or less the same thing. “If it’s not mine, then it’s not yours either. But I consider my best friend since practically birth to be my business. I’m sorry if that offends you—actually, no, I’m not. The girl is in my apartment bawling her eyes out over the guy.” She plucked at the shoulder of her own shirt, which was still damp from Candace’s tears. “She cried her ‘business’ out all over me.”

  “I don’t want to fight with you. I just think you’re wrong not to be more considerate right now. I don’t think I’ve ever met a bigger pessimist than you.”

  Well, she had every right to be that way, and if Candace wanted coddling, she should know better than to come to Macy for it. But whatever. Her own cell phone bleeped then, and she was glad for the distraction. Until she saw who it was.

  She hadn’t put Ghost’s name—or his nickname, since she didn’t even know his real name—into her contacts list. The text was from “1969” and it contained only one word: Tonight?

  Her heart jumped up in her throat, and she tried in vain to swallow it back down.

  “What is it?” Sam asked. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

  Macy barked a laugh before she could stop herself. How could she see him now? She’d just sent Candace into a tizzy—again. Her hypocrisy had to have some boundaries, after all.

  “Nothing,” she told Sam as she typed back, Can’t. Sorry. Then her finger hovered over the Send button for far too long. When her bedroom door flew open and Candace emerged, she hit it almost by reflex.

  “Well?” Sam asked.

  Candace seemed a little more composed.
Her features had lifted somewhat and her eyes were dry though still red. “We just talked. He was checking on me and asked how I thought I did on my exam—I probably flunked, I was so upset. But it was good to talk to him. We really didn’t get into…all the other stuff yet.”

  “You look like you feel better,” Macy said.

  She gave a tiny shrug. “He has that effect on me.”

  “I think you shouldn’t worry. It’s all going to work out.”

  Maybe Sam’s words were true. Candace certainly deserved to be with the one she loved—but didn’t everyone? Macy rubbed a hand over her face, suddenly feeling bad about sending such an abrupt rejection. She shouldn’t see him, no, but it wasn’t Ghost’s fault she was feeling a little angry at the world right now. Since Candace had perked up a bit, she and Sam began pawing through Macy’s movie collection, and Macy escaped to her kitchen again.

  Maybe some other time, she sent. Candace here now. She isn’t doing so great.

  Ah. Neither is B. U guys sittin round man bashing?

  I don’t man bash. There are at least as many crazy women as there are men.

  LOL! Ain’t that the fuckin truth.

  She chuckled. He’d hinted that he had experience in that department. Before she could reply, he sent another message.

  You’re killing my fantasy tho. You guys all sittin round with rollers in your hair, green crap all over your faces talkin bout what slime we are. Sounds HOT.

  Now I KNOW you’re sick.

  Was there ever any doubt?

  “What are you laughing at, Mace?” Sam asked from the vicinity of the TV, where she was feeding something into the Blu-ray player.

  “Huh? Nothing.”

  There was a lot of nothing coming out of her mouth, and if she wasn’t careful, they were going to catch on that it was indeed something. But maybe since Sam thought Macy should butt out of everything—and Candace probably did too—they didn’t have to be privy to her business either. Sounded fair to her.

  Macy settled in with the girls and watched both Kill Bill movies—strong ass-kicking women for the win—but she didn’t really see much of it. She and Ghost texted movie quotes and witticisms back and forth the entire time. As she stifled her laughter so as not to clue the girls in to what was going on, she began to fervently wish she hadn’t turned him down. As he’d said, she could use a few more laughs in her life, especially tonight.

  Chapter Four

  “What are you doing, dude? You’re grinning like a fucking idiot.”

  Ghost shoved his phone back in his pocket and went back to work, schooling his expression into grim determination as he reached under the counter with his broom. “Nothing.”

  “Who are you texting?” Brian asked. He stood across the room with a paint roller, liberally smeared with the stuff. Brian was a gifted artist but he’d probably never painted a wall in his life.

  “No one.”

  “Bullshit.”

  They’d wasted no time in trying to get the parlor back in order. Ghost’s suggestion to go grab Jameson Andrews by the scruff of his fucking scrawny-ass neck and drag him here to help had gone unheeded. Didn’t matter. They would get back on their feet without any help from anyone…except Evan, Brian’s assistant-DA brother, who’d shown up unexpectedly a couple hours ago. He was currently hauling out the chairs with ruined upholstery.

  That bastard had done more damage than they had initially thought.

  “Is it a girl?” Brian asked.

  “Don’t worry about it, man.”

  “Just seems odd, from someone who’s been telling me to bail this whole time.”

  “Don’t be a bitch. I’m talking to someone. I’m not at liberty yet to say who.”

  Brian opened his mouth to retort but Ghost’s phone rang then. Not Macy’s number, but his older sister’s. He got along well with Steph, but they hadn’t exactly been close since she moved to Oklahoma to get married, and she usually only called him if there was something going on with his grandmother. He propped his broom against the counter and answered.

  “Hey, have you got a minute?” Steph asked, sounding uncharacteristically strained.

  This didn’t bode well. He moved down the hall for some privacy. “Yeah, what’s going on?”

  She paused before answering, and he felt his stomach tilt. Damn. “It’s getting bad, Seth.”

  Deep breath. He’d been waiting on a call like this, preparing for it, dreading it surely, but that didn’t make receiving it any easier. “All right.”

  “I’m starting to worry about leaving her by herself. I’d love for her to live with us, but we barely have enough room for ourselves.”

  If it were possible, his heart sank further. His nana had always cherished her independence, even with the onset of her illness. A nursing home was the last thing she’d want. Hoping Steph was blowing things out of proportion, he asked, “What happened?”

  “I went over yesterday afternoon and found her in the backyard in her nightgown. She was so confused. If I hadn’t gotten there when I did, I’m afraid she might have walked off and gotten lost. It scared the hell out of me. She’s never done anything like that before. I’ve taken off work a few days to stay with her. We have a doctor’s appointment in a couple weeks.” Her voice cracked a little. “Beyond that, I don’t know what to do.”

  He didn’t know if the insinuation was that he wasn’t doing enough. And yes, he always felt terrible that he was stuck here leaving Steph with the bulk of the work taking care of Nana, who’d been diagnosed with early stage Alzheimer’s—which apparently wasn’t so early anymore—but Steph had never shown much weakness about it. Now…she sounded tired. And scared. “Do you need me to come up there?”

  “No, that’s okay. We’ll see what the doctor says and decide something then. I just wanted you to know what’s going on.”

  “It’ll be all right. Just let me know. And if you need me for anything, I’m there. Okay?” God knew her other asshole brother wouldn’t be. Seth had a hard time thinking of Scott as his brother. He had a hard time thinking of Scott at all without wanting to find the fucker and break something over his head.

  Something must have been written on his face when he walked back to the front. Brian took one look at him and went back to painting without continuing their previous conversation.

  His nana was in bad shape, and he wanted to break something over that sad fact, too. She’d raised him, raised them all. Left her life in Oklahoma to come and take care of three orphaned grandkids. She didn’t deserve this shit. But then, no one did. His parents hadn’t deserved to die broken and bloody in a crash, either, but that hadn’t stopped it from happening.

  He could move up there for a little while. Take the burden off Stephanie. What the fuck he’d do in Oklahoma, he didn’t know, but there wasn’t much holding him here except for his job. He’d never find another Dermamania or another boss like Brian.

  His phone chimed with a text. Macy. Hey, you still there? She’s about to do the five-point-palm exploding heart technique! “There are consequences to breaking the heart of a murdering bastard.”

  And girls like Macy would be in short supply anywhere he went. He damn near texted back that he could fall in love with someone like her…but he knew all too well there were consequences to that, too.

  Phase Two of nurturing heartbreak for Candace, apparently, was retail therapy. A few days had passed since the fallout, but they weren’t through the worst by a long shot and wouldn’t be for longer than Macy cared to imagine. She followed Candace from store to store, not feeling it in the least. Browsing racks bored the ever-loving hell out of her, but she humored her friend, giving her opinion on this shirt and that…noticing all the while that Candace’s tastes seemed to be getting edgier. Brian’s influence? Or rebellion? Probably a little of both.

  “That’s not you at all,” Macy commented on her friend’s latest selection, which was very black and very…not Candace, who was usually all about pink and pastels. Bright and cheery
.

  “Good,” Candace all but snapped. “I’m sick of me.” She added it to the stack in her arms.

  So much for cheery. Macy didn’t want to fight, but she couldn’t stop herself. “You’ve got to snap out of this, you know.”

  She expected a sharp retort, but Candace all but deflated. “I don’t know how. I just…honestly, Macy, tell me how, and at this point I’ll listen. I promise.”

  “The grief will take time. But as far as…changing things about yourself?” Macy indicated the dark pile of garments in her arms. “Come on, Candace. That’s a little much. Don’t do that.”

  “You did.”

  Macy had been reaching for a blingy T-shirt that caught her eye, but froze at her friend’s words. “What?”

  “You changed. After your accident. After Jared. I mean, you still dress the same, I’m not talking about that. But you stopped doing things you loved. You stopped doing the rodeo thing.”

  “That had more to do with the accident than Jared.”

  “Did it?”

  “Yes, it did. You know that.”

  “I’m beginning to think I don’t know much of anything.”

  “You’re having experiences, you’re stepping out of your comfort zone, you’re learning things about yourself and life that you didn’t know before. It hurts, but it’s good for you. It makes you strong. Trust me, I’ve been through it.” She sighed. “I’m still going through it. You’re right, I did give up things I love. I miss them.”

  “Thanks for being here for me. I’m sorry if I’ve been a bitch. You know I love you, don’t you?”

  “I love you too. That’s why I’m here.”

  That one little admission about giving things up had taken a lot out of her, but she was glad she’d made it and even gladder Candace had turned the conversation. The air between them cleared a little, the tension draining away now that they had a bit of an understanding. And then, as they were walking out the door with Candace’s purchases—she’d only put two items away and kept three—she had to go and say…