How To Fall In Love

I shrug. “I have no idea. He said he’s looking out for me.”

  “Sometimes you need to trust guys, Mali. He might know what he’s talking about.”

  “Yeah, maybe, but I’m not going to just jump Jack’s bones. I’m not stupid.”

  She says nothing, but I see her nod. She focuses back on my hair and our mother pops her head through the door, staring at both of us with a shocked expression on her face. Eva and I don’t often get along, being that we’re two completely different people. The only reason Eva agreed to do this was because she loves fashion, and what better than a makeover? I think this is the longest amount of time we’ve spent together since we were kids.

  “What are you girls up to?” Mom asks, looking amazing in her peach-colored blouse over a cream ruffled top.

  “Emalie is going on a date,” Eva points out.

  Mom’s eyes get big. “You are?”

  She probably thought I was a lesbian. I wouldn’t blame her. I’ve never shown a great deal of interest in boys, not because I wasn’t interested, but just because I didn’t know how to handle them. It was easier for me to act like one then to try and get romantic with one.

  “Yes. It’s nothing major,” I say, flushing.

  “Well, you’ll need something to wear,” she says, her eyes lighting up.

  Shit, here we go.

  “No, Mom,” I groan. “I’ll just wear jeans.”

  “You can’t wear jeans!” she gasps.

  “Why not?”

  Her face, oh God her face. It’s hilarious.

  “Tonight you’re going to let me help you, like it or not. If you want to impress this young gentleman, then you need to look nice.”

  Young gentleman. God. Kill me now.

  “Okay, Mom.” I sigh, because I know there’s no stopping her when she gets something in her head, and besides, it’s kind of nice to have their attention on me.

  “I have the perfect dress,” Eva says, finishing up my hair. “I’ll get it.”

  Mom replaces Eva’s spot when she disappears, and starts flicking my hair around. “You have beautiful hair, Emalie. You should let it grow out.”

  I stare at my hair in the mirror, and it actually looks nice. Mostly I throw it up in a low ponytail but now it’s flowing nicely around my shoulders, with little flicks on the end. It’s pretty. My fringe is swept to the side, falling softly near one eye. I barely recognize myself.

  “Turn around. I’m going to put a little makeup on.”

  Oh man.

  I hate makeup.

  Mom spins my chair around and digs through Eva’s drawers until she finds the expensive makeup my sister refuses to leave the house without. She finds a chair and brings it over in front of me. There she starts puffing powders and creams and blushes on my face. I keep my eyes closed until she asks for them to be open for the mascara.

  “There,” she says after about twenty minutes. “Oh Emalie . . . you look so beautiful.”

  I look over to Eva, whose eyes widen. “Holy shit, sister. You look good.”

  Nerves tighten in my chest as I turn towards the mirror. I gasp when I see my reflection. I’d hardly recognize myself if I didn’t know it was me. I blink a few times, sure I’m seeing it wrong. I have to be. Because like this, I look as beautiful as Eva, maybe even more. That’s not something I ever thought was possible.

  My eyes, which are a greeny blue, seem brighter with the soft bronze and grey tones near my eyes. The mascara makes my lashes look long, and luscious. My cheeks are lightly blushed and my lips have a coating of soft pink lipstick. I look . . . pretty. Eva thrusts a dress in front of me and I tear my eyes from the mirror and look at it. “Ah,” I say in a shaky voice, because I hate dresses and even worse, I hate short ones.

  “Trust me, if you want to impress him, you need to wear this.”

  I stare at the black number and swallow. I’ve seen Eva in it and it makes her look amazing, but me . . . I don’t know. I don’t have the curves.

  “Get some shoes, too,” Mom orders.

  Eva disappears into her closet and I stand with trembling fingers and take the dress, holding it up. “I don’t know.”

  “Trust me,” Mom says. “Your sister knows what she’s talking about.”

  I take a deep breath and then disappear into the bathroom to change. I drop my jeans and baggy shirt, and slide on the dress. It’s tight at the top, making my breasts poke up way too far. The swell is on view for everyone to see. The black dress stays tight right down to my waist and then it flares out. It’s above my knees, and seems like a 50s-style dancing dress, but it is pretty.

  With a deep breath, I turn and glance in the mirror.

  I lose my breath.

  That girl . . . she’s not me. No . . . that girl is up there with Missy and Eva. She’s the kind of girl who can catch a man’s eye. It can’t be me.

  “Here,” Eva says, barging in. She stops when she sees me. “Holy . . . look at you.”

  “I don’t know,” I breathe.

  She takes my shoulders and spins me around. “Come on, your beau just got here.”

  My heart starts hammering. “I don’t know, it’s just a party and . . .”

  “Trust me, you’ll knock them all dead.”

  I swallow and take the shoes she thrusts at me. They’re strappy and silver, but not too high, thankfully. I quickly put them on, then I take the purse she hands me that matches the outfit.

  “Don’t wreck my stuff, or I’ll kick your ass,” she warns as I rush out.

  There she is. That’s my true sister.

  I wave at her and rush down the stairs, trying not to trip as I go. I reach the bottom and stop dead as I see Jack, standing, looking handsome in a pair of denim jeans and a tight black tee. He’s smiling big, and when he sees me, something happens in his eyes. Something amazing. They flash with shock, then surprise, then they grow warm. Really warm.

  “Emalie,” he breathes. “Wow. Just . . . wow.”

  I smile shyly for the first time in my life, and I honestly don’t know what to do. I fidget and he notices, so he comes over with a warm smile and gently puts his hands on my shoulders, leaning forward and brushing his lips against my forehead. “You look amazing.”

  “Thank you,” I whisper.

  “Let’s get going.”

  He turns me and I catch my Mom smiling at me with pride. She’s never done that before. It feels good. My chest swells and I smile at her, before letting Jack lead me out. He takes me to a small, red convertible and opens the door for me. “My lady.” He grins.

  “Thank you, kind sir.”

  I climb in and he goes around, jumping in his side. He pulls out onto the road and I laugh with joy as the wind blows through my hair. Jack laughs and reaches over, taking my hand. My chest swells with happiness and I have decided this just might be the best moment of my life. We ride, talking and laughing the entire way to the party being held at a frat house.

  “You ready?” Jack asks, getting out of the car.

  “Yes.”

  I’m nervous, so horribly nervous. What if someone teases me? What if they think I’m a big joke? God. This is scary and exhilarating all at the same time. Jack opens my door for me and then reaches in, extending his hand. “Are you ready?”

  “I really don’t know.”

  He smiles. “Stick with me. I’ll take care of you.”

  God, I hope so.

  ~*~*~*~

  “This frat house is huge,” I say to Jack, keeping hold of his hand as we walk through.

  “Yeah. I can’t wait for college for this.”

  “Me too.” I smile, sipping the beer from the plastic red cup he got me.

  “Hey,” he says, turning and placing his hands on my hips. “Thanks for coming tonight.”

  “Thanks for inviting me,” I say, staring into his eyes.

  “I like you, Emalie,” he says, his voice husky.

  “I like you too.”

  “I know we’ve only been on a few dates, but there’s someth
ing about you . . . I was wondering if . . . I dunno . . . you might consider being my girlfriend?”

  Oh. My. God. Jack wants me to be his girlfriend.

  “I might consider it.” I grin.

  “You know,” he says, stepping closer. “I never got that kiss the other night.”

  “So you didn’t,” I breathe.

  My heart stammers. Mostly because he’s going to kiss me, but also because Rainer took the kiss Jack never got to give me. Still, I want to kiss Jack. A lot. His fingers go from my hips to slide up my sides and I shiver. I’m not used to this kind of attention and it freaks me out in a thrilling way.

  “Can I give it to you now?” he whispers, reaching up and stroking his finger down my cheek.

  “S-s-s-s-sure.”

  He steps closer until his body is flush against mine and his fingers are splayed out over my hips. I tremble in his arms and I raise my hands to tangle in his shirt. As he tilts his head, I let my eyes flutter closed.

  At the first touch of his lips, I’m . . . disappointed. The build-up to this moment has been intense, but there’s something missing in his kiss. My heart isn’t racing. He doesn’t have that intense smell that heightens all my senses like . . .

  Oh God.

  Like Rainer.

  Jack’s tongue slides out and tangles with mine, and I kiss him back. But I know it’s not the same. If Rainer had never kissed me, this would probably be an incredible moment, but instead I had expectations, and they’re not being met. It’s not that Jack can’t kiss. He can. His lips are soft. His tongue is gentle. He’s doing everything right, but the most important thing is missing.

  The spark.

  Maybe I just need to give it time. I like Jack. Really, I do. He wants me to be his girlfriend and I want that. The kissing will get more intense the more time I spend with him, I’m sure of it.

  “Hey, fucker!”

  Jack is torn out of my arms before I know what’s happening, and I turn quickly to see Rainer driving a fist into his mouth. Whoa. Hang on.

  “What the fuck are you doin’ here, kissing some chick when you’re supposed to be dating Emalie?”

  Oh. My. Lord.

  He doesn’t know Jack was kissing me.

  “Rainer,” I say, my voice shaky.

  He stops mid-punch and his body freezes. He drops Jack, who is now bleeding from the lip and panting with rage, and turns to me. His entire body freezes as his gaze moves over me. He doesn’t have the same gentle look Jack had; instead, he’s . . . horrified. He hates it. He’s looking at me as if he doesn’t know me.

  “Emalie?”

  I swallow.

  “What the fuck did you do to your face?”

  My eyes flash with pain, I know they do, but he doesn’t see it. He’s too angry.

  “I’m on a date,” I whisper, trying to suck back my rage.

  “A date?” He barks a laugh. “Looking like a cheaper version of your slutty sister? What the fuck has gotten into you?”

  I can’t take it.

  I just . . . can’t.

  I step forward, raise my hand and slap him. His head swings to the side and he hisses in pain. “Fuck you, Rainer,” I spit. “Fuck you and your shit. How dare you? How . . .” My voice breaks off and tears burst forth. Rainer’s eyes widen. “Tonight,” I croak. “Tonight my mom was proud of me, my sister spoke with me, and that man”—I point to Jack—“thought I looked great. Then you, always you, come in here and ruin it all. You and your stupid, blond girlfriend. I’m done.”

  I turn and run out, hearing him call my name.

  I run through the crowd and onto the street, tears flowing down my cheeks. Rainer catches me just as I cross the road to the big, green park over from the frat house. Couples are lazing about, kissing and talking.

  “Stop, Emy,” he says, spinning me around.

  “Fuck off,” I scream.

  People stop what they’re doing and turn to watch us.

  “Hey, let her the fuck go,” Jack bellows, running after us.

  Rainer turns to him. “Unless you want a broken nose, you will back the fuck off.”

  “Let her go, you psycho fucking dick!”

  “Back off!” Rainer roars, pulling me closer to him.

  Jack looks to me. “Emalie, you don’t need to let him handle you like this.”

  “What we’re doin’ is none of your business. Now fuck off.”

  Jack shakes his head, and then looks to me. I’m stunned, gone far on beyond having anything to say. I want to run to Jack, I want to beat Rainer, but all I can do is stand there, so sick of everything in my life.

  “I’ll see you later then,” Jack spits at me, and turns, storming off.

  God dammit, I’ve hurt him. I jerk my hand from Rainer’s grip and go to chase him, but Rainer curls an arm around my waist and hauls me back. “Don’t,” he warns, his voice close to my ear. “You need to hear me out.”

  “No,” I say, my voice dead. “I don’t. Let me go, Rainer. I’m done with you.”

  He ignores me and literally lifts me into his arms and carries me into the security and darkness of the trees, where no one can hear us. He puts me down but keeps his hand around my wrist, so I can’t pull back.

  “We need to talk, Emy, right now.”

  “No,” I say, shoving him back. “I’m done fucking talking.”

  “It was Missy, wasn’t it? Who hit you?”

  “No, Rai,” I spit. “It was her butch fucking friend while she stood back threatening me to stay away from you. Next question.”

  I shouldn’t be blurting this right now, but I’m angry and tired of everything. He growls low under his breath, but keeps going.

  “Why did you do this? Why are you letting that asshole change you?”

  “Change me?” I laugh bitterly. “Oh, you mean the fact that I took care in my appearance tonight?”

  “It’s not you.”

  “No,” I snort. “Of course it isn’t, Rainer. You want me to stay a boyish-looking woman who fucks nerds because that’s the best you think I can do.”

  “Come off it,” he growls. “I don’t think that at all.”

  “They made me feel beautiful, tonight,” I say and my voice wavers. “They made me feel like I’ve never felt in my entire life and you . . . you came in and just . . .”

  “Just what?”

  “Made me feel ugly.”

  He sucks in a hiss of breath. “You know I don’t think that.”

  “You basically called me a slut.”

  He doesn’t answer.

  “Does it really bother you so much that I’m changing?”

  He still doesn’t answer.

  “Is it a control issue, Rainer? Do you like having a person you can boss around?”

  “Fuck, Emalie, you know that’s not the case.”

  “Then what the fuck is the problem? You’re acting like a psycho father.”

  He goes silent.

  “Jesus, Rainer, if you’re going to pull me back, make me feel ugly, then at least fucking tell me what the hell is the problem!”

  “I’m losing you,” he roars, shocking me.

  “W-w-w-what?”

  “I’m losing you. He’s changing you. God dammit, Emalie, you’re the only fucking thing good in my life. This?” He waves to my outfit. “It’s hot, but it’s not you. You’re the girl that doesn’t care what anyone thinks. You’re my partner in crime. You’re the only one who understands me. You’re my best fucking friend and I’m losing you. I’m not . . .”

  “What?” I say in a small voice.

  “I’m not ready for that.”

  “Rainer . . .”

  “The moment you find a man, and fall in love, I’m going to lose you. And Emalie, I fuckin’ need you. I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to do without you in my life. You’re . . . fuck . . . fuck this . . .”

  He lets me go and starts to storm off. I’m so damned shocked at his outburst that I can’t speak; I just stand there. He reaches the tree
line, curses and then spins around and stalks back towards me. When he reaches me, he curls his hand around the back of my neck and brings his lips to my forehead. I close my eyes. “You’re fucking beautiful. Right here, right now, you’re breathtaking. I should have told you that.”

  With that, he turns and walks off.

  Leaving me more confused than ever.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  NOW – MALI

  I stare at Rainer, watching as he studies my room, his dark eyes sweeping over it slowly. I sit on the edge of my bed, glad that I don’t have any pictures of us out. After he didn’t recognize me, I put them in a box and hid them, determined not to look at them again until I sorted my own head out. Right now, I’m thankful. That would have been an awkward conversation to have.

  When Rainer’s eyes finally find mine again, I can’t help but lick my lips. He makes my heart ache, in both good and bad ways. Rainer is everything I could have ever wanted and more. If only I’d realized it sooner. If only I’d fought just a little harder. I took my broken heart and I never searched for the friend I once loved so dearly. I should have. For him, I should have looked past my hurt and looked.

  “Why am I lucky enough to get round two?” I ask, walking over and sitting beside him on the bed.

  “Because I like you.”

  “You like me?” I ask, smiling slyly.

  He grins, and his eyes drop to my lips. “Yeah, I do.”

  “Should I be flattered? You’re not going to kidnap me and take me to your cave to make me your love slave?”

  He chuckles. “Nah, I’ll just take what I need right here, right now.”

  I swallow.

  He reaches up, taking a strand of hair and wrapping it around his finger. He smells amazing. Like a fight, and sex, and Rainer. He’s perfection. I hate that, but I can’t get enough of it, either. I need every single thing he’s willing to give. Even if he has no idea who I am. Having him right here, right now, it’s enough. Having Rainer near will always be enough.

  He leans forward and his mouth finds my neck. I want, more than anything, to turn my face and crush my lips into his. But I can’t do that, because he has a no kissing rule that I really, really hate. I remember what it felt like to kiss Rainer, and he was only young back then. I imagine the man he is now could kiss. Hard.