The Last of the Peterkins

  V.

  THE PETERKINS "AT HOME."

  Might not something be done by way of farewell before leaving for Egypt?They did not want to give another tea-party, and could not get in all atdinner. They had had charades and a picnic. Elizabeth Eliza wished forsomething unusual, that should be remembered after they had left forEgypt. Why should it not be a fancy ball? There never had been one inthe place.

  Mrs. Peterkin hesitated. Perhaps for that reason they ought not toattempt it. She liked to have things that other people had. She howeverobjected most to the "ball" part. She could indeed still dance a minuet,but she was not sure she could get on in the "Boston dip."

  The little boys said they would like the "fancy" part and "dressing up."They remembered their delight when they browned their faces for Hindus,at their charades, just for a few minutes; and what fun it would be towear their costumes through a whole evening! Mrs. Peterkin shook herhead; it was days and days before the brown had washed out of theircomplexions.

  Still, she too was interested in the "dressing up." If they should wearcostumes, they could make them of things that might be left behind, thatthey had done wearing, if they could only think of the right kind ofthings.

  Mrs. Peterkin, indeed, had already packed up, although they were not toleave for two months, for she did not want to be hurried at the last.She and Elizabeth Eliza went on different principles in packing.

  Elizabeth Eliza had been told that you really needed very little totravel with,--merely your travelling dress and a black silk. Mrs.Peterkin, on the contrary, had heard it was best to take everything youhad, and then you need not spend your time shopping in Paris. So theyhad decided upon adopting both ways. Mrs. Peterkin was to take her"everything," and already had all the shoes and stockings she shouldneed for a year or two. Elizabeth Eliza, on the other hand, prepared asmall valise. She consoled herself with the thought that if she shouldmeet anything that would not go into it, she could put it in one of hermother's trunks.

  It was resolved to give the fancy ball.

  Mr. Peterkin early determined upon a character. He decided to be JuliusCaesar. He had a bald place on the top of his head, which he was toldresembled that of the great Roman; and he concluded that the dress wouldbe a simple one to get up, requiring only a sheet for a toga.

  Agamemnon was inclined to take the part which his own name represented,and he looked up the costume of the Greek king of men. But he wasdissatisfied with the representation given of him in Dr. Schliemann's"Mykenae." There was a picture of Agamemnon's mask, but very muchbattered. He might get a mask made in that pattern, indeed, and thelittle boys were delighted with the idea of battering it. Agamemnonwould like to wear a mask, then he would have no trouble in keeping uphis expression. But Elizabeth Eliza objected to the picture in Dr.Schliemann's book; she did not like it for Agamemnon,--it was tooslanting in the eyes. So it was decided he should take the part of NickBottom, in "Midsummer Night's Dream." He could then wear the ass's head,which would have the same advantage as a mask, and would conceal his ownface entirely. Then he could be making up any face he pleased in theass's head, and would look like an ass without any difficulty, while hisfeet would show he was not one. Solomon John thought that they mightmake an ass's head if they could get a pattern, or could see the realanimal and form an idea of the shape. Barnum's Circus would be along ina few weeks, and they could go on purpose to study the donkeys, as thereusually was more than one donkey in the circus. Agamemnon, however, ingoing with a friend to a costumer's in Boston, found an ass's headalready made.

  The little boys found in an illustrated paper an accurate descriptionof the Hindu snake-charmer's costume, and were so successful in theirpractice of shades of brown for the complexion, that Solomon Johndecided to take the part of Othello, and use some of their stainingfluid.

  There was some discussion as to consulting the lady from Philadelphia,who was in town.

  Solomon John thought they ought to practise getting on by themselves,for soon the Atlantic would lie between her and them. Mrs. Peterkinthought they could telegraph. Elizabeth Eliza wanted to submit to hertwo or three questions about the supper, and whether, if her mother wereQueen Elizabeth, they could have Chinese lanterns. Was China invented atthat time? Agamemnon was sure China was one of the oldest countries inthe world and did exist, though perhaps Queen Elizabeth did not know it.

  Elizabeth Eliza was relieved to find that the lady from Philadelphiathought the question not important. It would be impossible to haveeverything in the house to correspond with all the different characters,unless they selected some period to represent, such as the age of QueenElizabeth. Of course, Elizabeth Eliza would not wish to do this when herfather was to be Julius Caesar.

  The lady from Philadelphia advised Mrs. Peterkin to send for Jones the"caterer" to take charge of the supper. But his first question staggeredher. How many did she expect?

  They had not the slightest idea. They had sent invitations to everybody.The little boys proposed getting the directory of the place, and markingout the people they didn't know and counting up the rest. But even ifthis would give the number of invitations, it would not show how manywould accept; and then there was no such directory. They could notexpect answers, as their invitations were cards with "At Home" on them.One answer had come from a lady, that she too would be "at home" withrheumatism. So they only knew there was one person who would not come.Elizabeth Eliza had sent in Circumambient ways to all the members ofthat society,--by the little boys, for instance, who were sure to stopat the base-ball grounds, or somewhere, so a note was always delayed bythem. One Circumambient note she sent by mail, purposely omitting the"Mass.," so that it went to the Dead-Letter Office, and came back sixweeks after the party.

  But the Peterkin family were not alone in commotion. The whole town wasin excitement, for "everybody" had been invited. Ann Maria Bromwickhad a book of costumes that she lent to a few friends, and everybodyborrowed dresses or lent them, or went into town to the costumer's.Weeks passed in preparation. "What are you going to wear?" was the onlyquestion exchanged; and nobody answered, as nobody would tell.

  At length the evening came,--a beautiful night in late summer, warmenough to have had the party out-of-doors; but the whole house waslighted up and thrown open, and Chinese lanterns hung in the portico andon the pillars of the piazzas.

  At an early hour the Peterkins were arrayed in their costumes. Thelittle boys had their legs and arms and faces browned early in the day,and wore dazzlingly white full trousers and white turbans.

  Elizabeth Eliza had prepared a dress as Queen Elizabeth; but SolomonJohn was desirous that she should be Desdemona, and she gave up hercostume to her mother. Mrs. Peterkin therefore wore a red wig which AnnMaria had found at a costumer's, a high ruff, and an old-fashionedbrocade. She was not sure that it was proper for Queen Elizabeth to wearspectacles; but Queen Elizabeth must have been old enough, as she livedto be seventy. As for Elizabeth Eliza, in recalling the fact thatDesdemona was smothered by pillows, she was so impressed by it that shedecided she could wear the costume of a sheet-and-pillow-case party. Soshe wore a white figured silk that had been her mother's wedding-dress,and over it draped a sheet as a large mantle, and put a pillow-case uponher head, and could represent Desdemona not quite smothered. But SolomonJohn wished to carry out the whole scene at the end.

  As they stood together, all ready to receive, in the parlor at theappointed hour, Mr. Peterkin suddenly exclaimed,--

  "This will never do! We are not the Peterkins,--we are distinguishedguests! We cannot receive."

  "We shall have to give up the party," said Mrs. Peterkin.

  "Or our costumes," groaned Agamemnon from his ass's head.

  "We must go out, and come in as guests," said Elizabeth Eliza, leadingthe way to a back door, for guests were already thronging in, and upthe front stairs. They passed out by a piazza, through the hedge ofhollyhocks, toward the front of the house. Through the side windows ofthe library they could see the company pouring in. The
black attendantwas showing them upstairs; some were coming down, in doubt whether toenter the parlors, as no one was there. The wide middle entrance hallwas lighted brilliantly; so were the parlors on one side and the libraryon the other.

  But nobody was there to receive! A flock of guests wasassembling,--peasant girls, Italian, German, and Norman; Turks, Greeks,Persians, fish-wives, brigands, chocolate-women, Lady Washington,Penelope, Red Riding-hood, Joan of Arc, nuns, Amy Robsart, Leicester,two or three Mary Stuarts, Neapolitan fisher-boys, pirates of Penzanceand elsewhere,--all lingering, some on the stairs, some going up, somecoming down.

  Charles I. without his head was entering the front door (a shortgentleman, with a broad ruff drawn neatly together on top of his ownhead, which was concealed in his doublet below).

  Three Hindu snake-charmers leaped wildly in and out among the throng,flinging about dark, crooked sticks for snakes.

  There began to be a strange, deserted air about the house. Nobody knewwhat to do, where to go!

  "Can anything have happened to the family?"

  "Have they gone to Egypt?" whispered one.

  No ushers came to show them in. A shudder ran through the wholeassembly, the house seemed so uninhabited; and some of the guests wereinclined to go away. The Peterkins saw it all through the longlibrary-windows.

  "What shall we do?" said Mr. Peterkin. "We have said _we_ shouldbe 'At Home.'"

  "And here we are, all out-of-doors among the hollyhocks," said ElizabethEliza.

  "There are no Peterkins to 'receive,'" said Mr. Peterkin, gloomily.

  "We might go in and change our costumes," said Mrs. Peterkin, whoalready found her Elizabethan ruff somewhat stiff; "but, alas! I couldnot get at my best dress."

  "The company is filling all the upper rooms," said Elizabeth Eliza; "wecannot go back."

  At this moment the little boys returned from the front door, and in asubdued whisper explained that the lady from Philadelphia was arriving.

  "Oh, bring her here!" said Mrs. Peterkin. And Solomon John hastened tomeet her.

  She came, to find a strange group half lighted by the Chinese lanterns.Mr. Peterkin, in his white toga, with a green wreath upon his head, cameforward to address her in a noble manner, while she was terrified by theappearance of Agamemnon's ass's head, half hidden among the leaves.

  "What shall we do?" exclaimed Mr. Peterkin. "There are no Peterkins;yet we have sent cards to everybody that they are 'At Home'!"

  The lady from Philadelphia, who had been allowed to come withoutcostume, considered for a moment. She looked through the windows to theseething mass now crowding the entrance hall. The Hindu snake-charmersgambolled about her.

  "_We_ will receive as the Peterkin family!" she exclaimed. Sheinquired for a cap of Mrs. Peterkin's, with a purple satin bow, such asshe had worn that very morning. Amanda was found by a Hindu, and sentfor it and for a purple cross-over shawl that Mrs. Peterkin was wont towear. The daughters of the lady from Philadelphia put on some hats ofthe little boys and their India-rubber boots. Hastily they went inthrough the back door and presented themselves, just as some of thewavering guests had decided to leave the house, it seeming so quietand sepulchral.

  The crowd now flocked into the parlors. The Peterkins themselves leftthe hollyhocks and joined the company that was entering; Mr. Peterkin,as Julius Caesar, leading in Mrs. Peterkin, as Queen Elizabeth. Mrs.Peterkin hardly knew what to do, as she passed the parlor door; for oneof the Osbornes, as Sir Walter Raleigh, flung a velvet cloak beforeher. She was uncertain whether she ought to step on it, especially asshe discovered at that moment that she had forgotten to take off herrubber overshoes, which she had put on to go through the garden. Butas she stood hesitating, the lady from Philadelphia, as Mrs. Peterkin,beckoned her forward, and she walked over the ruby velvet as though itwere a door-mat.

  For another surprise stunned her,--there were three Mrs. Peterkins! Notonly Mrs. Bromwick, but their opposite neighbor, had induced Amanda totake dresses of Mrs. Peterkin's from the top of the trunks, and had comein at the same moment with the lady from Philadelphia, ready to receive.She stood in the middle of the bow-window at the back of the room, thetwo others in the corners. Ann Maria Bromwick had the part of ElizabethEliza, and Agamemnon too was represented; and there were many sets of"little boys" in India-rubber boots, going in and out with the Hindusnake-charmers.

  Mr. Peterkin had studied up his Latin grammar a little, in preparationfor his part of Julius Caesar. Agamemnon had reminded him that it wasunnecessary, as Julius Caesar in Shakspeare spoke in English. Still henow found himself using with wonderful ease Latin phrases such as "Epluribus unum," "lapsus linguae," and "sine qua non," where they seemedto be appropriate.

  Solomon John looked well as Othello, although by some he was mistakenfor an older snake-charmer, with his brown complexion, glaring whitetrousers, and white shirt. He wore a white lawn turban that had belongedto his great-grandmother. His part, however, was more understood when hewas with Elizabeth Eliza as Desdemona; for they occasionally formed atableau, in which he pulled the pillow-case completely over her head.

  Agamemnon was greeted with applause as Nick Bottom. He sang the song ofthe "ousel cock," but he could not make himself heard. At last he founda "Titania" who listened to him.

  But none of the company attempted to carry out the parts represented bytheir costumes. Charles I. soon conversed with Oliver Cromwell and withthe different Mary Stuarts, who chatted gayly, as though executions wereevery-day occurrences.

  At first there was a little awkwardness. Nuns stood as quiet as if intheir convent cells, and brave brigands hid themselves behind the doors;but as the different guests began to surprise each other, the sounds oflaughter and talking increased. Every new-comer was led up to eachseveral Mrs. Peterkin.

  Then came a great surprise,--a band of music sounded from the piazza.Some of the neighbors had sent in the town band, as a farewell tribute.This added to the excitement of the occasion. Strains of dance-musicwere heard, and dancing was begun. Sir Walter Raleigh led out Penelope,and Red Riding-hood without fear took the arm of the fiercest brigandfor a round dance.

  The various groups wandered in and out. Elizabeth Eliza studied thecostumes of her friends, and wished she had tried each one of them. Themembers of the Circumambient Society agreed that it would be always wellto wear costumes at their meetings. As the principles of the societyenforced a sort of uncertainty, if you always went in a differentcostume you would never have to keep up your own character. ElizabethEliza thought she should enjoy this. She had all her life been troubledwith uncertainties and questions as to her own part of "ElizabethEliza," wondering always if she were doing the right thing. It did notseem to her that other people had such a bother. Perhaps they hadsimpler parts. They always seemed to know when to speak and when tobe silent, while she was always puzzled as to what she should do asElizabeth Eliza. Now, behind her pillow-case, she could look on and donothing; all that was expected of her was to be smothered now and then.She breathed freely and enjoyed herself, because for the evening shecould forget the difficult role of Elizabeth Eliza.

  Mrs. Peterkin was bewildered. She thought it a good occasion to studyhow Mrs. Peterkin should act; but there were three Mrs. Peterkins. Shefound herself gazing first at one, then at another. Often she washerself called Mrs. Peterkin.

  The ass's head proved hot and heavy, and Agamemnon wasforced to hang it over his arm.]

  At supper-time the bewilderment increased. She was led in by the Earlof Leicester, as principal guest. Yet it was to her own dining-room,and she recognized her own forks and spoons among the borrowed ones,although the china was different (because their own set was not largeenough to go round for so much company). It was all very confusing. Thedance-music floated through the air. Three Mrs. Peterkins hovered beforeher, and two Agamemnons; for the ass's head proved hot and heavy, andAgamemnon was forced to hang it over his arm as he offered coffee toTitania. There seemed to be two Elizabeth Elizas, for Elizabeth Elizahad thrown back h
er pillow-case in order to eat her fruit-ice. Mr.Peterkin was wondering how Julius Caesar would have managed to eathis salad with his fork, before forks were invented, and then he fellinto a fit of abstraction, planning to say "Vale" to the guests as theyleft, but anxious that the word should not slip out before the time.Eight little boys and three Hindu snake-charmers were eating copiouslyof frozen pudding. Two Joans of Arc were talking to Charles I., who hadfound his head. All things seemed double to Mrs. Peterkin as theyfloated before her.

  "Was she eating her own supper or somebody's else? Were they Peterkins,or were they not?"

  Strains of dance-music sounded from the library. Yes, they were giving afancy ball! The Peterkins were "At Home" for the last time beforeleaving for Egypt!