Innocent Lies

  I couldn’t wait to get home and spent the rest of the day with this stupid over-exaggerated smile plastered across my face. Great, Dylan you are becoming one of THOSE girls. It didn’t matter if I was. I started counting down the minutes until seven. I got off work at six, giving me fifteen minutes to get home, thirty to bathe and get ready (which after missing a bath that morning, I was starting to feel skanky), and another fifteen minutes to bring my breathing under control.

  Okay, maybe I wouldn’t get my breathing under control until after he had come and left for the night. For some ingenuous and stupid reason, I tended to hold my breath a lot around him. Shit, I have become one of those GIRLS. But what a MAN.

  Sarah was pecking away at her computer when I finally got home. She was a creative writing major and dreamed of becoming a famous writer of erotica. After all the guys who have passed through our front door, I would say she had plenty of material to work with. I wasn’t saying she was a slut. Well yes, that was exactly what I was saying.

  I thought about taking a moment to inform her I might actually have some material to contribute to her half-written stories. I didn’t have a moment though. If he was on time, I had twenty-eight minutes to transform into something other than the overworked waitress.

  “Hey can I borrow something to wear? Ethan will be here at seven.” I asked as I headed to the bathroom, trying to keep Sarah busy and her nose out of my affairs.

  I didn’t have time to wash my hair so I just pulled it back in a loose braid. Quite frankly, I needed a good trim more than I needed a shampoo. I needed a lot. Starting with heels, I was five feet three inches, maybe. Ethan was well around six feet. Which was convenient if I wanted to rest my head on his chest. “Pushing it there aren’t you. He hasn’t even tried to kiss you yet and you’re already planning a night in his arms.” I said to my image in the mirror then stuck out my tongue.

  Sarah brought in my customary tee-shirt and jeans. “Dylan, you don’t know how happy it makes me that someone finally has you hot and bothered, but you need to be yourself.” She threw the clothes at me and laughed. “Now, I’m going to my room. I would hate to steal him away.”

  I pinched my cheeks for a little color, no time, or ability for make-up. I jumped when I heard the doorbell. He was punctual. “You got this.” I whispered to my reflection in the mirror.

  “Good evening, beautiful. Ready?” He took my hand, his thumb stroking over my knuckles, back and forth. My heart accelerated once again. Okay Dylan, he is barely touching you. Get control of yourself.

  I had thought of nothing all day except him. Twice, Mr. Bill, my boss, had to scream my name to bring me back to reality.

  Ethan glanced down at me and smiled with that little extra sparkle in his eyes. He looked to had been having some very kinky thoughts going on. I so wished I could have read his mind.

  He reached up, caressed my jaw, and grasped my chin between his thumb and forefinger. He curved his body around mine and paused. My eyes closed; sure, I was going to get my first kiss. Instead, he planted a swift and chaste kiss on my right cheek. Even without actual lip contact, he left me reeling.

  He gripped my hand. “Where are we going?” I asked.

  “The movies.”

  Rattling wasn’t even the correct word for my talking on the way. I couldn’t shut-up, a byproduct of nerves and libido. I talked about work, school, Sarah, my apartment, even Deacon, anything but me.

  Suddenly, he reached over to clutch my hand and placed it on his knee. I froze. Lacing his fingers in mine, he started to stroke the side with his thumb. I went suddenly silent.

  “What?” He cut his eyes over at me and nervously laughed. “I was enjoying your never-ending chatter.”

  “Sorry, I always talk too much when I’m nervous.” Crap, did I just admit to being nervous? Shit. Shit. Shit.

  He elbowed the armrest between us, raising it into the back of the seat. Then yanked on my arm, pulling me next to him. My heart started beating so hard that I heard it in the confines of the truck.

  “You should be scared.” He winked. Ethan Asher winked at me.

  I glanced at the clock on the dashboard. We had been in his truck for over thirty minutes. Odd, I lived no more than twenty minutes from the local theater and that was with my grandma driving skills. “Ethan, you missed the movies. Taking me out of town to avoid witnesses?”

  “Of course, can’t go ruining my rep.” He playfully nudged my side. “I have a friend that owns a drive-in outside of town.”

  I had never heard of any drive-in. I truly thought they were relics of the past. Although, the setting had possibilities. Ethan not only in the dark, but alone with him in a dark truck.

  It was a little farther then right outside of town. It took an hour and a half to get there and that was with Ethan’s crazy driving. Though it was worth the drive. It was actually a private drive-in. He pulled up to the gatehouse where a distinctive, older gentleman handed Ethan a box.

  “Everything is in place. Louise and I are heading out of here in about fifteen minutes.” He was a soft-spoken and kindly man, but I hated the way he looked at me. It was a look of pity. I hated to be pitied. I had enough of that for one lifetime.

  “Thanks Jim,” Ethan said and handed him a wad of money. If that was what he charged to use the place, Ethan was getting cheated big time. It looked like enough money to feed me for weeks.

  Ethan drove off and through a line of trees, hidden off in the corner was a full scale drive-in. It looked like the one in The Outsiders, my favorite childhood movie. I was right, Ethan didn’t do anything small.

  As soon as we pulled into a spot, Ethan plugged the box into a pole outside the truck window and the movie started. OMG, The Notebook. Sarah would die.

  “Hope you like it? My mom declares it’s the most romantic movie ever.”

  “Is this how you impress all the girls? Come to my private drive-in and watch chick-flicks. If you’re lucky, I might show you some loving too.”

  “First off, it’s not mine. It belongs to Jim. It’s actually my first time here too. I thought you deserve something special.” His voice sounded serious. “You’re quite special,” I swore I heard him whisper.

  We sat in the truck in silence for the longest time, simply enjoying the movie. Well, I enjoyed the movie. He didn’t take his eyes off me or his hand out of my hair. I wish I could’ve known what he was thinking. Intense didn’t even begin to describe him.

  “Dylan, babe, we need to go now.”

  “What? The movie is barely halfway over,” I started to say when he spun tires backing out of there. He didn’t let off the gas until we were well within thirty miles from the place. I went numb. I wasn’t happy, I wasn’t sad, I wasn’t even mad; suddenly, I just was. I didn’t know what had happened or if I had done something wrong. But Ethan wanted out of there. He didn’t speak or touch me again until we pulled into a parking space outside my apartment.

  He raked his fingers through his hair. “Dylan, I’m sorry, so sorry.” He swaddled me in his arms and started kissing the side of my head, my cheek, and my hair, anywhere his mouth could travel. “I’ve got to go, babe.”

  I nodded and climbed out of the truck never looking back.

  Sunday, September 22, 2013

  I didn’t sleep much that night. I couldn’t get the hopeless look he gave me out of my head. That impossible man had touched me in a way I couldn’t even put into words. I’d hoped that coffee would clear my head and I would have been able to figure out what had happened. Right inside my apartment door was a note lying on the floor.

  Beautiful Dylan,

  I can never describe what the last couple of nights have meant to me. When I think about what could’ve been. I got called back home on family business. Sorry, I won’t be around to touch you. When you see the moon think of me and know I am thinking of you. Loved watching you in my arms, E

  Tuesday, December 24, 2013

  I couldn’t begin to list all the changes that had occurred o
ver the last three months. Two weeks after Ethan left, our apartment got broken into. Nothing was taken, but the place was ransacked, especially my room. At the trial for my attack, I was warned that if I testified that they would come after me. So needless to say, I freaked. When our lease was up the first of December, I demanded we move. Sarah didn’t quite understand and I never did share much. But she understood that for my sanity, we needed a new place. I found the cutest townhouse with a full time security guard. Deacon had to move in to off-set the higher cost. I worried about her and Sarah getting along. There was nothing to worry about, they had hit it off like they had been together forever.

  I had also changed my major from social work to teaching. I figured I could make a bigger impact on a child if I got to be with her on a daily basis. The chaos of switching from one department to another was more than I bargained for, but by and large, I was happy with the way it had all come together.

  My night with Ethan left me with a newfound fascination with all things involving constellations. I had even joined an amateur astronomers group. As peaceful as I had always found stargazing, not once did it compare to my night with him. I often wondered where he was. I tried finding him, but even his biography off the D.A.’s website disappeared. Sometimes I wondered if I didn’t dream those two nights with him. That couldn’t have been a possibility either. In my dreams, I would have never ended our second date the way it did. I finally came to the conclusion that if it were meant to be we would find each other again.

  “Here, sweetie.” Kathy, the waitress, slid the plate across the table and refilled my tea.

  “Thanks,” I replied. “Did you get all the gifts on Ben’s Santa list?” I had gone to the Pizza House so much trying to find Ethan, the waiters and even the cooks became my second family.

  “Are you kidding me? That kid of mine is too much. I did get him an iPad.”

  “I need one of those myself.”

  Kathy patted my hand. She never asked any questions, but I knew she worried. I thought I even saw a tear the day she realized I had nowhere to go for Christmas. Sarah begged me to come home with her. I wasn’t in the mood for a big family love-fest. Holidays had always been the hardest for me. My dad died the week before Christmas, and I haven’t had a celebration for anything since. I debated going to see my mom. It had been two years since I’ve even spoken to her. She made it clear then that I was dead to her. How she could blame her problems on me was beyond reason. I had been a child at the time. She made all the choices that led us to that fateful night.

  I had to move on. I stuffed the last twenty dollar bill I had in my pocket under my plate and walked out of there for the last time.

  Friday, September 19, 2014

  “Hey, Tom,” Deacon said as she plopped down at the kitchen table beside me. I hated that nickname. I was fully aware that Dylan was a boy’s name, but that didn’t mean I was a ‘Tom’ boy.

  I started shuffling my papers together. I had to be at the Pizza House in thirty minutes. A place I had not been in nine months, and it was a place I would had rather never gone back to.

  “I have to meet Logan in thirty minutes.” I said, and shoved my books in my old knapsack.

  “Who’s Logan?” Deacon asked, and took a bite out of an apple. “Finally a man? . . . Oh yeah, I forgot Dylan doesn’t like men or women. Have you ever liked anybody?” Deacon asked with a mouthful of apple.

  “Yeah, she liked one guy.” Sarah walked in and hopped up on the counter top, motioning for Deacon to throw her an apple. “An a-hole who left her a day or two after they met.”

  I grabbed my backpack and turned to leave on that note. I could already feel the tears forming in my eyes. Sarah wasn’t trying to upset me. I doubted she realized I still thought of Ethan often, and I was heading to the one place that was a tomb of memories of him. I heard them laughing as I closed the door and sighed. I was happy and normal once. Then he left.

  Logan was already there when I pulled into the parking lot. I had to take a few deep breaths before I went in. My stomach had been in knots all day. Why? I wasn’t for sure. Ethan was long gone, and I used to love hanging out there. Logan opened my door. I had to admit I was so lost in my thoughts I never saw him walk up to the car. He took my hand in his. It felt wrong, but I didn’t pull away. He was a sweet guy. A little nerdy with his black rectangular glasses and wavy mousey-brown hair. His eyes were green not brown and no dimples appeared when he smiled, both prerequisites for me now.

  He chose a booth in the corner behind a large column and then proceeded to order two beers. He was nervous, and I wondered if he wasn’t under the impression that it was more of a date than I ever meant it to be.

  “Logan, I’m not twenty-one.” I didn’t drink, and the fear I had of turning into my mom kept the desire to drink away.

  “If you get arrested I’ll visit you in jail.” Logan said with a wink.

  I pulled my hair down out of its loose bun and started to order a latte, when I heard him. Though we only shared two nights together, his voice was forever seared in my mind.

  “Beautiful, Dylan,” Ethan said, his voice rung throughout the room. I turned around to catch him propped against a column, smiling. “You’ll need a good lawyer, if you get arrested and all.” He laughed and motioned to the mugs on the table.

  “Ethan,” I managed to get out before a leggy brunette walked up. She smiled and wrapped her arms around Ethan’s neck. I wanted to puke. The man I had spent a year mourning had moved on . . . to a slut no less.

  He patted her backside. “Babe, you need to go.” He handed her some cash. “Catch a cab. I need to talk to this pretty, little lady.” He motioned his head in my direction.

  “What?” she asked and leaned back to look in his eyes. “You have to be kidding me.”

  “Babe, it was fun, but it’s over.” He said with a smirk. The bimbo narrowed her eyes. She opened her mouth to argue, but grabbed the cash out of his hand instead, and stormed out. I couldn’t blame her for being mad. I’d experienced first-hand how Ethan made you feel and how quickly he could dump your ass.

  Ethan shifted in the booth beside me as if nothing had happened. He crossed his arms and nodded to Logan. “We need to talk, Privy?” He smiled at me. I wanted to hate him. He left me without even a phone call. But his smile made hating him impossible. Just the feel of his leg rubbing against mine sent a prickling across my skin.

  “I have nothing to say to you.” I reached for Logan’s hand and tried to smile my sweetest smile at him. “Plus, I already have a real man to talk to.”

  Ethan placed his hand over his heart as if he had been wounded. “That hurts. Dylan, I’m not leaving again.” He looked back at Logan. “Enjoy my girl tonight.” Ethan said through gritted teeth and slammed his fist on the table with such force he made the plates bounce and me jump. He slid out of the booth and took a seat directly across from us.

  “Are you dating that asshole?” Logan asked.

  I shook my head. “I had a couple of dates with him a long time ago. He means nothing to me.” I glanced over at him knowing that was the blackest of lies. It hadn’t been a day that I hadn’t thought about him. Seeing him made my heart leap in my chest.

  “Good,” Logan said with a megawatt smile. He pulled out a green folder and neatly tucked inside was a completed report. “I got bored last night, hope you don’t care.”

  I smiled, the joy of having a brilliant pre-med student as your biology lab partner.

  “Plus, I would rather enjoy your smile than work on this tonight anyway.”

  Logan took my hand in his and stroked his thumb over mine. He should’ve been the one that made me smile. I couldn’t even fathom how having someone like him in my life would have changed it. He was the kind of guy I used to lay in bed at night and pray for. But it was the guy across the room giving me a death glare that I wanted.

  I started moving around the grains of salt on the table with my fingertips as Logan told me about his family. No wonder he was so da
mn smart, his dad was a pediatric surgeon, and his mom was a microbiologist. I bit my bottom lip. What was I supposed to have said? ‘My dad is dead, my mom is in the state pen, and oh yeah, and she said because of me her last man is six feet under.’ I was not the girl you brought home to mom; no matter how much I tried to hide it. I glanced back at Mr. Tall, Flawless, and Dangerous; something told me that his family might have had a few nuts on the tree too.