Depths of Lake

  “Not many of us are perfect,” I say. I lie on my side, my head propped up on my hand.

  Lake’s eyes go back to the fire. I see his gaze pull inward, traveling back to some place in the past.

  “I was different in high school,” he confirms. “I was loud and obnoxious. I chased after girls, flirted relentlessly. I was on the football team, and a lot of people liked me. You could say I was popular.”

  He doesn’t like telling me this, it’s obvious. But we’ve opened up. We’re showing each other what’s lurking in the deep dark.

  “Me and my buddies were at this party once. There was a ton of people there. To be honest, I don’t even remember what I said or did, and maybe that’s the worst part, that it meant so little to me that I don’t remember it. But I embarrassed this kid. He was kind of an outsider, the kind to stick to himself, but mostly did that because he didn’t know how to be a part of anything. And I did something that embarrassed him.”

  Lake clears his throat and leans forward in his chair, resting his forearms on his knees. “A little while before the end of the school year, I went into the bathroom before first period. While I was taking a leak, I heard someone come in. Didn’t think much of it until I heard the door lock.”

  His eyes are distant and even though it’s dark, I’m pretty sure his skin has paled. “I turned around to see that kid. Derek Sleven, that was his name. He’d locked the two of us in there. He was crying, but he was mad. Started going off on me, and ten seconds later, he pulls out a gun. Points it right in my face.”

  I do a sharp intake of breath, my brows pulling together. “This was at the school?”

  Lake nods, even though he doesn’t look up. “He started yelling that it was because of assholes like me that guys like him kill people. That we don’t think anything about anyone other than ourselves. He said he was tired of being treated like dirt.”

  “What did you do?” I ask. My heart hammers in my throat as I try to imagine such a terrifying image. I think back, trying to recall any gun incidences at Woodinville High School nine years ago. Our towns are so close. I would have heard about it.

  It takes Lake a minute to respond. He just keeps staring into the fire, and I know I’m getting a glimpse at one of the demons that clings to Lake’s back.

  “Like I said, I was on the football team, and I was good and fast. It was pretty easy to tell he didn’t know what he was doing with that gun. So I rushed him. Grabbed the gun right from his hands, pinned him down.”

  Lake rubs two fingers across his lips. “And then I made the most profound apology of my life. I hadn’t meant to wreck this guy’s life over something that I don’t even remember saying or doing. I hadn’t meant to hurt anyone. But I did. And I was truly sorry for it.”

  “What happened to Derek?” I ask.

  “I took the gun with me, left school right then, and told the police what happened,” he says as he looks down at the dirt at his feet. “I didn’t want to rat him out for something that was my fault, but I knew Derek was dangerous. It’s one thing when you punch someone to settle a score, maybe slash their tires or something. It’s another when you bring a gun to a school.”

  “They arrested him?” I say.

  Lake nods. “They kept it quiet. Never released anything at the school, never told my brother or Kaylee. My parents knew. But no one else did. They just hired another security guard and started watching everyone close.”

  It’s quiet between us for a while. This is heavy and dark, and absolutely one of those situations that changes who you are as a person for the rest of your life.

  “That’s why you joined.”

  Lake nods. He sits back in his chair again, stretching his leg out once more. “I realized that I was selfish and I did only think about myself most of the time. And that I didn’t want to hurt anyone. Everyone has value.”

  He looks over at me, finally meeting my eyes. They aren’t haunted, but they are serious and educated in the way of a hard lesson learned. “I wanted to prove to myself that I’m not a bad guy.”

  I climb out of the hammock and skirt the fire pit to join him. I sit on his lap, wrapping my arms behind his neck and rest my cheek against his. “You’re not a bad guy.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  “Holy…” I breathe as we pull up to the gates. Lake rolls his window down and punches the code into the pad. It beeps, and the gates roll back.

  “I know,” Lake says and shakes his head. He pulls forward and parks next to the small row of cars.

  The house is big. And modern. And right on the water.

  Lake opens my door for me and holds my hand as we walk up to the front door. It’s a scary thing. Touch is personal, and touching in front of his family invites everyone in on the fact that something has changed between us.

  But I’m not ashamed of Lake.

  Quite the opposite. I’m incredibly proud of him. And I’m proud to be the woman he chose to have at his side.

  The front door has been left open and we walk into the foyer. The ceiling rises up high, housing a huge, modern chandelier. As I take it in, I hear someone scream toward the back of the house, and then a huge splash.

  “Come on,” Lake says, tilting his head to the belly of the house.

  We walk in, me taking in the beauty of his sister’s home. We step into a dining room and off of that is a huge kitchen.

  Robin and Kaylee are there, putting the finishing touches on lunch.

  “Hey you two,” Robin says with a bright smile. “We were wondering when you guys were going to show up.”

  “It’s good to see you again, Riley,” Kaylee says as she comes around and wraps me in a hug. Lake drops my hand as Kaylee hugs him. He squeezes her tight, lifting her clean off her feet. “There’s my little brother.”

  “Little,” I chuckle. Lake is anything but little.

  “Cannon ball!”

  I look out back, just in time to see Kale run and jump into the pool with a huge splash. Paisley and Lucian giggle over by Robert as Kale shark swims over to them and grabs their feet.

  “Go on,” Robin says as she shoos us out. “Everyone is out back. We’ll be done in a minute.”

  I don’t need much more encouragement than that. I walk out the door into the hot summer air.

  “Hey, Riley!” Drake calls to me from one end of the pool. He’s holding onto two kid float things. Afton in one, Quinn in the other. He wears this pair of vintage sunglasses, looking very retro dad-of-the-year. “Glad you could make it!”

  “It’s good to see you,” I say, actually meaning it. He always knows how to make someone instantly at ease and part of the family.

  “Excuse me, sorry, coming through.”

  Suddenly Julian bursts through the door, bumping me as he goes. He takes a huge, bounding leap, arching in the air, and careens into the pool, right next to Kale.

  Just as he bobs back to the surface, he holds his fists into the air and looks around at everyone. “Who’s was the better splash?”

  “No question—it was my husband,” Sage says. I find her lounged out on a chaise, wearing this adorable black one-piece suit. “Julian also had more flare.”

  “Come on, you can’t be the judge,” Kale says, waving a dismissive hand at her. “You’re opinions are one-sided. You saw mine, right, Beautiful?” He’s giving me his signature smile, which he tops off with a wink.

  “I did indeed,” I say, placing my hands on my hips. “And I have to say, Julian’s did have more flare. I have to declare him the winner.”

  “Yeah!” Julian cheers, pumping his fists in the air, displaying his plethora of tattoos. Seriously, there’s more ink than bare skin.

  “Come on,” Kale groans. “You’re picking the scrawny nerd over me?”

  “Now watch this one.”

  I turn to see Lake just behind me. He’s stripped off his shirt, wearing only his swimming suit he wore over. I move out of the way, he readies himself. And sprints toward the pool. He leaps when he gets to the
edge. And somehow manages to flip himself fully in the air.

  When he lands, it soaks everyone. Including me. Lake causes a freaking tsunami.

  “Lake!” everyone yells as they try to shake off the water. “Lake wins!”

  Lake holds one fist up triumphantly in the air. He looks my way, and I wink at him. He grins brilliantly in return.

  “I hope you have a suit under all of that,” Sage calls to me. She pats the seat next to her.

  “I do indeed,” I say as I walk toward her. I slip my shorts off and pull my tank top over my head, revealing my powder blue bikini that I haven’t worn in quite some time. I settle down into an impressively comfortable lounge chair.

  “How are things at the ranch going?” Sage asks.

  “Really, really good,” I say, finding myself feeling proud of what we’ve done. “We just hired two new employees.”

  “We?” she asks with a hint of a smile.

  I look back over to Lake, who’s got Lucian on his back and is swimming around, saying he’s a whale. “I would have lost the ranch without your brother. He saved it.”

  Sage takes a sip from her water bottle and sets it back down. “You know, a lot of people look at Lake and see how big he is and think he’s nothing but muscle and action. They don’t see the big heart and the drive to help people.”

  I look over at Sage and find her eyes fixed on Lake. There’s sadness there, and worry.

  “He’s going to be okay over there,” I say. And it’s as much for myself as it is for her. “He’s a good soldier.”

  Sage wipes a hand quickly over her cheeks, even though there isn’t anything there. Yet. “He is a good soldier. It’s just been hard. Worrying about him for the past nine years. I thought I was done having to worry about him.”

  “Yeah,” is all I respond with.

  “Whatever you’ve done to him in the past few weeks, thank you,” Sage says. She turns and looks at me. Even though she’s wearing sunglasses, I can see that she means it. “I haven’t seen him this happy in a long, long time. Maybe ever.”

  She reaches over and squeezes my hand. It’s nice.

  “Would you two girls mind helping us carry this stuff out?” Kaylee says as she pokes her head out the door. “Everyone else is soaking wet, and I don’t think you want them romping through the house.”

  Sage and I both climb to our feet and help bring the food out to a table on the deck. There’s sandwiches, fruit, potato salad, dinner rolls, orange juice that has KALE written across it in big, bold letters, and a big jug of fruit punch.

  “Can I help you get the kids some food?” I offer Kaylee as I watch her try and balance three plates along one arm.

  “Yes, thank you,” she says with a chuckle. She hands me one of the plates, and I pick up another. “It’s a little intimidating, being vastly outnumbered by them. But I wouldn’t trade my chaotic morning snuggles for anything.”

  “It sounds perfect,” I say, and it actually does.

  With the kids dished up and sitting at the miniature picnic table that feels completely out of place here at Julian and Sage’s house, the adults serve themselves.

  “You work out, right?” Kale asks from behind me in the line at the table. I turn to find him very thoroughly checking me over. “You don’t get a sports model-shaped bod like that by just riding horses.”

  Lake clips him on the back of the head. Kale whips around, holding his fists up. It’s a comical sight. If it really were to come to blows, Lake would kill Kale. Figuratively.

  “You do if you work fourteen-hour days,” Lake says, his eyes annoyed but playful. “And stop checking her out.”

  “So does this mean that there’s a stake that’s been claimed?” Kale asks, turning to me and raising an eyebrow.

  I bite my lower lip as I scoop myself some fruit salad and look up at Lake. He’s got that lopsided smile on his face that is completely irresistible. “You bet your ass it has been,” Lake says.

  And all the men around us whoop.

  “It’s about time you found yourself a woman,” Julian teases. Lake turns and glares at him, immediately shutting Julian up. His face grows serious and he looks down at his food. “Sorry, I’ll just…”

  Julian is genuinely scared of Lake. And I find that hilarious.

  I finish getting my food, right behind Kaylee. As we look for somewhere to sit, she bumps my shoulder gently. “Seriously though,” she says. “Thanks for making him smile. And welcome to the family.”

  She goes to sit over by her kids. Her words stick with me though.

  Welcome to the family.

  My own family was always so small. And then Dad would be out on duty for months, sometimes over a year at a time. There were no other kids around. I barely knew any of my aunts and uncles or cousins.

  But this family? They’re something special. They’re tight. And loving. And supportive.

  They’re also loud and teasing and in a constant state of joking.

  But they love each other.

  And being invited into this fold means a whole lot more than I expected it to.

  “You want to sit over there and eat?” Lake asks, nodding his head toward two open chairs.

  “Yeah,” I say, smiling as I look over at him. He stands close to me, plate and a cup in hand. I lean forward, balancing my own meal, and press my lips to his.

  I know the entire family is watching us, but I really, really don’t mind.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  “Favorite color?” he asks as he traces a finger up my arm.

  “Burnt orange, like a sunset,” I say.

  “Like your hair?” he says. I can hear the smile on his lips.

  “I guess I hadn’t thought of that,” I reply. I nuzzle my face against his bare chest, over the tattoos of the stars on his skin. We’re on a blanket out in the middle of the pasture, staring up at the stars.

  “Favorite ice cream flavor?” I say.

  “Hmm,” he mulls. “Reese’s.”

  “It is pretty good,” I say.

  Lake’s hands shift and he pulls me on top of his lap. I look down at him. It’s dark, so I can’t see too many of his features. But I can see the brilliant stars reflected in his eyes. He stares at me back, so many deep emotions there.

  “I don’t want to leave you,” he says as he reaches a hand up and runs his knuckles over my cheek.

  I place my hand over his, trapping his palm to my face. “It’s only four months.” Which feels like a lifetime, but I try to pretend otherwise.

  “And you’ll be okay, right?” he asks. He asks the question hesitantly. Like he doesn’t want to hurt me by saying it, because he’s asking if I’ll be okay in more way than one. He’s worried about it.

  “I’ll be okay,” I say with a nod. It’s hard to say the words. But I get them out.

  Because it will be true. As hard as it’s going to be, I’ll keep moving forward one day at a time. I’ll worry about him and I’ll constantly be praying for him to whoever might be listening, but I’ll be okay.

  “And I’m going to be right here, waiting for you when you come home,” I whisper as I lean forward and kiss him.

  “You ready?” I say as I look around the apartment. The few things Lake has are in boxes, ready to be taken into the house and stored for the next few months until he comes home.

  “Yeah,” he says, weight in his voice.

  He stands before me, dressed in fatigues. His canvas bag is at his feet, containing the few things he’ll be taking with him.

  He looks incredible, dressed in his uniform. A man in uniform is unbearably sexy. But seeing him dressed like that, it makes a hard lump form in my throat.

  I’m scared to death.

  But I’m also incredibly proud.

  There are few people in this world who are made to give. Give to those who are around them. Give to their families. Give to their country.

  Lake is one of them.

  “Let’s go,” I say. I take one step toward him, grabbing hi
s collar, and pulling his lips to mine. Lake brings one hand to the small of my back, pulling me close. The other, he places at the back of my head.

  I wrap my arms around his neck and let myself sink into this moment.

  One hundred and twenty-two days, and he’ll come back to me.

  When we pull apart, Lake grabs his bag and we head down the stairs. He puts it in the back of the truck and we both call a goodbye to Dale. Katrina, the new secretary we hired last week, pops out of the house and waves a goodbye.

  There aren’t too many words that pass between us as I drive to the airport. Lake’s fingers are wrapped firmly around mine in the middle seat. I glance down at them every once in a while, and he squeezes my hand gently.

  Just as the airport comes in sight, he lifts my hand to his lips and presses a kiss to the back of it.

  I park in the hourly parking, and hand-in-hand, we walk into the airport.

  The whole family has come to see Lake off. We get our visitors passes, go through security, and head for his gate.

  Lake talks and jokes with his family. They all laugh and tell stories. But I sit there quietly, trying not to let worry drown me. But it’s hard.

  What feels like all too soon, his gate is being set up for the arrival and then departure. One by one, his family members start hugging him and saying their goodbyes. Sage and Julian. Kale. Kaylee and Drake. All the kids. And then his parents. I stand off to the side while they see him off.

  And when he’s said goodbye to them all, he turns to me.

  I can’t hold myself back. I rush toward him, his arms open and waiting. I throw my arms around his neck, hugging myself tight to him.

  “I’m going to be back,” he says. I can hear the tightness in his voice. Feel the fear. Feel the sincerity behind that promise. “Just 122 days and I’ll be back.”

  “Come home to me,” I say, trying to hold back my emotion. I pull back so I can look in his face. I study it, tracing every line and curve, praying that this won’t be the last time I see it.

  “I’ll come home, Baby,” he says in a whisper.

  People start filing off his plane as he leans forward and kisses me. It’s deep and longing and full of passion. A lot of people are looking, I can feel their eyes, but I don’t care. It’s just me and him and this promise between us that he will not die while he is out there.