Breathe Again

  Tanzi’s gasp filled the air. Savannah’s eyes fired into mine and the strength of her face didn’t falter.

  “I don’t know what I think, Tate. I can’t think of anything but the video I saw. That’s the only thing I see when I close my eyes at night and it’s the only thing I have thought about for the past two months.” Her eyes suddenly left mine and dropped to the hem of her shirt, which she was now playing with. “But you know what? You can screw whoever the hell you want.”

  You have got to me kidding me. “Look at me, Savannah,” I growled.

  “Tate, just shut up. I can’t look at you because as soon as I do you will suck me in again. You will do that thing where you dive so deep into my soul and rip it apart. You will read every single thought that is running through my mind. That’s why I can’t look at you.”

  “Look at me so you can see what I can’t seem to say to you.”

  “Tate, there is nothing that needs to be said.”

  I took a step towards her so that there was barely an inch between us, my voice lowering. “Like fuck there isn’t.”

  Suddenly Savannah stood from the couch in front of me, rushed through the apartment towards the balcony, and disappeared through the glass door and out of view. I had pushed her too far.

  “I’ll go and sort her out,” Lucas said, giving me a nod and following in the direction of Sav. Tanzi offered me a weak smile and Jack remained silent, guilt still evident on his face.

  I couldn’t just sit there.

  I walked towards the balcony and stopped as I heard the soft echo of Sav’s and Lucas’s voices. Nausea rolled within me, my stomach flip-flopping as I feared what I might overhear.

  “What’s going on in that pretty head of yours, Savannah?” I swallowed hard, awaiting Sav’s reply. “Hey, don’t cry. What’s wrong?”

  “Oh, you know, just your typical Savannah saga… I go to New York, I lose my boyfriend, I come home to find out that some skank was all over him in Las Vegas, and I am getting fat and none of my clothes fit me anymore. It’s like I am in some screwed-up soap opera.”

  “You haven’t lost him.”

  Good on you, Lucas. Tell her what she wouldn’t allow me to say.

  “WHAT?! Are you drunk, Lucas? Because that could be the only excuse for your ludicrous statement! Have you not heard about the video that was shown to me of my boyfriend with his dick down the throat of slut-mole Chelsea?”

  “You and I both know that video wasn’t new.”

  “And how would you know that, Lucas? Enlighten me.”

  “If you gave Tate two minutes to talk to you, he would tell you.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Savannah Maree Rae, you and Tate are not over. You are just both as stubborn as fuck and won’t talk. I feel sorry for your spawn. He or she is going to have hard-as-nails parents. Thank god Uncle Lucas will be around.” I heard a shuffle of feet and chanced a look around the door to find Savannah locked in a hug with Lucas.

  “Did my makeup run?” Sav asked in a quiet voice.

  “You look gorgeous. Now let’s go and eat pizza.”

  Rushing back to the living room, I collapsed on the couch and fidgeted with the beer bottle that was now warm. Tanzi and Jack both looked up when the sound of the glass door leading to the balcony slid open. My eyes finally looked at Sav and my heart pounded in my chest. Her eyes were glassy and anyone could tell she had been crying. Sav glanced around the room as hesitation rolled within her and she reluctantly sat on the only vacant seat in the room—the couch beside me—her eyes never finding mine. Lucas took a seat across from me and offered a weak smile. For someone I despised for so long, he had now somehow become a needed support.

  “We ordered your favorite pizza,” I said softly, daring to attempt to start a conversation. All she did was nod.

  Chattering filled my ears and the smell of pizza caressed my senses. The conversation I overheard between Sav and Lucas had struck a part of my heart, and I desperately wanted to talk about it. I needed to talk about it, but at this rate, I was barely getting one word out of her.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I watched as Sav began eating slice after slice of pizza. I zoned into the conversation around me, listening as Lucas talked about work, Jack talked about his recent shifts at Red Velvet, and Tanzi talked about the new neighbors who had decided that sex in public places was a prerequisite of living in the building.

  “You inhaled that, Sav!” Jack laughed, throwing his crust towards her.

  “I am eating for two, you know. I’ve gotta feed this little one.” Sav patted her protruding stomach before grabbing for another slice. “This is the one time I can eat whatever the hell I want. I will deal with the consequences later.”

  “Let go have birthday shots before we go to Red Velvet,” Lucas announced. Tanzi and Jack hollered a resounding, “Yes!” before the three of them rushed to the kitchen, leaving Sav and me in an uncomfortable silence. My phone buzzed on my lap and I saw that it was Mom. As soon as I said hello, Mom went into a spiel about having to find out that Savannah was back in Los Angeles from Tanzi and then the questions about Jellybean started.

  “Yes, she is. Jellybean is fine. Savannah is great.” At the sound of her name, Sav’s questioning gaze found me. “Sure. Okay. Hang on.”

  With a deep breath, I turned and handed Sav my phone.

  “It’s Mom. She wants to talk to you.”

  Sav nodded and began speaking softly to Mom. I couldn’t help but smile as I heard Sav answer Mom’s questions. I could only imagine what she was being asked. The words morning sickness, cravings, and baby clothes floated through the air. The first thing I noticed was Sav’s eyes glistening before hearing her voice crack. My need to comfort her was so strong, but I remained still. I couldn’t risk pushing her further away. Her green eyes found mine and the softness that fired back at me made my heart finally start beating again. When the call finished, Sav handed me my phone, a small smile covering her lips.

  “Shit!” Sav suddenly cried out, her hand flying down to her stomach.

  Fear swept through me. “What’s wrong?” I begged, my eyes wide.

  My eyes shot a look of distress between her eyes and her stomach as I tried to work out what was happening. Hesitation flickered over her face as if she were questioning her next move. In one swift movement, I turned to face her, crossing my legs under my body.

  “Your baby is very active and decided to kick.” Massaging her stomach seemed to be the only way to calm down Jellybean’s recently acquired athletic skills.

  “Does Jellybean move a lot?” I asked, unable to hide the sadness I felt of not yet being able to feel my baby move.

  “We have a very active baby.”

  Sav suddenly grabbed my hand without showing any signs of doubt and gently placed it on her swelling stomach. “It’s better if you touch my bare skin,” she whispered, giving me permission to lift her shirt.

  I felt the heat tear between us as my bare hand rested on her skin. Suddenly, my heart began pounding hard in my chest as the heat rose from her skin through to me.

  “I’m sorry about losing my shit earlier,” I apologised, shooting a pleading look at her.

  “Let’s not.”

  All of a sudden, as if Jellybean knew that it was time to interrupt Mommy and Daddy time, Sav’s stomach rippled as a strong thud vibrated from her skin to my hand.

  “Holy shit,” I whispered, drawing my eyes from my hand to look at her. The moment our eyes connected, I felt our flame burn between us. We had unfinished business, and there was still the devastatingly powerful feeling of love simmering between us. I hoped my eyes showed the thousand unspoken words I was so desperate to say.

  “Come to my place tonight and we can talk,” Sav spoke so softly that I thought I imagined it.

  I hope to the heavens above that I didn’t.

  Savannah

  TIME STOOD still, everyone eyeing me with expectation. I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and scared of what my body was d
oing to me; the same body that was begging me to completely and utterly throw myself at Tate’s mercy. I had just gotten caught under the Tate Connors Effect once again and had invited him to my place later. What the hell was wrong with me? We had just argued and thrown accusations at each other and now all I wanted was him alone in my apartment. Damn hormones.

  Jack’s eyes narrowed in on me in anticipation and hope. “Please come out with us, Sav.” He took a step towards me and lowered his mouth to my ear. “I missed you, Sav. We all have. Please come out, even for just an hour.”

  My eyes bounced between Tate, Lucas, Tanzi, and Jack, their expressions matching each other’s. How could I say no? Tanzi had just announced that the party was moving to Red Velvet, and it was life or death that I made an appearance.

  “An hour. You get me for an hour. I’ve got to go and rest this weary body. I need my bath and my candles.”

  A glimmer of a smile flashed over Tate’s lips and I didn’t miss it. I noticed everything about him. I nervously ran my fingers through my hair as my memories flashed back to Tate’s and my adventures in the bath in New York City. Fuck, that had been hot, and my body still remembered every single kiss and caress and the way his fingers had taken my body to places I’d never thought existed. I was like a dog in heat. Pregnancy was causing my sex drive to go into the catastrophic zone. All I thought about was sex, and two months without it was killing me.

  “I know exactly what you are thinking about, Sav. I know I am stepping over the line saying this, but thinking of the way my fingers were so deep in you has made the last two months bearable. You were amazing,” Tate’s voice hummed in my ear as he stood so closely that his scent caressed my senses. My eyes closed tight as heat rose deep inside of me. An impending explosion rumbled within me by a simple couple of sentences spoken from him. Arsehole. His torturous assault on my increased libido thankfully ceased as he stepped around me and slipped through the door and out to the foyer.

  No, Savannah, you needed to talk and sort things out before you even think about having sex with him.

  It was going to be a long night.

  WALKING INTO Red Velvet pregnant caused a wave of insecurities to blast through my body. I felt people’s eyes follow my every move as I made my way through the swollen crowd with my ever-swelling belly on full display.

  “People are staring at me,” I spoke softly to Lucas, who walked beside me. His arm was draped over my shoulder, and I felt as he shifted beside me to look in the direction of Tate.

  “If anyone gives you any shit, tell me and I will have them removed. Whether you like it or not, Savannah, this is your place just as much as it is mine,” Tate stated with authority beside me.

  I twisted in Lucas’s arms and came face to face with Tate. Our eyes connected like magnets and I knew he had me locked in. His brilliant blue eyes were showing a command and intensity that fired a truth towards me that I had never witnessed before. My body’s instant betrayal at the sound of his ownership over me caused a scorching heat to flame deep within me, and as our eyes locked together in silent discussion, his words filtered through me with promise. The noise, people, and space around us disappeared and I was hit with the realization that he would always own me. Even if I fought for the rest of my life, I’d never win the battle.

  “Come on, Sav. Let’s go to our table.”

  “Uh, yeah, sure,” I choked out, my gaze with Tate broken as he took off towards the table in the far corner of Red Velvet. I glanced at Lucas, who stood beside me with a smug looked plastered on his face.

  “You two are like a pair of horny teenagers.”

  “Shut up, Lucas.” I rolled my eyes and tried to think of anything that would extinguish the heat flooding my body. I couldn’t allow my sexual cravings for Tate to overcome the emotional needs I longed for.

  Lucas grabbed my hand and we maneuvered ourselves through the crowd, heading towards the familiar table that had become ours. My lips curved into a smile at the sense of comfort this table provided. This was the place where I’d had my first argument with Tate, where I had joked around with Jack and Lucas, and where Tanzi and I had shared each other’s inner most feelings and fears.

  “The memories I have of this table are insane!” I chuckled, pulling out a seat and collapsing in a heap. All heads turned to me and I felt three sets of eyes latch on to my boobs that were spilling out of my top. “Seriously, guys, are you going to be checking out my boobs for the next four months? Tanzi, I know you are jealous of the girls.”

  “Your boobs are fucking insane,” Jack howled before receiving a punch in the shoulder by Tanzi. “If knocking up a chick gets me this, then shit, I should have knocked you up a year ago, Tanzi.”

  My laughter filtered through the air. The inappropriateness of Jack was what made me love him even more. Tanzi collapsed onto Jack’s lap across from me and he whispered something in her ear, something I could only guess was sex related by the look Tanzi got in her eye.

  Lucas sat beside me, and the feeling that someone was missing hit me. Instinctively and desperately, my head spun around and my eyes darted through the bar in search of Tate. I was quickly losing control of my body and actions. I was heading into dangerous territory.

  “He went to get drinks,” Lucas said beside me. My embarrassment rose from my neck and took over my face. I was still THAT girl when it came to Tate. “When are you going to speak to him? I know for a fact that he wants to talk to you, but he is giving you time.” He paused. “Fuck it. I’m just going to say it out loud. You realize that he didn’t do anything with Chelsea, right?”

  “Did you just say bitch face’s name?” Tanzi snorted from across the table, her eyes suddenly overcome with a mixture of anger and intoxication.

  “I know he didn’t do anything,”

  It was true. I knew he would never cheat on me, but the moment I had seen that fucked-up video and the moment I had been surrounded by Chelsea and her spiteful words, I had been thrown back to face the insecurities I had been battling since Cory cheated on me. I should never have sent Tate away, but the fear and the uncertainty had overcome me.

  “Well what the fuck are you doing here? Go and tell him!” Tanzi shrieked and started clapping excitedly. My eyes found my best friends and they glowed with excitement.

  Nodding in agreement, I stood from the chair, my eyes darting around every corner of Red Velvet in search of Tate. If I was going to do this, I needed to do it now before my confidence ran for the hills. My heart rate increased as my eyes landed on him slumped against the main bar, talking to a regular of Red Velvet. I maneuvered my way through the bar, apologizing as I bumped into people. Regulars stopped me and offered their congratulations, but my eyes remained firmly locked on Tate’s back.

  As I stood behind him, my memories flashed back to when I had first told him I was pregnant and finding him slumped over at this very bar after drinking himself into oblivion at the thought of becoming his dad. The feelings were still so raw. I placed my hand on his back and felt him stiffen under my touch.

  “Tate, it’s me.”

  He swung around and faced me. He eyes scanned over my face as fear swam in his eyes, a fear I could only assume was about what I was about to say to him. Whether I would be ending our relationship for good or whether we could move past the atrocity of Chelsea. My heart jumped in my chest. It was all on me now. I was holding our future in the palm of my hands.

  “Sav, I didn’t do anything. I would never touch her. That video was filmed—without my consent, I might fucking add—months and months ago. Before you. Why would I cheat on you? I’m drunk, Sav, but I’m not lying to you. I’d never lie to you.” Tate took a step towards me with eyes firing with truth.

  “I know, Tate.”

  “Well why didn’t you trust me? Why didn’t you tell her to fuck off? Why didn’t you hold my hand and tell me that you believed me?”

  “Tate, it’s easier said than done. We both have history. We both have insecurities. I couldn’t handle be
ing bombarded like that. She had a video. The images of her fucking you are constantly on my mind. I can’t forget that, no matter how hard I try.”

  “I am sick of talking about that fucking video,” he barked. “I am sick of allowing her to control us.”

  “Well what do you want me to do? Forget what I saw? Forget that you fucked her?”

  “What about you, Savannah? You’ve fucked around. Why is it so different that I have? What makes me so different to you? I’ve fucked a lot of pussy and you’ve fucked a lot of dick.”

  “Uhhh, guys? You might want to take this somewhere private.”

  Both Tate and I swung around to find a sheepish Jack standing with his hands in his pockets, swaying slightly on his feet from the effects of alcohol. My eyes darted around the bar to find a small group of revelers now witnessing the dissolution of Tate and Savannah.

  “Come with me,” Tate grabbed my hand pulling me through the bar towards his office, not giving me any chance to retract my hand from his. He swung open the door and ushered me in, slamming the door behind us and shutting out the noise of Red Velvet.

  I tore away from him and looked around the office. He had completely refurbished it. There wasn’t a single thing that looked the same. A new, larger mahogany desk filled up the main space. An off-white leather couch was pushed along the far wall, bright red cushions splattered on it. There were new polished floorboards below my feet and the walls were now a deep red.

  “You renovated?” I walked through his office, my fingertips running along the top of the desk.

  What the hell? I stopped suddenly as my eyes trained in on the photo frame that was sitting on his desk right beside his opened laptop. A photo of Tate and me was looking back at me. In the photo, Tate and I had happiness oozing off us. He was standing behind me with his arms wrapped around me, resting on my stomach. I knew exactly when the photo had been taken. It was the day that we had officially told people about Jellybean, and there in my hand in the photo was the ultrasound picture. Tate had called this photo our first-ever family photo.