The Virgin Romance Novelist

  I turned and started walking toward my room when Henry called out my name, making me stop.

  “Rosie, please, let’s talk about this.”

  “There is no talking, Henry. Good luck with your move, and I hope you and Tasha are happy together. I remember how good she was to you in college.”

  With a broken heart, a hole in my chest, and a lack of purpose, I walked back into my room and rested my torn up body on my bed. This is what heartache felt like. This is what all those books were trying to describe, but never truly did justice, because I wanted nothing more than to crawl in a dark hole and never see sunlight again. The feeling of total emptiness encompassed me as darkness took over and I shut my eyes, allowing the world around me to move on while I lay, fragile and cracked.

  Chapter Twenty Two

  The Smell

  From my window sill, I watched as Henry directed the movers, who were packing the moving truck with his boxes. The week had flown by in a blur. I took the rest of the week off, faking illness and just lying in bed, wondering when the pain in my heart was going to stop, but unfortunately for me, it never did; it only grew worse, especially since it was Saturday and Henry was moving out.

  I hadn’t seen Tasha since I saw her the other day, but then again, I’d only showered and left my room for the first time today since I found Tasha and Henry together.

  The smell coming off of my body was too overwhelming this morning, so I gave in and took a shower, which was a bad idea since I just stared at Henry’s razor in the shower and cried over the fact that I wouldn’t see that razor in the shower anymore. I contemplated stealing it for my own sick purposes, but refrained from going bat shit crazy on him. Instead, I just emptied the remaining shampoo that was in my bottle and filled it with some of Henry’s, so I would at least smell him for the next couple of showers.

  Pathetic? Yup, that was me, pathetic with a capital P.

  When I wasn’t lying around, I was writing, fixing the problem in my life through the words in my book. I made sure my two main characters were always together; no matter what they faced, they wound up together. There was no break up, no apex in the story where everything came crashing down, I was too raw to write such a thing. No, they were going to be together forever. If I couldn’t make it happen in real life, than I sure as hell was going to make it happen in my book.

  Currently, I was that wishy-washy girl who went back and forth between loving and hating Henry. I hated him because he moved on within minutes after we yelled at each other on Sunday, but then again, I was the one who started it all, so did I really have the right to blame him? No, I didn’t.

  Delaney tried to come into my room and convince me to talk to Henry, but after the second time of her hanging in, I started barricading my door with a chair. I didn’t want visitors; I just wanted to smell, be lonely, and lay in the dark.

  Derk came up to Henry and patted him on the back while giving him a handshake. I hated that Derk and Delaney were helping him. I mean, I got why, they were friends, but the bitter person living in my shell of a body wanted them to hate Henry, which was ludicrous. Henry hadn’t done anything to them, no he only wrapped me around his finger, made me love him, and then just tossed me away.

  That was a lie, he didn’t toss me away…that was the bitter part of me talking. The bitter me made up lies in my head as to what happened, tried to convince my brain that all of this was because of Henry; he’d ruined everything, not me. But the sensible side of me knew Bitter Betty was just trying to get her revenge.

  The movers closed up the back of the truck and started pulling away from the curb. Delaney gave Henry a hug and then shrugged her shoulders when she pulled away. All three of them, at the same, time looked up toward my window, making me duck behind my curtain. My stealth like moves were telling me I went undetected, but the way all three of them were shaking their heads after I took a peek told me I was slower than I thought.

  I didn’t care…if they saw me, they saw me. What use was it going to do now?

  I watched as Henry took out his phone and started typing, probably calling Tasha to see if she wanted something to eat for lunch. That was the kind of guy Henry was, always thinking ahead and making sure you were well taken care of.

  Damn.

  My phone beeped with a text message, drawing me from my thoughts. I checked it and saw that it was Henry.

  Henry: Rosie, come down here and say goodbye. Just don’t stare at us from up there.

  Mortification ran through me from him calling me out.

  Come say goodbye to him? Yeah, no thank you. That was the last thing I needed right now. Even though I was smelling like Henry, thank you shampoo, there was no way I was strong enough to say goodbye to him and not cry, not cling on to his leg and beg him not to go. I’ve lived with Henry for so long now that not having him in the next room to me was going to be weird. I couldn’t face reality just yet.

  Instead of being a grown up and going downstairs. I texted him back.

  Rosie: Sorry, can’t. Probably not the best idea anyway. Happy house warming to you and Tasha.

  Tears started falling from my eyes once again as I turned off my phone and went to my bed, where I buried myself once again in my comforter, separating myself from the world. It was the only way I knew how to currently live.

  The shirt I borrowed from Henry was under my pillow. I never returned it because it was the one thing I clung on to, the one last piece of him that I would be able to hold onto and I would be damned if I would let it go.

  ***

  “Rosie, I’m not kidding. If you don’t let me in this room, I’m going to break down the door and you can explain to the landlord why your door is broken.”

  Groaning, I got out of bed and opened my door to find Delaney and Derk standing outside of it, casually dressed with their arms folded over their chests.

  “What do you want?” I said, while my voice croaked and my eyes tried to adjust to the light. What time was it and what day was it?

  “You smell!” Delaney said, while pinching her nose.

  “Thanks, is that all you wanted to say?”

  “No, it’s Monday, and Jenny said if you don’t show up to work tomorrow, Gladys is going to have a coronary.”

  “I have pneumonia,” I fake coughed.

  “No, you don’t. Now, come on. We’re going to get you showered because, damn, girl! And then we’re going to go out for dinner. I don’t think you’ve eaten for days.”

  “I had some saltines I found under my bed,” I confessed.

  Derk’s nose crinkled at me as he studied my get-up. I was wearing long john bottoms, a purple oversized shirt, one sock, and my hair was plastered to my head since I hadn’t taken a shower in two days. Not my finest hour.

  “You’re done moping around. Let’s go.”

  Without my permission, Delaney gabbed my hand and led me to the bathroom, where she started the shower and stared at me. I held my hands up as I backed up into the wall.

  “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

  “Taking your clothes off. I don’t care if I see you naked; you need to be cleaned.”

  “Well, I care,” I squeaked.

  “Then, be a big girl and take a shower yourself, or I will have to do it for you. I will have clothes picked out for you when you get out. Hurry up, because Derk and I are getting hungry.”

  “Fine,” I succumbed and waited for Delaney to leave, but instead of exiting the bathroom, she sat on the toilet and covered up her eyes.

  “Go on, I won’t look.”

  “Why aren’t you leaving?”

  “Oh, so you can lock me out of the bathroom and drown yourself? Yeah, I don’t think so.”

  “I wouldn’t drown myself,” I sneered as I quickly took off my clothes and got in the shower. “Ahhh! It’s freezing!”

  “Yes, I know. I thought it would wake you up.”

  Frantically, I turned the water to hot, knowing full well I couldn’t hop out of the shower, beca
use then Delaney would see me naked, that evil, evil girl. Once the water warmed up, I started going through my shower routine, trying to forget about the fact that Henry’s razor was no longer hanging there. Nope, I would not think about it.

  I showered like a boss, taking only two minute to cleanse my entire body, because the longer I stayed in there, the longer I felt myself start to weaken and want to crawl into a fetal position at the bottom of the tub.

  I turned the shower off and grabbed the towel hanging right next to the shower.

  “Did you even clean your lady cactus? That was a pretty quick shower,” Delaney stated.

  “Yes, I cleaned my lady cactus. God, I’m not a Neanderthal.”

  “Pretty sure Neanderthals cleaned their lady cacti.”

  “You’re making this such a joyous experience,” I said sarcastically, as I wrapped the towel around my body and pulled back the shower curtain.

  “I thought you were going to have clothes ready for me.”

  “Oh, yeah, well come on, let’s go to your room. You can comb your hair there and put on at least some mascara.”

  Rolling my eyes, I followed Delaney out of the bathroom and into my room, while Derk sat on the sofa, watching sports highlights. My mind went to many nights where I saw Henry and Derk watching highlights together, talking about their teams of choice and their wins and losses.

  My heart ached.

  “You’re kind of depressing to be around,” Delaney said, after moments of silence of me brushing my hair and her picking out an outfit.

  “Thanks, you’re really sweet.”

  “Well, I mean, come on, Rosie. You could at least give me a small smile.”

  “I don’t feel like it,” I said sadly. “You know, Delaney, I never realized how much one person could need another until Henry left. People always talk about having another half, but I never really understood it until now.” I took a deep breath and looked at her. “Will the pain ever lessen?”

  Delaney gave me a sad smile, but nodded her head. “It will, Rosie. I promise. It’s just new right now. It will get better.”

  “I hope so. Can I just throw my hair up in a wet bun? I don’t feel like doing anything special to it right now.”

  “That’s fine, but at least wear a headband.”

  “Well, of course,” I lightly smiled.

  Delaney picked out a pair of my favorite jeans and a simple black top that was fitted to my upper half. I matched the top with a black headband that had a little red flower on it, put on some eyeliner—yes, crazy I know—and applied some mascara. That was as good as it was going to get.

  “Might want some deodorant,” Delaney added, as she saw me walking toward my door.

  “Ugh, stupid arm pits.”

  I applied some deodorant and a little bit of perfume—things were getting wild—and grabbed my purse.

  “Okay, let’s go.”

  Derk met us out in the living room with his hands in his pockets.

  “Ready?” he asked, while pulling Delaney into his side.

  “Ready,” I reluctantly replied, knowing already that I was the awkward third wheel on this outing. “Where are we off to?”

  “How about Shake Shack? Simple but good, and the perfect cure for that little broken heart of yours,” Delaney said.

  “I could go for that, are you buying?” I batted my eyelashes, trying to work the whole pitiful card.

  “I will,” Derk winked at me. “But that means we get to stop at my buddy’s place real quick to pick up my Ultimate Frisbee set. His place is right next to Shake Shack.”

  “Ugh, twist my arm.”

  Being the high rollers we were—not—we filed into a taxi and sidled up next to each other in the back, while Derk gave the cabbie our destination. I wasn’t paying, so I wasn’t going to complain about taking a cab. Derk had plenty of money; I wasn’t worried about mooching off of him.

  The busy streets of New York City passed me by as we drove in and out of traffic-filled roads, coming almost too close to other cars at times. Riding in a taxi in New York City was definitely a driver’s version of Russian Roulette. Were you going to make it or take the bullet, aka, crash into the car in front of you, beside you, or even behind you? It was a chance you took every time you stepped into a taxi.

  “Thinking about what kind of shake you’re going to get? Strawberry?” Delaney asked me, while nudging my shoulder.

  “Yeah, something like that,” I responded.

  The ride to Derk’s friend’s place was surprisingly uneventful. We pulled up to a building, where a doorman was standing outside, waiting to tend to new visitors of the building. Fancy.

  I was jealous of the location; it was right next to the theater district, where I’ve always wanted to live. The history of New York City and the old time feel always called out to me, especially anything that had to do with Broadway. I was not the least bit good at singing, but place a musical in front of me, and I would be watching it for days. I had an old soul.

  “Wow, I’m jealous of your friend,” I admitted, as Derk nodded at the doorman, who opened the door for us.

  The lobby of the apartment building was beautiful, full of white marble and pillars. It almost seemed too fancy, like Donald Trump should be popping out from behind a door any minute.

  Derk led us to the elevators, where he pushed the button for the tenth floor, the middle of the building. His friend was fancy, but not too fancy, since he wasn’t in the penthouse suite, but who was I to judge? I’d been using my sock as an eye cover for the past couple of days.

  “Nice place,” I said, while we traveled up.

  “Yeah, rent was a steal. The guy has connections.”

  We walked to the end of the hallway, to a golden yellow door with an eight on it. Derk knocked a few times and we waited patiently for the door to open, but all we heard was a “Come in” from a far off spot.

  Derk opened the door, and I followed behind him and Delaney, feeling slightly awkward that I was walking into a stranger’s apartment.

  The floors of the apartment were a deep oak, and the walls were a natural taupe color. Not my favorite, but it looked nice with the floors. The living room was the corner of the building, offering a beautiful windowed view of what was happening in the streets below. Yup, I was officially jealous. I scanned the living room and appreciated the bright red couch that looked like heaven to sit on and the white fireplace that sat in the middle of the room.

  It wasn’t until I spotted the framed pictures of me and Henry on the mantle that I realized I was standing in Henry’s new apartment.

  I started backing up, but didn’t realize Delaney was being a tricky little bitch and stopped me from fleeing.

  “Hey guys,” Henry said, as he walked in, but stopped immediately when he saw me.

  I wanted to crawl into a hole, bury my head in the sand, do something to get away from the shocked eyes of Henry.

  “Uh, what are you doing here?” Henry asked me.

  My eyes floated from his mantle, where every single picture was of him and me, and they were the only decoration gracing the place, and then back to his eyes, those beautiful, mesmerizing eyes.

  “Picking up Frisbees,” I said, like an idiot.

  “Frisbees?” Henry asked, now looking at Delaney.

  “Gee, look at that, we have to go, Derk. We have that appointment with the sex and yoga guru. Sorry, we can’t help unpack, but, oh hey, look at that, Rosie is free. Go on, Rosie,” Delaney pushed me into the living room. “Help Henry. See you later.”

  Just like that, Derk and Delaney scooted out of Henry’s apartment, leaving us completely alone.

  I stood awkwardly, fidgeting with my purse, trying to think of any kind of excuse that would give me an option to leave, but my mind was drawing blanks. Complete blanks.

  “It’s good to see you,” Henry said, walking closer to me, making my sweat glands work on overdrive.

  “You too. Nice place,” I complimented.

  “Thanks.??
?

  “How’s Tasha? Is she all moved in as well?”

  Why would Delaney bring me here? Why was she being so cruel? I get it, I needed to move on, but to throw me in the shark tank while I was still bleeding…that wasn’t a friend move, it was a straight up bitch move.

  Henry looked down as he spoke. “Tasha was a mistake. I, uh, let her down earlier this week.”

  “Then, why did you move?” I asked, before I could stop myself.

  “I’ve been looking to move for a while now, since Delaney and Derk were going to be finding a place together soon. This place became available, and I couldn’t pass it up.”

  “Oh,” I replied, feeling like my heart was going to fall right out of my chest in front of Henry, just so he could stomp on it a little bit more.

  He was planning on moving all this time, no wonder why he decided to finally just have sex with me, because he was leaving anyway…there were going to be no strings attached for him.

  Needing to get out of his apartment so I could breathe again, I started walking backwards to the door.

  “Well, I’m not feeling very well. I think I’m going to go.” Not a lie at all. I literally felt like I was going to throw up.

  “Rosie, wait,” Henry said, as he quickly walked over to me and grabbed me by the hand.

  Instantly I felt the warmth coming off of him, making me want to buckle over and cry. I missed him terribly.

  “Please, just sit down and talk to me for a second.”

  I was weak, I was pathetic, I would do anything to just spend a few more minutes with him, so I nodded and allowed for him to guide me to his red couch, which felt like heaven under my bum. I was right, it was supremely comfortable.

  “Nice couch.”

  “Thanks, got it on sale. Loved the color, it reminded me of you.”

  Yup, I didn’t want him to say things like that, because it only gutted me more.