On the Edge

  “Sure. Give me your number and I’ll text it to you later.”

  I told him my number and he plugged it into his phone.

  Julia and Eric had come back to reality and were watching us. I caught Julia’s knowing look, and gave my head a subtle shake. Ortiz might have my phone number now, but other than sending me the quote for Hector, I doubted he would use it.

  And it didn’t matter. Ortiz was cool, but there was someone else on my mind now. Someone who’d been there when I’d needed him. Someone whose face I’d never seen, but who I was drawn to in a way I’d never thought possible.

  I needed Lobo to come see me again. Soon.

  LOBO

  WHEN I WALKED INTO MCDONALD’S THE NEXT DAY after school, my coworkers went quiet. Stared. Whispered to each other.

  Well, except for Manny. The moment he saw me, he came over and hugged me tight.

  “God, Diaz,” he said against my hair. “You scared the fuck out of me.”

  It felt good to have his arms around me. Safe. But since everybody was staring, I pulled away with a “Burger biatch is in da house.”

  I said a quick hi to everyone then went into the staff room. Manny followed me in. For once, he seemed tongue-tied. “You look better than I pictured.”

  “What kind of a compliment is that? Forget it—I’ll take it.” I tossed my bag into a locker. “Your texts helped, Manny. Thanks. Iz wanted me to pass on a message to you: if you text her one more time for an update on my health, she’ll kick your ass.”

  He actually blushed. “I didn’t want to bug you too much. Listen, Diaz. I wanted to tell you this in person.” He came up to me, stepping into my personal space. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help you that night. I can’t tell you how sorry.”

  “Why should you be sorry? You couldn’t have known what was coming.”

  “I feel like shit that I downplayed the threat when you asked about the Reyes. I pride myself on keeping my ear to the ground, you know?” He looked like he was about to say more, but suddenly broke off. “I honestly didn’t think they’d come after you.”

  “Don’t worry about it. It’s over now.”

  “Is it?” He searched my eyes, as if he didn’t believe me.

  His vulnerability tugged at my heart. I didn’t know what I’d done for Manny to care about me like this. I didn’t deserve it.

  “As you can see, I’m fine. No thanks to your obscene text messages—they made me laugh so hard I almost busted my stitches.” I nudged his shoulder.

  “For sexting, I’m your man.” He gave a crooked smile. “I was a bit worried you’d report me for sexual harassment. I could lose this sweet job. So when are you gonna start sexting me back?”

  When I got home, Mom was in the backyard with Dex, smoking and painting her toenails. She’d kept her promise not to smoke in the house, which meant she was outside a lot of the time. More stress, more cigarettes. I didn’t have the heart to nag her about it.

  She finished painting the last toenail, then shifted her lawn chair, trying not to send smoke in my direction. “How was work?”

  “Same old.”

  “You might as well quit that job now that you have the scholarship. Take some time off. You’ll find a job on campus in the fall.”

  “It’s all right. I have fun there sometimes. And I might need the money.”

  “If you’re concerned about money, I’ll pick up an extra shift here and there.”

  I knew what she was doing. Just like Ms. Halsall had wanted me to step down from the school newspaper, Mom wanted me to quit McDonald’s. Ms. Halsall had been worried about stress, and I was sure that Mom was worried about safety. Although they both had the best of intentions, I couldn’t go along with them.

  “You work six shifts a week, Mom. And you have . . .” A divorce to pay for, I didn’t say. “You have a mortgage. Don’t worry.”

  She grunted. “Don’t worry, huh? I hate to let you out of my sight, Maddie.”

  “I know. But I can’t take being holed up in the house anymore.” I wished I could tell her about Lobo’s assurance that I was safe, but that was too big a can of worms to open. Instead I said, “Turns out the Reyes who attacked me left town. They knew the cops were after them.”

  “Really?” Mom asked, desperate to believe me.

  “Yeah.” It might be true. How could Lobo say I was safe if the perps hadn’t left town? And if it helped Mom sleep at night, it was worth it.

  Before Mom could question how I knew all of this, I changed the topic. “Don’t forget, my birthday’s coming up. Iz is already making plans.”

  “Are you going to celebrate together this year?”

  “Nah, Mom, we haven’t done that in years.” Although our birthdays were a week apart, Iz and I had come to a decision that two parties were always better than one.

  She took a drag of her cigarette and exhaled slowly. “Let’s do something for your birthday, just you and me. How about the Siesta Café? You’re not too cool to hang with your mom, are you?”

  “Of course not. Sounds great.” I knew she didn’t mean anything by it, but I felt a prickle of resentment. We’d barely done any mother-daughter things in the last few years, and it wasn’t because I thought she was lame company. It was because of Boyd.

  I watched as Mom inspected her freshly painted toenails. “I’m off to bed, honey. Early shift tomorrow.” She kissed my cheek as she got up.

  “Night, Mom.”

  Mom went inside, and I leaned back on the lounge chair, staring up at the sky. I should probably coax Dex inside and do some work. Ortiz had sent me his quote last night, and I was eager to get going on my letter to the editor. But I was too tired to do any work right now, and it was Friday. I’d earned some chill time.

  It was a clear, starry night. Watching the stars always made me think of big, overwhelming things, like the meaning of life, or the unfathomable size of the universe. Usually those questions made me uneasy, but not tonight. After all I’d been through in the past few weeks, I felt lucky, almost giddy, that I was even alive to ask those questions.

  I sat up and watched Dex as he played fetch with himself. He wasn’t a puppy anymore, but he still had a puppy’s energy, a puppy’s joy. Boyd had suppressed those things in him, but they had surfaced eventually. It felt good to see Dex enjoying himself. Ever since I’d been attacked, he’d become more aggressive. He’d even taken to sitting at the window and barking at people walking by. He wanted everybody to know that if they threatened his family, there’d be hell to pay.

  “Hello,” a voice said from the darkness.

  My heart pounded in my chest. I surveyed the backyard, trying to pinpoint where it was coming from. The swing, I realized, not ten feet away from me. Shaded by a palm tree, a man in black was sitting on it.

  “It’s Lobo.”

  “I didn’t hear you. How’d you get in here?” I’d locked the gate when I’d come in.

  “I jumped the fence.”

  How could he have done it without Dex noticing? Dex chased down anyone who got close to the house, person or animal.

  “Sorry I scared you,” he said.

  “Don’t be,” I said quietly, hoping Dex wouldn’t hear us. “But watch out for my dog. He’s gonna freak when he sees you.”

  “He’ll be fine.” Lobo snapped his fingers. “Hey, boy!”

  Dex’s head shot up and he ran across the yard, skidding to a halt in front of him.

  “C’mere, boy.” Lobo gestured with his hand for Dex to come closer, and Dex obeyed. When Lobo scruffed his neck, Dex nuzzled against him, wagging his tail happily. Then Lobo hit his rump and Dex bounded off again.

  I was in shock. “How did you do that? Dex never lets any guy pet him. He hates men.”

  “Your dog knows a true alpha male when he sees one. He knows when to be aggressive, and when to submit. Besides, he can tell that I’m not a threat.”

  “He can?”

  “Of course. Why’d you name him Dex, anyway?”

&nbs
p; “I didn’t. My mom’s ex-husband named him after Dexter, that show about the serial killer. Dex used to be his dog.”

  “Well, he’s loyal to you now.”

  “Yeah. But I think he’s traumatized that I got hurt. Somebody walks by the house and he goes crazy. I fear for the mailman.”

  “He’s feeding off your mom’s anxiety. He’ll get better once he’s sure you’re safe. It could take time.”

  “Hope you’re right. Are you a dog whisperer or something?”

  He chuckled softly. “I like dogs. They’re honest. They never hide what they’re feeling.”

  I bet Lobo saw the irony in his statement. He himself was hiding, crouched in the shade of the swing, cap and bandanna covering his face. If he shifted just a few inches, the moonlight might give me a chance to catch a bit of a glimpse. But he didn’t budge.

  “There’s a war going on in Miami,” he said. “I thought you should know.”

  His words sent a shiver through me. “What do you mean?”

  “Los Reyes are fighting for territory with a Mexican cartel. The cartel’s led by a kingpin called El Chueco.”

  I’d heard of El Chueco. His thick, pockmarked face had been all over the news lately. He planned to take over the drug trade in South Florida, and right now, the Miami gangs—especially the Reyes—were in his way. El Chueco’s name meant crooked because of the twisted things he’d done to his enemies. Anyone who got in his way ended up brutally murdered, and their body would always turn up in a public place—that was his signature.

  “Just be careful,” Lobo said. “I’ve made sure the Reyes won’t touch you. But when the cartel and the Reyes clash, anyone could be caught in the crossfire.”

  My stomach sank. He’d made me feel that I was safe, but it sounded like no one was safe anymore.

  “Where do the Destinos fit into this?” I asked.

  “We don’t. Our war is different.”

  His tone was closed. The reporter in me was tempted to press him, but I knew he wouldn’t talk. I’d better just say what I needed to say while I had the chance. “You saved my life, Lobo. Thank you. I’m sorry I didn’t say that at the hospital.”

  “It’s cool. You never needed to thank me, Madeleina.”

  My heart flipped over. I wanted to go to him, to open my arms to him. I didn’t even care who he was. I didn’t need his name or his backstory. I just wanted to be near him.

  “I was hoping you’d come and see me again.” The darkness made me brave, made me feel like I could say anything.

  “The truth is, I’ve been trying not to. But I wanted to tell you about El Chueco.”

  I nodded. “Thanks for the warning.”

  He might’ve sighed. It was hard to tell with his bandanna. “I can’t visit you again, Madeleina.”

  “Why not?”

  “It doesn’t do either of us any good. The more I see you, the harder it’ll be to stay away.” He grunted. “That’s the irony of hiding who you are. Makes it easier to tell the truth.”

  “I want you to keep coming back. You don’t need to tell me anything you don’t want to.” I heard the desperation in my voice. But I had to see him again. The thought of seeing him was what had kept me going since the attack.

  “Why can’t we, like, um . . .” My words tripped over each other. What could I say—let’s hang out? Catch a movie?

  “You might see me around, in the light of day. But if you did, you wouldn’t know me. And I have to keep it that way.”

  My eyes welled up. It was crazy, but I felt like I was being dumped by the love of my life. I felt a quick spinning sensation—like I was drowning. I’d built a fantasy around Lobo, as if I could turn my masked savior into a boyfriend. A boyfriend in a bandanna.

  “I’m sorry, Madeleina.”

  And I could tell that he was. Whatever was between us, he must’ve felt it too. He wouldn’t be here if he didn’t.

  We were quiet then. Crickets came alive in the silence. I saw him get up, adjust the cap over his eyes, and move toward me. I sat as still as a statue, afraid to move.

  I closed my eyes. He must’ve pulled down the bandanna, because I felt warm lips touch my temple. But it wasn’t enough for me. It wasn’t close to enough. I turned in my chair and reached up, guiding his head down to mine.

  He groaned. We caught our breaths, kissing hungrily, starved for each other. My hand curled in the silky hair below his cap, and he moved back sharply, turning away and pulling up the bandanna in one quick motion.

  I should probably be embarrassed that I’d grabbed him like that. But I wasn’t. That kiss was all I’d have to remember him by. And I knew he’d wanted it just as much.

  “Good-bye, Madeleina.” He moved away.

  I was alone again. And I’d never felt so lonely in my entire life.

  “Good-bye, Lobo,” I whispered into the darkness.

  BIRTHDAY BUMPS

  I WASN’T IN THE MOOD TO HAVE A BIRTHDAY this year. But as the twenty-seventh of April got closer, Iz talked about the plan nonstop. Should we go dancing? Of course. Some drinking? No doubt. A male stripper? Um, no.

  I played along, but I didn’t see anything worth celebrating—except maybe that I was still alive.

  After Lobo’s last visit, I’d fallen into a funk. The reality of everything that had happened was finally sinking in. For a while, the thought of Lobo, the mystery and excitement of him, had kept away the depression. But now that I knew he wasn’t coming back, the darkness was here to stay.

  I stopped seeing Jennifer, the school psychologist. She kept saying that I was depressed and needed meds. She said the meds would carry me through this time until I could deal with all that had happened to me. I couldn’t explain to Jennifer that it wasn’t just PTSD I was going through, it was heartbreak. Last I checked, meds couldn’t fix that.

  When I woke up on my birthday, I went to my Facebook page and saw a slew of messages. Ah, the love. Of course, most of those people wouldn’t have any clue that it was my birthday if Facebook hadn’t reminded them, but I didn’t care.

  My locker was decorated when I got to school. Unfortunately, it was with little sex toys that I had to tear down and hide before a dean walked by. It was sweet, though. Iz had chosen the theme Birthday Raunchiness, so I should’ve expected this.

  I drifted through my classes, hardly paying attention, and sneaking peeks at my phone. Julia, Manny, Abby, and Carmen—they’d all sent me birthday texts. It was a boost. And I’d take what I could get.

  At nine o’clock that night, I showed up at Iz’s. She looked me up and down and declared “Perfecto! Absolutely perfecto!” Then she handed me a Maddie Diaz Margarita.

  I was glad she approved of my look. I’d bought the black halter dress especially for tonight, pairing it up with black, high-heeled sandals with metallic studs. Birthday Sexy, if not Birthday Raunchy. As for Iz, she rocked a tight purple top, tighter pink pants, red lipstick and a chunky blue necklace. Color-blocking all the way. A walking work of art, as usual.

  “Birthday girl!” Abby hugged me. She wore a cute maxi-dress from H&M. “How was dinner with your mom?”

  “Awesome. Where’s Carmen?”

  “Don’t speak her name!” Iz hissed. “I’m ready to smack that girl stupid. She had the nerve to call and say she’d meet us at the club later. Can you believe that?”

  I shrugged. “It’s fine with me.”

  “It’s not fine,” Iz insisted. “Carmen’s overdoin’ it. I’m sick of her crashing at my place whenever she stays out late with Rafael. It’s getting out of control. Even my parents are starting to get pissed off. She’s doubling our water bill with her long showers.”

  “Carmen’s parents don’t even know she’s dating anyone,” Abby said.

  “And now she blows us off on your birthday? No way. Uh-uh. It’s bullshit. I’m gonna tell her when I see her.”

  Abby and I looked at each other. We could read each other’s minds where Iz was concerned. Iz had gotten into plenty of scraps in her d
ay. She was like a bitch-slapping Speedy Gonzales—small but fast.

  “Tell her tomorrow, not tonight,” Abby said. “Let’s keep the peace for Maddie’s birthday.”

  “I’ll try. That’s all I can say. Now it’s gift time!” Iz squealed and grabbed a red gift bag.

  “I told you not to . . . ,” I began.

  “Just open the damn thing!”

  There were two sparkling silver frames with black-and-white pictures. One was of me and Iz sticking out our tongues—just hours after Iz had gotten her short-lived, soon-infected tongue piercing. The other picture was of me and Iz at the beach when we were kids, arms slung around each other.

  “They’re for your dorm room. I painted the frames myself.”

  “These are awesome.” We hugged.

  Iz always gave the most thoughtful gifts. I’d have to think of something good for her birthday, and I didn’t have much time. It was a week from Sunday, but we’d be celebrating it next Friday.

  “Now mine,” Abby said, handing me a gift bag. I looked inside, and laughed when I pulled out purple lingerie.

  “I’ve seen your underwear,” Abby said. “You can’t wear Hanes Her Way in college. Even your roommate will disown you.”

  I pulled the bra over my chest. “Verra nice.”

  “It’s got some push-up too.” She pumped her hands. “Wha’ wha’. Gotta treat the girls right.”

  For the next couple of hours, we gossiped, listened to music, and nodded our heads while Iz bitched about Carmen. Then we caught a cab to the club.

  Nostalgica was downtown, near the Miami Dade campus. Pub by day, club by night. The doormen didn’t come on until eleven, so we slipped in just in time.

  Julia was waiting for us at the bar, casual beautiful in a black tank and jeans. “Happy Birthday, Maddie!” She gave me a big hug.

  I noticed Iz bristle. I’d mentioned to her that Julia had visited me while I was laid up, but I hadn’t said we’d become good friends. Iz had always been possessive of her friends—of me, in particular—and I knew she wouldn’t like it.

  “Where’s Eric?” I asked Julia.

  “He gets off work at midnight. Hopefully. Last week the chef kept him an hour late to drill him on how to sear a scallop.”