Forever Fredless

  After about forty-five minutes, we were back where we began and Ashley pulled the horses and carriage over to the side of the road, where I paid her and said goodbye, but not before petting Suzanne and Eliza and then getting out of the way so a loved-up Italian couple could climb aboard. I watched as the horses trotted away. Ashley smiled and waved and I opened the map George had given me to find the nearest supermarket. It was time to do some shopping and head home. I had to be at Freddie's soon.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

  'Katie, darling!' yelled Freddie from the other side of the door as I knocked and laughed at his reaction. The door swooped open and he pulled me forward and gave me two air kisses.

  'I've been looking forward to this all day!' he squealed. 'I don't know if George told you but,' he placed his hand dramatically on his chest before continuing, 'my Andy recently left me,' he paused again, 'and so a much needed heart to heart with my new British friend is just what I need.'

  'Well then I'm glad to be able to help, Freddie,' I smiled as I walked into his apartment and admired his décor. The open plan lounge and kitchen was the same layout as mine, only his had a lot more colour and was decorated in a much more contemporary style.

  'I took the liberty of opening a bottle of champagne - I hope you approve,' he said as he poured us both a glass of Mumm rosé.

  'Yes, perfect,' I grinned as he handed it to me.

  'Cheers, my darling,' he whispered as we clinked glasses before we linked arms and walked over to the huge red sofa that dominated the room. 'I knew we were going to be friends the moment I set eyes on you in the elevator. Now,' he said, placing his hand on my knee, 'I want to know everything,' he winked before taking a long sip of bubbly.

  'I want to know everything too,' I laughed. 'Like how a true Texan gay man winds up living in such a fabulous apartment in central New York?'

  'That would be down to my dearest mother and father, who were so incredibly embarrassed to have a gay son that they shipped me off to live as far away as possible as soon as I was of age,' Freddie explained. 'New York seemed like the most appropriate place, and they were right, of course. It's where I met Andy,' he smiled before the corners of his mouth began to turn downwards and he his lips trembled.

  'Oh, Freddie, I'm so sorry. What happened?'

  oOo

  Masculine-looking, handsome and yet incredibly camp. That summed up Freddie and I loved all of that about him. We became instant buddies, spending every spare minute together. He was like my soul mate. It was such a shame he was gay, of course it was, but this was meant to be. Destiny had brought us together and had made me realise how silly I was to wait all this time for Fred, when Freddie was the one I needed.

  During our first evening together, he had poured his heart out to me, telling me all about his beloved Andy, the man he'd spent seven years of his life with. The man he had hoped to spent the rest of his life with, too. But it wasn't meant to be. Andy had been unable to resist the charms of a well known Scottish actor who flitted between London, Los Angeles and New York. Naturally, Freddie was devastated.

  The following evening we'd got together again and this time he was the shoulder for my heavy heart. We drank several bottles of champagne and ended up falling asleep on the sofa in front of the TV, where we'd bonded over episodes of Hart of Dixie, both swooning over George, Wade and the town's mayor, Lavon.

  It was exactly what we both needed. Followed, of course, by shopping.

  oOo

  'You can't possibly be serious?' I asked, standing in the changing rooms wearing the most ridiculous orange and brown floral gown.

  Trying so hard to keep a straight face, Freddie could hold it no longer and cracked up. But not before taking a picture of me with his phone.

  'Freddie!' I squealed, rushing forward to take a peek. 'You're cruel making me try this on.'

  'Cruel perhaps, but it is hilarious don't you think?' he giggled as I eventually stopped struggling for his phone and gave up, walking back into the little booth to take the dress off.

  'Okay, okay,' he gave in. 'I promise not to be cruel again. Here,' he said as I opened the door, in my bra and knickers, with my eyebrows raised.

  He was holding up the most exquisite lace red dress, I blushed and grabbed it from his fingers.

  'I told you I had the best taste in clothes,' he teased. 'That's why my mother chose New York. So she could come over for shopping weekends with me. It's the only time she accepts me for who I really am,' he sighed. 'I wanna see the moment you have it on.'

  Seconds later I pulled open the door and stepped forward, feeling more beautiful than ever before.

  'Wow,' he said with a wolf whistle, admiring me as I stood in front of the large mirror.

  The midi length sleeves helped to elongate my arms, and the dress reached just below my knees making my legs look long and sleek. Even I could see that the colour made my eyes pop. It was true, he did have exquisite taste in clothes.

  'Freddie, you're incredible,' I whispered. 'I don't blame your mother at all. You're amazing.'

  'I sure am.'

  I laughed. 'I don't ever want to take it off.'

  'Well, I'm afraid you're gonna have to, otherwise the staff will have to call security.'

  I rolled my eyes and turned to him. 'What else have you found?'

  He grinned sneakily, rubbing his chin with his fingers before leaning sideways into the other changing room and pulling out a pair of blue jeans.

  'Jeans?' I asked, frowning.

  'Not just any old jeans,' he said, handing them to me.

  'What's so special about them?'

  'I'm not telling. You'll just have to try them on and find out.'

  Smiling, I took them out of his hands and turned, glancing at the mirror one more time before pulling myself away and back into my changing room.

  'Oh, try them on with this,' he said, opening the door and handing me a purple blouse.

  The jeans were like silk against my skin, fitting like no other pair of jeans had ever fit me before. I mean, let's face it, jeans are one of the most difficult items of clothing to buy, right? But these, well, they were just - perfect. I slid the blouse over my head and tucked it in before opening the door and stepping back out. Freddie sat on the sofa grinning triumphantly.

  'I told you.'

  'They're amazing,' I said as I rubbed my thighs, looking in the mirror.

  'How did you know the exact size?'

  'Really? Honey, I'm gay.'

  'Oh yeah, right,' I smiled.

  'Thank you,' I mouthed to him in the reflection.

  He rubbed my arms and grinned. 'My pleasure, Katie. Next stop, the shoe store,' he winked and I squealed.

  oOo

  'You sound different. So relaxed... happy,' Jo said, on the phone, several weeks later.

  'I am. This trip is just what I needed, Jo.'

  'I think it's more than the trip - it's Freddie, isn't it?' she said and I could almost hear her smile down the phone.

  I nodded. 'Yeah, I guess it is. Who knew that all I needed was a gay best friend?'

  Jo laughed loudly. 'I just hope he hasn't replaced me,' she joked.

  'Replace you? Never! No-one could ever replace you, Jo. I miss you.'

  'I miss you too, hon. When do you think you'll come home?'

  Shrugging, I stood up and moved the curtain so I could gaze outside. 'Honestly, I really don't know. I do love it here and I feel at home, you know?'

  'But you are coming home, aren't you?'

  'Yeah, of course. How's Carly doing?'

  'She's great, got a boyfriend apparently, but don't change the subject. It sounds like you don't want to come home.'

  'It's not that, Jo. It's just that I feel different here. There's no newspaper reporters following me, people in the street don't care who I am and I haven't had to read a single begging letter since I arrived.'

  'Well, of course I understand that, sweetie. But you belong here with your friends - don't you? Oh gosh, I'm sorry. I do
n't mean to drag you back, I just miss you, that's all. But if you love it there and you want to stay then, well, you should stay I guess,' she said sadly.

  My heart sank. I missed her. I really did. I missed all of my friends. But I just felt so much lighter in New York.

  'Thanks, Jo. I miss you all so much. I haven't decided what I'm going to do yet. Besides, I still have to go and see the apartment in Toronto.'

  'You just do what you feel is right. And whatever that is, I'll support your decision, I promise. If you do decide to stay over there, I'll just start taking more holidays to New York, that's all.'

  'Yay!' I squealed. 'I certainly hope so. I hope you all do.'

  'We will. Well, I'd better let you go. What are you up today?'

  'Going to see the Statue of Liberty with Freddie.'

  'Wow, that sounds fabulous. Have fun, hon. Talk again soon?'

  'Absolutely. Give Carly my love. I'll call you soon. Love you. Bye.'

  I put the phone down and sat down on the sofa. I missed her so much but was I ready to go home? No. When would I be ready to go home? Honestly, I really didn't know.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

  I'd never been to a gay bar before. I hadn't quite known what to expect so, when Freddie took my hand and pulled me through the door of the coolest club in the world, I actually held my breath.

  He'd laughed so hard when he had seen my face when he'd announced where he was taking me that night.

  'Don't be such a prude, honey. It's only a gay bar. You've got nothing to worry about,' he said as he rifled through my limited wardrobe and finally opted for those amazing jeans and a bright sequinned top. When I went to put on my black boots, he shook his head dramatically and pointed to my black sandals.

  'But it's freezing out,' I cried.

  'Tut tut, girl. Style over weather - always.'

  Reluctantly, I'd put the sandals on and grabbed my new black leather jacket.

  He grinned. 'Are we a great team or are we a great team?'

  I nodded. 'So, a gay bar? You're taking me to a gay bar. Why?'

  'Honey, you're not the only one that needs to get laid.'

  Clearly my face said it all as he almost fell over laughing.

  'I guess you have a point,' I whispered as we left the building, waving to George and grabbing the nearest available cab.

  The bar was heaving, the music was loud and the dance floor was full of mostly men dancing together. Although it seemed a bit weird at first, I soon got used to it. Several people waved to Freddie from a distance and I followed him towards the bar where he smiled seductively at the barman, who was super cute, as were the majority of the guys there.

  'Hey, Freddie. Haven't seen you around for a while. How's things? Where's Andy?' he asked.

  Freddie pouted as he leaned on the bar. 'He left me.'

  'Oh poor you,' the barman shouted above the deep thud of the bass, before he started mixing drinks. We watched as he proceeded to throw bottles around like Tom Cruise in Cocktail. Eventually, he poured two purple cocktails and placed them in front of us.

  'On the house,' he yelled.

  Grinning, I yelled thanks before tasting what was most definitely the tastiest cocktail that had ever passed my lips. Freddie leaned over the bar and stroked the guy's face before taking a sip.

  'You're a doll, Adam. Thanks.'

  We turned around and looked for somewhere to sit. But it was too full, all seats were taken, so we just hovered round the dance floor, people watching.

  'You okay, honey?' Freddie asked, more than once in the space of about ten minutes.

  I grinned at him and nodded. 'I'm good. It's a great place.'

  He nodded. 'I know, right?'

  Looking over his shoulder, a beautiful dark-haired man in his forties stood watching us from the corner of the room. I shifted from one foot to the other, turning away for a moment. There was something vaguely familiar about him, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Glancing back, he nervously took a sip from his drink before he put it back on the bar and made a swift exit. Odd.

  Several cocktails later, Freddie had found a seat for me while he proceeded to flirt outrageously with a number of hot guys, both on the dance floor and at the bar. I giggled whenever he made a move and watched in awe as all these guys seemed to hang on his every word. If he wanted to pull, he could pull. But, towards the end of the night, he only had eyes for me. Sweeping me off my feet, he dragged me to the dance floor where we boogied away for an hour before we finally decided to head home.

  'I thought you needed to get laid?' I laughed as we started to leave the club.

  'Honey, I ain't leaving you for a second,' he put his arm around me with a warm smile and we climbed into a cab that just pulled up outside.

  'Come on, back to mine for a coffee before we call it a night.'

  I threw off my sandals and fell onto the sofa, closing my eyes for a second as Freddie made us a cup of 'proper coffee'. Having lived in Rome for a year, back in his early twenties, he'd developed a taste for the 'really good stuff'.

  Opening my eyes, I focussed on a picture on the wall. My heart seemed to thump out of my chest as I jumped up and rushed over to it. With my mouth wide open, I turned to look at Freddie as he waltzed from the kitchen to the sofa, with two black coffees in his hands.

  'What’s wrong?' he said, quickly placing the cups on the table and rushing to my side.

  'It's him,' I said pointing to the picture.

  'Who? Andy?'

  I nodded.

  'What about Andy, honey?'

  'He was there at the club.'

  'What? What are you talking about?'

  Holding his hands, I pulled him back to the sofa, where we plopped down.

  'He was standing at the back of the club, earlier this evening. He was watching you. He seemed really nervous and then he left, really quickly.'

  Freddie's nostrils flared and his lips quivered as his hands flew to his mouth.

  'My Andy?' he whispered.

  Nodding, I squeezed his knee and we just sat, saying nothing for a while. Eventually, a little sob came out of his throat.

  'Oh Freddie, I'm so sorry.'

  He smiled and shook his head, reaching forward for our coffees.

  'No, I'm fine, absolutely fine,' he insisted. 'I'm over him. I won't let him do this to me again,' he handed me my cup and leaned back.

  I squeezed his knee again and smiled. He wasn't a very good liar.

  oOo

  'Katie,' Freddie yelled down the phone, two days later. 'Katie, honey, I need you,' he repeated.

  'I'll be right there,' I said, hopping out of bed and throwing on my dressing gown and slippers. I didn't even wash my face or brush my teeth. I just knew from the tone of his voice that something was wrong.

  Opening his door, with tears flowing down his cheeks, he practically fell on to me, sobbing.

  'Oh Freddie, what on Earth is it? Are you okay? What's happened?'

  'It's Andy.'

  'What's happened to him?' I asked, imagining him lying dead in the New York city morgue or something.

  'He wants me back.'

  'What?'

  Freddie pulled me indoors and dragged me to his bedroom, where we sat on the bed. He then stood up, pacing up and down, then sat down again, constantly fidgeting.

  'Stop!' I yelled.

  He stood still and turned to look at me. His beautiful face was tear stained, his eyes a little puffy.

  'Right, tell me exactly what happened?'

  Taking a deep breath, Freddie quietly sat down on the little blue chair in the corner of the room and sighed.

  'He showed up late last night, drunk. He said he was really sorry, that he'd made a massive mistake, that he loves me and wants me back.'

  'And what did you say?'

  'I told him I didn't care what he thought, that I was over him.'

  'But?'

  'But then I faltered...'

  'And?'

  'And then I let him stay the night.'
/>
  'Oh Freddie,' I sighed, getting up and going over to him to give him a long hug.

  'Oh Katie, you do give the best hugs in the world, you know?'

  Leaning back, I looked into his eyes and beneath the tears I could see real happiness.

  'Do you really want him back?'

  He bit his bottom lip and looked away momentarily before turning to face me and nodding.

  'Yes,' he cried.

  'Do you really love him?'

  'I do.'

  'Can you forgive him?' I asked tentatively.

  'I... I want to forgive him.'

  'But do you truly think you can?'

  Slowly, he nodded and I hugged him tight.

  'Then you must take him back. He must be a very special man, Freddie.'

  'He is, honey. I know he fucked up big time but he's my soul mate.'

  'Hey, I thought I was your soul mate?' I laughed.

  'Well, of course you are,' he smiled. 'But Andy is my second soul mate.'

  'Then you should be together. If you're sure he's the one, then I can't wait to meet him.'

  Freddie clapped his hands together. 'We arranged to meet at Starbucks at ten. Will you come?'

  'Don't you think you should go alone? You have a lot to talk about. I don't want to cramp your style.'

  'You could never do that, honey. Okay, I'll go alone, but I want you to come down after an hour, okay?'

  'Sure, I'll be there at eleven. I promise.'

  oOo

  Freddie was right; Andy was perfect for him in every way. A beautiful person, inside and out. It was clear that he was deeply sorry for his mistake and I could tell that he would make it up to Freddie, probably for the rest of his life. They were made for each other. Even I could see that.

  So, when I saw them together, I knew it was time for me to leave. Freddie needed time with Andy and I needed to move on with my life.

  'No, no, no, no, no,' cried Freddie when I told him. 'You can't leave.'

  I nodded, smiling. 'I have to, Freddie. I still have to go to Toronto and then I need to get back to my life in London.'

  'But you have a new life here, with us.'