Each Step Like Knives

  Helena looked at Howard. "He's not."

  Howard lifted an eyebrow. "Don't get testy, Helena. It's fine with me if he stays. Really."

  She could have argued further, but refrained. This was all too stressful as it was. She looked at Johnny, who stared back, silent. Finally, he nodded and brushed past her and into the bedroom.

  Helena gestured to Howard. "Let me get you something to drink. I have bottled water."

  Howard followed her into the kitchen. "I'm guessing it's too much to expect Perrier?"

  She almost shot back a nasty reply before his grin told her he'd been teasing. "Nope. Sorry. Local store brand."

  He shrugged. "That's fine."

  She busied herself with the bottled water, ice and glasses and gestured toward the battered kitchen table. "Have a seat."

  "Thanks." He drank then set the glass down on one of the many rings already stained into the wooden table. "I appreciate it."

  Awkward silence fell between them, and Helena found herself thinking no matter how much difficulty they'd had communicating, silence between her and Johnny had never been awkward. Nothing had been awkward between them until she'd freaked out. She poured herself some more water and looked out the window over the sink. It looked like another storm was brewing. The sky had grown dark, and the air had a faint electrical tingle about it.

  "Are you really happy here?"

  Surprised, Helena looked over at Howard. His question sounded sincere. Her answer surprised her even more. "Happier than I've ever been."

  "Because of him?"

  She couldn't mistake the jealousy in Howard's voice. Helena glanced toward the kitchen door and surprised herself again. "Yes."

  Howard's mouth thinned and he rattled the water glass hard enough to clink the ice cubes together. "I don't get it, Helena. I can understand you being pissed about me and Ginger--"

  "Was that her name?" For some reason, that little piece of trivia made Helena want to laugh. So she did. Howard frowned.

  "I can understand why you were mad about that," he continued. "I know I messed up."

  "Yes, you did."

  "But holy shit, that guy? You're picking that guy over me?"

  "His name is Johnny," she replied calmly. The boom of far-off thunder rattled the windows.

  "What the hell kind of name is Johnny for a grown man?" Howard mouthed the name like it tasted bad. "And what's up with him not talking? Is he retarded?"

  She regarded him coldly. "My, aren't we politically correct?"

  Howard slammed back the last of his water and glared at her. "How'd you meet this guy anyway? How long have you been fucking him?"

  "Who says I have!" she cried, but her cheeks instantly painted themselves with heat to give her away.

  "It's all over the both of you. I can smell it on you, for God's sake!"

  They both heard the sound of Johnny's soft cough at the same time. Helena turned to the doorway. He'd changed into a pair of sleep pants and a T-shirt--the only clothes she'd had in her drawer to fit him. He'd combed his hair, and now it fell back from his forehead down to his shoulders in thick, perfect waves a man like Howard would have to spend thousands of dollars to manage.

  Johnny crossed to the sink and ran some water into a glass he pulled from the cupboard. He didn't look at Howard, but he gave Helena a sideways glance as he brushed past her. At the casual touch of his elbow against her belly, her entire body jolted.

  At the same time, a crack of lightning flickered in the window, followed by another thump of thunder. The storm was getting closer. Helena waited until Johnny moved away from the sink before she closed the window.

  "How cute." Howard's voice dripped with sarcasm. "He's even wearing your clothes."

  She saw Johnny's back stiffen as he drank, then carefully set the glass down on the counter. He turned, slowly, and faced Howard. She saw his hands twist in the air, but she couldn't quite tell what she said. Howard couldn't either by the look on his face. He rolled his eyes.

  "Yeah, buddy. Whatever." He got to his feet, blatantly ignored Johnny, and pushed closer to Helena. "Listen, can't we at least talk without him here? Can't you even give me that chance?"

  "I don't think so."

  Helena still was uncertain about what, exactly, was going to happen with Johnny, but she had no doubts about what would happen with Howard. Nothing. It was over, and if there had ever been any chance at reconciliation, he'd ruined it with his cruel remarks about a stranger.

  "Shit." Howard glared at Johnny, who stared back, implacably. "Tell him to stop staring at me."

  Helena grabbed Howard's arm. "Why don't you just go, Howard, before the storm hits? Just...get in your car and drive away."

  He jerked his arm out of her grasp and dusted it off like she'd burned him. His handsome face, the one she'd once loved so much, had turned sour and ugly. He smoothed his polo shirt and straightened his belt.

  "I love you, Helena," he told her.

  It sounded like the first honest words she'd heard from him since she could not remember when.

  She felt sorry for him, but the memory of him pounding into his secretary, their faces contorted with lust, while Helena had stood in the doorway would not leave her. "What we had is over, Howard. It's been over for a long time."

  He looked over to Johnny, who stood still and silent. "Walk with me to my car. Give me that, at least."

  She sighed. "If I do, will you just...leave? Will you leave, Howard?"

  "I'll leave. I promise."

  "Johnny, I'm going to walk Howard down to his car." Did he even know what a car was? He nodded as though he did. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

  She followed Howard out the door, down the stairs and to the sandy driveway. The sky overhead had gone nearly black. Lightning flashed, thunder crashed, and the wind whipped her hair around her face. The ocean had become a maelstrom of white-crested waves dashing against the sand.

  Howard stopped next to his car. He looked up at the house, and Helena followed his gaze. Johnny stood silhouetted in the window. Howard scowled.

  "I've been an asshole," he said. The wind tore at his words. He brushed impatiently at his normally-coiffed hair. "But that's no reason for you to live in squalor with some backwoods hillbilly without a tongue."

  Helena crossed her arms around herself to combat the chill in the air. "You obviously know nothing about me, Howard, and you never have. You don't know anything about Johnny, either, so just leave him out of this. It has nothing to do with you."

  "It has everything to do with me!" Howard's words came out through gritted teeth. "Damn it, Helena! That ring you're still wearing on your finger says it has everything to do with me."

  She'd almost forgotten about the ring, a subdued aquamarine in a platinum setting she'd picked out on a whim. That she hadn't chosen a diamond for their engagement seemed somehow significant in retrospect. She'd moved it to her right hand since leaving New York. Now she slipped it off. It rolled in her palm as she tried to hand it back to him.

  Howard refused to take it. "I don't want it back."

  "I don't want to wear it." Helena cupped her fingers around the ring. "You bought it. It wasn't cheap. You should have it back."

  "I said I don't want it back, Helena!"

  She'd never seen him so angry. It was a little unnerving, watching his face twist with such fury. She actually took a step back from him.

  "Howard." She said his name to try and calm him, but a thunderclap blocked her voice. She tried again. "Howard, I'm sorry. But it's over between us."

  "No! I won't accept that!"

  He clenched his fists and she took another step back.

  The first fat raindrops splattered down, cold on her arms and face. Howard swiped at his face. The rain pattered down faster. They were both going to get soaked in another few minutes.

  "You have to accept it," Helena shouted over the storm. "I'm sorry, Howard, but you had to learn someday you can't get everything you want, all the time."

  With
relief, Helena realized she meant what she said, and that she was no longer sorry to say it. She lifted her face to the rain and laughed despite the cold. She was really done with Howard. She looked up to the house, to Johnny's shadow in the window, and laughed again. She had a whole new future ahead of her, if she wanted it.

  "Good bye, Howard."

  "Damn it!" he shouted. "You can't do this to me!"

  Helena rolled her eyes, annoyed. "I'm not doing this to you. You did this to yourself. When are you going to get that?"

  "I said I was sorry! What more do you want?"

  "I want you to leave." She pointed at the car. "And you said you would. Now get!"

  "And if I won't?"

  For a minute, she was frightened again. He was very angry. Every line of his face and body showed her that. Even mild-mannered men could be pushed to intemperate acts when faced with not getting their own way. Howard had never been mild-mannered. He threw down his tennis racket if he lost a match, he pursued colleagues he'd felt wronged him with a vengeance categorized by stolen clients and underhanded business dealings, and he had no compunctions about returning merchandise he'd already used but suddenly no longer desired.

  "My God," Helena said. "What did I ever see in you? You're awful!"

  He growled at her. Actually growled, like a dog. Helena took another step back. Then she lifted her chin and straightened her shoulders. Her sense of self-worth and ten years of martial arts refused to allow him to intimidate her. She held out her hand. The ring soon swam in the puddle of water in her open palm.

  "Take back your ring and get the hell out of here. I never want to see you again." She looked him up and down. "If I could tell which was your head and which was your ass, I'd kick it."

  That stunned him into open-mouthed silence. She had to stifle a giggle, not wanting to make more mockery of him than she already had. Howard snarled and showed the teeth on which he'd spent more money than the ring in her hand.

  "You are such a bitch!"

  Helena didn't let the insult bother her. "Take the ring."

  "I told you, I don't want it back."

  She shrugged and looked toward the storm-swept sea. It had gone nearly the color of Johnny's eyes. "Fine. I'll toss it in the ocean."

  "You wouldn't dare!"

  "Last chance," she said, and offered it again. "Take it now, or it's going to the bottom of the sea."

  "You are such a bitch!"

  "Careful, Howard," she told him. "You're starting to repeat yourself."

  He made no move to take the ring from her, so she closed her fingers around it and marched toward the surf. She heard him calling from behind her, but found he was easy enough to ignore with the sounds of the storm to block him. The rain plastered her hair to her cheeks and she swiped at it, but the grin remained on her face. She laughed aloud and shook her head.

  "You can't have everything you want," she said aloud and laughed again. "Idiot."

  She'd reached the edge of the surf before he caught up to her and yanked her backward by the hair.

  Jeenai watched from the window. His woman--Helena, he reminded himself. Helena was showing something in her hand to the man called Howard. Jeenai sneered. Howard was no warrior's name. He should have beaten the man to a pulp, but had held back for fear of upsetting Helena.

  Carrageenai females had no trouble defending themselves and rarely called on a mal to help them. Human women seemed somewhat more defenseless. Helena called to a protective side of his nature he'd never known before.

  They seemed to be arguing about something. The man's face contorted. Jeenai moved closer to the window, forgetting human windows contained a clear, hard barrier. He bumped his head and cursed. The guttural sound that issued from his throat sounded harsh and strange, not forceful as it would have under the water.

  Now Helena seemed to be offering the man something from her hand. Something shiny. Her ring? Jeenai moved his head, but was unable to see more. He itched to go down to them, but she had told him she'd be back. He paced in front of the small window.

  The pain in his legs and feet intensified with every step, and he had to pause to catch a breath in lungs that suddenly seemed too small. He forced himself to breathe deeply, then again. A red haze swam in front of his vision.

  When he was able to clear his eyes and look back down at the scene below, Helena and Howard had disappeared. Jeenai strained to see where they'd gone, but could see only slashing rain and hear the sound of thunder. A flash of light lit the sky. He caught a glimpse of bright, flowing hair.

  He went to the porch and saw Helena running toward the ocean. What was she doing? Was the man pursuing her? Jeenai leaped from the porch rail to the rocky sand below. His knees buckled from the impact and he sprawled onto his face. His skin instantly stung from a myriad of scrapes and bruises, but he got to his feet and ran through the rain. His body shuddered beneath the cold onslaught. He wasn't used to not being able to regulate his internal temperature.

  None of that mattered. All he could think of was getting to Helena. As he came closer, he saw the man had grabbed her hair, yanked her backward, and knocked her into the waves. The ocean crashed around her as she struggled in Howard's grip.

  Jeenai ran into the surf. The instant the salt water touched his skin, he felt the change begin.

  "You son of a bitch!" Helena grabbed at Howard's wrist as she got to her feet. She was soaked from head to foot from the pouring rain and now the salt water. She used the side of her fist to chop at his arm until he let go. "Keep your hands off me!"

  "Don't you throw that ring in the ocean, Helena!"

  "I gave you a chance to take it back and you didn't want it!" she yelled. Incredibly, the ring still remained in her closed fist. "Take the ring back, if you want it so much!"

  He grabbed for it and caught his fingers around her wrist. Maybe he didn't realize he was hurting her, or more likely, he didn't care. His grip bit into her skin and ground the bones together so hard it made her gasp aloud. Water slid down her throat and choked her. She began to cough.

  "Give me the ring!"

  She held it out to him, but he was shaking her so fiercely she couldn't show him she still had it. Helena flailed at him, but couldn't get a good purchase in the shifting wet sand. Waves crashed around her feet, further unbalancing her. Finally, she lifted her hand toward Howard, who grabbed at the ring and let her go.

  Johnny came from out of nowhere. He ran straight into the water and reached for her. He pulled Howard off her, and Howard stumbled back, clutching the ring triumphantly. Helena went down into the water again and came up spluttering, mouth full of salty, sandy water.

  "Johnny!"

  He had fallen. She watched in stunned silence as his body shifted in front of her eyes. His legs melded, meshed, and became sleek and smooth...a tail. Not scaled and glittering like the pictures of mermaids in fairy stories, but blue and smooth like a porpoise's tail. It melded perfectly into his waist which, like the rest of his skin, had darkened to the same blue color. He writhed in the water and rolled deeper, pushing against the sand with his tail to little effect.

  He was caught, Helena realized with horror. The water wasn't deep enough for him to swim. He pushed himself up on his powerful arms, but Howard whirled and let out a cry of utter terror as his foot connected with Johnny's jaw.