Home Alone 3

  Back at the window, he blew hard on the whistle. He couldn't hear the sound the whistle made, but the dog's ears instantly perked up. Alex smiled to himself. It worked.

  He left his room and went into his parents' room. He could hear his mother in the shower. Molly and Stan had already left for school. Alex unplugged the phone jack and went back out.

  Downstairs, he hid behind the living room curtain and watched Alice come up the walk and onto the front porch. She pushed the doorbell, but no one inside heard it because Alex had wired it into the phone lines.

  Meanwhile, Alex blew the dog whistle.

  The dog got up and came toward the living room.

  Alex jumped up and dashed into the dining room where he blew the whistle again.

  Now the dog trotted over to the dining room, making a loop with the leash around Ahce's legs.

  Alex repeated the process.

  Now the leash looped twice around Alice's legs.

  Alex smiled to himself. It was time to free the hostages. He snuck out the back of the house and

  around to the side of the porch. Alice was still standing there waiting, unaware that the dog leash was now looped twice around her ankles.

  Alex blew as hard as he could on the dog whistle.

  Woof! The dog barked and took off.

  "Ahhhhh!" The leash went tight around Alice's feet.

  Wham! She hit the porch floor and was dragged down the steps and through the shrubs by the excited dog. Finally he broke away from

  the leash, leaving Alice in a pile of snow at the far end of the driveway.

  Alex dashed arouad the back of his house and inside, locking the door behind him. He went back to the living room window and peeked outside. Alice staggered to her feet and spit out a mouthful of pine needles. Her face was muddy, her hair was a mess, and her jogging suit was ripped.

  Alex was fascinated by the elaborate concoction of cables and wires and electronic devices that poured out of one hole in her suit. He'd never seen anything so high-tech.

  "Did you watch the weather for me like I asked?" his mother asked.

  Alex spun around. His mom was coming down the stairs, dressed for work.

  "Sure did, Mom," Alex said. "It shouldn't be a problem."

  "Good." His mother went to the front closet.

  "Wait, Mom, your coat's on the chair," Alex said.

  "I want to wear my nice coat today," she said.

  Alex couldn't let her open the closet. He dashed across the foyer and beat her to the closet door. "Why don't you go fill your commuter cup with yummy hot coffee," he said. "I'll bring your coat to you."

  His mom stopped. "That's sweet, Alex. Thank you." She turned and headed for the kitchen.

  Alex breathed a sigh of relief. He carefully opened the closet door, then jumped away as an old leather boxing glove shot out. He got his mother's good coat, then "reloaded" the closet and closed the door.

  Alex brought the coat into the kitchen.

  "Thanks, hon." His mom finished her coffee, then took the coat and pulled it on. Alex followed her to the back door. His mom kneeled down in front of him.

  "Sweetheart, I'm so sorry about this week," she said, softly stroking his head. "It breaks my heart that I have to keep coming and going like

  this. It shouldn't be this way."

  "It's okay," Alex said. "It's not you. It's the times."

  "This is for you," his mom reached into her pocket and took out a beeper, which she clipped to his waist. "Promise me you'll wear it?"

  "I will." Alex nodded.

  "I'm going to call every half hour," Mrs. Pruitt said. "I'll go on-line with you and hold the connection open all day. I'll have my laptop with me in all my meetings. We'll be connected at all times. I'll also have my cell phone, and you know my fax number."

  "We're wired," Alex said. But he knew she would get busy and distracted at work and probably forget to call. In fact, he hoped that would happen.

  She kissed him. On the forehead, of course. And started to get up. Then she stopped. "Oh, my gosh! Did Mrs. Clovis call? She said she was going to come by before I left for work. She just wanted to make sure that Bradley's name wasn't on that car."

  "She came while you were in the shower," Alex said.

  "Did you give it to her?" his mom asked.

  Alex nodded. "Big time."

  "I hope she felt foolish," Mrs. Pruitt said.

  "It was painful," Alex confirmed.

  "Okay." His mom picked up her laptop computer and briefcase. "Be good. Be safe. And keep an eye on the old place."

  "I have it all covered," Alex assured her.

  31

  Alex watched his mom head out toward the garage. It was starting to snow. She got into her car and started to back it down the driveway. At one point she stopped just to wave one last time at Alex. From inside the house, Alex blew her a kiss and watched her head off down Washington Street.

  Then Alex stood alone in the kitchen and looked around. This was it. He was on his own. Unless you included Doris the rat and Stan's parrot.

  For a moment he felt very alone and vulnerable. Through the kitchen window he could see his snow fort in the backyard. He wished he could just crawl inside it and hide. But he couldn't do that and protect his house. Besides, there was more work to be done.

  On the front porch he hid a big puddle of marbles under the welcome mat. He stood some old ski poles on either side of the front steps and strung some yarn in between them. He hid a thin copper wire inside the yarn, then connected the end of the wire to an extension cord, which he plugged into an outlet.

  In the backyard he set up Stan's trampoline under the attic dormer window and over the pool, and put some old Christmas trees on the pool cover. The snow was falling faster now and soon the whole pool cover would be blanketed. It would look like the trampoline was resting on solid ground.

  Then he took some old snow and made the outline of a kidney-shaped pool somewhere else in the yard. He put pool furniture around it to make it look like a pool was there.

  Next it was time to create his own headquarters. He set up the 8-millimeter video camera, as well as two older full-sized VHS models, and wired them all to old televisions in the attic. Now he had his own video security system monitoring all the entrances to the house.

  Pretty good for an eight-year-old.

  He waited for the burglars to arrive.

  First a car pulled up and stopped in the alley behind Alex's house. Alex watched as two men got out. They were both wearing camouflage suits, but Alex still recognized them. One was Jernigan, the driver from the day before, the other was Unger, the one who'd pretended to be an old guy. Alex winced when he noticed that both guys were wearing ammo belts loaded with ammunition.

  The other two burglars must have been on the move, too. Alex crossed to the other side of the attic and looked out the window and down at the street. There they were, walking up the street. Alice had changed out of her torn jogging outfit and was now dressed in a white snowmobile suit. Beaupre was wearing one, too, and carrying a briefcase.

  Alex wondered what their plan was. Were they just going to walk up to the front door and knock?

  Then he saw something he didn't want to see. It was old Mrs. Hess, coming out of her house wearing her housedress and thin sweater.

  32

  Peter Beaupre was delighted to see Mrs. Hess come out of her house. The timing couldn't have been better. There was no way they could take care of the Pruitt kid with that old bag sitting in her house across the street watching.

  He nudged Alice with his elbow. "Look who's coming out to get the paper:"

  Alice smiled. "Shall we go say hello?"

  "Definitely," Beaupre agreed.

  They walked up to Mrs. Hess. The old lady had a sour look on her face. They would have to handle this carefully. They couldn't just grab the old hag and drag her back into her house. Who knew who might be watching. Instead they would simply have to be very persuasive.

  "Good
afternoon" Alice said.

  Mrs. Hess looked at them and frowned.

  "My husband and I just moved into the neighborhood,'' Alice said. "We're renting the Crays' house on Jefferson."

  Mrs. Hess looked at her like she was crazy. "What do you want from me? A Wilkie button?"

  Beaupre stepped forward. "We were supposed to have an important package delivered to us, ma'am. But apparently the driver got confused. We thought maybe he brought the package here, since you have the same address on Washington as we have on Jefferson."

  "Nobody brought anything here," Mrs. Hess said.

  "We checked with the delivery company," Beaupre said. "They told us no one was home so the driver left it in the garage."

  Mrs. Hess shook her head. "Not my garage."

  "It was the day before yesterday," Beaupre pressed on. "About the middle of the day. Were you home then?"

  Mrs. Hess thought for a moment, then shook her head.

  "My husband is an entomologist," Alice said. "The package contains several thousand deadly parasitic worms from Central America."

  "They carry some dreadful diseases," Beaupre added. "It's really important that I find it."

  Mrs. Hess rolled her eyes to make sure they caught her profound disgust. "All right. Come take a look. Let me open my garage for you."

  Alice took Mrs. Hess gently by the arm as if to help her back up the driveway. Beaupre followed, lagging behind.

  "Of all the people in the world, I have to marry a man who's interested in parasitic insects," Alice said with a wistful sigh. "My mother asked why it couldn't have been a nice lawyer or a policeman."

  Beaupre lagged farther behind. He knew Alice would take care of the old lady.

  Meanwhile, Alice and Mrs. Hess reached the garage. Mrs. Hess opened it, then turned around. "Where's your husband?"

  "Oh, he had to go take care of something," Alice said, calmly pulling out a gun. "Make a noise and I'll make a louder one with this gun."

  Mrs. Hess began to tremble. "Wha-what do you want me to do?"

  "I want you to sit in that chair," Alice said, pointing with the gun at a lawn chair being stored for the winter in the garage.

  Mrs. Hess obediently sat down. Alice took out some surgical tape and taped the old lady's mouth.

  "Here's a thought for your next life," Alice said sweetly. "At airport security, always make sure you have the right package."

  The old lady's forehead bunched up as she started to figure out what was going on. Meanwhile, Alice tied her arms and legs to the chair.

  "Oh, and one other thing," Alice said. "I sure hope you weren't fond of the little Pruitt boy who lives across the street."

  33

  In the attic Alex had watched Beaupre and Alice head for Mrs. Hess.

  Now what? He'd wondered as he watched them stop and talk to the old lady.

  The conversation seemed to go on for a while with Mrs. Hess shaking her head and giving the two burglars suspicious looks. Alex couldn't imagine what kind of lines they were feeding her.

  Finally Mrs. Hess seemed to change her mind. She led Alice up her driveway and let her look in her garage. Meanwhile Beaupre lagged behind, then changed direction and headed across the street toward Alex's house.

  Alex remembered the other two burglars and quickly checked his TV screens. At that very moment, the guy in the driveway, Unger, was bending over the yarn Alex had strung. Unger had a pair of wire cutters in his hands. He was looking at a sign Alex had written and placed next to the yarn. The sign said:

  WARNING! DANGER! HIGH-VOLTAGE

  ELECTRICAL WIRE!

  DON'T TOUCH OR YOU'LL GET ELECTROCUTED!

  34

  Earl Unger looked down at the sign, written in crayon in a child's handwriting. The kid was pretending that the yarn was high-voltage wire. Unger couldn't help smiling.

  "Hey, Jernigan," he yelled to his partner, who was around the corner behind the house. "I think this is going to be fun. It's been a long time since I was a kid. I forgot how extraordinarily stupid they are."

  In the backyard, Jernigan laughed. "You be careful," he called back. "Sometimes they wet their pants when they get scared."

  "Right." Unger reached down and used the wire cutters to cut the yarn.

  He didn't notice the thin copper wire leading from the extension cord.

  ZAP! A huge blue spark burst around the wire cutters.

  Unger's eyes bulged.

  Thwack! The shock knocked him back and doubled him over.

  Up in the attic, Alex smiled. That took care of Unger for a moment. Next he checked out Jernigan on the back terrace.

  Burton Jernigan knew he might have to wait for a while. He noticed a metal lawn chair in the backyard and decided to sit. He was still chuckling about the kid as he dusted the snow off the seat and eased himself down into the chain

  Little did he know that under the snow the chair was connected to the car battery by the jumper cables.

  Jernigan sat. Suddenly sparks started flying.

  "Yeeeeeoooooow!" He let out a scream.

  Bang! The ammo in his belt discharged, launching him out of the chair.

  Wham! He flew face first into the wall.

  As Peter Beaupre crossed the street toward Alex's house, he couldn't believe what he was witnessing. Earl Unger was doubled over in the driveway. His face was twitching, and the seat of his camouflage pants had been blown open by some kind of electric shock.

  Around the corner of the house, Jernigan was on his hands and knees, looking dazed, and whimpering. Smoke was seeping out of holes in his camouflage outfit, and his mittens were smoldering.

  Beaupre picked up his pace and hurried toward the house. He had to find out what was going on.

  35

  Knowing he'd bought a few seconds, Alex ran down to the basement and used a funnel to fill a balloon with water. He checked his watch when he was finished. It was about time for the burglars to make their next move. He went back up to the living room, pulled a footstool up to the front door, and watched through the peephole.

  Unger had recovered from his shock. He was now standing halfway down the front walk. Suddenly he started to run toward the house, trying to build up speed before he jumped over the yarn Alex had strung between the ski poles.

  Unger jumped. He cleared the yarn between the ski poles . . . and landed on the welcome mat with the marbles underneath.

  "Whooops!" Unger flew up in the air.

  Wham! He landed so hard on his back that inside the house Alex felt the floor shake.

  Now Beaupre came running up the porch steps. Inside the house, Alex stayed by the front door watching through the peephole and listening. Beaupre looked down at Unger, who was lying on the porch, groaning.

  "Mr. Unger'" he said. "What are you doing?"

  "The kid's got the place booby-trapped," Unger groaned. "Don't touch the yarn. It's wired."

  Through the peephole, Alex watched Beaupre cross the porch and pull the extension cord out of the plug. Then he went down the steps and knocked the ski poles aside.

  Alex pressed his lips into a hard, straight line. Darn! That was one of his best tricks!

  Beaupre returned to the porch and kicked the marbles away. "Have you tried the door?" he asked Unger.

  "Not yet," Unger said.

  "Let me point something out to you," said Beaupre.

  On the other side of the door, Alex knew Beaupre had spotted the barbells he'd placed on the roof. Both Beaupre and Unger stepped out of the way so the barbells wouldn't fall on them.

  Then Beaupre pointed at the fishing line Alex had tied to the door knocker. It must have looked obvious to them that the fishing line was the trip cord for the barbells.

  Alex watched as Beaupre took out a knife and cut the line.

  Both men kept their eyes trained on the barbells, waiting for them to fall. Neither man knew that the fishing line wasn't even tied to the barbells.

  It was tied to the trunk full of books, hidden behind the dormer
window in the attic.

  Crash! The steamer trunk went right through the window and started to fall.

  Unger and Beaupre looked up to see where the sound had come from.

  What they saw was a large old steamer trunk plummeting down toward them.

  WHOMP!

  36

  The snow was coming down hard now. As Alice left Mrs. Hess's garage and crossed the street to the kid's house, she was startled to see two bodies and a steamer trunk in the front yard covered with a thin layer of white.

  Beaupre and Unger rose to their knees. Both of them were holding their heads. Both had nasty bumps where the trunk full of books had hit them.

  "How did that happen?" Unger asked groggily.

  "I don't know," replied Beaupre. "But that's it. I'm going in there and getting that kid."

  "I'm right with you," said Unger.

  The two men staggered to their feet and dusted off the snow. Then they started up the steps.

  Upstairs, Alex cut the line holding the barbells.

  Downstairs, Unger and Beaupre never even saw them coming.

  Clang!

  A sudden gust of snow cut off Alice's vision. She didn't see Beaupre and Unger climb the steps. She didn't see the barbells sail off the roof and smash them in the heads. Now Beaupre and Unger were on the ground again, holding their heads.

  Scattered around them were books and iron weights. Alice walked up and stopped.

  "You got hit by a book?" she asked Unger in disbelief.

  "Books," Unger corrected her angrily. "Plural. A whole trunk full of books. And then a set of weights. We got hit twice, you bimbo."

  "Excuse me, Mr. Unger," Alice huffed. "But I didn't get taken down by an infant. You did."

  Beaupre sat up, holding his throbbing head. "We didn't anticipate the defense the boy would mount. We're going to have to presume that we're on equal ground with him and adjust our plan accordingly."