Sand & Clay

  After closing the door, Caroline turned around and looked up at Logan. She tried to say something, but no words came out of her mouth. Logan took a step towards her and his hands slipped onto either side of her face, then leaned down and kissed her. She didn’t try and stop him, not even the smallest amount of resistance. Instead, she slipped her hands around his waist and leaned into him, deepening their kiss. A few quiet moments went past with the two locked in the tangles of intimacy until Logan finally pulled back slightly from her, breaking their kiss.

  “Caroline, I love you.” He whispered softly, inches from her face, still holding her cheeks in his large hands. Caroline looked deeply into his eyes and then burst into tears. His hands moved and wiped away her tears gently. He leaned down again and kissed each of her cheeks where her tears were. She let him for a moment and then pushed him away, wiping her own tears away with her sleeve and trying to calm down.

  “Logan, you can’t be here. I have a boyfriend, we live together and he is good for me. I already told you that there is nothing left between us.” She whispered to him, pushing him back further away from him with her hand.

  “You know that is not true, Caroline.” Logan looked down at the ground and then back at her, slipping his hands into his pockets. He pulled out a piece of paper from his jacket pocket and handed it to her. She took it and saw that it was an invitation for his art gallery opening party.

  “Friday night, my art gallery opens. I never want to be the one who makes you cry ever again. If there is even the smallest part of you that thinks this is meant to be,” he told her pointing to the both of them, “then come find me there. If not, if you want to be with Turner, get married, and never have to deal with me again, then rip up the invitation. And if that is the case, then I will leave you alone. I won’t bother you again.”

  Logan closed the gap between them and kissed her gently on her forehead, his hands on her upper arms.

  “I just want you to be happy, the happiest you can possibly be. Even if that means I don’t get to be part of that painting. You deserve your own happiness, Caroline.” Logan let go of her arms, brushed a strand of hair out of her face, and then walked away. He headed around the corner towards the elevator and Caroline leaned back against the door, her heart pounding. She gulped and placed her hand on her chest, trying to calm herself down. She turned around and slowly opened the door, trying to stay quiet. There was still no movement from the bedroom and the rest of the apartment was quiet so Caroline sighed and headed back into the living room, plopping down on the couch. The television was still going but Caroline stared at it, not even seeing it. Her mind was swarming with thoughts and blank all at the same time.

  Chapter Twenty

  Thursday morning, Caroline woke up and stared at the ceiling trying to convince herself why she should get out of bed. She looked at the clock and knew it was time to get up and start getting ready for work but for some reason her body wouldn’t even move.

  She continued to watch the clock and the minutes ticking away but still didn’t get up. Turner was already gone, which was typical for the last few days since they were both avoiding each other like the plague. Things couldn’t possibly be more awkward between them because Caroline could see the pain on Turner’s face every time that she looked at him or every time he saw the ring box still sitting on their dresser. He had no doubts in how much he loved her and she knew it was devastating him that she couldn’t seem to mirror that back to him.

  Caroline grabbed at the phone on her nightstand and tapped in the number for work, holding it to her ear and waiting for one of the firm’s secretaries to pick up. After a few rings, a high pitched voice with a New Jersey accent greeted her.

  “Hi, this is Caroline Sanders, one of the paralegals for Mr. Rosen. Could you please inform Mrs. Ward that I won’t be able to make it into work today? I woke up with a terrible cold and I am worried that I might have the flu, I really don’t think I could manage through a day at the office and I certainly don’t want to get anyone there sick.” Caroline lied to the lady.

  The woman immediately voiced her concerns and best wishes for Caroline’s speedy recovery and promised to relay the message to Caroline’s supervisor. Caroline thanked her profusely, trying to really sell her lie, and then hung up the phone.

  Caroline then finally pulled herself out of bed and went to her closet, picking out some comfortable clothes to wear for the day. She spied her suitcase in the corner of her closet and suddenly had an idea that for the first time all week made her feel calm.

  She quickly grabbed a smaller overnight travel bag and began throwing an outfit and some other essentials into the bag. She got dressed and brushed her hair, fixed some makeup, and brushed her teeth. Once she was ready she grabbed her travel bag and her purse and headed out the door.

  She paused at the front door and swiveled around, making a quick detour to the kitchen where she pulled a pad of paper and a pen out of one of the kitchen drawers. She quickly scrawled out a note to Turner explaining where she was and promising to be back tomorrow and meet him at the restaurant that he had made a reservation at for their date.

  Then she headed out the door, locking it behind her, and practically skipping down the stairs in eagerness to get out of her situation for a few hours.

  Caroline got down to the street and hailed a taxi to take her to Penn Station. Within thirty minutes, she was boarding a train headed to the Hamptons hoping that seeing her parents would bring her the clarity, and even the comfort, that she needed.

  ~**~

  The train ride went by quickly for Caroline as she watched the world pass by the window and let her mind just be blank. All the stress of the last few days had just reached a boiling point for her that morning and while she was a grown woman, she needed her parents.

  She needed a hug from her mother and reassurance from her father that everything was going to be okay. She felt a little silly that at her age she would come running to her parents, but she knew that they were exactly what she needed right now and that even though they had their differences, her mother and father loved her very much.

  When she finally arrived in the Hamptons, she hired a town car to take her up to her parent’s house which was further north and a lengthy drive up the coast. She enjoyed the luxury of the backseat leather in the black town car compared to the taxi that she had been in earlier which may or may not have had multiple types of bodily fluid strewn about.

  The quiet town allowed the driver to speed up and Caroline arrived home faster than she had expected. She thanked the driver and gave him an extra tip, then headed up the front steps to the door toting her bag and purse with her. She didn’t bother knocking, but rather walked right in and dropped her bags in the foyer.

  “Mom? Dad?” Caroline called out loudly from where she stood as she pushed the door shut behind her. She didn’t hear any response, but then Rosie walked in from the side room.

  “Ms. Caroline? What are you doing here? What a lovely surprise!” Rosie greeted her and came to give her a hug. Caroline accepted the hug greedily, needing the affection.

  “Are you staying the night? Let me take your bags.” Rosie told her and Caroline confirmed that she would stay just the one night and head back tomorrow.

  “Where are my parents, Rosie?” she asked.

  “Straight out back, my dear. They are having lunch on the veranda. I will tell the chef to bring out another plate, you must be starving.” Rosie told her.

  “Thanks, Rosie!” Caroline quickly headed down the hallway and took a few turns before reaching the back door.

  She stepped out onto the veranda to see her parents sitting at the table with the umbrella open over them, shading them from the sun. The table was elaborately set with fine china and dishes of food as well as wine in front of both of her parents plates. Upon hearing the door open, they both looked in her direction and their faces lit up at seeing her.

  “Carrie!” Her mother exclaimed and popped right up out of her se
at, hurrying over to embrace her daughter. Her father was only steps behind and wrapped his arms around her as well in a tight hug.

  “Carrie bear, what are you doing here? Come, sit, and eat.” Her mother smiled at her and gently smoothed a piece of Caroline’s hair down.

  “Just thought I would come up for the night, get away from the city and relax a little bit.” Caroline told them as she sat down.

  Rosie must have told the chef quickly because one of the kitchen staff was already at her side with a plate of hot food to set in front of her. Caroline hadn’t realized how famished she was until she smelled the delicious food and realized that she hadn’t eaten yet that day. She quickly picked up a fork and dug in to her meal.

  “Well, that’s wonderful, baby. I am so happy to see you, your father and I don’t have any plans today. I was just going to do some gardening.” Her mother told her while she continued eating.

  “And I was thinking about playing a round of golf on the putting green out back.” Her father told her before taking a big gulp of juice from his glass. Caroline nodded her head and took a few more bites of her lunch.

  “Turner proposed to me.” Caroline told them quietly, looking up to gauge their reactions.

  “Oh my goodness, that is so exciting, baby girl! Let me see the ring!” Her mother motioned for her hand, wanting to take a look. Caroline looked back down at her plate.

  “I haven’t said yes yet. I haven’t said anything yet. I told him I needed a week to think about it.” Caroline responded, now avoiding their eye contact. She heard her father clear his throat and her mother sit back in her chair. Both of them were just staring at her, waiting to hear more of an explanation so Caroline sighed and put down her fork.

  “I don’t know what to do. I’m supposed to meet him for dinner tomorrow night to give him my answer. If I don’t say yes, then we are going to break up I bet. If I do say yes, then we are going to be engaged. After only six months of dating.” Caroline told them.

  “So what are you leaning towards?” Her mother asked. Caroline shrugged, still confused, and then finished up what was left on her plate. Her parents didn’t pry any further but just finished lunch quietly instead.

  ~**~

  Her childhood bedroom still looked like she was going to come running in and toss her backpack onto the bed and pull out the dolls in her toy chest to play with them. Caroline was laying on her old bed with its pink, flowery comforter beneath her and her head resting on a combination of pillows and aged stuffed animals.

  She stared up at her ceiling at the boy band posters that she had plastered everywhere when she was thirteen years old. If she was thirteen now, Logan’s picture would probably be up there too, she thought.

  The girl who laid in this bed years ago and dreamed about growing up and being in love had never pictured simple. She had never pictured easy and she had never pictured herself following the cookie cutter lifestyle that most people around here expected of her.

  The types of families she grew up with in the Hamptons all followed a very particular lifestyle and path and to deviate from that was scandalous. Logan would be scandalous. She closed her eyes and pictured Logan’s face and couldn’t stop herself from smiling. As she was thinking of him, a knock interrupted her dreams. Caroline’s mother poked her head inside the door.

  “Hi, sweetheart.” Her mother said as she walked over and sat on the side of her bed. She ran her hand through Caroline’s long tresses that were flung out across the bed in random patterns.

  “Hi, Momma.” Caroline said, turning her head to face her.

  “I am worried about you, baby girl.” Her mother said softly.

  “Mom, don’t be worried. There is nothing to be worried about.” Caroline told her. The two were silent for a moment as Caroline continued to stare at the ceiling.

  “Did I ever tell you about Eduardo?” Her mother said after the brief pause. Caroline, still laying on her bed, turned her head back to look at her mother.

  “No, who is that?” Caroline inquired, curious. Her mother smiled and got this far away look in her eye as she gazed out the window by Caroline’s bed.

  “He was my professor in college, art history class. We would go to museums after class together and talk about the paintings. We could spend hours talking and never get bored. He was only a little older than me and he looked like he could have stepped right out of the pages of a magazine.” Her mother smiled and glanced back at Caroline.

  “Mom, you had a crush on your professor?” Caroline laughed and propped herself up on her elbows to pay closer attention to her mother.

  “Not just a crush, my dear, an affair. We loved each other. Every moment we were alone, we couldn’t keep our hands off one another. It was electric, something between us that was indescribable.

  Every part of us knew it was risky, he could have lost his job. If my parents had found out, all hell would break lose. But, we couldn’t help ourselves. There was something between us that we had to explore and would have regretted it if we didn’t.” Her mom said.

  “Why are you telling me this, Mom?” Caroline said softly, thinking of Logan and how she felt similarly about him as her mom was describing with Eduardo.

  “Because Eduardo was the love of my life, and I am so glad that I found him and that when I did find him, I let my whole heart open up to him.” She said.

  “What about Dad?” Caroline said.

  “Oh, I love your father, honey. But Eduardo, that was different. That wasn’t just love, it was the other half of my soul. It was magnetism. My heart telling me that it had found it’s missing piece.” The far away and dreamy look was in her eyes again.

  “Well, why didn’t you marry him then? What happened to Eduardo?” Caroline asked. Her mother sighed and looked down at the bed. Her eyes had gone from dreamy to cloudy in a flash.

  “He was killed. He was driving to come see me and he never showed up. I only found out on the news the next day what had happened. A truck hit his car and he died alone in the middle of the street.” A tear slipped out of the corner of her eye. Caroline was silent but reached out and held her mother’s hand. After a quiet moment, her mother cleared her throat and tried to regain her composure.

  “Anyways, I mourned and grieved for months and months. Luckily, I met your father about a year later and the rest is history. I love your father, but Eduardo was my soul mate and I will love him until the day I die.” Her mother finished, standing up and walking towards the bedroom door.

  “Mom, why did you tell me all this?” Caroline sat up in bed and asked her.

  “Because, darling, I didn’t get a chance to be with my other half. You do have that chance and you are throwing it away.” With that, her mother walked out of the room, leaving Caroline staring after her, stunned at her mother’s final comment.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Caroline had slept in late at her parent’s house on Friday without intending to. She had planned to catch the eleven o’clock train out to the city but by the time she woke up it was almost two in the afternoon.

  Panicked, she rushed through a shower and brushed her hair. She snuck into her mother’s closet and rifled through her dresses. After way too much time dragging her feet and trying on different outfits, she found one that she knew would be perfect for the evening. It was a black wrap dress that accentuated her every curve and hung just above her knees in a flowing pattern that spread out when she twirled around.

  She found a chunky blue necklace and some earrings in her mother's bathroom as well as some matching blue high heels to finish the ensemble. After swiping some blush and mascara on, she was ready to go and headed downstairs. Her parents were already out and about for the day, probably at the country club, so there was no point in trying to find them to say goodbye especially since she was so late and had promised dinner with Tucker at seven o’clock.

  By this time it was almost half past four and Caroline knew the train would never get her there on time. Her father’s driver was
luckily in the front foyer and willing to drive her so she didn’t even have to take the train. She thanked him profusely and hopped into the town car’s backseat.

  As the duo headed off towards the city, Caroline watched the scenery fly by her window, smiling to herself the whole time. She looked down at her lap, the invitation to Logan’s show starting at seven o’clock in one hand and the diamond engagement ring from Tucker in her other hand.

  She was only going to be able to make it to one of them and she knew what she was going to do. She tucked both items away in her purse and settled back for the long drive into the city, hoping to make it on time.

  ~**~

  The town car finally pulled to a stop a few hours later in front of one of New York City’s beautifully tall buildings. Caroline thanked her father’s driver again and hopped out of the car. She didn’t have time to go home and drop off her overnight bag, so it was slung over her shoulder.

  She smoothed her hair and hope that she still looked okay after the long drive, even though she was hauling around her luggage with her. She looked up at the entrance as she stood on the sidewalk trying to gather herself and she took a deep breath.

  She knew that this was it. This was one of those moments that defined the rest of your life, the moment where you choose what path you will take. She took another deep breath and then walked up to the doors and let herself in. Once inside she glanced around, looking for him, but couldn’t see him among all the people. After a moment, she saw a hand waving at her and she smiled back at him, walking over.

  “You came.” He said to her smiling with excitement, standing up and taking her bag from her and placing it under the table.

  “Of course, you didn’t think I would?” Caroline replied. He smiled back at her and brushed her cheek with his hand.